DAY 384, The Good Guy Thingy.

Throughout my adult life, I have been seen/called/treated as a " good guy."



                                                                                 

I fully developed this characteristic in my late teenage years, when I became aware that I can manipulate others to either get my way, or to avoid certain/specific outcomes that would not result into what would be best for me.
However deep inside it's actually to avoid some deep rooted fear. Fear to confront people, because there are lots of times that I do see people that abuse others and myself but I do not confront them or at least say something about it, I like navigate around them to find a spot, a moment where I can gain their trust (which is manipulation) to somehow then make it clear to them that they are abusive, because I in that instant will know that they won't abuse me, or take it the " wrong way," because now they are trusting me, they have found out that I am the "good guy."

However there are also lots of moments when this trust in me will be abused, because now they can see that I am the " good guy," thus they are going to think that it means that " good guys" are fools, weak. In certain aspects, it is true, when it comes to, or is related to weakness. Why? because lots of times I will let people so to speak walk over me a little, again to just avoid to have to go through trouble if I would confront them and say stop, or that it is enough, and having people hating me=(fear), or not liking me=(fear), or being vigilant about me in order to get back at me=(fear), which I see happen to people who are straight to the point a lot, either them being right or wrong in their exertion of their straightness.

So as I can see here, in my own words, it has lots to do with Self-responsibility.
Thus, this " good guy" characteristic that I am portraying in this world does not lead to a world that is best for all, because I am NOT standing my ground, being an example to show no matter what, that only what is best for all life is what I live, getting away from opposites and polarities, leaving balance between these two also behind, because mind you, people do say a lot that one needs to find a balance between these opposites and polarities, which is in actuality a fable of course because the " balance" will make way for their existence to continue, and only take a stand and stance and live by life-principles of oneness and equality, that which is best for all life. Because I DO SEE, when I am being manipulated by others, when I am manipulating others, when I am being abused by others, and when I am abusing others. Thus how can I be living life-principles when I am allowing ABUSE to exist within me and within others as me? How can I be living life-principles when I allow MANIPULATION to exist within me and others as me? Thus ALLOWANCE of abuse/manipulation/deceit/lies/half trues/opposites/polarities/balance of opposites and polarities within and without me is NOT what would be best for all life. Thus I have to change ME!!!


In the next blog the self forgivenesses will follow.

Thanks,


Larry Manuela

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Day 383, day 4 of SF on aloneness

Within this blog,  I am going to do self forgiveness on what I wrote about in the previous blog.





                                                                               

                                                                                

Self forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still be sexually very energetically busy and that I keep on finding ways to keep on, with the keeping on of engaging in energetic mind sex, with this, accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself in relation to how I have define sex for myself within myself and through what I have done in conjunction with how I have defined sex for myself and outwardly live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept from myself that it is totally o.k. to have sex with anyone that is a woman or looks a lot like a woman, because using them is where I will feed my sexual energy, always looking and paying attention to what they say in order to find a point of weakness where I can commence and eventually get into the sexual talk and see where they are within it and from there build on that little point, till they break/accept the invitation, which is actually a manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very manipulative when it comes to sex with women and try and justify it, just because the women give me their permission to do so, however even though I am aware that without their permission there will be no sex talk or anything sexual, I am also aware that I manipulate them in order to get their permission, I have become a permission seeker freak, to use it to work for me, in order to satisfy my energetic mind sexual energy.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that in trying to manipulate others to have sex with me in any form or any other way or shape,  to satisfy my mind sexual energy, is actually me giving in into the programming I have created within and as myself as mind sexual energy seeker, depending on another for my mind sexual need of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing this mind sex energy that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do  whatever it takes to make sure I am always vigilant in bringing about ways to get into this mind sex energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly groom this energy within me, creating within me experiences of feeling alone, just to make sure I go and do something about it outwardly that will have me satisfying this mind sex energy I have created myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do whatever it takes to make sure that my self-created mind sex energy is always, when it comes to relationships with women I find attractive,  to be the first thing to be triggered within me in order to give value to what I am seeing outwardly that coincide with what I have accepted and allowed within myself as what I need in order to experience this mind sex energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as this mind sex energy as all that I am now,  without seeing, realizing, and understanding how and why I created myself within and as this mind sex energy in order to stop and change what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this mind sex energy as something bad, wrong and negative however yet not making a clear decision about what I see and judge myself as bad,wrong and negative in order to find out about how I created it to stop myself, to first release myself from it and to then redefine for myself how I should be living in a way that does not bring harm to myself or abuse to myself, nor to others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as the harm and abuse that I am standing within and as- as separation within and as myself as an example in this world through projecting this separation I am within outwardly, to and towards people and things, so that the separation within me continues to exist as what I have accepted and allowed as me - as if it is not coming from me or lives within me, when even though I am aware that only I experience my inner experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify certain harms and abuse as less worse than others, forgetting at all that abuse is abuse, and always have an outcome as consequence that is equal to what it is and represent through and via me and all humans in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself a lot when it comes to mind sex energy, giving in into it and giving up on my process of being and becoming equal and one within and as the physical here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the giving in, into mind sex energy, because I am aware of the addiction I have created within and as myself to and towards this mind sex energy I indulge within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify for myself that there is nothing " wrong" with this indulging within and as this mind sex energy, meanwhile being aware that it is not what is best for me nor what is best for all of LIFE.


To be continued.......................


Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG