Day 388, Lost at Sea- 2

 This where I have left of the last time I was here on my self forgiveness points: 

" I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this entity I created within myself to rule over my decision making, making sure I always end up, choosing what would not be best for myself, nor what would be best for all life, because I have something to hide, something that I secretively hide, something I am too scared to face, as my addiction, that is actually making me the convict of  my conviction." 

                                                        

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can get away with having my addiction as a secret in my own mind consciousness system, just because, apart from the people that are involved within the participation of my addiction, on my side only I know of my addiction, and this makes it worthwhile according to my own judgement to conitue with my addiction in order to satify my virtual sexual desire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the virtual sexual experiences to a level of preference above real physical sex itself, to a level where physical sex is almost boring, because in real life physical sex, I cannot jump from one person to another and from one kind of sexual desire to another with totally different people all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself thus far that I find myself into a situation where I find virtual sex more interesting than actual real physical sex.

I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to  keep on going back when I have deleted my accounts from the web, just to tell myself again, I will do this one more last time and then I am done with this for good, which keeps on propelling me to find myself again in the same point where I would open an account again and again, to so called do it for the last time, instead of actually for real taking a stand when the desires rise up within me, and not accept and allow myself to fall, to participate into the desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself within my own mind that it is very difficult to stop this addiction, so I can use this justification to go against myself in the moments I dare to stand for a few days, when the desires keep on coming up stronger and stronger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always keep at least one of the ladies I was doing these acts with as friend outside the sexchat websites, so that I can use her as a way to get myself back into the game, as they will function as a way out of my stand against myself,  a way to get back into the game, I can then justify that I was being attracted to start again and it is not me, they are the ones that lock me into the game again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberatly hold on to a backdoor, created by myself to make sure I do not stop and take a stand against my own self created addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brush off "addiction," as something not happening to me, or slighty accept it, however act as if I can do it all by myself and I can handle it and get rid of it, meanwhile I keep on falling back everytime I made a little progress, go by a week without masturbation or talking sex or watching porn online.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into believing that I am stronger than my sex addiction, thus I can do it all by myself, when in fact I deliberately make sure I do not take a real stand within and as myself to actually stop when I get into the mood when I know within myself that if I follow up on it, I would engage and thus loose myself within it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use the tools suggested by Desteni to support myself when I am finding myself in situations/moments I am aware I am going to fall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT forgive myself the feelings and emotions and desires that rise within me when I am about to go into procrastination 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberatly act as if  I am not seeing what I am accepting and allowing myself to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even like it when I am procrastinating, meaning as if I have won something, like a little bit of a triumph.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a triumph in that which is NOT having an outcome that is best for myself as life and for all as life, because it is what I am used to do, used to accept and allow myself to live and exist as here in this world, in this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to see in triumph something that is valuable and a way to win, a way to make sure I have an excuse so I can continue with my procrastination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take procrastination as a way things are, as a way out of not having to change myself, because I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become procrastination itself, wherein I do not really move in changing myself in specificity and detail, just because I am aware that letting go of procrastinations means I have to change and it means I fear changing myself into a being that do what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing myself, because I am already aware that I am going to be justified by the people close to me and by the world at large.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see, realize and understand that I can only change me and through my self-change to what is best for all life, I can then give as I have received and thus be an example for others as that gift as who I am as best for all life as I live it HERE as who I am as what is best for all life.

Self -Commitment statments:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into defending my virtual sexual addiction by justifying within my mind consciousness system, that I am the only one that knows about it in my direct environtment, thus making sure I have a back door aa a secret I have with myself within my own mind consciousness system, ........I STOP take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as Energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am baout to go into jumping from desire to desire within my mind in relation to my virtual sexual addiction, wherein I have replaced real physical sex with virtual sex and call real physical sex as something boring and give myself an excuse as a justification, convincing myself that just because virutally I can move from one desire to another and move from one person to another in an instant online, makes it as if that is more desirable and better and greater than actual real sex, ........I STOP, take a very deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into falling into, or repeating the same pattern, wherein I wold feel a little guilty inside myself and delete the online profiles I have made and act as if I am doing something good while I already know, I will one day come and create a new one to conitnue with my addiction, prolonging my stoppage even more, ............I STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me.

When and as I see myself going into, or I am about to go into use the word " difficult" within my mind consciousness system to make sure I will leave a door open for me to come again at it another day or time, ........I STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE within and as my breath, breathing till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me, as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into my old pattern of not participating into sexchats or porn for weeks online and start to see that I am about to let myself be deceived and manipulated by myself within ad as my mind, ................ I STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me, as the mind as energy.

When and as I see mysef trying to manipulate other people to get what I want in the end by conving them in some way or anohter, just to get them with me and alone, so I an excert my plan with them,........I STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into trying to tell myself that I can stop my addiction all by myself, because I already know that I won't as the patterns emergy within me as me, that I do recognize and thus accept and allow them to take over anyways, I STOP..........Take a deep breath ns bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy as me.

When and as I see myself going into deliberately accept and allow the energy to take over and deliberately not do self forgiveness immediatly, I STOP............, take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy as me.

When and as I see myself going into, or I AM about to go into see a form of winning that will give me a certain specif reward as energy in my mind and as orgasm in real life as a physical relese, I STOP..................., take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into procastination, I immediately STOP..........., take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind.

When and as I see myself going into fear of changing myself I STOP......................., take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into deliberately choosing NOT to change me in order to continue with my addiction, I STOP..................., take a deep breath and bring me HERE, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

Self-reward and Self-realization:

I realize that I am using all the tricks and traps of my own patterns that I can actually see even before I engage into my addiction, however choose to deliberatly not to act on it and use instead all kind of justification, just so I can win in the end as getting my mind desires and physically my release as orgasm. Due to knowing this, I will reward myself next time with a treat as learning something new no matter how small it is, some new way of doing something or just larn a new subject so that I do not have to participate into going into rewarding myself with my addiction.

Thanks,

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

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Day 377. Why Is GIVING Such a Problem For us The Humans?

Many of us humans, know that we have a problem with giving. We have created a society where if one is in the act of giving, it is being seen as a abnormality, something outside the norms, and we have managed to change the word; giving in some cases and call it charity, as if when one do this charity,  it is seen as an act of being noble and even an act of caring.

       

As one can see that which we have given other names to, is so, so we can see ourselves as beings that are caring, is actually telling us something about the way we live, the way we have come to shape our societies, where the act of giving is not a norm, has become something we do once in awhile in order to feel good about ourselves, because deep down we are aware that the way our societies are shaped is not healthy and goes against the nature of life on this earth, which is TO GIVE!!

Our foods are a gift
Our bodies are a gift
Our earth is a gift
All the resources we use to built and create things with in this world are gifts of LIFE.
Our breath is a gift
Life itself is a gift

Have a look. Do we pay the foods we eat? Do we pay the earth for the body it gives us to express within and as? Do we pay the Sun and Moon?  Do we pay the air we breathe? Do we pay the water itself we drink and wash ourselves with? Do we pay the resources we use? Do we pay life ?  Whom do we pay? Is it not the humans we are paying with the fruits of our labors and the fruits of our talents? Why does the human believe so much so that it even went as far as creating a system wherein it needs to be paid because it has contributed to something? Why is contributing to society not a gift, but something that one rather be paid for? Why do we see giving as something weak and not valuable and in some cases even wrong when everything we need that we are using in this world is a gift to us?

Life support itself through all that it is through giving.

Now we are going to school to study something, because we have made of our lives something that needs to be paid for. Everyone is doing something in order to get paid, and with getting paid, I do not necessarily mean; getting money, however the fact that one thinks and believe that one needs to "get" something because one have done something, contributed to something, this pattern is related to wanting/wishing to be special.
The idea of wanting to be special have brought lots of problems we now face in this world.
The whole wanting to be better than others in whatever, or thinking and believing that one is more than others or has more value than others stems from this want, this wish, this desire to be special.
As we can clearly see specialness can only exist in separation, and not in Equality and Oneness of life HERE. Specialness is conflict and friction, not necessarily something that is " bad/wrong/negative," however something that requires energy to exist, it cannot exist HERE in Breath, in effortless flow of life as Equality and Oneness.

Thus the solution to our problem as humanity is to start living the word: " GIVING." Enough with living the word: " PAYING!!"  Enough with living the word: " SPECIAL!!"


Thanks,

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG

Day 372, Drug Experimentation Success or Failure. Part 4

Now I am continuing with where I left off yesterday.

Here are the links in relation to this blog I wrote previously.


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.nl/2016/01/day-371-drug-experimentation-success-or.html



http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.nl/2016/01/day-370-drug-experimentation-success-or.html


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.nl/2015/12/day-369-drug-experimentation-success-or.html




                                                                     

Self-forgiveness statements continuation:




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that, that which is termed human nature by me/us the human(s) is something that cannot be changed, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that it is the nature I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the nature of myself that projects its nature upon my body forcing my body to live the nature I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the whom I am in this world, in this reality, in this moment accepting and allowing myself to be a nature that is not equal and one with the nature of life on earth as all the expression that exist of and as life, however living the nature of the mind consciousness system that is equal and one within and as inequality as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of not practically applying myself in every moment of every breath to be here as one as equal as my breath, expressing me as the breath of life within and as and through the body as what is best for all life, I make myself believe that it is a difficult and hard thing to do and to be, when I am aware that I can change anything that is energy within and as me, because I have done it several times what I only need now is to be constant and consistent in my application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated about being frustrated, because within and as myself I am also aware that I am not sticking to my own decision I have made to stand regardless of what the mind shoot off onto me as the breath of life and as the body/substance of life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my mind more than often and not just be here within and as my breath, my physical breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow and sometimes acted upon ideas about drugs and the usage of drugs without actually really seeing/realizing and understanding what is at stake here within and as my human physical body and within and as the world at large as the consequences as outcomes that are damaging and destructive and abusive in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see drugs as a problem when I am aware that it is not the drugs themselves that is the problem, however that it is me as all as the human beings that is the problem wanting/desiring to be something else within and as the mind not expressing as in living as who they are as the human form they are in this world in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link drugs to money and sex and fun, and the fun part being using the drugs with other drug using people in order to have fun in having sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek/look for fun with women by accepting and allowing myself to squeeze myself within their groups, those of whom uses drugs as a way to also have fun and doing things that will be considered wild.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that by being wild as the others that I perceive are having fun while being high in certain specific moments and in certain specific situations, that it is o.k. to join in and do and act the same as them in order for me to get one of these women that are also within these groups.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to more than often place myself into all kinds of situations with all kinds of people, and sometimes even people I won't interact with usually, just in order for me to get myself into a position, in a spot where the possibility to get sex is much, much greater.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my self-worth away in the pursuit of that which I thought would be worthy, when it is all outside of me and representing to me that which I could not get, however yet because of it being so, made me more determine to give it a try anyways, crushing my boundaries for something that is actually not important at all and that does not have a result that will be best for all.

To be continued......................



Thanks,

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG

Day 361, The anger that consumes me, Part 2

O.k. Here I am with the continuation of the blog that I wrote before this one,  For context, I suggest to read that one here if one will here.

This where I left off in previous blog:



" When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into reacting against something in anger within my mind consciousness system, I stop................take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by allowing anger to exist within me, within my mind I am thinking and believing that it means that at least I am caring somehow, because " I am thinking about others that have less than me," as if "thinking about it is caring." 

Therefore, I commit myself to just stop myself thinking about those whom I have judged as living in circumstances and situations that are challenging, and actually start to get myself involved more practically with the actual doing, moving to/towards solutions that will bring about a change that will be best for all life." 

Self-commitment statements continuing:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into participating in anger within and as myself and allowing it to be fueled up within myself, by myself, I stop........................ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am allowing anger to be fueled within myself by myself, because of a deep seated self-created believe that somehow if I am angry at something or someone, I am being against that which I, myself has judged as faulty/wrong/bad/negative, within my own mind consciousness system, thus being angry against all of these is a " good/positive/right"  thing to do/to be, when in reality it is a war I am creating within and as my own mind, using projection judgement about what I see happening in the world, that have some similarity, or are totally similar to that which I have judged as faulty/wrong/bad/negative, thus reason enough within my mind consciousness system to be against it. However instead of working it out practically, I dwell in it, and allow it to consume me.

Therefore, I commit myself to really push myself into actually moving myself and doing what needs to be, because I already have the tools to work with, now rests the applying part. Thus I work on the applying part little by little till it becomes like brushing my teeth facing each point within myself, bringing myself to clarity and clearness, the point of understanding.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into in a creepy/strange way, enjoying being angry within and as myself to/towards myself and others as the whole world, I stop----------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I enjoy in a " creepy/strange way,"  being angry within myself, because I have become addicted to the energy of anger within me, and justify it with " being right"  about being angry at certain outcomes and certain groups and certain specific people in this world, including myself.

Thus within this, I commit myself to first release myself from this anger that consumes me and that I see, that I even enjoy, because it gives me a point of wanting to be against that which I have judged as " faulty/bad/wrong/negative specifically, using the tools provided by desteni as in Self-Forgiveness and Self-Commitments derived from common sense introspection.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into being angry at humanity at large because of what I see I have accepted and allowed to happen to life on my watch, I stop--------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am putting the blame on humanity for where I lack doing something that is practical solution-wise and will have an outcome that will be best for all.

Therefore, I commit myself to push myself to look more into coming up with practical solutions that is best for all that I am capable of doing in a moment and in this manner learn little by little how to be like this, and taking little by little more complicated practical solutions as part of my living expression.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing a self-created imagination of what might become an outcome that is even worse than what exists now on this earth, I stop--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am fearing these imaginations of possible outcomes within myself not so much because of what can happen to humanity and/or to life on earth, however more so, because of self-interested reasons as in, myself having to go through these or members of my family having to go through these.

Thus within this, I commit myself to only look at the self-interest that exists within me from the perspective of measuring myself as to see/realize and understand where I am taking self-responsibility to life or not, and doing what needs to be done to actually bring about in this world, that which will be best for all life, and in this way transforming self-interest into that which is the best interest of/for all.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing losing a job in this world, I stop-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am fearing losing a job, because of what I already am aware that will happen when one looses a job in this world, especially in this day and age, where it is very challenging to get a new one, and having many other factors relating to it which makes it even more challenging, and bringing it all to the base, it is about being aware that one will be in a situation where one will be having to go through less money or no money, or at least not enough to cover all the monthly expenses that will not change to accommodate ones situation, which I find unfair given the amount of time gives to the system when one DO have a job in the system. One support the system 100% when one is working, however when one falls out of the system, the system will only support one 60 to 40 % depending where one lives, in which country and in some countries, it is basically ZERO support.


Thus within this, I commit myself to focus only on that which I do in each moment physically when it comes to my job and make sure I learn everything that needs to be learnt in order to get better at what I am doing, so I can support myself better within the system even when I loose a job, the possibility to find another one is greater then.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing being in the middle of a humanity gone mad, I stop------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am fearing being in the middle of a humanity gone mad, because of what I can imagine could happen as what I already see happening in the world at the moment, only much worse than that.

Thus within this, I commit myself to focusing on solutions to the problems that are here, and focusing on bringing out more information about solution than information about the problem that is already here and is getting worse, so that my contribution to the world is one of solution and not one of focusing on what the problem is without a practical solution.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into thinking and believing that I cannot live oneness and equality within and as myself, I stop------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am  thinking and believing I cannot live oneness and equality within and as myself, because I judge it as something too big for me to live as if it is out of my reach, when in reality I have been given all that I need to live this, which is LIFE itself. LIFE is right here within as me. All I need to do is realize myself as this life and than all this thinking and believing will be no more.

Thus within this, I commit myself to focus more on LIFE that is the gift that is right here within me, which I for 100% am aware that I can trust this life no matter what, and the form of life that this life is expressing itself within and as and through, which is my human physical body. All I need to do is actually LIVE the trust I already have as common sense and remind myself that this trusting of life is going to take application/dedication/time/patience and grounding of me as self as life here. Thus baby steps to/towards myself in my application of remembering the who I am as LIFE here.

Self-Reward:

I see/realize and understand that my anger was related to/towards world events and outcomes due to my participation within the anger that I generate within myself as myself, in so doing supporting even in small ways the anger that is existent within this world through humanity at large, because of the anger comes in separation making one wanting to choose sides, as in thinking and believing always that whatever side one chooses is the " good/right/positive"  side when in reality the only choice to choose if choice was a matter, would be to choose the side of LIFE, which will not be the side that is "  good/right/positive"  or  " bad/wrong/negative,"  however, will be the only choice that will be BEST for all of life.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG

  

Day 351, Why do I allow limitation Part 3

Here, continuing with the previous blog,


click here to go the previous blog if one wants to read it.


                                                               

I realize that I can loose myself trying to proof a point when in discussion with people without seeing/realizing/understanding that not everyone is on the same level of understanding as I might be, and that even if they were it is about what will be best for all life and not me wanting to proof a point to get others to agree with me.

Thus within this I commit myself to, when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting to proof a point in order to get others to agree with me, I take a deep breath first bring myself back here, stabalise myself, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy and from this point I make sure that I than communicate with another purely based on the starting point of what would be best for life.


I realize that I am just using the realization on points even when they have starting point which will be best for all, I only stick to that, I do not push myself to actually in fact live what I have seen, and am aware what is within me that needs actual real physical change.

Thus within this, I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into NOT moving myself to actually change myself and just stick to the starting point alone that I saw had a outcome that could be best for all if lived, I take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and make sure that I start applying myself to actually, in fact do what I am aware I must do physically to make sure the necessary outcome that I saw is manifested and lived by myself.

I realize that I fear being not included in group conversations or included at all, because of myself judging myself that I am not a someone to be approached in a conversation because what I have to say is being perceived as negative.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the fear of thinking and believing that I might be excluded from conversation because I will be seen as someone negative, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and from out of this stability I speak and communicate and I only do so when I am sure that whatever I will say is in the service of LIFE, in the support of life as my starting point and within this take a stand and also to remind myself that I do not HAVE TO speak all the time, that sometimes being quiet is also a way of say something without using words.

I realize that I fear being alone from the perspective of not having anyone to have a communication with, because it will imply to me that I will be and have to deal all by myself with my stuff, thus in actuality fearing having to face myself, or deal with myself all alone.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing myself to be on my own, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I stable and clear I have an honest look within myself and investigate within myself where I created this fear of being on my own and having to on my own to work myself out as if I am afraid of what I might find and don't really want to go through all that, thus within this I commit myself to investigate this point that have opened up within me more.

I realize that I fear going through physical pain.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing to go through physical pain, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I am clear and stable I remind myself that the fearing the physical pain is not necessary, because if something happens to me that is physical and it is something that will physically hurt I cannot stop the pain, I just have to go through it, however "fearing the pain," is not what is going to stop the pain in the moment or just a few seconds before the moment.


I realize that I am thinking and believing that a negative person is someone to be feared and thus what happens is that when I judge someone to be negative I automatically go into fearing them on some level even though it is subtle and I than go into an act of preparing myself to defend myself against this individual, but if someone would to point it out to me, I would deny it, I even deny it within myself looking at it.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into trying or doing my best to defend myself because of already being in a subtle state of fear within myself about someone else and denying it when it is seen by others or myself for that matter, I just stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I am sure I am stable and clear I than just accept the fearing within me, embrace it but not let it influence me and when I have embraced it within me and stand as the fear within me, I release the fear as to remind and show to myself that just like I created it to exist within me, I can uncreate it to not have to exist within me as me, and than out of this when it is not here anymore I can communicate with the person in front of me without fearing him/her.




Thanks.


Larry Manuela

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Day 338, what happens when I am not moving and I am stuck part 3

Now I am continuing with the deconstruction of what I wrote in the previous post.
In the previous post I wrote the self-forgiveness statements in relation to the more earlier post I have written in regards to what I am going through in relationships  to my process of birthing myself through the the physical here.


                                                               

I am placing the link to the previous blogs here:


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-337-what-happens-when-i-am-not.html



http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-336-what-happens-when-i-am-not.html


Now within this post I will be going through fishing out the points I have realized within myself and place self-commitment statements for myself to live.

Self-commitment statements:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into finding and looking within myself a good enough excuse for me to not have to move myself here in the physical, I stop-----------take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am looking to find a good enough excuse in order to keep myself in a state of not having to move myself here in the physical, thus compromising myself for moving myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to remind myself to stay focus on my own movements within my mind wherein I am trying to compromise myself and turn that into a practical point to apply, for example to first stay within and as my breath here and to help myself ground myself I look for anything that requires a physical task, in order for me to help myself stay here within and as my breath and within and as my human physical body.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into generating energy within my solar plexus, that I experience as a positive energy, I stop--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as em as the mind as energy.

I realize that I utilize this experience of the energy built up within my solar plexus as a means to escape the responsibility to/towards myself and others as myself here within and as the physical, and seeing and interpreting this as something "good."

Thus within this I commit myself to let go of this experience when it comes up through participating instead in focusing on my breathing and grounding myself here within it and to help myself grounding myself more and more by applying myself in actually/in fact doing something that requires a physical action of my part in order to help myself stay focus and remain here.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into interpreting the energy I experience as something good, I stop---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am letting myself get lost into believes about believes within myself, because I can see that my interpretation of the energy of being something good just because I experience it as positive are both just ideas and opinions about the experience of the energy itself.


Therefore, I commit myself to little by little get rid of all the believes/interpretations/opinions and ideas about myself  through the tools of self-forgiveness done in self-honesty and finding out what and whom I have become of them and then stopping myself as them and creating myself as a human being that lives only that which is best for all life in all ways always practically here.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into taking a nap/sleep a little bit, I stop------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am giving myself an impression of wanting to sleep just in order to have  less time to work on myself deliberately, so I don't have to change myself, move myself or direct myself into changing myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to make sure to stay focus in the moments when I am telling myself and allowing myself to go to sleep and ground myself within and as my breath, following it and within this, making sure my hands are doing something, touching something whatever it would be in order to remind myself to stay here physically breathing and just being here within and as my breath and within and as my human physical body.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into watching movie, I stop----- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using the excuse of wanting to watch a movie for purposes of using the gathered information to support myself within my process and also others as myself by looking at the common sense perspectives within a movie, but in reality I am just using the movies as a way to not to have to apply myself within and as my process of changing myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to really actually use the gathered information within movies to support myself within and as my process and also to support others as myself and just remember to take notes to use these for my blog or vlog.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into seeing myself as something or someone special because I can connect dots with each other related to movies in the past and also to clarify for myself some points in reality that are connected to the movie or the story within the movie, I stop----- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using one of my talents to divert myself into feeling good about myself and feeling special about myself within my mind and in so doing not change myself, because I experience all of this as something that is positive for myself, but yet not practical and which will result into that which will be best for myself as one as all as equal as life here.

Thus within this I commit myself to stay focus on myself within and as my breath and make sure I use the talents or this specific talent to support myself and others as myself by using the information constructively and practically so common sense can be gain more and more within and as myself and also as others as myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into making scrapbook scenario's within my mind consciousness system to connect pictures and images accompanied with sounds and music in order to deceive myself into believing that I can do something with this ability to do this within my mind consciousness system, I stop........take a deep breath and bring myself back here, grounding myself within and as my breath.

Therefore, I commit myself to use this scrapping of pictures/images accompanied with sounds and music to instead support myself to get to know myself better and use it to support myself within and as my process of birthing myself within and as the physical, bringing more common sense within and as myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into deceiving myself or conning myself into not doing what I said I will do either to/towards myself or to/towards others as myself, I stop------ take a deep breath and ground myself here within and as my breath and within and as my human physical body.

Therefore, I commit myself to actually really spent time on myself, working on myself, my mind consciousness system, looking at the points that I am having difficulty changing about myself and make sure to stick to a practical plan to apply myself that is comfortable and doable within my time-frame.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into dreaming myself away about technological  within my mind consciousness system, I stop--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize I make myself get carried away by the technology that is being used in movies to make the movie look great and fantasize about wanting to know how they do it, but don't really actually go and have a look at how they do it, to understand it and use it in order to show using picture animation how my mind works and support myself and others as myself with this.

Therefore within this I commit myself to slowly but surely to find all the information that are available to start looking for ways to apply myself using the technology even if it means on a minor scale to show people how my mind works and thus support myself and also others as myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into seeing my mental level as more important than the rest of my human physical body, I stop-------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and calm and grounded within and as myself, within and as my physical breath and my human physical body here.

I realize that I am finding my mental level more important than my human physical body, because it is the part of me where I am mostly within and as and also all I know about myself, thus giving it more value within my own mind than the rest of my human physical body.

Therefore within this, I commit myself to little by little to make sure I pay attention and value to all of what my body is, what it consist of and exist as here, till I am totally physically here aware of whom I am as the body as the real being of earth.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into looking within and as my memory bank to some specific memories as if I am connecting relationships within my mind with movie scenes and also with what some people have said in the past, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am trying to give meaning to the connections I see within my mind about the pictures and images and memories of what some people have said to me in the past, but yet I am not asking myself the why I am having these specific memories in relation to the movie scenes and what people said to me, as in why they are related, why I made them relate within my mind consciousness system and and most importantly why it is that specific movie scene that brought up that memory, as in what is that specific movie scene telling me about myself that I have found so valuable that I have placed it as a memory within myself for later to be used.

Therefore, I commit myself to next time I look at movie scenes and have memories coming up, I make sure to question the memories in the moment and take notes about what they will help me realize about myself in order to use this information to know more about myself and to thus work out the points I will be encountering within my memory bank.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into putting down my own idea of what I want to do with a picture or movie presentation by telling myself and convincing myself that it will be a huge undertaking, I stop--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am putting myself down and telling myself that it will take a huge undertaking to do such task, just because I do not want to go into actually applying myself to learn how to do so and by this finding out more about how my own mind works.

Thus within this, I commit myself to little by little start gathering information about how to do such movie presentations, till I am satisfied with the result after I have tested them out and then start with my creation process where I little by little start to put into motion picture what I have as idea within my mind for myself to see and to support myself and also for a support to others as myself.

Self- Reward:

Thus within this post I have come to see/realize and understand that I am mostly still postponing and deceiving myself in order for me to not have to move and apply myself, thus change myself in fact. Now that I am aware and I have seen in my own words what I am busy doing I have also place some commitment that I will be using to actually really get myself back moving, directing myself.



Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

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294, Who am I in relationship with the word: "Death." Part-9

Now I am  going to bring to my understanding the word: "Death"

The merriam-webster.com dictionary is saying the following about death:




                                                                     

death

 noun \ˈdeth\

: the end of life : the time when someone or something dies

: the ending of a particular person's life

: the permanent end of something that is not alive : the ruin or destruction of something

Full Definition of DEATH

1

a :  a permanent cessation of all vital functions :  the end of life — compare brain death

b :  an instance of dying <a disease causing many deaths>

2

a :  the cause or occasion of loss of life <drinking was thedeath of him>

b :  a cause of ruin <the slander that was death to my character — Wilkie Collins>

3

capitalized :  the destroyer of life represented usually as a skeleton with a scythe

4

:  the state of being dead

5

a :  the passing or destruction of something inanimate <thedeath of vaudeville>

b :  extinction

6

:  civil death

7

:  slaughter

8

Christian Science :  the lie of life in matter :  that which is unreal and untrue

— at death's door

:  close to death :  critically ill

— to death

:  beyond endurance :  excessively <bored to death>

 See death defined for English-language learners »

See death defined for kids »

As I see these definitions up here, there is one that I can live with/use practically. Which is the first one in the full definition part, where it says: " a permanent cessation of all vital functions: the end of life."

The reason I find this one a definition that comes close to what death is, even though death is just the unknown, and why is death unknown? Because it is only when it happens to us, thus individually, that we go through it ourselves only then in that moment it is and will be known to us, thus the experience itself, the going through the moment of death, that will be for each to know when they will be in that moment.

So that definition is saying that; a permanent stoppage of the vital functions, thus that the heart have stopped, the lungs, the brain. And after this part it ends with: " the end of life."  This part is very important, because it is implying that the body itself is life and life have stopped for this particular body. But then is it the life that have stopped or the body that has stopped living, expressing life? For me the latter makes more sense. So everything that the body has become, thus the form it took, goes back to become the dust of the earth, the substance of the earth, and is the earth alive or dead? I can conclude in common sense that the earth is alive and stays alive even when lots of lifeforms are dying on it or in it. So it is NOT life itself that ended when a body dies, it is that particular body that ended in expressing itself as one of the manifested lifeforms. Thus what the body was will now be part of the earth again to be used to support other forms of life on earth, and maybe even form other form of life on earth. So within the physical this death when I look at it, is only a transformation of all the parts that were together as one individual whole as in this case a human form to go back again to be part of the substance of the earth as we have called it: "the dust of the earth." As the dust of the earth one is no more a packaged form as what it used to be as the human physical body.

But now we as human beings have a dilemma with this body of ours. Because we are NOT living as our bodies for real, we are not equal and one with and as it yet. We are living in our minds as mind entities through the body, thus using what the body consists of and exists as to experience what we believe we are as these entities in the mind, but the actual living as the body, all of it......thus that I am my body literally, ALL of it equal and one, aware of myself as it in every moment is a no go for us humans as the moment.

I suggest to read the heavensjourney to life blog on this within the following links:

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/04/life-and-death-engineering-day-10.html

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/life-and-death-day-359.html

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/life-and-death-part-two-day-360.html

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/accept-and-allow-contract-with-death.html

Self-forgiveness & self-commitment statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that death is something that is in separation to myself when I am aware that death is something that is personal to me as the entity in my mind, as I do not in fact know that I as this entity I believe myself to be will continue when the body cease to exist as it exist as an expressive physical manifested life-form.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into thinking and believing that death is separate from me, even though I am aware that it is personal to me as the entity that I believe myself to be within and as the mind, I STOP--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am separating myself to death within and as my mind as the entity within and as my mind that is the ego, because I have separated myself also from this very entity too, thus I am existing in total separation to everything I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

Therefore, I commit myself to little by little through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life in self-honesty to make sure to I become aware as me as the mind, as the eg, as that which I understand death to be till I am one and equal here living within and as them as me and through this having the practical living understanding of everything I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death within and as my mind, and creating all sorts/kinds of believes to hide this fear and thus making myself live up to death and what will happen after death.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the fear of death within and as my mind, I STOP------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that because I have created this fear of death within and as myself as my mind consciousness system, I then live upto and for death itself and does not actually live upto of for/ as life itself, thus not actually living at all.

Thus within this, I commit myself to make sure to remind myself by sticking to my breathing here in every moment that I am here to express myself as life and to give myself the opportunity to birth myself in the physical as life and investigate/introspect all the reasons I have created within and as my mind that I live upto death, through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to not accept and allow myself to live upto/for death but instead live upto and for/as life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fears within and as my mind about how I could die.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the creation of fear about how I could die, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I created the fear about how I could die and because of this accepting and allowing my life to be based around this fear about how I could die, and thus not actually living for/as life here, but just to live to avoid how I could die in accordance with what I think/believe I could die.

Thus within this, I commit myself to release myself from this fear about how I could die through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life in self-honesty and make sure I make this part of my living and the reminder that use is my breath. To focus on my breathing and remind myself that I am here and that I do not have to fear death nor fear how I could die, because what matter is how I live here in support to as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept death as part of me, and thus part of my living here.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the acceptance of death as part of me, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by accepting death as part of me I then makes believes about it within my mind and also think about it, and see that I accept and allow this believe and these thoughts to fead the fear of death that I have created within myself and then preocupied myself within and as this fear and thus living as this fear and not living here, expressing me as the body as a manifested physical life form.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that my body is an expression of life in fact, because I have placed the fear of death on it, just because of what I see happens in reality to other humans that die, thus focusing more on what will happen to the body then to actually be the body and that expressing me as the body means that I am the body.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into not expressing me as my human physical body, but choose the fear of death to be my preocupation in my mind and thus living up to death in my life, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy. 

I realize that I am not expressing or giving myself the opportunity to not express myself as life here, because I am constantly and consistently preocupied within and as my mind with the fear of death and living and constructing my life around that instead of living life here.

Thus within this, I commit myself to stop participation and preocupation with death and the fear of death within my mind and start participating with living and practical solutions about how I am living here in this reality/existence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to honor death within and as myself either consciously or unconsciously and because of this live upto trying to prevent what I don't even know exactly when it will happen to me, but yet wasting my time creating more fear within and as myself and living in and as fear itself instead of living life here and expressing myself here.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into honoring of death by the contineous participation about death within my mind, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I see within myself that I am honoring death because I am living my life upto it, participating in fearing it, thus my whole living is about death and trying to avoid death instead of actually living here in every moment of every breath.

Thus within this I commit myself to honor life and life in accordance to this honor in every moment of every breath and if I see myself not doing so, to remind myself through my own breathing and focus on my breathing and what I am physically participating in and as here.

Self-Reward:

I have seen/realized and understood within my writing here, that death is part of me and death will happen to me and that I do not have to fear death, instead accept and embrace it to understand it within me and thus when I do so the fear stops and is no more and then this gives me the space within and as myself to live here  and express me here instead of living my life in fear of death.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG