Day 379, Why Am I stressing and hurrying?

At work there is lots of pressure to increase productivity. Everything has to go faster and faster, because Up-Time is very important. However the human factor, thus the human physical work and mental stress is not very much well balanced, it is the last thing on the list to be looked at and to be changed, because productivity matters more. The bulk or volume of products produced is a prerequisite. Why? Because the more is sold, the more money the factory make, which is one of the reasons given that one must work faster and faster, because that is where our salaries are coming from. However it is true that when the company makes money it can keep on existing and thus us continuing getting paid a salary. This is partially true, why? Because if we had a system or a factory that; when they make more money, they immediately also incorporate a raise in one's salary this going faster and faster would have made a little sense. However this of course is not the case, one works faster and faster, but the salary stays the same. To make a comparison, imagine if one was used to jog 10 Miles and then suddenly one must start sprinting 20 Miles without going back to jogging and when finished one gets 3 drops of water as one was getting after jogging 10 Miles.....lol Understand  that raising the salary is also not a prerequisite to make it o.k. now to continue with the abuse.

I see sometimes if I am not here in breath I get stressed when I see that I am not going to make all the tests that are required to be done and also are required to be transfer into/on the computer, because of everything else that is going on around and with the machine that has precedence.

Of the 5 days of work in a week, most of the times I actually only manage to finish all the tests, depending on which specific product I am producing on the machine 3 days. Of which  I haven't done 4 times all the tests that are required to be done in 1 day. One may think/believe that 3 out of 5 is not bad, however in this case it should be 5 out of 5 always.

Now to bring into context the title of this blog: " why am I stressing and hurrying?" I see within and as myself that this happens primarily because of the fear that exists within me of not being able to finish all these tests and also the hurrying part got to do with making sure I produce a higher volume of product during the shift.

The point to consider about myself within all this is that even though on a physical level pace I have to move fast, meaning; my body can cope with the fastness of the work, however the mind is another story, which is sometimes full of judgement about the work and about myself doing the work, which at the end of the day can have as consequence, namely;' fatique.'

Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my workplace as being something that is stressful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my workplace as a place where stressful people work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like it being in the middle of stressful people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself catching myself also being stressful, because I am aware then that I have forgotten to breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see stressful in others as something I judge as stressful, because it bothers me that I see/realize it within myself also.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself when I get into stressful mode of action myself, because I judge myself as participating in the same thing I deem not acceptable myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be caught up in allowing anger to exist within me as I see others expressing stress within and as my work environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I am accepting and allowing stress to take over me when working and try to find ways to blame on the amount of work that has to be done, even when deep down I am aware that no matter how many things I have to do physically to get the work done, the stress part is my own creation, I do not need stress in order to function as I have proven to myself many times when I focus within and as my breath and just be here doing what I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry about my work because deep down I do not agree with the system I and humanity as a whole accept and allow to exist, where we slave ourselves away, creating a system of lack, creating a system of debt, creating a system of taking from others and be perfectly o.k. with it and even happy about it when we receive our salaries at the end of the month, instead of me seeing the job I have now just as something to support myself meanwhile I am working to and towards solutions to what would be best for me and everyone and everything else on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to most of the times before I go to work sit and contemplate if I should go or not, because I make myself feel like I do not want to participate into doing something that I am aware is busy destroying my own existence and that of others, making my life and that of others more challenging when it is unnecessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ponder how I can turn the specific job I am doing and make of it something that would be best for myself and others as myself, and see no way of how what I am doing now can support what is best for me and for everyone, because it is not the kind of job where one reaches lots of people with what one is doing on a personal level, it is a job that is more focused on the individual and what the individual specifically do at the job to accumulate more money for the company, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that with the money I make doing this job I can support myself and others as myself and with that keep on searching and doing what would be a best solution for myself and everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at people within myself when I see them being happy about doing their jobs and talking about all the wonderful things they want to do with their money they get from their job and how they are saving money to do this or that, just because I know that in this system of money as it exists right now, money is not enough and is being taken from others for the one to have, thus seeing this as very abusive and thus cannot accept myself being happy about getting money knowing all this, or seeing others being happy with their money knowing how money is being created in this world, instead of focusing on solutions that will propel all of us into a world that is best for everyone where no-one will be lacking or going without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at people when I hear them talk about job positions in relation to be able to have a bigger salary/more money, because I am aware that this individual without even knowing it is willing and wanting to take even more from others as him/herself to only satisfy his/her self-interest and it even makes me more angry when I step in and explain how the system works and everyone goes quiet and then after a few moments of letting what I said sink, changing the subject to something else instead of really looking into it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the people I talk to when they go quiet about what I say as maybe, they are feeling ashamed, or maybe they are looking for ways to not agree with me in their minds, or maybe looking at me as someone that is negative, because everything that is real will be seen as a negative if one really look into it, when in reality it is a matter of what is happening being acceptable or unacceptable in relation to what is best for all life or not.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it very irritable to be around people that talk about wanting to have more money so they can enjoy themselves and live large, just because I am aware how money is being created in this world and I do not agree with the way money is being created and also do not agree that we just accept and allow it without even trying to change it, treating it as if it is something one cannot change, when I am aware that this is not so.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel very irritable when people say the words: " yeah, but there is nothing you can do to change it," because I am aware that, exactly that is one of the reasons given or lived in order for the system to not be changed, because we are all telling ourselves that it is impossible to change it, thus let us continue with the abuse till the end, because this is what it is always going to be, so do not bother try and change it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see within myself to sometimes also have the backchat popping up where I tell myself, " oh this is going nowhere," meaning " " I better just give the F*** up, because world change is about humanity changing, thus if I change and humanity as whole do not change, won't mean a thing, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that exactly by changing me I can then live the example, showing how to live the change we all want to see in our reality, looking at people whom were just 1 person and how they have shaped the world we live in either in a good way or bad way, however that they did show that even 1 can reach many and influence the many, thus I cannot give up on myself to change myself, by thinking and believing that my change is a waste of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see changing of myself as a waste of my time, when within the same breath I also see how disrespectful this is to/towards LIFE, that which unconditionally support me in every breath without never ever judging me in any ways whatsoever, even in moments when I am totally not HERE at all within and as this LIFE, even when I am totally separated with it through my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as maybe not being worthy of standing as life by accepting and allowing of myself applications and perspectives that does not resemble someone that is standing for what would be best for all life.



Will continue in the next blog......................



Thanks.


Larry Manuela

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