Day 74, Character Number 2 Me At Work.

So i am going to write myself out in self-forgiveness as i see myself at work with my colleagues,and the whole work environment.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a different voice to particular individuals at work, basing on how i judge them from my point of view, if someone is a tough person, i will talk differently with them, like wanting to make them ''feel'' good because they can relate to me, i am talking their language so to speak. Thus within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that is playing the role of being also a tough guy but yet reserve.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to talk differently with the ladies at work that are religiously serious, i will talk to them as in a respectful manner. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become in these moments with these ladies a character that is talking and showing respectful mannerism.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to play this character that at the moment i get down stairs where the work is taking place, i take this character that is happy to see everybody again and the whole ambiance is like a happy ambiance, it's  like me and everyone else take this fake character in order to not feel the boredom of the work and the weight of it as being physically demanding. So me and the rest we all play the ''happy workers.'' Thus within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to support the whole character scenario by playing my part of the character that is accepted by all the other parts that are also in characters of being happy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to play the character at work of a flirter with the women whom seem to be '' party woman,''  always making sexual remark jokes trying to find out if the jokes can lead to something more substantial.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be this character at work that everybody likes, because i am the ''nice guy.''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to play the character to certain people on the work-floor where they will see in me potential, because i am ready to learn anything they throw at me, and i work hard doing lots of things together at once physically.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to play the character of a ''good Samaritan'' at work, where i help everybody and take the weight away from them when i see that it is difficult for them to do such things.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be this character that is always very clean with my work,where i leave a clean work place and what i am working with is also clean and looks nice, because within this my ego will be boosted by my colleagues when they tell me how they like my work, that it looks always nice, and they always ask me the same thing: '' are you always this clean at home to.?''  within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to what people say to me instead of me in that moment to remember to stay within and as my breathing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be this character at work that many go to, to have a conversation with because i am a good listener and have good advises. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel like i am better then others when it comes to caring for others, where i have made even a competition in caring for others, when caring for others should not be about competition at all. Caring for others should be just what it is: '' Caring for others.!! ''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself that when i am at work i ''feel'' like i can do anything work-wise and get into this character that can do anything, because with this character that can do anything my chances to survive in the system are maximized. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create me as a character that supports the system by performing as a worker whom can do anything.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to play a character that is acceptable to others at work just to make sure to have as minimum complains thrown at me as possible so i can continue having a job.

I commit myself to whenever i see myself go into character play, i STOP..........take a few breaths and ground myself HERE,and stay with and as my breath, so i don't keep on creating characters linking together to other characters within myself and just be physical and touch something physical and be here with that physical touch.

I commit myself to debunk all the character that i have accepted and allowed to exist within myself in order for me to not get to the whom i really am as LIFE, using the tools of self-forgiveness and self-honesty and my corrective applications, so i can get out of this whole character creating business to keep my mind surviving and sucking energy from my body.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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