Day 300, Who am I in relationship with the word: " Cloud." part 15

Now moving to the next word, which will be: "Clouds."

I suggest reading the very first blog where I said I will be walking a list of words one by one about understanding myself as who I am in relationship with these words. Here is the link:

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/02/day-286-what-is-understanding.html


So let me have a look at as always forst what the dictionaries are saying about this particular word.

¹cloud

 noun, often attributive \ˈklau̇d\

: a white or gray mass in the sky that is made of many very small drops of water

: a large amount of smoke, dust, etc., that hangs in the air

: a large number of things (such as insects) that move together through the air in a group

Full Definition of CLOUD

1

:  a visible mass of particles of condensed vapor (as water or ice) suspended in the atmosphere of a planet (as the earth) or moon

2

:  something resembling or suggesting a cloud: as

a :  a light filmy, puffy, or billowy mass seeming to float in the air <a cloud of blond hair> <a ship under a cloud of sail>

b (1) :  a usually visible mass of minute particles suspended in the air or a gas (2) :  an aggregation of usually obscuring matter especially in interstellar space (3) :  an aggregate of charged particles (as electrons)

c :  a great crowd or multitude :  swarm <clouds of mosquitoes>

3

:  something that has a dark, lowering, or threatening aspect<clouds of war> <a cloud of suspicion>

4

:  something that obscures or blemishes <a cloud of ambiguity>

5

:  a dark or opaque vein or spot (as in marble or a precious stone)

6

:  the computers and connections that support cloud computing <storing files in the cloud>

 See cloud defined for English-language learners »

See cloud defined for kids »

So there it is. When I was a kid I used to wonder at the sight of clouds passing by in the sky, and asking myself what specifically is their purpose, because these clouds are going to become rain somewhere . But there are clouds that are very high in the atmosphere where they are not going to become rain drops, but yet they will dissapear and do become waterdrops in the ocean. Now there are different types of clouds and with the knowledge of these clouds one can predict what will happen on the land sometimes, not with precise prediction, but near precise. Precise it will never be, because it is an predictions and predictions are coming from an unkown point of reference. The types of clouds we have named because of their altitute and their form formation gives us an indication as to what to expect on the land and also on the oceans, and we can measure the humidity in the air, we can measure also the temperture and with that also the speed of the wind. We have the following cloud formations:


                                                                           

Cumulus: cloud formation below 6000 ft.
Stratus: cloud formation below 6000 ft.
Stratuscumulus: cloud formation below 6000 ft
Altostratus: cloud formation between  6000-20000 ft.
Altocumulus: cloud formation between 6000-20000 ft.
Cumulonimbus: cloud formation from near the ground to above 50000 ft.
Cirrus: cloud formation above 18000 ft.
Cirruscumulus: mackeral sky( patterned as a Mackeral's back) above 18000 ft.


All these types of clouds are formed in what is called in science: " the Troposphere"

Thus cloud formations happen only in this sphere in the sky. The low cloud formations are the group of clouds where out of which rain will fall on the soil or on the oceans. This is what I remembered from my Meteorology classes when I was studying to become a captain of a sea-vessel. One have to know these in order to prevent going into storms on the sea or at least know what kind of storm one will be dealing with, and how the ocean is going to react because of the clouds above.
Now I am not going to go into the whole science here, because if one is interested one can find all the information about clouds for oneself on the internet, there are many cool explanations with nice pictures telling the science of cloud formation.
So the main purpose of clouds are to make sure that it rains and also to cool the earth down and keep certain radiation from the sun bouncing back into the atmosphere above.
We often use the term: "that person have a clouded mind," implying that the person have lots of thoughts going on in his/her mind, his or her mind is very busy. What we often miss about our mind and its inner working is, that the mind is not composed of only thoughts, the feelings and emotions are also part of the mind. So to have a clouded mind we will also have to integrate the rest of the compositions of the mind, which are the feelings and emotions. And just like in the troposphere we have the low-clouds, the middle-clouds and the high-clouds, so is it too within our minds, we have the low-thoughts/feelings and emotions, the middle-thoughts/feelings and emotions, and the high- thoughts/feelings and emotions.
So when I have a look at myself as to what happens within my mind, it is exactly like what happens in the cloud formations in the sky, the only difference being that the clouds work with nature and my mind is working against nature. My "clouded-mind " is in direct support of the mind itself alone, to protect it, to keep it going with its rains of toughts/feelings and emotions, where the sky of my complete mind is not visible anymore, or at all.




Self-Forgiveness & Self-Commitment Statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cloud my mind with thoughts/feelings and emotions so much so that I am lost within the clouding of my mind and preocupied with it that I cannot see the whole of what I am as the totality of what my mind consist of and exist as in a moment.

I realize that by clouding myself with thoughts/feelings and emotions I am not going to be aware of the totality of who I am as my whole mind.

Thus within this, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life in self-honesty to continue one by one day by day deleting these thoughts, feelings and emotions till the sky of my mind is visible to me within and as myself and I can then start to use to whole of the mind and place what i want to be in it so it serves life on earth and not the mind in separation to life on earth.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never use what is outside of myself as what I see with my human eyes to learn more about what happens in myself and use that to change myself in accordance with was here, because what is outside of myself as what I see in nature itself as how nature functions as far as I can understand it, is always going to be what is best for life on earth. Thus by studying what is outisde of me as in nature, how life functions in practical terms in nature, I will learn from that to also function as an individual that support nature in the best way possible.

I realize that I am taking what happens in nature as how it functions for granted, because I separate myself from nature through my mind and thus interpret what I believe nature is doing, instead of integrating it and use it as a way to transform myself to act in the best interest of life on earth, in the physical reality.

Therefore, I commit myself through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life, done in self-honesty to pay more attention to the functionality of what happens outisde in nature and to use what I see without the intepretation of my mind to change myself into a being that also in its own workings will do just like in nature what will be best for life on earth.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cloud myself with thoughts about nature, wherein I tell msyelf that I cannot understand nature and its working in its totality, just because I have separated myself from nature and its working through my very mind and its inner workings.

I realize that the fallacy I accept within myself that I cannot understand nature in all its splendor, comes out of the separation I have created within and as myself from nature by separating myself in thoughts about nature which are just interpretation of a mind that is not equal to and one with nature.

Therefore, I commit myself to work on myself to eradicate this separation through thoughts within my mind, through forgiving myself these thoughts that are just interpretation of nature out of separation, and make sure I commit myself to learn from nature so I can change my current self-created/accepted-nature of separation from nature to an equal and one living and expressing myself WITH nature.




Self-Reward:

Within this blog I have come to see/realize and understand that I am not using what I see in nature to help myself to change myself into a human being that will do exactly what nature does, thus------------- to do what is best for all life on earth. knowing this now, I can now go about looking at nature as in how it functions and use what I can use out of my current understanding of nature to integrate that into my living application that will be equal to what is happening in nature as support to life on earth.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Day 288, Who am I in relationship with the word: "Thought." Part- 3

As I said in my previous blog, I will start with working out the list I have placed in the first part of this thread, related to understanding.




                                                                               

The first word, I have placed there is: " thoughts"

So what are thoughts?

I am going to give the definitions first as they exist within and as this world.

So these are the definitions taken from the freedictionay website:


thought  (thôt)

v.

Past tense and past participle of think.

n.

1. The act or process of thinking; cogitation.

2. A product of thinking. See Synonyms at idea.

3. The faculty of thinking or reasoning.

4. The intellectual activity or production of a particular time or group: ancient Greek thought; deconstructionist thought.

5. Consideration; attention: didn't give much thought to what she said.

6.

a. Intention; purpose: There was no thought of coming home early.

b. Expectation or conception: She had no thought that anything was wrong.

So I am going to use some blogs from the group I participate in to give more information about thought, because there is more to thoughts, then just definitions, as what I have placed up here.

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/09/thought-designs-introduction-day-152.html

In the link I have placed here, which is an introduction about the design of thought, it is being explained the multidimensionality that is existent within and as the conscious mind of the mind consciousness system in relation to thought.

The primary thoughts that come up within this conscious mind of the mind consciousness system that we participate in throughout the day are many, like for example:

silent thoughts

projection thoughts

blank thoughts

sound thoughts

word thoughts

running/racing thoughts

personality thoughts

current-reality thoughts

jumping thoughts

conversational thoughts

The primary purpose from the thought-designs in the physical is ensuring the circulation of energy through the mind  from the physical and thus reinforcing the mind in and as the physical. Now these thoughts made sure that I separate me from me, from the rest of the mind, the physical body and entire physical existence.

I'll place here the information as I see/realize and understand it for myself from/out of this blog:

Thoughts are very tiny little fragements of an entire quantum interdimensional- physical System.

I define myself to and as my thoughts within the belief, perception and experience that thought is who I am, how I function and how I exist.

Thought is a very small part of the whole of the quantum mind in the physical that have come to define me, control me, and direct me as the entire quantum mind in the physical as Consciousness.

With not being aware of the mind-physical existence beyond thought I am limiting myself from exploring my self-created consequences.

Through my participation in thoughts, and giving it more value then breath as the physical I am separating myself from what is in fact real as this physical reality/existence.

That with thought, an energy experience as reaction that manifest about my external world or something or someone is in fact ME as my mind interperting reality based on memories that I myself have been accumulated within my physical body throughout my whole life, which I will use to interpret reality with and define myself to/towards it via/through myself as my mind consciousness system.

Self-forgiveness & Self-Commitment statements:


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to actually really ever look into a dictionary to actually see or look up words I use daily as in what their definition is and if I am living the word according to this definition or I am defining the word according to examples I have of using the word within and as myself as my memories in relationship to/towards a specific word.


When and as I see myself going in to or I am about to go into using words without really having a look at the definitions of them and just use them according to what exist within me as memories of when and how to use the word but not really actually knowing the definition of the word, I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I am using many many words that I do not really know what their definitions are in fact as they were agreed upon by the common knowledge of this word and for certain specific languages too, but just used words according to what I BELIEVE they might be defined as, and when I have a look at them most of the times I see/realize and understand that I do not have a clear definition of the words I am busy using.

Therefore, I commit myself to look up the words I use in my daily life and to remember their definition so that when I speak a word I actually really know the definition of it and not believing that I know it or bew very close to the real definition and IF I find the definition to be not what is best for me or best for all of life, I redefine the word for myself so I can live it in a way that is best for all of life.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that thoughts are little fragments of an entire quantum interdimensional-physical System.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into forgetting what I am actually aware of on another level even without being aware that I am forgetting, which is the that thoughts are little fragments of an entire quantum interdimensional- physical System, I STOP----------------- take a deeo breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as eenrgy.


I realize that not being aware of the information I have been given by the portal as a gift so I can use it to realize myself as whom I have become within and as myself, within and as this world, within and as my mind because of letting myself keep on forgetting the information that was shared with me as a support to support myself in my journey to life in the physical.

Thus within this, I commit myself to actually pay very much attention to when I reading the information or hearing the information of the portal to slow myself down in breath first and to then read it in breath, with breath one and equal so that the information shared is integrated within and as part of the memories that will be palced within and as my body and that I can bring forth whenever I choose and direct myself to do so, and to then live the words as have been given them as a gift.


I forgive myself that I have acceped and allowed myself to define myself to and as my thoughts withihn the believe/perception and experience that thought is who I am, how I function and how I exist.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into defining myself as my thoughts, I STOP--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I am defining myself and thus my living within and as this world, this reality, this existence according to my own thoughts.

Therefore, I commit myself to NOT define myself according to my thoughts and make sure that when thoughts appear within and as my mind to forgive them and to not participate in them, by just simply not giving them attention and instead give all my attention to that which actually do matter which is my breathing, me as breath, and out of this I can express myself always being here in every moment of living with and as my breath one and equal with and as my body.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let thought which is a very small part of the whole to define me, control me, and direct me as this entire quantum mind in the physical as Consciousness.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into  letting my thoughts to define me, control me, and direct as very small part of the entire quantum mind in the physical as consciousness, I STOP-------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by letting myself be defined by my thoughts, or controled by my thoughts, or directed by my thoughts, I am in fact not here within and as myself as the physical body as of everything it consists of and exists as here in the physical.


Therefore, I commit myself to little by little through my writing of self-forgiveness or speaking self-forgiveness out loud, to stop letting myself be controlled, defined and directed by my thoughts and to in that same breath change me to direct myself within and as  my breath, within and as my human physical body one and equal, till thought no more define me, nor control me, nor direct me.


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not being aware of and as myself as the mind-physical existence beyond thought is contribtuing to the limitation of/about myself to explore my self-created consequences.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into participation in thought and I am just therein participating in them to immediately STOP--------take a deep breath and ground myself here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by participating within and as thoughts I do not become aware of the entire mind-physical existence that is beyond thought, and in so doing I limit myself to explore my self-created consequences.

Therefore, I commit myself to really actually through self-forgiveness, either through writing it down or speaking it out loud, to little by little stopping myself in participating in thoughts in my conscious mind and more and more stabilize myself through/within and as my breath so I can see more of myself and then can direct myself to not create consequences for myself and others as myself within the physical.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts and in doing so, separate myself from what is in fact real as the physical reality by giving it more value then breath.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into participation in thoughts and giving them more value then my breath, wherein I separate me from what is in fact real as the physical reality, I STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that through participating within my thoughts and giving them more value then my breath I am in fact separating myself from what is in fact real as the physical reality here.

Thus, within this I commit myself to make sure that I little by little stop myself into participating within and thoughts and giving them more value then my breath and instead direct myself to give not only value to my breath but also honoring it for supporting and assisting me here in the physical within and as my human physical body expressing itself here. And this I do through either writing self-forgiveness when there are thoughts that continue coming up and don't go away when I do not give them attention and value, till I am actually stable and can just be here breathing.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to with thought let an energy experience as reaction manifesting about my external world or something or someone that is in fact me as my mind interpreting reality based on the memories I have been accumulated throughout my whole life within my physical body which I use to intepret reality with and define myself to/towards it through/via my mind consciousness system.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into energy experiences as reactions that manifest about my external world or something or someone where intepreting reality based on memories accumulated within my physical body throughout my whole life, which is use to intepret reality with and define myself to/towards it through and via my mind consciousness system, I STOP------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that reacting to/towards my external world or something or someone within it, based on intepretation of what exists within myself as memories accumulated throughout my whole life, I then from that starting point define myself to/towards the thought through/via my mind consciousness system.

Therefore, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life, to make sure I do not participate in mind interpretations of reality based on memories that are also intepretation of what my mind believe reality to be, and instead direct myself to be here and stay here within and as my breath, within and as my human physical body.



Self-Reward:


So within this little information given/shared by the interdimensional portal, I have come to see/realize and understand more about myself in a practical way/manner how it is I function within the design of thought and how it is I am accepting and allowing myself to define, interpet, control and direct myself through thoughts, and therefore seeing all this has given me more information about myself that I can use to see more of myself that I am not yet aware of and in so doing can utilize this information to support myself within and as my process within my journey to life in the physical.



Thanks.



Larry Manuela

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Day 282, Memories that triggers the need/want/desire for sex in the relasionship : Part-7

I am now going to work out the next dimension in regards to these points.
What I wrote in my previous blog in the end as a summary was the following:


Self-Reward:



Within this Thread I have seen/realized and understood within and as myself that I am creating believes about my voice as how another will perceive and interpret it and based on this belief that in its own turn is also my own perception and interpretation put me in a position where I judge myself, sabotage myself and give the belief more importance and value from which I go through an reaction of anxiety to/towards myself in realtion to what I think/belief others may find about myself, and also within this when it comes to starring at women's legs I have placed a judgement within and as myself to be dishonest and unacceptable because I have set my own moral code and I then break it, thus react in anxiety for deliberately breaking my own moral-code of conduct. Thus now within all this I have given myself the opportunity to clean up this mess within and as myself till I will be free of these reactions to/towards myself and to/towards others as myself.


So now up to the next dimension which will be, the Physical/Behavioural-Dimension.




                                                                       

                                                                           


Physical/Behavioural-Dimension:


***  My heart beating faster by having the thoughts/imaginations about kissing her or a woman

***  My penis reacting and becomes hard because of me having thoughts about how her lips must feel on my lips

***  My hands caressing my own face as I get into the starring at the shineness of her or womens body(ies)


Self-Forgiveness & Self-Commitment statements:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my heart beating faster by having the thoughts/imaginations about kissing her or a woman, because I can see that this is the way I always prepare myself for probable, in real time opportunities, if they should ever present themselves, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am preparing myself within and as and through my mind for something that can only happen physically, in order for it to be real.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into my mind preparation for an actual even that may or may not happen in the Real reality, I STOP-----------I breathe, and I focus on my breathing till I am calm and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that my heart is beating faster due to the excitement I get from the thoughts/imaginations about kissing her or a woman, and this give me then a platform through the mind to prepare myself for an actual event that may occur or may not occur in the future, but it is to be ready so to speak, when in reality I am aware that an actual, in real time event in a moment is that what it is, and cannot be prepared for by imagining it, because the other person has their own way of expressing themselves which is not known within my mind, my mind only focus on itself and what it can get as energy out of any situation as myself as it.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure I am aware of myself as my breath in each moment and be patient with myself when I do miss breaths, to just stop and start again, focusing again and help myself remind myself through doing something physical, like for example, simply holding my two hands together or take a short walk outside or just move from one place of the room to another in the house, and if this point keep on coming up, it does not stop, then I know that there are some points within it that I have missed, so I go to my writing of Self-Forgiveness and my commitments to life again till this point is completely worked out and is no a point anymore within my life that affect my living and also the living of others as myself within my life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my penis react to thoughts I have about how her or a woman's lips must be feeling, because this gives me an indication of liking her or a woman sexually and that my penis getting hard just because of a thought means that she or the woman is approved by/through my mind consciousness system as myself, in way telling myself, convincing myself that my penis reacting as becoming hard is a validation I can trust, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I have made my penis addicted to react to these thoughts, because somewhere, deeply within myself I am aware that these thoughts can never be experienced as real if there is no physical interaction in some way involved.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into having my penis react to thoughts about kissing her or a woman's  lips and how it must feel like, I STOP---------------take a deep breath and focus on my breathing till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy. 

I realize that my penis is very reactive to thoughts of sexual imprinted images, because I have made it addicted to react to these pictures and images as thoughts within and as my mind and through this give myself as these thoughts the validation of being experienced as if they are real as me.


Thus within this, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to work out all these thoughts that make my penis react and becomes hard, and the next time my penis becomes hard to immediately remind myself to slow myself down and look within myself as my thoughts to see what movement i took within my thoughts that made my dick react and become hard, because that will indication, especially if there is no woman in actuality with me touching for real, just myself alone with my thoughts and my penis reacting as becoming hard, and if this continues even when I am slowing myself down in breath, then I am aware that I have not write myself out completely on this point and thus, I have to go to the drawing board again to dig more deeply into my mind consciousness system to find the specific point till I am free from it all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to caress my face when I am starring at her or a woman's body and liking the shineness of it, my hand caressing my face gives me the indication that in reality I want to caress her body, therefore my hand is doing that out of pure indoctrination or programming that I myself have placed within myself as a physical reaction to my thoughts.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into caressing my face because of what I have as thoughts coming up within me as starring at her shiny body, I STOP-------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am caressing my face when starring at her body but this is something that is going on in my mind and is not happening in real reality, in the physical reality, there is no woman physically here in that moment with me to stare at, thus this is just make me stay within and as my mind consciousness system that will eventually lead me into actually trying to find to look for woman to match these thoughts as images and pictures in my mind, thus from there will never ever actually really communicate with someone entirely because I am looking for a match within my mind and within this my hands just go to my face as an indication that in my mind I am having these kind of thoughts but I am in that moment unaware of them but my hands are the proof, because they have been programmed to react in certain ways when certain/specific thoughts are within and as my mind.


Therefore, I commit myself to pay attention to my hands when they caress my face, to immediately in that moment to slow myself down in breath and start looking what thoughts I was having just before I started caressing my face, and when I do find the thought(s) to in that moment forgive myself that thought(s) and keep on breathing and focusing on my breathing and if the same reaction keeps on repeating itself, I then have to take it to writing of self-forgiveness to sort out the point completely, because that would be an indication that I have missed some vital points within my self-forgiveness statements that did not release the point completely.





Self-Reward:


Within this writing I have found within myself that I have made my body addictive to certain/specific patterns, but yet at the same time I can now use these pattern to identify when I am participating within and as my mind, because the body does not lie, it just follows the input that it has been given, or to put it more correctly, I manipulate through my mind my body to react in certain/specific ways in order to keep my mind going coming up with more thoughts and then to get the experience as if these are real by making the body react to them. Thus now that I am more aware of these, I can use these body behaviours to sort out myself as to what happens within my mind and forgive myself for allowing myself to have such thoughts that affect my body.






Thanks.



Larry Manuela



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Day 244, Positive Findings/Remarks/Feelings regarding attractiveness for a woman/women. Part 2

Now i am moving to the next Dimension, which will be the Thought-Dimension.

Before i start with this Dimension i am going to place here a piece of what i wrote in the previous post:



Self-Reward:


Now that i have identified the specific points/reactions/feelings/memories/thoughts that trigger me to behave in certain/specific way, i can STOP myself in the moments i see myself in them or when i see myself about to let myself get engaged in them, so i become aware of my action and take my Self-Responsibility for my actions and make sure i then move myself to act in the BEST interest of both participants in that moment, and if there are points that are persisting, i can now see them much easier and work them out when i am alone in order for me to correct myself in my daily living application.

Problem:




Thought-Dimension:



***  i picture her in my mind closing her eyes ever so slowly to feel my kisses and my hands touching her body.


***  i have a picture of her in my mind moving her body in the way she does that i like, and i always find it cute.


***   a picture of me touching her skin to feel the softness of her skin.


***   a picture of her skin color appearing in my mind and me just looking at it and get mesmerized by it.


***   I see her coming closer to me and whisper something in my ear, and me liking the sound of her voice, the softness of her voice.




Solutions:



Self-forgiveness statements:



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to picture her in my mind closing her eyes ever so slowly to feel my kisses and my hands touching her body.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use these pictures in my mind in order to built energy within myself of desiring her and as such when i really see her, it will overwhelmed me, making me want to really touch her as in: '' making the picture i had in my mind real.''


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that by letting pictures of her appear within my mind consciousness system i am in fact giving food to my mind consciousness system as the whom i am in this world, more energy to keep on existing as the me i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of her in my mind moving her body the way i like, that i find cute to exist within me as me as the mind consciousness system.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate the WHY it is i am finding her cute, and what i have accepted and allowed within/as myself CUTE to be.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find the way she moves her hands and also her whole body as when she is explaining something to be cute, because it looks like the way she positions her hands and her body to explain what she is explaining is NOT comfortable and in a way it looks funny, and this ''looking funny,'' i find very cute about her.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see in finding a woman cute within me more to have to do with finding her sexually attractive and not just in a pretty/endearing way, but more so that the sexual preference is more dominant within finding her to be cute.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link CUTE to sexual preference and this sexual preference is all about energetic sex within and as the mind as in trying to fulfill some fantasy or desire i have placed as valuable within myself as what i will be wanting from a woman or expecting from a woman, without seeing/realizing/understanding that the fantasy/desire/want is NOT in accordance to what is physically HERE and that it is leaving her out of the equation, that she also may have her own preferences that may or may NOT match with the ones i have in my mind, and thus in this way makes the physical real sex NOT what the mind thought/belief it must be or would be.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use ''finding her CUTE'' as a way to delude myself to maybe/possibly/probably being able to manipulate her into having sex with me to fulfill my own self-created sexual fantasies/desires/wants so i can engage into that which i have placed also as a lot of value within/as myself, which is to have an opportunity to reach an orgasm, or to go through the experience of having an orgasm.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand  that by seeking to experience an orgasm within and as my mind, is all i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world when looking to be with someone else, as i have placed the orgasm point  as an evaluation point, a point of utmost importance when it comes to having sex with another, thus basing my whole sexual action on energy in the mind, and thus how i experience myself with her within and as an orgasm and how i use my human physical body/form to get/extract/suck this energy from.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of myself touching her skin to feel the softness thereof, as wanting to confirm as what i perceive with my physical eyes is really so, and then when i do feel the softness of her skin, i then instead of leaving it to just that physical feeling of the touch of her skin, i then go through my mind and start coloring it in and make it more than what it actually is in that moment and thus making the physical touch a mind experience/interpretation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that i am manipulating physical touch of our bodies to fulfill my own self-created selfish desires and wishes, as in wanting to make the fantasies/wishes/desires/wants manifested in order to just go through energetic experience through the mind.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of her skin color appearing within my mind and me feeling mesmerized by looking at it, because i have placed value within this specific skin color, which is white skin-color as what i will find attractive and desirable to me in relation to her.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand  that forming an opinion and having a belief about what i see with my mind consciousness system through my human physical eyes is NOT what is real and HERE as that which is actually physically manifested as forms, in this case her human physical body/form's skin-color.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of her coming closer to me and whisper something in my ears, and me liking the the sound of her voice, the softness of her voice.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced sexually by the softness of her voice.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get aroused by hearing her soft voice, because i have created a belief within me that a woman with a soft voice gets more sensual when having sex and the moaning and groaning is more soft and i have placed self-interest value in sensual SEX enormously.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link ''softness of her voice'' to moaning and groaning during sex, because it gives me a feeling of power that i can make someone else feel wonderful and that they even make sounds because of it, thus boosting my self-interest even more.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define moaning and groaning to having a great feeling inside that it even arouses me more, more then the actual sex itself.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place more value and importance to only one physical expression of the human physical body/form which is the voice, and focus more on that one than the whole of the body/form.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the expression of voice as the sound the body makes during sex to energize myself even more rapidly and reach more easily an orgasm.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to through the sound the body makes during sex to sabotage myself into creating more energy within myself to reach an orgasm, because i have placed more value in reaching and having an orgasm than doing the actual sex itself, that sex is just a means to get to the orgasm and that is it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place value in orgasm as the ultimate feeling thingy, when in reality it is the reward i have given myself when i have sucked/extracted SUBSTANCE from my body to transform into energy, thus literally enjoying killing myself little by little every time i have an energetic orgasm through and as the mind.





Self-Commitment statements:



When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into making pictures in my mind, I STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i make these pictures appear within me to built more energy of desire to/towards her, and than when i actually meet her i become even more excited because i interpret the seeing her as me having made the picture real within and as my mind.

Thus within this, i commit myself to when i see her to before any movement happen/occur within me to start taking deep breaths and when i am in front of her and if there are movements to immediately say STOP to myself and make sure i do not participate in my own mind delusions, and make sure i move myself into another room or just take a little walk somewhere or just invent anything in that moment that is a physical movement and if this too still does NOT help in that moment i see than that i have to do more self-forgiveness on that point to see what i have missed that is still making itself presence within me as me as my mind consciousness system.



I realize that i am by/through creating pictures of her within/as my mind consciousness system i am in fact securing my existence as this mind consciousness system that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.


Therefore, I commit myself to little by little to STOP doing this and work out this point more and more through self-forgiveness till there are none within me existing and i am just HERE  breathing with her as two bodies on earth and of the earth being together, expressing themselves as manifested LIFE-Expressions.


when and as i see myself going into finding her CUTE within and as my mind consciousness system, I immediately STOP--------- I take a deep breath or many deep breaths till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that what i find cute about her is because of the preference of have placed within myself in linking the word CUTE to the word SEX, thus finding her cute means to me, i want to have sex with her, or that cute can lead me to sex with her.

Therefore i commit myself to Re-define this word ''CUTE'' to a word i can live practically, thus instead of finding her sexually attractive or pretty and endearing, to only use the word cute within and as myself when and if i am actually having sex together with her and make sure that it is a SEXUAL expression and NOT energetic SEX through the mind and instead of liking her through the mind as pretty and endearing, i transform that into exploring together when touching her body what it physically feel to me and in by doing this it stays in as an actual understanding of two physical bodies being together in a moment.



When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into seeking an sexual experience as in an orgasm through my mind, I immediately STOP. I take a deep breath or many deep breaths, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i have placed utmost value into the experience of energetic orgasm through my mind, then the actual SEX expression of myself as my human physical body/form when with another.

Thus therefore, I commit myself to little by little to walk this point step by step to get out of this value-system i have placed/created within myself and put in its place actual real SEXUAL expression as the whom i am when having sex with another, thus when i am having sex, i make sure to stick to my breathing during sex and to be watchful of any movement within me and if there are movements within me to deliberately STOP having sex, even if it means that my penis will get flat, but to take that moment to only breath till nothing moves within me and to find out by slowing myself down through my breathing what these movements are and what i want to achieve with them and when i find them i do self-forgiveness out loud or i write it down to clear these within me and only after i am totally clear within myself we can continue or start again with having sex with each other.


When and as i see myself trying to interpret the touch of her skin, I immediately STOP,--------------- Take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till in am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i am using my mind interpretation of what touch means to me in order to manipulate the actual real physical touch, so i can get my energetic experience through the mind as IF i have rewarded myself because i have now touched the real thing itself, trying to confirm/validate my own mind interpretation ABOVE that which is actually REAL which are; 'the two physical bodies touching each other in that moment.'


So within this i commit myself to work out these mind interpretations that are lurking for an experience within me as i see that i have created them for the purpose to experience energy, and instead get REALLY Real when i touch another body and to only focus on the touch itself without interpreting the touch, and by this IF there happens to be a movement within me when i am only touching the body i say out loud to myself STOP! and investigate what exactly that movement was and what i want with it and what are the benefits of doing so and to write all this out through self-forgiveness till the day will come that when i touch, i just touch and feel the physical feeling of touching without any mind interpretation.


When and as i see myself using pictures of her skin-color in my mind to mesmerize myself, I STOP,-----------------  take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i let myself get mesmerized by my own self-created belief-system about skin-color and place sexual undertone about this as a means to generate more energy within myself through extracting/sucking SUBSTANCE and transform it into energy, that i experience as feeling.


Thus within this I commit myself to work out this belief-system i have created within myself about skin-color and make sure to investigate in every moment i am in her presence to see if there are any movements within me about seeing her skin-color and IF there are movements, i immediately say: ''STOP!'' to myself out loud and investigate the movements through my writing in that moment if it is possible and if not possible in that moment to make notes of the movements and work them out when i am alone by myself and do this till the day will come that i do not have any reactions within me when she is in my presence and i see/look at her skin-color.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into having a picture of her whispering something in my ears, I STOP,----------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i have placed value/importance in one expression of the body, which is; ' the voice,' because i am using/abusing it to Reward myself with the ultimate energy experience which is: '' ORGASM.''





Self-Reward:



Now that i have seen/realized/understood what i am doing forming pictures, thus thoughts in my mind i can identify them more easily when they appear within me and i can take them to the point of their origin so i can delete them and purify myself through self-forgiveness and be clear and stable. Thus when i move physically, i move without interpretations/views/beliefs/concepts within and as my mind, i am just HERE breathing as a human physical body and that's it.




Thanks.



Larry Manuela

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