Day 75, Character Number 3. Me With Older Sister.
Herein i will do self-forgiveness for the character i am when i am with my sister, either talking on the phone or if we were in each others presence, or in the presence of other people together as a team.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be this character with my older sister with whom i am more closer to her then my other sister and where i have different conversations with her then my other sister, and different usage of words to, then my other sister.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be more open about what is going on in life with my older sister, because the character i am with her we can talk more openly about everything, and she does understand but is not really understanding, because understanding for real would mean when one start to prepare oneself to the journey to transform oneself into a human being that will always DO that which is best for all LIFE. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that hold my older sister in character where she only agree with the knowledge part, and that is some of it, what she i can understands.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to play this character with my older sister where she sees in me someone who is clever, and she is like looking up to me, because of this and in this giving my character validation to suit her character, so we can both be in character.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be this character with my older sister where we belief that our characters have lots in common and that we are both more open minded and we both have certain, specific look at the world and understanding of people within the world.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always played the character with my older sister where we look after one another, as we were younger we were always looking for each others back.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to memories of my older sister taking me to the disco so i can be her protector so to speak, and in so doing she can also stay e few hours later, because she was then with me, and this have made me create a character that is always protecting her, because we both agreed upon this character when we were teenagers.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust in the character of my older sister, because she used to see spirits when we were young and because of this i felt save with her during the nights, when i was much younger,because i thought/belief that if the spirits will come for me she will be able to see them, hence this have made me create a character around my older sister where she is the one who sees spirits, so the one who protects me from that which i cannot see.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in relation to my sister being someone who can see spirit and hence have made me always have a fascination with the spirit world, within which i started to look for all the hidden stuff i could find to understand that which i could not see with my human physical eyes, so hence i created another character that is seeking knowledge and information around and about the spirit world. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that believed in spirits.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that believed in my older sister seeing spirits, just because i experienced once a black figure entering my room, and holding me down on the bed and choking me, and i couldn't do anything about it, i couldn't scream........just couldn't do nothing,and that my sister told me that it was a ''bad spirit'' who visited me, but our great great grandfather whom she could see, whom was already dead by the time saved me that night,hence i believed her on that, just because i experienced being choked by this black figure entering my room, that left in a big hurry after a few minutes or so.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to from this day on with the experience of this spirit and the so-called, great great grandfather saving me, made me create a character within me that would start to investigate the spirit world, and wanted to know why i was being choked, and wanted dead. Hence i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that will always question the things not seen by all.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that believed that somehow there were some spirits whom was protecting us, but yet i wanted to know why ?, so within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that will seek for the ''why'' the spirit world wants to protect us and not deal with the spirits there where they all come from wherever that would be, because as a little kid to me it was like if the spirits could come to me and we ''need'' protection from other spirits it means that the ''good spirits'' are not doing such a good job, because the bad once are all over the earth possessing people and who knows what else, from all the stories i have heard in my life about ''bad spirits.'' There was always a ''bad spirit'' that needed to be sent back or whatever. Within this i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself even as a kid to use my common sense back then to see that there must be something very wrong in heaven, as heaven was where the good spirits come from, and that we each had a protected spirit, and yet we were always fucked with by the bad ones and only after being fucked with the alarm will go off so to speak, but yet the damage was already done. Within this i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that heaven did not seem to have control over the so-called: ''bad spirits'' because they were all here and yet as the stories were being told we all had protective spirits from some loved one that pass away in the past that went to heaven,and it is always a family member who was a ''good person'' when was on earth.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character around my older sister where we will always have interesting conversations around the topics of the spirit world and hence i play this character with her just because i accept and allow her to be the one who can see spirit influence me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character around and when i am with my older sister and with other people to always defend each other with words, just because we have created this character among each other that we are the ones understanding each other better then anyone can and that we are on the same level of understanding hence we must protect our integrity no matter what,otherwise i will loose my character together with hers and maybe disagree with her character, and hence fucked it all up, and get us into character exposure.
I commit myself to whenever i see myself or go into character already created, i STOP, take a few deep breaths and ground myself here and make sure i am touching something that is physical so i know i am here and not in my mind where characters exist.
I commit myself to STOP participating in character in the movie of my mind so the others may wake up from their self-created characters just like i created mine holding theirs alive in their minds. within this i commit myself to step by step delete all the characters i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
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awesome
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