Day 388, Lost at Sea- 2

 This where I have left of the last time I was here on my self forgiveness points: 

" I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this entity I created within myself to rule over my decision making, making sure I always end up, choosing what would not be best for myself, nor what would be best for all life, because I have something to hide, something that I secretively hide, something I am too scared to face, as my addiction, that is actually making me the convict of  my conviction." 

                                                        

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can get away with having my addiction as a secret in my own mind consciousness system, just because, apart from the people that are involved within the participation of my addiction, on my side only I know of my addiction, and this makes it worthwhile according to my own judgement to conitue with my addiction in order to satify my virtual sexual desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the virtual sexual experiences to a level of preference above real physical sex itself, to a level where physical sex is almost boring, because in real life physical sex, I cannot jump from one person to another and from one kind of sexual desire to another with totally different people all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself thus far that I find myself into a situation where I find virtual sex more interesting than actual real physical sex.

I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to  keep on going back when I have deleted my accounts from the web, just to tell myself again, I will do this one more last time and then I am done with this for good, which keeps on propelling me to find myself again in the same point where I would open an account again and again, to so called do it for the last time, instead of actually for real taking a stand when the desires rise up within me, and not accept and allow myself to fall, to participate into the desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself within my own mind that it is very difficult to stop this addiction, so I can use this justification to go against myself in the moments I dare to stand for a few days, when the desires keep on coming up stronger and stronger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always keep at least one of the ladies I was doing these acts with as friend outside the sexchat websites, so that I can use her as a way to get myself back into the game, as they will function as a way out of my stand against myself,  a way to get back into the game, I can then justify that I was being attracted to start again and it is not me, they are the ones that lock me into the game again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberatly hold on to a backdoor, created by myself to make sure I do not stop and take a stand against my own self created addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brush off "addiction," as something not happening to me, or slighty accept it, however act as if I can do it all by myself and I can handle it and get rid of it, meanwhile I keep on falling back everytime I made a little progress, go by a week without masturbation or talking sex or watching porn online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into believing that I am stronger than my sex addiction, thus I can do it all by myself, when in fact I deliberately make sure I do not take a real stand within and as myself to actually stop when I get into the mood when I know within myself that if I follow up on it, I would engage and thus loose myself within it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use the tools suggested by Desteni to support myself when I am finding myself in situations/moments I am aware I am going to fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT forgive myself the feelings and emotions and desires that rise within me when I am about to go into procrastination 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberatly act as if  I am not seeing what I am accepting and allowing myself to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even like it when I am procrastinating, meaning as if I have won something, like a little bit of a triumph.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a triumph in that which is NOT having an outcome that is best for myself as life and for all as life, because it is what I am used to do, used to accept and allow myself to live and exist as here in this world, in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to see in triumph something that is valuable and a way to win, a way to make sure I have an excuse so I can continue with my procrastination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take procrastination as a way things are, as a way out of not having to change myself, because I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become procrastination itself, wherein I do not really move in changing myself in specificity and detail, just because I am aware that letting go of procrastinations means I have to change and it means I fear changing myself into a being that do what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing myself, because I am already aware that I am going to be justified by the people close to me and by the world at large.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand that I can only change me and through my self-change to what is best for all life, I can then give as I have received and thus be an example for others as that gift as who I am as best for all life as I live it HERE as who I am as what is best for all life.

Self -Commitment statments:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into defending my virtual sexual addiction by justifying within my mind consciousness system, that I am the only one that knows about it in my direct environtment, thus making sure I have a back door aa a secret I have with myself within my own mind consciousness system, ........I STOP take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as Energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am baout to go into jumping from desire to desire within my mind in relation to my virtual sexual addiction, wherein I have replaced real physical sex with virtual sex and call real physical sex as something boring and give myself an excuse as a justification, convincing myself that just because virutally I can move from one desire to another and move from one person to another in an instant online, makes it as if that is more desirable and better and greater than actual real sex, ........I STOP, take a very deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into falling into, or repeating the same pattern, wherein I wold feel a little guilty inside myself and delete the online profiles I have made and act as if I am doing something good while I already know, I will one day come and create a new one to conitnue with my addiction, prolonging my stoppage even more, ............I STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me.

When and as I see myself going into, or I am about to go into use the word " difficult" within my mind consciousness system to make sure I will leave a door open for me to come again at it another day or time, ........I STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE within and as my breath, breathing till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me, as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into my old pattern of not participating into sexchats or porn for weeks online and start to see that I am about to let myself be deceived and manipulated by myself within ad as my mind, ................ I STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me, as the mind as energy.

When and as I see mysef trying to manipulate other people to get what I want in the end by conving them in some way or anohter, just to get them with me and alone, so I an excert my plan with them,........I STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into trying to tell myself that I can stop my addiction all by myself, because I already know that I won't as the patterns emergy within me as me, that I do recognize and thus accept and allow them to take over anyways, I STOP..........Take a deep breath ns bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy as me.

When and as I see myself going into deliberately accept and allow the energy to take over and deliberately not do self forgiveness immediatly, I STOP............, take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy as me.

When and as I see myself going into, or I AM about to go into see a form of winning that will give me a certain specif reward as energy in my mind and as orgasm in real life as a physical relese, I STOP..................., take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into procastination, I immediately STOP..........., take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind.

When and as I see myself going into fear of changing myself I STOP......................., take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into deliberately choosing NOT to change me in order to continue with my addiction, I STOP..................., take a deep breath and bring me HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

Self-reward and Self-realization:

I realize that I am using all the tricks and traps of my own patterns that I can actually see even before I engage into my addiction, however choose to deliberatly not to act on it and use instead all kind of justification, just so I can win in the end as getting my mind desires and physically my release as orgasm. Due to knowing this, I will reward myself next time with a treat as learning something new no matter how small it is, some new way of doing something or just larn a new subject so that I do not have to participate into going into rewarding myself with my addiction.

Thanks,

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG

Day 387, Lost at sea- 1

In this blog I'll continue with the working of myself out.


Here is a few sentences of where I left of:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spent lots of time on the internet chasing my sexual desire, abdicating my responsibility to myself and to all of life as equal as one as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and deliberately let my guard down so to speak in order to procrastinate more and more, and finding ways to come up with excuses and justification to protect my procrastination.


More will follow into the next blog........

                                                                        

Self-forgivenesses continuation:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be thinking about sex, that it is constantly in the background looking for ways to come up and delude myself into believing that I need to satisfy myself in accordance to what I have made valuable to me, based on my self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience exhilaration when I find some lady on the internet that is extremely horny, because in accordance with my judgement of myself, this is also who I see myself as, as equal to, thus finding someone that I think and believe is what I think and believe I am, makes the whole experience and moment seem much more interesting and desirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and stop myself in the moment I start to see that I am going to go into this whole situation, however I keep on letting myself fall into my own trap, and then justify to myself  saying to myself: " just one more last time, and then we can get to really working myself out," when in reality I never get to working myself out, because I keep on repeating this " one more time" every time, almost daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to put my process at an halt just in order to be able to satisfy my self-interest in relation to my virtual sex addiction.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to put all, if not more of my focus on online young ladies in oder to satify my self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that having virtual sexual acts with young ladies online give me some sense of still being sexually attractive and appealing  to young ladies.

I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to become astute within manipulating young ladies in order to get my self-interested, self-indulgence met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give up looking for a opening, a way to get into their minds and see where I can effectively convince them to the participation that will have an outcome that will satisfy my sexual desire. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still feel that I am too weak to actually do this STOPPING of myself in my participation within my self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this point of getting my sexual desire met, so extremely effective that I would spent money that I could instead spent, or direct to outcomes that would be best for all LIFE, however rather use it to manipulate the ladies of my choice so I can have an positive outcome according to my addiction.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to workout this point of sexual addiction I have become, because I do not trust myself enough, that I can stop myself and change myself through my self-will, to do that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made countless sexual accounts on virtual sexual related websites, where like-minded people come together to share themselves in their addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that one day, all the pictures and vidoes that were hacked by hackers will be used against me to measure my integrity as who I am here if I dare to stand for life, making myself abdicating my Responsibility and make me halt my process in midways.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if others would find out about my addiction I have about sex, especially those that " know" me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to fear being shamed for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as a sexual addict, constantly looking for orgasmic mind pleasure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a seeker and experiencer of orgasmic mind pleasure, one that would do anything to get that experience, that high.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this entity I created within myself to rule over my decision making, making sure I always end up, choosing what would not be best for myself, nor what would be best for all life, because I have something to hide, something that I secretively hide, something I am too scared to face, as my addiction, that is actually making me the convict of  my conviction.




To be continued..........................



Thanks

Larry Manuela



Support our research and buy one or more products for yourself or buy gift for someone else at: EQAFE

Do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Day 387, Lost at sea.

I have been, for a very long time now lost at sea, as I placed it here in my heading. Lost on this vast ocean with no horizon in sight, no land to set foot on. In my little boat, being rocked and carried away by the wind and the ocean currents. May I reach land or may I not? I ask. Is the question intended to just question myself alone or is the question intended to practically move, take a stand, to set foot on land.                                                                     

                                                           
Now, even in my lostness I can still not, NOT see me. I cannot hide me, I cannot put me aside. Me is here for me to see. Lost at sea, metaphorically speaking cannot make me loose sight of me. I am always here seeing what I am doing, what I am accepting and allowing within and as myself.

But seeing me and not applying me, correcting me as I drift along will certainly not prepare me, when my little boat crashes on the rocks of the land. Shreaded boat and broken body is all that will be left scattered around.

So, what have I been doing all this time?

Well very busy I would say, compromising myself, however yet also deep inside being aware that I am just fooling myself, slowing myself down.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devorce myself from myself, from my process of walking myself back to HERE, forgiving me and being here in every moment of breath, walking my talk, and taking my self-responsibility to myself and all as myself as life, equal as one as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself and to participate into the virtual reality of sexual distractions in this world, on the internet, separating myself from myself within the truth of myself wherein I see, realize and understand what I am accepting and allowing myself to particpate in and act upon delibertaly for my own self-gratification and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate women on the internet to participate with me in my own seeking of self-gratification and self-interest and use the point of them volenteering to participate with me within it all as a justification so I can continue with my own self-interest and self-gratification I want and desire of them, being perfectly aware that I need their permission to do so, thus manipulating myself to manipulate them into making sure they give me the permission I need from them in order to get what I want and need and desire from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always prepare myself, before I start with visiting the websites I participate in, seeing/realizing and understanding how I am manipulating myself into making this whole sexual virtual reality thing a ritual and thus a pattern, feeling myself getting all excited because of myself knowing that I am soon to embark on these website and meet with " like-minded" people again, to engulf myself into this whole mind fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly wish I could meet one of these ladies in real life so I can do all these wonderful lusty things we say to each other on the internet.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to focus more on the young ladies, because I have noticed that there is a change that happened within the system in terms of people lusting more and more and the young ones,are more and more, more freely emersing themselves into this on the internet, because just like me, they too see the easiness in having sexual  mind games on the internet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself extremely horny before I even get on these websites.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the little bio's and accept and allow good judgement to exist within me in context to what I believe this particular lady would want to say or do on the internet, and if she would want to do that with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on a personality or character I believe they would want to speak with or chat with in accordance to their specific desire/ sexual fantasy and that would satsify in turn my own sexual desire purely based on energy, with mixture of desires to want it to also happen in real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always chat with these ladies with the desire to meet them in real life in the back of my mind, which is the real desire I have, and that I only use the website to see if I can get one to go that far with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find this chasing after ladies on the internet such a trill, just because I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to maybe/possibly get a chance to get the real deal in real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get very excited when I get a lady to move from the main sex chat webbsite to go with me on SnapChat, which means I am now in accordance to my mind consciousness system, much closer to my target, which is to be able to get to have a chance in the real physical world, doing all these fantasies for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get even more excited when the lady is from the same country that I am in right now, making myself think and belief that because of that, I might be able to score a chance to meet them much easier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spent lots of time on the internet chasing my sexual desire, abdicating my responsibility to myself and to all of life as equal as one as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and deliberately let my guard down so to speak in order to procrastinate more and more, and finding ways to come up with excuses and justification to protect my procrastination.


More will follow into the next blog........



Join us at: DESTENI


Support our research and buy one or more products for yourself or buy gift for someone else at: EQAFE

Do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Day 383, day 4 of SF on aloneness

Within this blog,  I am going to do self forgiveness on what I wrote about in the previous blog.





                                                                               

                                                                                

Self forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still be sexually very energetically busy and that I keep on finding ways to keep on, with the keeping on of engaging in energetic mind sex, with this, accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself in relation to how I have define sex for myself within myself and through what I have done in conjunction with how I have defined sex for myself and outwardly live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept from myself that it is totally o.k. to have sex with anyone that is a woman or looks a lot like a woman, because using them is where I will feed my sexual energy, always looking and paying attention to what they say in order to find a point of weakness where I can commence and eventually get into the sexual talk and see where they are within it and from there build on that little point, till they break/accept the invitation, which is actually a manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very manipulative when it comes to sex with women and try and justify it, just because the women give me their permission to do so, however even though I am aware that without their permission there will be no sex talk or anything sexual, I am also aware that I manipulate them in order to get their permission, I have become a permission seeker freak, to use it to work for me, in order to satisfy my energetic mind sexual energy.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that in trying to manipulate others to have sex with me in any form or any other way or shape,  to satisfy my mind sexual energy, is actually me giving in into the programming I have created within and as myself as mind sexual energy seeker, depending on another for my mind sexual need of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing this mind sex energy that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do  whatever it takes to make sure I am always vigilant in bringing about ways to get into this mind sex energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly groom this energy within me, creating within me experiences of feeling alone, just to make sure I go and do something about it outwardly that will have me satisfying this mind sex energy I have created myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do whatever it takes to make sure that my self-created mind sex energy is always, when it comes to relationships with women I find attractive,  to be the first thing to be triggered within me in order to give value to what I am seeing outwardly that coincide with what I have accepted and allowed within myself as what I need in order to experience this mind sex energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as this mind sex energy as all that I am now,  without seeing, realizing, and understanding how and why I created myself within and as this mind sex energy in order to stop and change what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this mind sex energy as something bad, wrong and negative however yet not making a clear decision about what I see and judge myself as bad,wrong and negative in order to find out about how I created it to stop myself, to first release myself from it and to then redefine for myself how I should be living in a way that does not bring harm to myself or abuse to myself, nor to others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as the harm and abuse that I am standing within and as- as separation within and as myself as an example in this world through projecting this separation I am within outwardly, to and towards people and things, so that the separation within me continues to exist as what I have accepted and allowed as me - as if it is not coming from me or lives within me, when even though I am aware that only I experience my inner experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify certain harms and abuse as less worse than others, forgetting at all that abuse is abuse, and always have an outcome as consequence that is equal to what it is and represent through and via me and all humans in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself a lot when it comes to mind sex energy, giving in into it and giving up on my process of being and becoming equal and one within and as the physical here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the giving in, into mind sex energy, because I am aware of the addiction I have created within and as myself to and towards this mind sex energy I indulge within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify for myself that there is nothing " wrong" with this indulging within and as this mind sex energy, meanwhile being aware that it is not what is best for me nor what is best for all of LIFE.


To be continued.......................


Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG

Day 382, day 3 on SF on Aloneness

                                                                        DAY 3 SF on ALONENESS

                                                                            

So with this which is not a real THIRD day for me, however more like a third moment as I have chosen this moment in time to do this writing about myself.

I have written 2 days of SF on Aloneness already, and when I have a look at it, I am aware that I can go deeper than that, and not for the purpose to just be able go deeper, however for the purpose to really face the dark waters that are hidden within and as myself, that keep on disturbing, obstructing me, for me to not change  for real.

So, why am I experiencing myself alone?

Now the real answer is very simple, however yet, it needs to be worked out.

The answer is, because I am not really facing the real points that I am aware I need to face in order for me to really change into and live as a human being that lives “ what would be best for all life, oneness and equality,” which is a principle living. It’s like I am postponing facing myself. Like I do not want to really change yet, let me be system Larry a little bit more longer and then one day, I will take on myself for real.

So, what am I really waiting for? It does not make any sense, I am aware. Why do I want to postpone hiding my dark side, the real nitty gritty about me, what goes on within me and about me that I am aware I am doing or not doing.

Btw, this writing is inspired by the interview I’ve just listen to called:  “ Dark- Self: true nature of Self, by the Atlanteans through the portal at the EQAFE website store.
Here is the link if one wants to have a listen to it: https://eqafe.com/p/dark-self-true-nature-of-self-atlanteans-part-440

So let me list them all for myself here, to put it all into context and perspective  and exposure as I should have done and should be doing,  not only today but also constantly till there is no more LIVING with hidden stuff in my life.

1  1)      SEX. I am someone at the moment,  that will literally and I am being brutally honest with myself here, that would have sex with anyone that is a woman or really look like a woman, and by this I mean transsexuals or transgenders, however they must really look like a woman, because I am not attracted sexually to a man physique. I am not attracted to gay man. And there is more, I am having sex with two women, they both know I am having sex with them. One of them is a Polyamorous kind of person and the other one is someone that loves sex as much as I do. Now even with having two women to have real physical sex with I find myself when I am not with them sneaking watching some porn now and then anyways, it is like I have to have an orgasm, either with them, with porn or sometimes even without porn or just finding other women on the internet that are horny and engage into sex talks to get each other horny and go as far as exchanging sexual pictures or little sexual tainted films of ourselves with one another.

       2) Work. The work I do is not something I would love to do for the rest of my life, it is the kind of work that I just do it as best as I can, because I have to take care of myself within this system, however the continuous pressure to work faster and faster and producing more and more is not my thing, I am a guy that want to do my work properly with as less as possible stress of competing with other companies etc.

       3) My process.  In regards to my process, thus that which I am aware I have to do to change myself into a human being that lives “ oneness and equality, that which is best for all life,” this includes blogging and vlogging  and my DIP course, investigating all systems in this world,  I am legging behind with them and why? Because all of these are the points that force me to face myself and by “ force me” I do not mean that I am experiencing these points forcing me, however more like a push, a point of facing myself, thus I avoid them as much as possible so I do not have to change for real.

       4)  My son. I hear of my son now and then, I would like to be hearing from him more, not because I miss him or anything, however because I am responsible for him as I am responsible for myself and everything and everyone else. There are some points that I see are just excuses I use, because I can change them, but keep on waiting to make a move. For example, he does not have his own phone, and I have to call the mother first, and the mother works and I have to deal with the time difference and also with my working shifts, which means it makes communication very poor, however I can at least make some arrangements to change all of this so it can have an outcome that is best for all. So here for example I see that I always had the pattern of waiting too long to do something or to move, take action, I always let things accumulate till it becomes a problem or bigger problem.

       5)  Debts. I have a few system debts, some I was responsible for making them, however some I was not and I am in the process of dealing with them all, meaning taking organizations or companies to legal court lawsuits, which drains me financially, however I have to do it.

  6)     I am a nice guy. This is how people that know me will define me, however I do not want to be a “ nice guy” I want to be a real guy, someone that lives: “ giving a fuck about life.” This means that I sometimes let people push me around or walk over me a little, but all very calculated, I have always been this very calculated person ( another point here to face.) I calculate shit in very little detail about what could happen or not happen, I used to be a great deceiver, and patterns of the “ greatness” are still here. This “ greatness” is actually weakness, weakness into making sure I avoid as much as possible consequences that can harm me or make people not like me. I have found like a middle ground so to speak throughout my life in order to deal with these points, so I let people sometimes walk over me just enough in order to keep on being looked at as “ the good guy.” However as I said already I am aware that “ good guys” can never be “real guys”  because real guys give a damn about ALL life and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!

O.k. So that is my dark self as far as I can see, now in the next blog I will be going into the specifics as I do Sf on all of them as to HOW I really do them. As they are written down here now they are just empty sentences, not yet faced, exposure though, but not faced yet through self-forgiveness.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG

Day 367 Genetic Sexual Attraction ( GSA)

Let me start with first defining  what this Genetic Sexual Attraction is according to many.

" Genetic Sexual Attraction, is an attraction that occurs between family member whom got reunited for the very first time in their lives, family members whom have never met each other before." 

                                                

This is a highly controversial topic to talk about, because people in this world have certain ideas/believes/judgments about what should and should not be acceptable in societies.

Understand that these cases are more often cases that are exceptional. These are not an everyday occurrences.

About 50% of these people when they first meet, experience a deeper level of bondage that slowly but surely transforms into what we term: " love"  and with love comes: " sexual attraction." 

The majority of the cases wherein this happens is always between a daughter that meets her dad for the very first time after never have met him before in her life. It mostly never happens with a mother meeting for the first time with her son, or a father meeting for the first time with his son. Also brother and sisters or first and second cousins etc etc.....

Let me also add, the WHY, I have chosen this topic to write about, mostly because of 3 words. However also to walk some common sense points in regard to this topic to show how messed up we are in our minds, not condoning nor condemning these particular individuals.

***  LOVE

***  BONDAGE

***  SEX

Because of this phenomenon it makes me question love even more. Now what is love really? What is this intense deep level of " bondage" these individuals go through with one another however they don't go through it with other people? And why is it so intense that it becomes sexual, that it needs an outlet?

Before I continue I also have to add another question: " where in time did we all decide what kind of love is " good" and what kind of love is " bad ?"   Is there such a thing as " good love" and " bad love,"  or are these just figments of our imaginations that have become judgments and justifications. If love was real, would it not be just one thing, just as the word itself, one word, just: " love?" 

Within this, one can already see/realize and understand how we have split/separate/divide love into two things, a love that is being seen as " good " and a love that is being seen as " bad " 

And when do we see it as " bad? ".........................  When there is SEX  involved in relation to these particular EXCEPTIONAL cases.

Seen from the perspective of the individuals experiencing love about one another within these cases, they will tell you that it is " good thing." 

Now they have a problem, because the world is telling them that what they are experiencing as good inside themselves is actually bad, however they do not experience it as bad. They might feel bad about themselves for experiencing these feelings of love about one another, however because they are aware that they are being judged for it, they feel bad about being judged by others, and not per say because the feelings themselves within them is being felt like " bad."

As one can see we have a dilemma now. What is the dilemma? Well it is the following. 

On one side we have two individuals experiencing love within themselves as love is being defined as in this world, you know? Something: " good,"  " beautiful,"  " profound," " serene,"  and what not.............however because it is unacceptable in the eyes of the majority, it MUST be not this kind of love, it must be wrong, they are confused. Are they? Purely looking at the experience of the feeling of love about one another alone, are they?

So now let me add BONDAGE in the mix. The moment these individuals experience what they term a profound and deep level of bondage with one another, is the moment where the body will start to want to have SEX.

Sex for most humans in this world is the ultimate form of intimacy on a physical level, but also on a psychological level. So in other words, for the bondage and the love to have any form of legitimacy and any kind of realness on a physical level, sex must come into play. Sex is like the measurement these individuals take to measure their bondage and love to see for themselves if it is " good." Sex is what makes the circle complete. And because the level of love and bondage is very high between these individuals, sex will be experienced as highly exceptional too, just as is their case.

Here is a video one can watch:

                                                             

Will continue with this in the next blog............

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG

356, A dream with the word: "Incentive" as a password part 2

Now continuing with the second part of this dream, which will be the part where I am going to make commitments to myself in regard to what I have found within myself within the dream I have had.

For insight into what I wrote about the dream click HERE


                                       

Self-commitment statements:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into seeing myself getting lost within my mind, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and grounded and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using this perception of my mind as to tell myself that it is possible to get lost when being here having a living in life, and this actually divert me from seeing here, being here.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure that I breathe in the moments of thinking and believing that I might get lost being here and instead focus on being here within and as my breath and making sure that I stay here as one as equal with the breath and my human physical body, becoming aware of me being here as here is where life always is and I here expressing as life can never ever be lost.

When and as I see myself camouflashing in my mind my perspective on being poor or being in a poor neighbourhood, I atop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stalbe and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize I am camouflashing being poor or being in a poor neighbourhood, because I fear being in a situation of poverty.

Thus, within this I commit myself to make sure to do whatever it is necessary within my ability and  to release and let go of the fear of being poor or being in a poor neighbourhood, because I am aware that I do not need fear fearing being poor nor being in a poor neighbourhood, because the fear of them if I would be in them is not going to change the reality of me being in them if it is to happen.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing my own unclearness, I stop---------- take a deep breath and bring myself here, ground myself, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am fearing being unclear because of the embarrassement I believe I can go through about being unclear

Thus within this I make sure to work this point out and just remain here focus when the moment arrives and I am in a situation  in a moment of being unclear and breathe, and focus on my breathing making sure I stay here look at how I am busy inside of myself and just stopping myself and not let myself get caught up within all of this energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing someone else knowing my personal password, I stop-------take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am fearing that someone else would know my personal password, because of what they might get me into, having lots of trouble within the system where I am compromised.

Thus, within this I commit myself to change my perspective on my thoughts and believes about my password being known by someone, and if there appears any fear within me in relation to this to remind myself in that moment to just breathe and than look for something practical to do, as long as my hands are touching something physical here, to remind me that I am here within this physical world, this physical reality, keep the focus on physically being here.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into making an issue about passwords, because I see that passwords in this world at the moment are to protect secrets from one another, and to support self-interest, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am having an issue with passwords because I am aware within myself that I use passwords to keep my self- interest intact and to have certain specific secrets being hidden from others, by protecting whatever it is I see need protection from others, making me live, expressing untrust within and as myself thus giving to the world that which is untrust through me as I live this, adding to the untrust that exists within and as humanity as a whole.

Thus within this, I commit myself to workout my self-untrust, put it on paper to see what I am busy doing to myself and thus unto others as myself, and to remind myself that it takes time to workout this point because I have made myself/create myself to be like this throughout my life, thus it will not be something to just delete like in seconds and that't it. I must have patients with myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into my mind and judge sex as something dirty, I stop----- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize I am judging sex as dirty, because of me cheating within and as myself doing things within and as sex that I should not be doing to myself or others as myself.

Thus within this, I commit myself to make sure I stay focus with what the physical sex itself not only means to me, but engulfing myself into really doing my utmost to understand it on a physical level and ground myself more and more within and as my body as a whole whenever I engage into the act of sex.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into manipulation tactics to lure women into hacving sex with me, I stop------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am going into manipulation tactics to lure women into having sex with me, because it suits my self-interest which is the experience of orgasm.

Therefore I commit myself to work on my standing within and as sex with women and to set my priorities straight in order to become more phyiscally grounded within and as phyiscal sex, instead of mind-sex using the body for its goal.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into treating money as if it means nothing, I stop------ take a deep breath aand bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am treating money as if it is nothing because I have created within myself an issue about money itself within myself, because I do not agree with how the money in the world is being used, as it does not support life in the best possible way for all living beings on earth.

Therefore I commit myself to live to look for solutions and ways to implement the solutions to our money problem so that money is a real practical support for life on earth through how the human spents it.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to react on money and do something with it that implies; 'doing sonething good' with my money, because of feeling sorry for others that are in worse financial situation than I am, I stop-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I react on people with money problems as myself, that are in a worse situation than myself and thus, this makes me want to help them and within this I most of the times ignore my own situation.

Thus, within this I commit myself to have a real self-honest assesment of my finances and only if I am out of trouble myself I can help another, otherwise I compromise myself and my money problems will never end.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into blaming myself and the whole human race, that we are too late and that no-one wants to really hear about equality let alone live it, I stop--------- take a deep breath and ground myself here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I judge that no-one else is actually really ready to hear about equality, and let alone live it, because of what I perceive on the web and in my personal life that only a few people talk about it and do something for it to come about, however the majority that is also needed for it to be a real force on earth looks like they're not interested in this at all.

Thus, within this I commit myself to give myself and others as myself the chance to realize more of what is really here as the physical reality on earth, and the only way this can be realized is to continue spreading the word, spreading common sense till all see equally what is actually here and then we can walk really together, supporting one another as one changing everything that is here, that does not in anyways whatsoever support life in the best way possibe and make it so, that it becomes what is best for all LIFE on earth.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into a belief system of "everything is lost" within myself, I stop------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that this belief-system is a construct within me that I use against myself in order to make myself not move or do something that is a solution to what will be best for all life.

Thus within this I commit myself to through writing make sure to workout this belief system using self-forgiveness to release myself from such construct within myself and also to remind myself that this working out of myself through writing and applying self-forgiveness takes time, because it is a construct I have created throughout my life.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into giving up on myself, I stop-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, grounding myself till I am clear within and as myself.

I realize that the thought of giving up on myself, gives me the neglect to not move myself and change myself practically as I really want to, and thus compromise myself in order to stay stagnant.

Thus within this I commit myself to work and more and put much much more attention to what I am allowing within me to direct me, instead of me directing me, and make sure I release myself throughn writing of self-forgiveness and applying my commitments to slowly but surely change myself into a human being that really cares about life and that lives to bring about that which is best for all life.



Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG