Day 364, Do You Think You Are Gonna Make it?

I asked myself a question, when I was back chatting, and it was as follows: " Do you think you're gonna make it?"  and I answered myself with: "  Oh yeah, I gotta get outta here!"

Now the moment I said this within my mind I realized something about myself. I realized that the " I gotta get outta here"  part, is part of a desire I secretly had/have wherein I just want to get up and leave everything and everyone behind, like go to a secluded place where no-one will know where I am, and I will be all alone. It is like a wanna run away from all this hardship in my world/the world.
Secretly I desire and wish sometimes, often more than other that I can find myself into a situation where I have " no way out"  kind of situation. Like being in a situation where there is nowhere to run or to be, but to face myself completely right here, no holding back and give it all into forgiveness, really really open up completely.

                                       

The other point is, that I do know what to do. The problem is in the actual doing itself.
I also realized that I fear changing me, changing the who I am now, which is nothing more or less than personalities/characters in my mind for specific events and situations within my life process. Most of the time I am " myself."  However this " myself"  is not really ME. The real me at the moment is not yet here. You know it is like I went into a dark cave and as I was going deeper and deeper into the darkness I was  leaving little reflectors on the way down for when to get back, I can find my way back, however when I got into the deepest of depths within this cave of darkness I got lost and could not find my way back out, and now that I am finding the reflectors I myself have placed I am starting to remember how I got in, and remember the way out. I just have to follow the reflectors and get back out.

The reflectors in this example are the the personalities/characters I have created within myself that are now clouding/fogging me to see clearly and to remember the who I am for real. The who/what I was before the mind, before energy, this part of me is where I must get back to. It is called Beingness. The part of me that is aware of itself as LIFE. As one can see the personalities/characters are not good or bad, positive or negative or right or wrong, they are my reflections I have created, they are ideas about myself I have created within my mind consciousness system. As one can see; I CREATED them. Not one thing that exists within and as my mind can be placed there by another, it have to have my permission, the information must be accepted and allowed by myself, same way goes for using it.

Self-Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have the back chat: " Do you think you're gonna make it?" to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have also as back chat however in a form of answer to myself the following back chat: " Oh yeah, I gotta get outta here!"  to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see within and as my back chats, that I am actually busy pointing to myself out what I have created as ideas/believes within and as myself, about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself more than often try and stop the back chats without really investigating them first to understand where they are coming from and which specific point are they related to within myself, which character is connected to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use these back chat to actually encourage myself to try and fulfill a desire/wish I have created within myself to cope with also the fear I have created within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become wherein, I actually fear myself, because the personalities/characters are now me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand for real that I am the creator of the back chats, that I am the creator of the personalities/characters, that I am the creator of the fears, therefore that I am a creator within and as myself, thus meaning as I create within me that which is at the moment only self-interest, I can also create what which is best for all of life, which is that which is in the best  interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own creations, including fear itself, which is also my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that my creations are me and that by understanding them, I will also understand how I created myself to represent me as if they are really real, when the real me itself behind it all I forgot that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept fear to be part of me as me and to allow it to influence my decision making in every moment.

To be continued.....................................................

Thanks

Larry Manuela

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Day 146, What Is There In My Name: Larry..?

I am going to look at my name and show how i am not even my name and how i live not as my name but as how i manifested reactions to/towards how i accepted and allowed myself to built emotions and feelings connected to my name when it is being used to address me.  What i never realized is that i have been living in/as memories as how i reacted to/towards the other person whom spoke my name in certain tonality, and when someone else speak my name in the same tonality i will react the same way i reacted when that tonality was spoken the first time and where i created a certain personality/character within my mind for that certain/specific tonality spoken by the first person. So this means that every time my name is spoken in certain/specific way i will not just be here in breath but go into/as my personality i created within myself as myself related to the memory of how i reacted in the past in relation to how the name was pronounced or spoken. 

Understand that whatever i will write about the person involved i will NOT take them personally at all, nor take myself personally, this is about resolving what is still existent in me, and i am the only one that MUST and can STOP me of creating and acting from a personality perspective.

 

 

                                                            

So this is why i say i never live my name as myself, because i always live as a memory that i have created within myself to represent me when my name is being used in certain/specific way and within certain/specific voice tonality.  So the point is to investigate what issue i have to resolve within/as myself that reflect back to myself and NOT to react and create a personality thereof. So the point is that when i resolve all the issues when my name is being used i will have not any reaction at all when people say my name in certain/specific way or say it in certain/specific tonality, because i have dealt with the personalities i created in my mind to solve the problem for me, instead of me/myself solving the problem of my own reaction to/towards the person.  So i will be dealing with the negative energy experiences and the positive energy experiences in relation to my name being called in certain/specific way and with certain/specific voice tonality.

 

 

I will walk at least 3 points here where i will look for the energy experience/back-chats/reactions/imaginations/projections/internal conversations/judgements.

So lets have a look.

 

 

*** My first one is me remembering my father calling me in very strict way, with a firm voice, like when someone has become angry at you and they need you to STOP doing whatever it is your doing that they do NOT approve of. So whenever someone in this world will say my name in a similar manner i will react within myself with fear, and that i need to STOP doing what i am doing, but within this fear there is also the anger, and the anger is even greater then the fear, because i felt i was doing nothing wrong in order to be called by my name in that particular way, and because our parents have taught us that we as children MUST respect them, and this mean that you cannot really resolve the problem whatever it might be, because they just want you to OBEY what they will say to you, you have no saying, because apparently they know better then you. And because you cannot say what you have to say, and resolve whatever the issue might be, you will take it inside yourself and be angry at them in yourself and have back-chats about the unresolved issue, you will create a character to resolve the issue inside yourself for you, but in reality you did NOT resolve any issue at all, because the real resolving would be to talk it through and investigate with the help of the other why it is you are reacting and what is happening within you, that you have certain/specific emotions coming up within you. So now because parents in this world do NOT know this, meaning;'how thoughts/emotions/feelings are being created within themselves' they CANNOT assist and support you in dealing with yours, you see..???  This is NOT to blame our parents, because they just didn't know, nobody taught them this, no-one ever knew how they created their own thoughts/feelings/emotions. That is why we at desteni are writing, we are dealing with this, we are learning how to for real resolve the shit that we have created within ourselves and take this shit as if it is us, the personality that we belief we are...??  That is the reason why i am writing, to resolve my own stuff, and for you the reader to see/realize/understand how you can do the same for yourself, so you can assist and support yourself with your own self-created personalities. So as i move along confronting my characters/personalities and finding out how i created them, and when i created them, i can then resolve the problem, because i then understand it, i know how i created it in the first place, so i will know how to NOT create it anymore, see...???

 

 

*** the second one, i remember is i used to have a great great uncle, that used to walk with a machete and when i was visiting them on their farm and he will meet us outside in front of the door and will make a sweep movement with the machete on the doorstep and say: '' Larry..!!, you didn't do anything badly, did you..??''   And he had a very deep hard base voice, like Barry White, and with this stupidity was trying to scare me so i don't do something bad. Now if one look at this, one can see how grown ups don't know at all,what raising children is all about, because this is suppose to be a sick joke to scare me to NOT forget, that there are consequences if i am to behave badly. And i used to get very scared when he would do this, and embrace the legs of my father. My father will have a false laugh and say to him; leave him alone you are scaring him,' and he will laugh hard and stop, but the damage was already done.

 

To be continued tomorrow..........................

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

 

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Day 138, Is This Really Being Human Is All About.....part 2

So i am continuing with my self-forgiveness and self-commitments to life from yesterday.

here is the link if you have missed it:  http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-137-is-this-really-being-human-is.html



Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a world exists where opionated characters are walking around pretending to be real and invent entertainment, that in reality expose what they really are as opinionated characters wherein a ROBOT becomes a human, as what they think/belief which is an opinion by the way, the human is. Having thoughts/feelings/emotions, and due to this the reason why the human is aLIVE as the living flesh.


I commit myself to show that we are all as this opinionated characters the ORGANIC ROBOTS, trying to be real using the energy that the body/flesh that is real is producing, killing in this way the very resource that is our bodies, the flesh, the REAL being of earth, and when it has enough it will just STOP producing energy and it is the END of the opinionated character in the mind, that was never REAL anyways.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that feelings/emotions/thoughts are what it is all about me being HERE, and what it means to experience myself as human is all about because of these, meanwhile out of the realm of experience something else is happing and it is the flesh is BEING alive, expressing itself without these things as i understand that my heart for example don't have feelings and emotions as the same goes for my stomach as all the parts that constitute the human flesh. It is the mind that feels, have thoughts and feelings, NOT the body..!!


I commit myself to show through my writings of self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE, that the body IS the REAL being of EARTH and NOT the personalities/characters in the mind, that is WHY the body is expressive, and the mind experienced, in the mind one is only experiencing something according to what the mind interpret of it, but in reality the body is EXPRESSING  itself, meaning: ' it IS HERE..!!!'


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find this movie a ''nice family movie'' when in reality it is more like a miror i am looking myself into, and one that is just a fantasy, not even real.

I commit myself to look at movies and just look at it without having feelings and emotions popping up within me as me, and if they do, to just STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back here, and remain in my breath and my human physical body till i am stable and clear.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally when i saw the part in the movie when this robot breaks the little horse of the little girl on the beach, and the little girl got angry and mean to him, wherein i could see in the expression of the robot the he was ''hurt'' as we humans will get hurt and also puzzled for he did not know in that moment what to do to make it right.


I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or about to go into emotions to remind myself to STOP myself into participating in them and just BREATHE till i am stable and clear and nothing moves within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  live in a world where movies are being made, that are focused on our emotions and feelings and NOT on what is really going on in reality and what is REAL.

I commit myself to show that most movies are about to ignite feelings and emotions within the viewer for these are the things that are being used to sell a movie and what is really going on will NOT sell and no-one will hear or want to hear it either, for it will be seen as negative from the perspective of the positive opinionated character, that is NOT seeing/viewing/perceiving/interpreting LIFE as what it really is for real without any opinion about it, but pure for exactly how it IS as it exists right HERE.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Day 125, Falling For An Image, SF & SC.

So in this blog i will be doing the self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements to LIFE, for myself to apply.

 

 

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just because i know women or all people are all gullible to ''positive compliments'' i use this as a means to get out/from the woman what i desire from them, which is SEX, basically.

 

I commit myself to STOP every time i see myself going into or about to go into manipulating the woman by using positive compliments, with the intention  to get SEX from/out of them, to just BREATHE, and make sure i continue breathing till this desire to control and manipulate is gone from within me, and that nothing moves anymore, and i can start getting to know the woman as whom she is in fact and also for getting myself out of my delusional/manipulative tryouts and experiences that denote self-abuse and self-dishonesty to whom i am as LIFE and to all that is as and of LIFE.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be so engulfed within my endeavor to challenge myself into using my control and manipulative tactics to make sure i get what i desire from the woman,which wherein i use my own self-created character as the ''the sexual horny character,'' to get what i want and desire from/of the woman.

 

I commit myself to STOP this character as '' the sexual horny character'' that i induce within myself as to come forth and use it as if it is real to do about with what this character itself as myself desires and want from a woman, which is SEX. So within this every time i see myself going into or about to go into this character i STOP and breathe and make sure i continue breathing till there is no more movement within me taking place so i am stable within and as my breath and to make sure i am touching something that is physical, which can be as simple as holding and touching my own hands, for me to not get lost within and as my mind.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/view/interpret all woman under the same banner as easy to get, all of those whom might have a slight interest in me, because i know of their weakness, which is wanting to go through: '' positive energetic experience.''

 

I commit myself to make sure i  STOP myself every time i see myself go into or about to go into this perceiving/viewing/interpretation of what is based as memories within me, that i use as assumptions in order to commence my manipulation to try and get what i want from them. So within this i make sure in these moments to BREATHE, as long as it takes till i am stable and can make the decision in breath using common sense reasoning that which is BEST for all.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still be mesmerized by the body-parts of the female body, from which i make decisions based on how they appear within the clothing or no clothing as what i would like or not like, within this, treating the woman within my mind as like any other consumer product that give me some ''good feeling'' because i like what i am seeing in the form and shape of the product as it is being presented to me.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself into looking at woman as only body-parts, and make sure every time i see myself going into or about to go into this mind participation to BREATHE, and make sure to continue breathing till there is no  more movement within me anymore as memories of desires concerning the body-parts that i let myself be attractive to/towards to make my ''sexual horny character'' happy as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at mostly specific parts of woman's body as:  ass, legs, face, hair, lips,neck,feet,belly,eyes, and the shapes of these to be in a specific way that is rooted as comparable within countless t.v. commercials and movies/magazines where i saw women being presented in these very specific ways, till i formed a basic layout within my own mind of what it is about these parts i need in order for me to find the woman sexually attractive or not.

 

I commit myself to make sure i STOP myself in BREATH every time i see myself going into or about to go into body-part scanning to be able to feed my '' sexual horny character'' that i created within myself through time, by watching movies and t.v. programs/magazines with woman looking in specific ways and having specific body-parts shaped in very specific way to suit what i desire within me that i myself created from the environment i am in that throws these images at me.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a basic layout within my mind concerning the images that are bombarded at me and from them make my own image that will be in my liking and where i will use this basic own self-created image layout in my mind to use it as a means to find or not find a woman sexually attractive.

 

I commit myself to make sure i keep on digging within myself to find the patterns of this ''sexual horny character'' that i created within me, to find out how and when i created it, to take it out and delete it step by step till i am HERE not as this character anymore, breath by breath till this is done, with my sexual preferences delusions.

Will be continued tomorrow..........................

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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Day 120, Self-Interest Character.

    I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a selfish/horrible/disgusting/self-centered/careless/greedy human being in this world, never seeing/realizing/understanding that what i have accepted and allowed to be existent within me as me is what will be HERE as the without, so my whole reality will be that which i allow to be within me as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NEVER look at the evil within myself, because i have accepted and allowed the LIES of religion to be part of me, so i don't have to face the real me, as what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always crave for my own little survival first as i would term it ''my life'' without ever seeing/realizing/understanding that my LIFE is only possible because of all LIFE, so to take care as myself as life as all as life as equal and one i am in fact living/expressing me as this LIFE in oneness and equality with all LIFE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider LIFE as a whole ever in my life for i have given my permission to myself to only live to survive for myself and to make sure i always win, not giving a damn about any other living being at all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always live as personalities/characters in my mind, giving them MORE value then the LIFE that have been given to me, to be HERE, and express freely as this LIFE, and wherein i have abused/neglected/not considered at all, that to live in my mind i was giving up real living HERE in and as the flesh, which is the real substance of LIFE manifest, where i will be slave to my own mind that i don't even have any clue as to how it works in specificity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NEVER ever questioned my own thinking, my own feelings, my own emotions---------for i have just accepted them as me, and wherein i am just a personality within all of this mess, not knowing at all how my own mind works and also how my own body works from the very small part of it to the very whole of it, making me totally devoid/separated of being aware of what is HERE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hang myself within my own mind for loving my mind above LIFE, hence giving my mind  more value then LIFE as LIFE is manifested HERE as the physical reality that my body consists of exists as, that i know my mind cannot exist ever without.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that following the rules of the system that i have allowed to be HERE where i have to be selfish,was the way things were suppose to be, where everyone fended for themselves and compete to maybe/possibly get a chance to have a nice living creating in this matter a total mess of this earth and allow all sorts of abuses and atrocities without ever giving a real damn thing about anything that is here but my own survival within the system.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel so self-important that what i thought/believed i knew could make me somehow some special human being, when in reality all i am is an abuser and destroyer of LIFE through my very participation in allowing all the abuses and atrocities imaginable and unimaginable to be done to LIFE while i am here protecting my own ass, in a system of enslavement,where i am so proud unknowingly that i am a SLAVE of my own mind and what i allow in LIFE.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take every breath i ever took for granted and NEVER ever saw/realized/understood how LIFE was giving me in every breath an opportunity again and again to make the choice for LIFE, but all the while i will ignore and neglect my very breathing that is keeping me alive here, so much so that i don't even consider the importance of own breath as the gift of LIFE to me to express as expression that i am within and as this earth, as my human physical body.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look for all kinds of excuses and justifications to NOT take my self-responsibility for what is busy happening HERE in this reality and deliberately choose to separate myself from what is HERE through/by my own mind,and act as if what is happening here is just an illusion and soon when i die i will go to where i come from which i interpreted and perceived based on knowledge and information in this world that are not in anyways whatsoever clear at all as to where it is i am coming from and what the hell it is i really am, never ever in this world was this clear enough, because it must have been that i and the REST are not suppose to find out whom we really are for real, and hence we dream ourselves away in the light and love and colors in the mind, and make us unable to ever even consider that we are abusing LIFE right here on planet earth through our ignorance and our unwillingness to CARE for LIFE. 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never ever consider that my own self-honesty would be the tool where i will see/realize/understand my own evil doings and nature that has perpetuated and promulgated throughout my existence HERE to reach levels of insane consequences that HARM LIFE in all possible ways and where i will still look for ways to be self-dishonest about my participation within myself as my mind and without as my relationship within the system of money.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately choose NOT to see how the system of money that is HERE is only, but only supporting self-interest of the human, wherein the human will go through the extent of annihilating itself  and all the rest that is HERE to continue with this madness of selfishness and greediness.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NEVER see/realize/understand how self-interest in ME and all humans was busy taking over the earth, the manifested substance of LIFE turning/churning/transforming it into energy for the mind to be having it's positive energy experience and for the system of money to continue making more and more profit out of the resources of earth.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider ever that the only way we as humanity will get out of this mess is to be/become true beings of this earth that work together as one group in oneness and equality to bring about a world that is truly BEST for all LIFE, and within this i as the rest MUST give up our self-interest and self-dishonesty which was all we have ever been, as the world is full of proof throughout all the known history written about how man lived with each other and the rest of LIFE.

I commit myself to walk step by step little by little exposing and deleting all that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as this self-interested character that doesn't give a damn about LIFE, and little by little transform myself and birth myself right HERE within and as my human physical body and live as the real being of earth one and equal,within and as this whole physical manifested existence.

I commit myself to use the tools as my writing myself to freedom, my commitments to LIFE to delete this character that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become that is clearly an abomination to LIFE, for it will NEVER STOP abusing LIFE, so i make my decision to STOP me as this self-interested human that through this don't give a damn about LIFE and turn my nature into one that always LIVE for/as what is BEST for all LIFE always.

I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into applications where i can see clearly that i am going to be self-interest, to STOP------------------BREATHE, and make sure that i ground myself right here within and as my breath, within and as the physical and make sure i am touching something that is physically HERE so i don't loose myself within my own mind delusions.

I commit myself to step by step and breath by breath to look more within myself till there is /no more layers and patterns that create this self-interest character that i am in this world busy deconstructing,and changing myself through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE to be/become an example as one of those that truly stand for all LIFE and walk as such without any fear, till it is DONE..!!

I commit myself to eradicate all self-interest within me and make sure to NOT create myself again as such for i have this ONE(1) lifetime to do this, and so i walk my lifetime till it is done.

I commit myself to using the tools provided by DESTENI to realize myself as what i really am right HERE and with these tools also correct myself so i am no longer a human being that HARMS LIFE, either consciously or through allowance,as i participate in the MESS that is HERE.

Thanks,

Larry Manuela

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Day 102, Keeping Things Orderly Character.

Now this kind of character has been living with me for a long time...loll

 

 

I just like things to look need and easy to find and orderly, because if they are not it makes me ''feel'' kind of stressful, like i can't find my way in the middle of all these disorders/chaos.

 

Self-forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief/think that being orderly have anything to do with how i will feel inside, to perceive/interpret/view things to be not in order and feel stressful about it means, i am feeding my character that i have created in the past to deal with these kind of situations, wherein i can get an energetic experience of being stressful, when all this is not necessary at all, i just be here in breath and make sure i sort the things out as they should, make sure everything is in order for that will be best.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use this character a lot to judge people as when i see if they are orderly or not, and one that is overly orderly i will see as a perfectionist which i will judge as a good thing in some areas but not all areas, and an overly disorderly person i will see as someone very lazy, which i will judge as totally wrong.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect order with negativity behavior and and obsessive behavior, for within me i fear these behaviors myself so will make sure when i see it outside to push it away from me and not face it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the word order, without seeing/realizing/understand that the world order in common sense implies when all is equal as and one as LIFE, then all is order.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system that is out of order exist where life that is REAL order is NOT taken into consideration at all, the only consideration that is taken in relation to LIFE is: '' how to abuse it, to keep the disorder going.''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never see/realize/understand how everything we as humans created are in a way a disorder, because none of it brought us as humans closer to each other nor make it possible for us to co-exist with each other and all of LIFE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that governments can actually do something about what is going on, because i realize that nothing they will do to safe the system will work, because the system itself is designed to be a disorder and to fail, and is NOT LIFE, so trying to safe an sickly disordered system is clearly insanity, and within this overlooking LIFE completely never taking in consideration that LIFE is the ONLY real value that exists, and is WORTH saving.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that me within my own fear of disorder cannot STOP myself and create myself as a REAL orderly being, which is me being one and equal with/as my human physical body, which is already HERE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never see how it was fear that was behind all of this trying to be a orderly person, creating hence an orderly character to play the orderly personality, and the fear that is being hidden is the fear of things really going haywire, the fear of loosing control,when in reality all along i never had control at all only fear of what i perceive that i need to be in control of, so how can i be in control if it can get out of control, and if it can get out of control then i never was in control, NEVER..!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the orderly character as a decoy to hide from the fear within me, that is the fear of loosing control, just because i don't want to face myself as the fear as '' loosing control.'' So hence i created a character to hide myself as the fear as '' loosing control'' and within this character also make it judge disorder as negative and bad,so i have more layers to play within the '' orderly character to never even try and look at the fear of loosing control character that is really running the show in the black-waters of my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always try and make thing look need and orderly within my room(s) or my house,because if they are not looking orderly need , start to  loose control of the things i have to do within the house, because i kind of loose myself within the disorder that i created myself in the first place, so hence since then i almost never have a disorderly place, for i fear loosing control of what i have to do within my day.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to strongly belief that planning for the future and such are happening in the mind, for life is happening right here and the future is what i will create in my awareness of my hereness, and hence create a future outflow that is equal to and one as LIFE, here always in all ways.

I commit myself to show that disorder is NOT of that which is LIFE, but out of that which is fear,and the real order as life we have not lived yet here on this planet.

I commit myself to STOP myself whenever i see myself going into fear of disorder, and make sure to BREATHE, and touch something that is physically here, so i don't loose myself in my mind with it's characters.

I commit myself to show that the system we have here in this world where we have placed our values in and even where we have coined out the word value from is a complete disorder, that the only way to really  get out of it, is to STOP ourselves within it as ourselves,because we are the system, we are the ones participating in it and supporting it, giving it life so to speak.

I commit myself to show that the equalmoney system will be the starting-point of real order within this world, till we realize that money for real was never needed at all in order for us to live on this planet, because the planet is self-supported for all it's children, it is a giving support not a taking support.

I commit myself to walk little by little step by step debunking and deleting this orderly character that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world till it is none existent within me any longer.

I commit myself to stop judging out of fear and look at myself judgement in relation to this orderly character in order to delete it in self-forgiveness and breathing.

Day 101, Friends.

So what are friends for really..??

 

 

 

In this world, in this society many whom have friends always regard friends as someone that will be there for them not only in ''good times'' but also in ''bad times.''

This someone is also someone who will agree with them on many many points, and what they really think of you will be hidden in the black waters of their secret minds. Because they, as you are all afraid to get into conflict/friction, so will avoid confrontation at all costs, and play the wonderful inequality game called: '' i respect you as whom you are''   which in reality means that no matter what you are, as long you are their friend, they are going to let you be whom you are, because if they saw something within you that they don't agree with, they will  not bring that to your attention, because that can cause friction and conflict, and then the whole friendship can END. And what do we know about ENDINGS...???  That we are afraid of endings, especially in relation to relationships.

This whole friendship thingy is part of the reward system. Like i will be your friend, but what is in it for me, what will i get out of this friendship relationship..??   

The rewards can be many, like for example:

*  having a good feeling

* having someone to stand by your side

* someone to talk to, that understand you

* someone that you can party with

* someone that can help you with some specific things when needed

* someone you can gossip with about other people

* someone you can smoke some pot with

* someone you can travel the world with

* someone you can get drunk with.....................etc etc etc

 So it is about someone supporting your personality and what your personality have chosen to be a acceptable way of living, and then go out into this world, looking for people that are like-minded and there you have it, then suddenly you have the so-called: ''good friend''

Self-forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never question my own relationship with the friends i have as to see why it is i am friends with them.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only have friends that will value the whom i am as the personality i think/belief i am. Within  this i,  on my behalf also accepted and allowed them to be the personality they think/belief they are, so we can all happily ever after live a life full of lies, where we all belief that what we are as personalities in our minds is what we truly are and what we exist within, as our human physical body is just a temporary vehicle, when in truth the thing that is actually temporary is the personality that will END, when the body has had enough of it's abuse done to it, and the body will transform and return to it's source the Earth and the personality as the illusion together with the mind where it find itself within, will END.

 

I forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to have always selected my friends very carefully, because i was always someone who studied people and their behaviors within myself, no matter if i was wrong or right about it, but the opportunity to understand why they are as whom they are interest me,as for me to try and understand just maybe what the heck am i doing here in this world, which was the main question i had in my life.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to treat my friends as friends as what society is telling me friends are all about, and never ever treated any friend or anyone for that matter as equals as LIFE as myself as LIFE, for this was never taught by anyone ever on this planet,and the few whom were here and really did show the way through example, their examples are NOT lived anyways, they never became a living application.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself   to belief that having friends in this world is something that must happen if one is to learn about oneself, when in reality i can see it is NOT necessarily so, because all the one is, is already here within oneself, within ones own mind, as the personality one belief one is. So knowing the personality and the place where it lives, which is the mind one will then surely come to the realization of whom one is and for real, and what one is NOT.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief in something like ''friendships'' when friendships are clearly something in this world that will never produce individuals that will be the BEST humans they can ever be, because friendships are not designed for that, they are designed to keep individuals enslaved in characters in the mind.

 

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that everyone that is in our lives that we interact with most of the time, are people whom will never ever support and assist us to be/become the BEST humans we can be/become. I realize this for the world as the stage is the proof, for i see not ONE human who is the BEST human that ever lived, because a BEST human is a human who truly lives as ONENESS and EQUALITY, that which is BEST for all LIFE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on my personality to direct me into choosing friends and friendships, without seeing/realizing/understanding that the personality i belief i am is always making choices on what will keep it alive as the personality in the mind and what will not challenge it ever.

 

I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my self-commitments to life show that friendships are NOT what we think and belief they are, that the soul purpose of their existence is to make sure one never loose character, and be a very obedient slave in/as the mind.

 

I commit myself to show that there is another way to co-exist with each other that is NOT as friends, but as ONENESS and EQUALITY, where we assist and support each other as equals as LIFE as one.

 

I commit myself to show to all that want to hear, that the only way friendships are going to be real is when we all live with each others as equals.

 

I commit myself to show those whom are my friends that what they accept and allow within themselves they will accept and allow within others as themselves, instead of working together to stop these patterns that are brainwashed within us and get it over with once and for all.

 

I commit myself to walk my process and be  little by little as i become more and more stable an example to all my friends and all those whom are in friendship relationships as to what it means to live with each other as equals.

 

Thanks

 

Larry Manuela

 

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Day 100, I Am Such A Goood Person....Is It So..?

I am going to look at this  '' i am a good person personality/character'' in the mind. As one can already see it in the word ''PERSON.''

 

 

A PERSON is always in the MIND, it's existence is therein. There is NO reality for the person, as the body is already real, so now what does this person do, enslave that which is real, abuse it, impose stuff on it, making it a self-produced drug addict.   So every time one say: '' i like his/her personality,''  you are in FACT liking the parasite in the BODY that is NOT real, and who is really liking this personality..??  Another personality, for personalities can only see themselves and value themselves as personalities.

So am i ''good'' when i am being perceived by myself and others as a ''good person'' for real..???  Is being ''good'' necessary as to LIVE, as to express as manifested LIFE...??  Does LIFE depend on some goodness coming from a personality/character in the mind, to be LIFE...??

So what am i doing with this trying to be ''good'' thing, when LIFE/LIVING is NOT about that at all..??

Who the hell taught me that trying to be ''good'' whatever that means is the way to go, because understand that this trying to be ''good'' fluctuates a lot, depending where on this planet one was born,meaning in which culture/belief-system and traditions.  What is understood as ''good'' human behavior in the Western countries is NOT so in the Eastern Countries.  So how can i trust this perception of ''goodness'' when it varies and take other meanings depending on where one comes from...?? So what is being inputted in peoples minds become their behavior in the outside world. And try as we may, all the different good try outs of different cultures and traditions, they never managed to make humanity become one and equal.  So can i trust this ''goodness'' when i look at the face of the earth and how we live with each other and everything else, can the way we live with each other be considered something to be ''good'' as what is to be understood as what implies ''being good'' is all about...??  Or maybe i have to delete this perception of goodness totally within me and start expressing/living as the LIVING BEING OF EARTH, which is the HUMAN PHYSICAL BODY...!!

 

Self-forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a ''good person'' without ever questioning this ''good person personality/character'' for if i was GOOD in fact, my whole living as the who i am will be in every moment of breath that which is GOOD as what is implied to be a ''good person'' in this world, that does not do bad/wrong/negative things, don't accept and allow these nor any other abuse and atrocities in anyways whatsoever,and not one thought of judgement will be existent within me about myself and others as myself.  Within this i realize that nothing that is energetically experienced within me can be considered to be of any value, for they are proof by the very fluctuation they have, as they are not constant and consistent HERE as my breath and my human physical body or anything that is physically HERE manifest. So i ask myself how can i trust my whole life on something that i have to follow within me, that i am not as yet aware of how exactly such a thing appear within me as for me to experience it as an energetic experience.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel happy about myself when others will tell me that i am a ''good person'' in their eyes, because i am always ready to help anyone, and open to give advises, within this i realize i do all this for the whole purpose of reward, and the reward i will get out from all this is that i will go through as a ''feel good about myself within myself experience'' that only lasts when i get to hear from others that in their eyes i am a ''good person'' because i help everybody.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react within me when people say to me that i am a ''good person'' because when i react, it means that i have missed breaths, because if i am in breath all the time, no reactions as energy can ever come up.

 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to walk this earth finding ways to make some people say to me that i am a ''good person'' without seeing/realizing/understanding that the moment i am finding ways to be/become something that is NOT here in the moment constantly and consistently, it means that that what i am looking for is NOT whom i am and that i have to rely on my mind to come up with ideas in coined out of memories, that leads to a physical performance as in order for me to be noticed and then in that notice get the possibility to be seen/perceived/interpret as a ''good person.'' 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let the world i am in to exist within personalities/characters that are playing their acts out for themselves and few other personalities where lots and lots of these personalities are being called: '' good people'' in the face of the suffering that is here everywhere to be seen in this world, where no personality ever stood for real to STOP these to exist and the need to be called ''good person/people'' won't even exist anymore for all will be equally the BEST for all LIFE. I realize this is so because personalities are NOT interested in practically bringing a real change in this world, otherwise the personality won't have anything to ''feel good about itself,'' it depends on energetic experience to exist, so the suffering/abuse in this world must continue being here for the personality to act as if it is doing something about it, that will give it it's justification to exist and at the same time the allowance of the suffering/abuse to continue, because without these no personality as a ''good person'' is needed. So the ''good person personality/character it's soul purpose to exist is heavily dependent on the real suffering and abuse within this physical world, that is being done to LIFE.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how in literally performing as this ''good person'' character i am in fact being the EVIL of this world, because this personality MUST have some real suffering and abuse for it to come to the rescue, within this thus accepting and allowing it, instead of eradicating ALL suffering and abuse in this world forever more.

I commit myself to every time i see myself going into my mind to play this character of a ''good person'' to STOP-----------take as many deep breaths as possible in order for me to slow myself down and STOP myself in creating myself as a character in my mind and make sure to touch something that is physically here, so i don't loose myself within and as my mind.

I commit myself to show that this ''good person'' character in this world that is being performed through/within the mind in many real beings as the human physical form are all EVIL, for it can only exist in the face of real suffering and abuse.

I commit myself to show that real suffering will NOT stop as long as these characters exist through/within the mind within the body.

I commit myself to little by little stop myself creating myself as this character in some specific moments, for it only exists in some moments as it is an energetic experience and energy never lasts long enough it dissipates and ENDS.

I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into a reaction or about to go into a reaction when i may be told that i am a ''good person'' to immediately STOP myself---------and breathe, take as many breaths within me so i don't give rise to this character within me till it is NO more.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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Day 98, Boring character

When i look within myself i can see that this character has hold me down numerous times, because i tend within  it to give up, which is again another character.

 

 

I look at the world and i see boring stuff, the system is boring, why...??

The music are the same.

When you go out you either are going to have some fun or not and depending at where in the system you are going to pay a visit as to have some fun as entertainment.

One goes to school and study to become later on a wage-slave.

One will do some sports,sleep,shit, put on some clothing that are told by other people that it is the latest fashion. There are certain specific foods one can eat, depending in which country one happens to be living, and there are certain places you can visit as in going to vacation, but of course all of these are depending on the money you have. if you don't have money none of these can happen.

To me everything looks the same, there are some things being created like in technology, but they are limited because they don't last that long, and are never really meant to satisfy one. So one keeps wanting more and more, and as one can see, this MORE is a BIG problem in this world. Because for MORE to come to self, self must consume, as it is very evident in the current system..!!!

So i look at my life and i see this:  

*  being born

* being brainwashed to speak from the mind by parents

* have a childhood full of beliefs that were thrown upon you

* going to school

* being a teenager

* being a grownup

* go to work

* support the system in every way

* become old and rusty

* have your pension, this is IF you are in one of the so-called: ''rich countries''

* and then one DIES..!!!  THE END...!! 

One can die in and between all of these points, one-----as we all know doesn't necessarily have to grow old and then die. But this growing old and then dying is the common occurrence.

 

So is that not all we do HERE...???    I find that very very very boring.  There is no LIFE in that...!!  And the nerve that some people have to say that we are creative...??  WTF...!!!  We may be creative in destroying ourselves, that is sure as it is a certainty..!!  But we are NOT creative at all in LIVING here on planet earth as a humanity that cares for ALL  LIFE....!!!

 

 

Self-forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system of complete boredom to exist when i am HERE, and within this allow everyone such boring existent.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let boredom exist within me as within my mind, because it is only in my mind that such thing can exist, in the physical reality creation is going on everywhere, meanwhile i live as a character in my mind far removed from reality as creation that is HERE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take the way i and everyone else is living HERE as the only way we as humans can exist,as through a system of abuse that doesn't give a damn about life and hence we as i and everyone else lives by the way the system functions as we ourselves created it, as the whom we are.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character in my mind that will be the boredom character, for boredom have it's function in this system and that is to: '' do nothing..!!! ''

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the boredom character to the giving up character, these 2 walk together hand in hand, the perfect twins. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create such character within my mind and then become them and live them out as if i am them, but the only thing i did was just superimpose some mind garbage as characters on my body, forcing my body to do what is NOT natural as what the body truly is as the REAL BEING of EARTH.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief myself to be characters and that i am these characters when i can delete them all in self-forgiveness and breathing, and self-forgiveness happens through the voice of the BEING that is REAL here, which is the BODY, the human form.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that i as the characters: ''boring character'' and ''giving up character'' are real, just because i ''experience'' them as if i am them, when in reality i have become them in and as my mind, as i allow myself to be/become them. So within this, i realize that if i can be/become them, then i am the creator of them, so if i can create them, i can also un-create them, and create instead myself to be/become a being that truly walks the earth doing what is BEST for ALL LIFE.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never question my characters in my mind before, because in my own mind i have allowed these characters to be the ''who i am'' within this world, without seeing/realizing/understanding that for all these characters to exist they need to have a host, and who is the host..??  The BODY as the REAL BEING of EARTH.  So within this i realize that all my characters in my mind can NEVER, EVER be experienced as REAL if there was no REAL part involved in it all,so if my body was NOT here as the REAL part, no characters in a mind would have ever existed, together with the MIND also, because the mind cannot exist without the BODY, but the BODY CAN exist without the mind, because the body is of/and as the substance of LIFE, real life manifest as form.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief, beliefs of other characters that are being played out in this world as if they ''know'' about LIVING, when in reality they are just characters playing out an illusion as a program in the mind, that interprets what LIVING should be according to what is programmed in it to exist as what is to be defined of as what LIVING is. within this i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when i am busy playing out characters in my mind, my body is busy with creation in the HERE moments of every breath, so herein i as the being in the mind is being left out of creation, and left out of really LIVING. All i do is abusing the being as is my body, to comply to the program within and as my mind,and within this i enslave me the being in the mind and also my body to do the bidding of the mind with me the being in it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never questioned the one that is thinking thoughts and feeling feelings, for i have always regard these as the whom i am. I realize that the moment i am one and equal with and as my breath all thinking and feeling stops, and yet i am still here, so this is the greatest proof for myself that my thoughts and feelings are NOT whom i really am, for the whom i a`m MUST be LIFE, because i am still here when the thoughts and feelings STOP.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a boring character that does NOT give a damn about life, because that is what boring characters do; 'not caring for life'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself go into this boring character when i know in each breath i can STOP this boring character to exist within me forever. I realize that in breath i delete all characters for in breath the character cannot find energy, so it will eventually die, and every time some left overs try to come up in the form as memories, i delete them in my breath together with self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to show that with diligent application i will STOP all characters in my mind and be/become one and equal as the REAL BEING of EARTH, which is my HUMAN PHYSICAL BODY.

I commit myself to every time i see myself going into character mode, or about to go in character mode, to STOP--------Breathe and forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to be that particular character and make sure i am touching something that is here physically so i don't loose myself in my mind,the place where illusions exist.

I commit myself to show through my writings and self-forgiveness that the only way one can get out of character creation is through breath and self-forgiveness in self-honesty.

I commit myself to show that without characters life is much better then with characters, for they are NOT real anyways.

I commit myself to step by step and with patience to delete all the characters i have created within my mind, because i know that it takes time and dedication,just at it took time and dedication to create them in the first place, it didn't happen in one moment,it took many moments and many many breaths.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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Day 78, Me With My Father.

I am going to do self-forgiveness for the character(s) i am with my dad.

 

 

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be this character with my dad where i am his son, so within the relationship with my father i play the son with him so he can play the father with me, so we both hold our characters in place, so we will never see our true nature of breathing physical flesh that are equals as life expressions HERE.

I commit myself to break down this character of a son, and prepare myself to be/become the real character that is the flesh that is HERE as LIFE manifest.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character around my father where i will see in him someone who is always ready to help everyone when it comes to fixing their electrical supplies,within which he is great at,and in so doing i support this character without seeing/realizing/understanding that i was just supporting a character that sees some greatness in my father, which is a character in this movie we all play a part within, which the movie called: '' the CON of CONsciousness''

I commit myself to STOP myself into being a character to suit another character as my father as seeing within his character as a great character because he is helping people, when it is just a character in the mind as a CON of CONsciousness.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that will agree with the character of my father to train myself to be a good sportsman, which i took and influenced myself with throughout my life, making myself a good sportsman in most of the sporting activities that are to be done physically.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself to be this character that because of the ''good in sport'' mentality has also become the competing character, that always want to be great at whatever he is doing that is to be physically done.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be the character hat will try and please my dad by pleasing him in a way that i believed he would be looking up to me as i have given my all to be the competitive winner i believed and saw within him, that i also wanted to be/become.

I commit myself to STOP myself every time i see myself going into competitive mode, and breathe myself HERE back into and as my human physical body, where i delete little by little and step by step this competitor character.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that liked going fishing with my dad, just to please him, because even though he was telling me that i have a very good luck with fishing, but don't have the patients i did like fishing with him, just for the sake of sitting there at the ocean and try and catch some fish.

I commit myself to STOP  myself in trying to please others to make them feel good about themselves, so whenever i see myself going into pleasing others or about to go into pleasing others, i STOP myself through BREATHING and make sure that i am HERE touching something that is physical to ground myself here and make sure to remind myself that i am HERE and not THERE in my mind the place where characters are created.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to respect my dad just because he is my dad, the father figure that one is taught to respect once one is born here in this world, without seeing/realizing/understanding that that kind of respect is in reality system-wise respect and not respect in fact, for respect in fact is when we treat and behave with each other in ways that honour our equality and oneness as LIFE.

I commit myself to live respect as in what it should have always been, which is the respect of being one and equal as LIFE here within and as the physical body that i am as all physical bodies are equally here as manifested substance as LIFE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to one time felt a real connection with my dad for something that happened to me, as i had my birthday and my dad was here on vacation and my friends and lots of them were at my apartment at the time, and i remember me not having much more drink to serve and also not much money left to buy more and i felt so embarrassing but he just looked at me and said to me, wait i will go with you and he went with me and bought drinks and stuff for me, because at the time i was a student and did not have much money, and the money i had left was just enough for me to buy bread with for the up coming week. So from that day on, whenever i see that same thing that my dad saw in my face, as embarrassing i will immediately make sure to get the person out of that emotion of getting embarrassed. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to create a character due to my experience with my dad, that will always try and save someone else going through a embarrassing moment.

I commit myself to STOP creating myself as a character that wants to save the day by trying to help people get over their own self-created moment of embarrassing moment(s)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that is proud of my dad, for what he can do.

I commit myself to STOP giving validations and value to characters and live and make sure i am giving validation and value to the flesh as the real character as one and equal as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that finds my dad to be funny when he is drunk, when i was a little boy and also when i was a teen, but as i grew older i saw more and more that this drunken character that my father becomes is not whom he is, when he is not drunk, when he is not drunk he is very serious and doesn't talk that much, but when he is drunk he is funny and happy and wanting to dance all the time. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to support my father  in being this drunk character that is funny and that everyone likes to see becoming drunk, because when he does get drunk then they can have something funny to laugh about.

I commit myself to not create a character in the future that support other characters that are in reality abusing their own bodies for the sake of how they want to feel, so whenever i see myself going into supportive mode of agreeing with the whole drunken person i STOP and take a deep breath and make sure i am grounded here within and as my human physical body where i can show as myself that i am here as in my breath without being under the influence of alcohol and so others as me can see me as an example and take the decision to STOP harming their human physical body for a fleeting feeling that will last only as long as they are drunk.

I commit myself to STOP myself into my relationship with my father as me being the son and him being the father and see and behave and treat my father as one that is one and equal as me as the flesh that is HERE as manifested substance of/as LIFE.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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