Day 387, Lost at sea- 1

In this blog I'll continue with the working of myself out.


Here is a few sentences of where I left of:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spent lots of time on the internet chasing my sexual desire, abdicating my responsibility to myself and to all of life as equal as one as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and deliberately let my guard down so to speak in order to procrastinate more and more, and finding ways to come up with excuses and justification to protect my procrastination.


More will follow into the next blog........

                                                                        

Self-forgivenesses continuation:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be thinking about sex, that it is constantly in the background looking for ways to come up and delude myself into believing that I need to satisfy myself in accordance to what I have made valuable to me, based on my self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience exhilaration when I find some lady on the internet that is extremely horny, because in accordance with my judgement of myself, this is also who I see myself as, as equal to, thus finding someone that I think and believe is what I think and believe I am, makes the whole experience and moment seem much more interesting and desirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and stop myself in the moment I start to see that I am going to go into this whole situation, however I keep on letting myself fall into my own trap, and then justify to myself  saying to myself: " just one more last time, and then we can get to really working myself out," when in reality I never get to working myself out, because I keep on repeating this " one more time" every time, almost daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to put my process at an halt just in order to be able to satisfy my self-interest in relation to my virtual sex addiction.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to put all, if not more of my focus on online young ladies in oder to satify my self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that having virtual sexual acts with young ladies online give me some sense of still being sexually attractive and appealing  to young ladies.

I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to become astute within manipulating young ladies in order to get my self-interested, self-indulgence met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give up looking for a opening, a way to get into their minds and see where I can effectively convince them to the participation that will have an outcome that will satisfy my sexual desire. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still feel that I am too weak to actually do this STOPPING of myself in my participation within my self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this point of getting my sexual desire met, so extremely effective that I would spent money that I could instead spent, or direct to outcomes that would be best for all LIFE, however rather use it to manipulate the ladies of my choice so I can have an positive outcome according to my addiction.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to workout this point of sexual addiction I have become, because I do not trust myself enough, that I can stop myself and change myself through my self-will, to do that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made countless sexual accounts on virtual sexual related websites, where like-minded people come together to share themselves in their addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that one day, all the pictures and vidoes that were hacked by hackers will be used against me to measure my integrity as who I am here if I dare to stand for life, making myself abdicating my Responsibility and make me halt my process in midways.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if others would find out about my addiction I have about sex, especially those that " know" me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to fear being shamed for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as a sexual addict, constantly looking for orgasmic mind pleasure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a seeker and experiencer of orgasmic mind pleasure, one that would do anything to get that experience, that high.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this entity I created within myself to rule over my decision making, making sure I always end up, choosing what would not be best for myself, nor what would be best for all life, because I have something to hide, something that I secretively hide, something I am too scared to face, as my addiction, that is actually making me the convict of  my conviction.




To be continued..........................



Thanks

Larry Manuela



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Day 385, The Good Guy Thingy, PART 2

within this post I will be doing my self forgiveness statements in regards to and in relation to the previous blog. For context read the previous blog here.


                                                                                     

Self-forgiveness statements:             

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to represent myself as a good guy within and as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that being a good guy has something to do do with real goodness in the physical reality, which is that which is best for all of life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/abuse the good guy personality to get away with the fear that exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that by being a good guy character within and as the mind I am allowing fear as fear to exist within and as me and into the outside world as well, wherein I am abdicating my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being not liked by other people, thus in fearing this, I give the good guy personality existence within me in order for me to NOT go into/through the consequences of having to deal with/confront/face that which is uncomfortable because it goes right in to/through my self-created self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to go through lots trouble if I was to be self-honest all the time, because I am aware that, in a world of dishonesty I will hated, will be feared, will be bullied, thus to avoid all of this occurring to me I choose to not stand as the principle of what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people wanting to get back at me, because of me being against their self-interest, which is not what is best for life, thus knowing that I will be attacked makes me choose my own self-interest using survival as a tactic to make sure I do not choose what is best for all life in every moment, but give in/give up disrespecting myself and thus all life to avoid going through/facing my self-created fear, fearing my won fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the fear of being persecuted because of me having to stand up for life, making me back down a little, taking it slow, just to give myself more time, when in reality I am aware that the time I have / i got is the moments of breath I have in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what might happen if I would be HERE in real time as the breath of life that I have been given, being equal and one with all that is here as this physical reality as this human physical body that I am here now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that to stand within and as the principles of life, automatically place me into a position/situation wherein I can be abused, I can hated upon, I can be bullied upon, which are all true, however, having to create fear in regards to these consequences is not what would be best for me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/nor understand that to accept fear within and as myself is equal and one as accepting fear within and as others as myself as other people in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being a good guy as something of weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being a good guy as something as weakness, because I am aware that this good guy personality allows others to walk over them a little or completely, which is a form of weakness, but is in actuality connected to the fear of being physically abused, physically mutilated, physically hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the personality of  being a good guy to fall into the category of something that is positive, something that is good.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that, that which I allow myself to be as this personality/character in the mind, as a good guy, is an invention/creation of myself to make sure I do not challenge reality as I really see it as it exists here within and as this physical reality/physical realm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing reality as it is, because of certain circumstances/situations that can have an outcome that would not be best for me, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding, how I can come up with a way, a manner within which I can come up with a solution that will not have to put me immediately in a situation where I can  be physically hurt or abused.




Thanks,


Larry Manuela

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DAY 384, The Good Guy Thingy.

Throughout my adult life, I have been seen/called/treated as a " good guy."



                                                                                 

I fully developed this characteristic in my late teenage years, when I became aware that I can manipulate others to either get my way, or to avoid certain/specific outcomes that would not result into what would be best for me.
However deep inside it's actually to avoid some deep rooted fear. Fear to confront people, because there are lots of times that I do see people that abuse others and myself but I do not confront them or at least say something about it, I like navigate around them to find a spot, a moment where I can gain their trust (which is manipulation) to somehow then make it clear to them that they are abusive, because I in that instant will know that they won't abuse me, or take it the " wrong way," because now they are trusting me, they have found out that I am the "good guy."

However there are also lots of moments when this trust in me will be abused, because now they can see that I am the " good guy," thus they are going to think that it means that " good guys" are fools, weak. In certain aspects, it is true, when it comes to, or is related to weakness. Why? because lots of times I will let people so to speak walk over me a little, again to just avoid to have to go through trouble if I would confront them and say stop, or that it is enough, and having people hating me=(fear), or not liking me=(fear), or being vigilant about me in order to get back at me=(fear), which I see happen to people who are straight to the point a lot, either them being right or wrong in their exertion of their straightness.

So as I can see here, in my own words, it has lots to do with Self-responsibility.
Thus, this " good guy" characteristic that I am portraying in this world does not lead to a world that is best for all, because I am NOT standing my ground, being an example to show no matter what, that only what is best for all life is what I live, getting away from opposites and polarities, leaving balance between these two also behind, because mind you, people do say a lot that one needs to find a balance between these opposites and polarities, which is in actuality a fable of course because the " balance" will make way for their existence to continue, and only take a stand and stance and live by life-principles of oneness and equality, that which is best for all life. Because I DO SEE, when I am being manipulated by others, when I am manipulating others, when I am being abused by others, and when I am abusing others. Thus how can I be living life-principles when I am allowing ABUSE to exist within me and within others as me? How can I be living life-principles when I allow MANIPULATION to exist within me and others as me? Thus ALLOWANCE of abuse/manipulation/deceit/lies/half trues/opposites/polarities/balance of opposites and polarities within and without me is NOT what would be best for all life. Thus I have to change ME!!!


In the next blog the self forgivenesses will follow.

Thanks,


Larry Manuela

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Day 383, day 4 of SF on aloneness

Within this blog,  I am going to do self forgiveness on what I wrote about in the previous blog.





                                                                               

                                                                                

Self forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still be sexually very energetically busy and that I keep on finding ways to keep on, with the keeping on of engaging in energetic mind sex, with this, accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself in relation to how I have define sex for myself within myself and through what I have done in conjunction with how I have defined sex for myself and outwardly live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept from myself that it is totally o.k. to have sex with anyone that is a woman or looks a lot like a woman, because using them is where I will feed my sexual energy, always looking and paying attention to what they say in order to find a point of weakness where I can commence and eventually get into the sexual talk and see where they are within it and from there build on that little point, till they break/accept the invitation, which is actually a manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very manipulative when it comes to sex with women and try and justify it, just because the women give me their permission to do so, however even though I am aware that without their permission there will be no sex talk or anything sexual, I am also aware that I manipulate them in order to get their permission, I have become a permission seeker freak, to use it to work for me, in order to satisfy my energetic mind sexual energy.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that in trying to manipulate others to have sex with me in any form or any other way or shape,  to satisfy my mind sexual energy, is actually me giving in into the programming I have created within and as myself as mind sexual energy seeker, depending on another for my mind sexual need of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing this mind sex energy that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do  whatever it takes to make sure I am always vigilant in bringing about ways to get into this mind sex energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly groom this energy within me, creating within me experiences of feeling alone, just to make sure I go and do something about it outwardly that will have me satisfying this mind sex energy I have created myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do whatever it takes to make sure that my self-created mind sex energy is always, when it comes to relationships with women I find attractive,  to be the first thing to be triggered within me in order to give value to what I am seeing outwardly that coincide with what I have accepted and allowed within myself as what I need in order to experience this mind sex energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as this mind sex energy as all that I am now,  without seeing, realizing, and understanding how and why I created myself within and as this mind sex energy in order to stop and change what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this mind sex energy as something bad, wrong and negative however yet not making a clear decision about what I see and judge myself as bad,wrong and negative in order to find out about how I created it to stop myself, to first release myself from it and to then redefine for myself how I should be living in a way that does not bring harm to myself or abuse to myself, nor to others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as the harm and abuse that I am standing within and as- as separation within and as myself as an example in this world through projecting this separation I am within outwardly, to and towards people and things, so that the separation within me continues to exist as what I have accepted and allowed as me - as if it is not coming from me or lives within me, when even though I am aware that only I experience my inner experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify certain harms and abuse as less worse than others, forgetting at all that abuse is abuse, and always have an outcome as consequence that is equal to what it is and represent through and via me and all humans in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself a lot when it comes to mind sex energy, giving in into it and giving up on my process of being and becoming equal and one within and as the physical here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the giving in, into mind sex energy, because I am aware of the addiction I have created within and as myself to and towards this mind sex energy I indulge within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify for myself that there is nothing " wrong" with this indulging within and as this mind sex energy, meanwhile being aware that it is not what is best for me nor what is best for all of LIFE.


To be continued.......................


Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

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Day 374, who Am I in the Word Support, Part 2

Thus within the understanding what I have experienced within my own living, I have come to have an understanding about this word.
So the question is, How do I support myself within my own process.

Keywords that I need, to deconstruct the patterns I have created for and about myself.

•  Priority
•  Being nice
•  Refusal
•  Self-judgement
•  Lacking in procedure

This list represents what I have to let go of or change and also what I need to work on, about myself.
For example, when it comes to prioritizing what I need to do or not to do, what comes first and so on I need to work on all that.

                                                               

                                                                   
                                                           

Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life in a certain way wherein I do not prioritize anything, however just do some things in some of the moments they present themselves to me and others I put them on hold and then time keep on passing without me doing them anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put what I have placed as separate from me on hold as not me and in this not attending and assessing me so I can stand one and equal with and as who I am in this moment and then making sure that  I can direct myself as me as one as equal as all as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand, that prioritizing my personal life on any level means me standing up within and as myself, pushing me to take a stand and stance within myself to what I will accept  and allow within me and to what I will not accept and allow within me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to prioritize my personal process in a way I am aware I can live it to my best abilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not personalize and prioritize my process in a way that will work best for me, because I keep on looking for ways to find a way to do all of that in my head but not put any into practice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a way to compress my own process in my head, however not seeing/realizing/ and understanding that the only compression that will take place is in the actual doing itself, and not looking for ideas to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for too long to live this character manifestation of " being nice" in my life, to an extent that it has become part of who I am in this world, where I see that within it, I suppress myself for others, I neglect myself, my own personal process to heed the plight of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind this character of " being nice" in order to not really be direct as what I see is not acceptable, however use this " being nice" character to not get myself into so called: " trouble."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself as a nice person, because of my fear of being in trouble with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting into trouble with other people because of what I have told myself about myself, because of a few incidents that happened within my life in the past wherein I would literally become rage, because I have accepted and allowed anger to turn into rage and then use rage to force my body into real physical fights, wherein only rage as anger exists and I accept and is willing to even die like this in that moment.

let me take a moment here, to really look into this rage thingy. First there is this fear that comes up within me as backchat and I say then to myself: "  I might get my ass kicked by this person,"  then this fear because of what I have told myself turns into anger, and it turns into anger because I do not accept another abusing another just because they believe they can, thus me having this judgement about them in that moment turns into this rage wherein I do not give a F*** anymore, and I in that moment embrace the rage totally, like cacooning myself into this rage, because when I do that there is no more experience of fear, just rage is left over, I feel no more pain, or if there is pain, it makes me as this rage worse. Like the pain makes the rage go higher. I found that when the other person look at me they can see that rage in me and I can see they get scared, and because I can see that in their faces, I become abusive, because I have learnt that when someone else see no fear in your face or eyes or the way you move your body, it makes them fearful, thus when one does not express fear, the one that fears will get into more fear within themselves. Thus because I could see that I abused them. Thus in other words, the rage possession takes over, I allow it to take over, and use it totally into my self-interest advantage. Thus I took a moment of abuse done to me and turns it into abuse done BY me, exactly what I, myself did not accept about others abusing another. Thus I became the abuser myself in that moment.

Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: " I might get my ass kicked by this person," to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the fear within me to be ass-kicked by another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the fear of possibly being ass-kicked by another person to transform it into anger and then use anger to transform it into rage, all by all energies within and as my mind consciousness system to fuel itself within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another as myself as being abusive, without seeing/realizing/ and understanding that there exists self-abuse within myself that I haven't worked out yet, thus instead of working them out, I make the decision to separate me from them and project it out of me unto another as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get into rage, because within this energy within myself I can abuse another physically, because it gives me a false sense of power and control over another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have power and control over another and  in a way fear it and like it at the same time, making sure by fearing and liking it, to continue with having it within me, because by fearing it, I am trying to avoid it, and by liking it, I accept it and can abuse another as myself with it to suit my self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of power within me when I see that I am busy igniting fear in another as myself and within this use that as a weapon to abuse the other, because he is accepting and allowing the fear about me to exist within him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become the very manifestation of abuser that I in the beginning of starting a fight did not accept.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abused others more than a dozen times in my life, because of having power and control over them, because I see fear in them, instead of choosing to assist and support them to not be in fear and also for myself to assist and support myself to not go into fear myself that turns into rage, that than have an outflow of physical abuse to/towards another as myself.


To be continued..................................



Thanks.


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

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Day 366, Do You Think You Are Gonna Make It? PART3

So no continuing with now the last phases of the working out of the points regarding this particular question to myself.

For context here are the links to the previous blogs relating to this point.

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.nl/2015/11/day-365-do-you-think-you-are-gonna-make.html

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.nl/2015/10/day-364-do-you-think-you-are-gonna-make.html

Self-Commitment statements:

I realize that I am within my mind wanting to give up on what it is that I need to do within my life, within this world, thus I keep on back chatting about it within my mind consciousness system.

I realize that I am not in every moment when I am allowing back chats to surface within me. to actually stop participation in them, however I go with the flow of the back chat within my mind.

I realize that I have created  fear based personalities in order for me to be against myself to make sure I do not have to change me into someone that only do what is best for all life.

I realize that I fear my own creations within myself forgetting and/or not seeing/realizing and understanding that I am the creator of them within and as me.

I realize that I let fear influence my decision makings instead of my common sense directive, life principled based.

I realize that I want to get rid of my mind consciousness system, because I think and belief that would be the easy way out, even though I am aware that the mind consciousness system is what I have become and cannot do that in the moment.

I realize that I am seeing and treating my own mind consciousness system as THE enemy, without wanting to understand the HOW I created this so called enemy to represent myself.

I realize that I am thinking and believing that I can win from my mind, even when I am on some deeper levels of myself aware that this process is not about winning or losing, however it is about standing within and as myself as life HERE. I do see/realize and understand that winning and losing is of and as the mind, a polarity/opposite game where the mind is always the winner, because when I participate it can generate energy from my body to continue its existence within and as my body and within and as the world through me.

I realize that I too much focus on all the points I have to work out about myself to change myself, telling myself to give up or give in, however I avoid focusing on the part of me that do not want to give up nor give in, however more want to really just stand and take stance and live that which is best for all of life.

I realize that I am doing less and less, because of letting/allowing myself participation within and as my mind consciousness system, wherein I loose focus in what needs to be done in every moment.

I realize that I am wishing and desiring and wanting a big shit to hit the fan, my world to collapse before I can direct myself into doing much much more, as if that is the only way I accept about myself that I will then be able to really stand and take a stance.

I realize that my wishes/wanting/desires for shit to hit the fan in my life and in everyone else life has to do with me keeping the judgment alive within myself in order to not move myself and actually change myself in be/becoming that which is best for all life, thus using all of this as a justification to not engage in changing myself.

Thus within all this, when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting to give up on myself and on life, I take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself making decisions based in fear or on fear and not common sense, as that which is best for all life, I take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into treating and seeing my mind consciousness system as THE ENEMY, I stop----------take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to fix my focus on those things that make me want to give up and give in on myself, I STOP..................... take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself deliberately acting as if I am not aware that I am the one creating the the creations as thoughts/fears/emotions/judgments within myself, I stop.............. take a deep breath and bring myself back here, ground myself till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I commit myself to stick to my focus on changing me in real moments of application within my personal daily live, and put the focus on the solution side of the coin and not on the problem side of the coin, because I am aware within myself that EVERY problem has a solution.

I commit myself to really have a very good look at myself within making decisions, so when I do so they are not fear based, however are common sense based with an outcome embedded in it that will lead to that which is best for all practically.

I commit myself to really practicing in moments really embracing myself as mind as who I am now first and forgive me as it to not treat my mind as my enemy, however as the part of me I need to understand




Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

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Day 352, Fear of working on myself alone.

Within the previous blog, I have had a realization about myself that I fear working on myself, because of what I might find about myself that I do not want to go through and when I go through it, I would prefer to not be alone all by myself.

I will quote myself here what I wrote in the previous blog:

" I realize that I fear being alone from the perspective of not having anyone to have a communication with, because it will imply to me that I will be and have to deal all by myself with my stuff, thus in actuality fearing having to face myself, or deal with myself all alone."


                                                       

Self-Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I am aware that I go through these subtle fears of facing myself alone as in what I might find within myself that I have to change about myself, or stop about myself, I let the fear of facing myself influence my decision making in a moment, because it serves my personality(ies) I do not want to stop or change right now as in wanting to wait for a few more time before I put them down, or change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait on myself deliberately, because I am aware that when I wait I do not have to change myself, apply myself thus I wait and I wait, and within this actually I do not change myself all the time in the moments as I have wrote within the commitments I have given to myself as in when exactly I have to stop myself, release myself and than live what I have committed to do.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing me, because I am aware within myself that I do have the courage to stand for life and to change myself too, and I am aware that I will be feared because of this and thus I deliberately postpone changing myself in every moment and allow myself to take my own shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse in my mind as backchat: " I am tired of all of this in this world," for purposes of putting myself in a position to manipulate myself in order to not have to change myself in every moment.

I forgive myself that I did not see/realize and understand that the backchat: "  I am tired of all this in this world," is actually in fact me being tired of myself not doing what I am aware I must do to change me, to stop me, to release me in order to bring about a change within myself that have a result/outcome that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtly try and  manipulate myself to write less, in order to postpone my own change, however deep within myself I am aware that when I do as I am doing right now it stabilizes me and gives me the opportunity to actually face myself and release myself and eventually walk my own talk as I place my words on paper that I must commit in order to change me as I am aware I am NOT living me as a human being that "what is best for life," is my life, is the way I move within and as myself and within and as this world, when "what is best for life," is like breathing, like brushing my teeth, like me eating, like walking, in one word, when it is natural to me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take my process really really serious, because again I am aware that my own change would mean the death of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as this world as this personality(ies) I have become to survive as a personality(ies) within and as this world, within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my own change as a threat to myself, as a threat to my existence as a mind personality(ies) wherein I want to live as this/these personality(ies) that actually are NOT contributing to what will be best for my life and all of life on this planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change from the perspective of my mind, because I am aware that I am my mind right now, and that I fear letting me go as this mind that I have become, thinking and believing that the death of me as this mind-personality is my complete death as all of what I am here, when I am also at the same time aware that I can exist in a moment as my breath within and as one and equal with my breath and that nothing moves within me as my mind, yet still letting fear of stopping me completely in everyone moment ruin my process, prolonging my own change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to get into the nitty gritty of myself within and as myself, because I fear loosing myself, when I am aware that what I will so called "loose," is just what I have become of a mind personalty(ies) .


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent on my mind-personality(ies) to live for me and I living according to what I dictate to myself as my mind personality(ies).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just sit here and ponder about the how I am going to tackle myself just to tell myself as this personality that I am doing something, that I am applying myself when in reality, in real physical movement in moments I am aware that I am not doing that all the time, it is only sometimes, thus within this I forgive myself to not apply myself in the moments that I am aware I must do so, to actually change myself in every moment till it is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not interfere within my own moments when I see myself falling as in not applying myself as I am aware I must do.


To be continued............................


Larry Manuela

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Day 351, Why do I allow limitation Part 3

Here, continuing with the previous blog,


click here to go the previous blog if one wants to read it.


                                                               

I realize that I can loose myself trying to proof a point when in discussion with people without seeing/realizing/understanding that not everyone is on the same level of understanding as I might be, and that even if they were it is about what will be best for all life and not me wanting to proof a point to get others to agree with me.

Thus within this I commit myself to, when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting to proof a point in order to get others to agree with me, I take a deep breath first bring myself back here, stabalise myself, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy and from this point I make sure that I than communicate with another purely based on the starting point of what would be best for life.


I realize that I am just using the realization on points even when they have starting point which will be best for all, I only stick to that, I do not push myself to actually in fact live what I have seen, and am aware what is within me that needs actual real physical change.

Thus within this, I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into NOT moving myself to actually change myself and just stick to the starting point alone that I saw had a outcome that could be best for all if lived, I take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and make sure that I start applying myself to actually, in fact do what I am aware I must do physically to make sure the necessary outcome that I saw is manifested and lived by myself.

I realize that I fear being not included in group conversations or included at all, because of myself judging myself that I am not a someone to be approached in a conversation because what I have to say is being perceived as negative.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the fear of thinking and believing that I might be excluded from conversation because I will be seen as someone negative, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and from out of this stability I speak and communicate and I only do so when I am sure that whatever I will say is in the service of LIFE, in the support of life as my starting point and within this take a stand and also to remind myself that I do not HAVE TO speak all the time, that sometimes being quiet is also a way of say something without using words.

I realize that I fear being alone from the perspective of not having anyone to have a communication with, because it will imply to me that I will be and have to deal all by myself with my stuff, thus in actuality fearing having to face myself, or deal with myself all alone.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing myself to be on my own, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I stable and clear I have an honest look within myself and investigate within myself where I created this fear of being on my own and having to on my own to work myself out as if I am afraid of what I might find and don't really want to go through all that, thus within this I commit myself to investigate this point that have opened up within me more.

I realize that I fear going through physical pain.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing to go through physical pain, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I am clear and stable I remind myself that the fearing the physical pain is not necessary, because if something happens to me that is physical and it is something that will physically hurt I cannot stop the pain, I just have to go through it, however "fearing the pain," is not what is going to stop the pain in the moment or just a few seconds before the moment.


I realize that I am thinking and believing that a negative person is someone to be feared and thus what happens is that when I judge someone to be negative I automatically go into fearing them on some level even though it is subtle and I than go into an act of preparing myself to defend myself against this individual, but if someone would to point it out to me, I would deny it, I even deny it within myself looking at it.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into trying or doing my best to defend myself because of already being in a subtle state of fear within myself about someone else and denying it when it is seen by others or myself for that matter, I just stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I am sure I am stable and clear I than just accept the fearing within me, embrace it but not let it influence me and when I have embraced it within me and stand as the fear within me, I release the fear as to remind and show to myself that just like I created it to exist within me, I can uncreate it to not have to exist within me as me, and than out of this when it is not here anymore I can communicate with the person in front of me without fearing him/her.




Thanks.


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG