Day 385, The Good Guy Thingy, PART 2

within this post I will be doing my self forgiveness statements in regards to and in relation to the previous blog. For context read the previous blog here.


                                                                                     

Self-forgiveness statements:             

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to represent myself as a good guy within and as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that being a good guy has something to do do with real goodness in the physical reality, which is that which is best for all of life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/abuse the good guy personality to get away with the fear that exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that by being a good guy character within and as the mind I am allowing fear as fear to exist within and as me and into the outside world as well, wherein I am abdicating my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being not liked by other people, thus in fearing this, I give the good guy personality existence within me in order for me to NOT go into/through the consequences of having to deal with/confront/face that which is uncomfortable because it goes right in to/through my self-created self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to go through lots trouble if I was to be self-honest all the time, because I am aware that, in a world of dishonesty I will hated, will be feared, will be bullied, thus to avoid all of this occurring to me I choose to not stand as the principle of what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people wanting to get back at me, because of me being against their self-interest, which is not what is best for life, thus knowing that I will be attacked makes me choose my own self-interest using survival as a tactic to make sure I do not choose what is best for all life in every moment, but give in/give up disrespecting myself and thus all life to avoid going through/facing my self-created fear, fearing my won fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the fear of being persecuted because of me having to stand up for life, making me back down a little, taking it slow, just to give myself more time, when in reality I am aware that the time I have / i got is the moments of breath I have in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what might happen if I would be HERE in real time as the breath of life that I have been given, being equal and one with all that is here as this physical reality as this human physical body that I am here now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that to stand within and as the principles of life, automatically place me into a position/situation wherein I can be abused, I can hated upon, I can be bullied upon, which are all true, however, having to create fear in regards to these consequences is not what would be best for me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/nor understand that to accept fear within and as myself is equal and one as accepting fear within and as others as myself as other people in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being a good guy as something of weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being a good guy as something as weakness, because I am aware that this good guy personality allows others to walk over them a little or completely, which is a form of weakness, but is in actuality connected to the fear of being physically abused, physically mutilated, physically hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the personality of  being a good guy to fall into the category of something that is positive, something that is good.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that, that which I allow myself to be as this personality/character in the mind, as a good guy, is an invention/creation of myself to make sure I do not challenge reality as I really see it as it exists here within and as this physical reality/physical realm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing reality as it is, because of certain circumstances/situations that can have an outcome that would not be best for me, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding, how I can come up with a way, a manner within which I can come up with a solution that will not have to put me immediately in a situation where I can  be physically hurt or abused.




Thanks,


Larry Manuela

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Day 371, Drug Experimentation Success or Failure Part 3

So now in this blog I am going to take it all back to self. I am going to take the responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.


                                                           

Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be influenced by my two friends to smoke weed with them, from the very beginning even though within myself I did not want to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the opportunity of my two friends that smoke weed to also try it out for myself with them to satisfy my desire of if anything should go wrong they might know what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue smoking weed with them after I have tried it and did not like it, just because I did not want to be excluded from the friendship I had with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friends for using weed and for behaving as though it is the most fun thing to do and the most important thing in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to be with friends that smoked weed, because even though it is legal to smoke weed in this country, when it is being seen as something not right to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also find within myself that smoking weed it not the right thing to do for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try out smoking weed even when within myself I was fighting against myself to not do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go against my own findings at the time, within which afterwards have propelled me into lots of moment within my life where I would do this same thing, thus that I have created a pattern within myself to go against my own will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to just say " no."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try an synthetic drug, to satisfy my sexuality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to satisfy my sexual mind desires through using a synthetic drug.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need more when it comes to sexual experience and practice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to want to be more sexual than ever when having sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that sex is like something I can win women with, like using it to make someone see me as special and that they want to be with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that I need to be someone special and being great in bed in order to be likable or seen and treated like someone special, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I do not need nor have to be seen nor treated like someone special nor be found likable by someone else, all I need to do is live what is best for me as life as all as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my own sexual expression and thought and believed it needed some higher performance as if I am not good enough, when even in reality nothing was suggesting such a thing, it was only me within my mind consciousness system judging myself and wanting to be more than what I am when it comes to sexual expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that I needed to manipulate myself and others through sex in order to be loved or treated as something that I have as an idea, however is not who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be something that I am not and look for ways to express it that needs alteration through some synthetic drug.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need alteration in order to fit with an idea I have had about myself within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be defined by ideas within and as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to fit in, when I can see within and as myself that fitting in is actually what everyone is doing and is being passed over from parents to child on how to fit in, however never being showed/exampled in how to be and to live as one as equal as all life, thus by trying to fit in I am actually supporting the world system and also how the human has created itself to be having a destructive nature that we have come to call: ' human nature,' as if it is something we cannot change at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also let myself believe that the nature I have created myself to be and become is something that I cannot change and that it is who I am and that it is human, when in reality I have never really lived as a human in awareness of what that really is, I have only lived in knowing and experiencing myself as a personality(ies). in my mind through using my body to do so, I have only lived what my parents and my culture and my environment I was in has thought me how and what to be, my believes that were placed within me as information that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the nature and as who and what I am as I call it: ' my human nature.'




To be continued......................



Thanks,

Larry Manuela

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Day 364, Do You Think You Are Gonna Make it?

I asked myself a question, when I was back chatting, and it was as follows: " Do you think you're gonna make it?"  and I answered myself with: "  Oh yeah, I gotta get outta here!"

Now the moment I said this within my mind I realized something about myself. I realized that the " I gotta get outta here"  part, is part of a desire I secretly had/have wherein I just want to get up and leave everything and everyone behind, like go to a secluded place where no-one will know where I am, and I will be all alone. It is like a wanna run away from all this hardship in my world/the world.
Secretly I desire and wish sometimes, often more than other that I can find myself into a situation where I have " no way out"  kind of situation. Like being in a situation where there is nowhere to run or to be, but to face myself completely right here, no holding back and give it all into forgiveness, really really open up completely.

                                       

The other point is, that I do know what to do. The problem is in the actual doing itself.
I also realized that I fear changing me, changing the who I am now, which is nothing more or less than personalities/characters in my mind for specific events and situations within my life process. Most of the time I am " myself."  However this " myself"  is not really ME. The real me at the moment is not yet here. You know it is like I went into a dark cave and as I was going deeper and deeper into the darkness I was  leaving little reflectors on the way down for when to get back, I can find my way back, however when I got into the deepest of depths within this cave of darkness I got lost and could not find my way back out, and now that I am finding the reflectors I myself have placed I am starting to remember how I got in, and remember the way out. I just have to follow the reflectors and get back out.

The reflectors in this example are the the personalities/characters I have created within myself that are now clouding/fogging me to see clearly and to remember the who I am for real. The who/what I was before the mind, before energy, this part of me is where I must get back to. It is called Beingness. The part of me that is aware of itself as LIFE. As one can see the personalities/characters are not good or bad, positive or negative or right or wrong, they are my reflections I have created, they are ideas about myself I have created within my mind consciousness system. As one can see; I CREATED them. Not one thing that exists within and as my mind can be placed there by another, it have to have my permission, the information must be accepted and allowed by myself, same way goes for using it.

Self-Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have the back chat: " Do you think you're gonna make it?" to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have also as back chat however in a form of answer to myself the following back chat: " Oh yeah, I gotta get outta here!"  to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see within and as my back chats, that I am actually busy pointing to myself out what I have created as ideas/believes within and as myself, about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself more than often try and stop the back chats without really investigating them first to understand where they are coming from and which specific point are they related to within myself, which character is connected to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use these back chat to actually encourage myself to try and fulfill a desire/wish I have created within myself to cope with also the fear I have created within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become wherein, I actually fear myself, because the personalities/characters are now me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand for real that I am the creator of the back chats, that I am the creator of the personalities/characters, that I am the creator of the fears, therefore that I am a creator within and as myself, thus meaning as I create within me that which is at the moment only self-interest, I can also create what which is best for all of life, which is that which is in the best  interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own creations, including fear itself, which is also my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that my creations are me and that by understanding them, I will also understand how I created myself to represent me as if they are really real, when the real me itself behind it all I forgot that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept fear to be part of me as me and to allow it to influence my decision making in every moment.

To be continued.....................................................

Thanks

Larry Manuela

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Day 352, Fear of working on myself alone.

Within the previous blog, I have had a realization about myself that I fear working on myself, because of what I might find about myself that I do not want to go through and when I go through it, I would prefer to not be alone all by myself.

I will quote myself here what I wrote in the previous blog:

" I realize that I fear being alone from the perspective of not having anyone to have a communication with, because it will imply to me that I will be and have to deal all by myself with my stuff, thus in actuality fearing having to face myself, or deal with myself all alone."


                                                       

Self-Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I am aware that I go through these subtle fears of facing myself alone as in what I might find within myself that I have to change about myself, or stop about myself, I let the fear of facing myself influence my decision making in a moment, because it serves my personality(ies) I do not want to stop or change right now as in wanting to wait for a few more time before I put them down, or change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait on myself deliberately, because I am aware that when I wait I do not have to change myself, apply myself thus I wait and I wait, and within this actually I do not change myself all the time in the moments as I have wrote within the commitments I have given to myself as in when exactly I have to stop myself, release myself and than live what I have committed to do.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing me, because I am aware within myself that I do have the courage to stand for life and to change myself too, and I am aware that I will be feared because of this and thus I deliberately postpone changing myself in every moment and allow myself to take my own shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse in my mind as backchat: " I am tired of all of this in this world," for purposes of putting myself in a position to manipulate myself in order to not have to change myself in every moment.

I forgive myself that I did not see/realize and understand that the backchat: "  I am tired of all this in this world," is actually in fact me being tired of myself not doing what I am aware I must do to change me, to stop me, to release me in order to bring about a change within myself that have a result/outcome that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtly try and  manipulate myself to write less, in order to postpone my own change, however deep within myself I am aware that when I do as I am doing right now it stabilizes me and gives me the opportunity to actually face myself and release myself and eventually walk my own talk as I place my words on paper that I must commit in order to change me as I am aware I am NOT living me as a human being that "what is best for life," is my life, is the way I move within and as myself and within and as this world, when "what is best for life," is like breathing, like brushing my teeth, like me eating, like walking, in one word, when it is natural to me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take my process really really serious, because again I am aware that my own change would mean the death of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as this world as this personality(ies) I have become to survive as a personality(ies) within and as this world, within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my own change as a threat to myself, as a threat to my existence as a mind personality(ies) wherein I want to live as this/these personality(ies) that actually are NOT contributing to what will be best for my life and all of life on this planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change from the perspective of my mind, because I am aware that I am my mind right now, and that I fear letting me go as this mind that I have become, thinking and believing that the death of me as this mind-personality is my complete death as all of what I am here, when I am also at the same time aware that I can exist in a moment as my breath within and as one and equal with my breath and that nothing moves within me as my mind, yet still letting fear of stopping me completely in everyone moment ruin my process, prolonging my own change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to get into the nitty gritty of myself within and as myself, because I fear loosing myself, when I am aware that what I will so called "loose," is just what I have become of a mind personalty(ies) .


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent on my mind-personality(ies) to live for me and I living according to what I dictate to myself as my mind personality(ies).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just sit here and ponder about the how I am going to tackle myself just to tell myself as this personality that I am doing something, that I am applying myself when in reality, in real physical movement in moments I am aware that I am not doing that all the time, it is only sometimes, thus within this I forgive myself to not apply myself in the moments that I am aware I must do so, to actually change myself in every moment till it is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not interfere within my own moments when I see myself falling as in not applying myself as I am aware I must do.


To be continued............................


Larry Manuela

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Day 322, Strange people.

Today sitting and listening to my sister talking to her children, I heard her talking about strange people.
With this she meant, the kids are going camping and they will meet "strange people"  there. In Dutch they say: "vreemde mensen" literally translated means: "strange humans." So I had this realization, that we can all see, and thus I share with you, the reader here.

These two words are being referred to other people we yet do not know. We consider them strangers.
I myself, have used and do use these two words now and then.
And now I ask myself the question: " what makes another human strange?"



                                                                   

Because the only strange thing that we actually look for in another is about their personality, the whom they present themselves as. We see in them similarities we have within ourselves so we can agree with the personality they are presenting. In the beginning when we don't know the personality this human has become and is living through his/her body, we consider them as strangers.

So, how can someone else be a stranger but yet be a human equally as we are each? When I see a human, I am aware that I am looking at a human, and there is nothing strange about the human I am looking at. How come we have separated ourselves so much from our bodies to the extent where we only seek the personality in the mind in order to get to know someone or give that person in the mind value and then the person will be accepted within our world/reality. We weigh the personality of the "stranger" to see if he/she can be accepted within our circle of "familiar people." In this manner we create the "us" vs "them" clicks.

But yet, when we all look back, what do we see? All of us whom are now so-called familiar with each other, were all strangers in the beginning. So within this, one thing is very clear, that the possibility in the physical exists to move from fear of sharing and co-existing in harmony, to actually share and co-exist.

One day when equality is here because we created it and live it, words like "strangers" won't exist anymore, because they are not needed in equality. There are no strangers in equality, thus reality. Only in the mind can exist such constructs of inequality where life and the life-substance have no value at all, and can be called: "strange."








Here is the definition of strange from the freedictionary.com:



strange  (strnj)

adj. strang·er, strang·est

1. Not previously known; unfamiliar.

2.

a. Out of the ordinary; unusual or striking.

b. Differing from the normal.

3. Not of one's own or a particular locality, environment, or kind; exotic.

4.

a. Reserved in manner; distant.

b. Not comfortable or at ease; constrained.

5. Not accustomed or conditioned: She was strange to her new duties.

6. Archaic Of, relating to, or characteristic of another place or part of the world; foreign.

So as we can see at the definition of the word "strange," it is fully loaded in separation to what is HERE as life equal and one.

Our word definitions we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be/become are stating very clearly the whom we are as a collective and as an individual and how we all accept and allow the same way of living no matter where we come from and who we are, or what we may believe or not believe.

So by us moving from two strangers coming together and producing children that one day will also meet another stranger and produce children, something that the physical body is required for, in order for it to be achieved, the physical existence, the substance of life is showing us very clearly, beyond a shadow of a doubt that what we have as believes within our minds is far removed from what can be done in reality, the actual creation happens in the physical with and as the physical.

Without the physical, even when we like or dislike someone or something, still is the real power, because without it we won't have likes and dislikes, the personality in the mind will have nothing to compare itself with or against. 

This is in actuality very harmful, what we consider our "normal daily lives" to be. Because by liking or disliking we are dismissing and abusing that which is actually real and of real value, which is LIFE and life-substance.

Larry Manuela

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Day 320, Telling my daughter that I am not her biological father. Part 2

So within this blog I am continuing with the self-forgiveness statements in regards to this point.


For context one can visit my first blog about this point at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/06/day-319-telling-my-daughter-that-i-am.html

Contuining with self-forgiveness statements, up to the point I am satisfied with what I have placed:



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only look at and measure things/situations/events on what might/can go wrong within them and not actually introspecting the practical common sense, that can flow out of me when looking at the the whole situation on as many dimension of possible scenarios, and from there I can evaluate what would be best for all in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my daughter on her age, determining within my mind that she won't be able to handle the situation, because I thought/believed that she would want to meet him and thus force me and the mother to comply to her need of wanting to see her biological father, something that the mother and I already decided we didn't want to go into, because of the possibility that everything that happened in the past will start again, thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the past within and as my mind consciousness system and reinforce it by acting on the fear that exists within me as me as the mind to make a decision in a moment, and thus creating within the physical reality an outcome that is fear-based just like the past again.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to look at the situation of my daughter, but only look at the situation of what me and the mother would have to go through as the possible outflow and thus choose to protect our own self-interest and not the the interest of as in what will be best for all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having  to be involved in a situation where I have to deal with uncomfortable points that are not personally related to myself and thus within this find myself into probable trouble that are not mine in the first place, thus clearly avoid taking responsibility for all that exist within and as this world as I live within and as this world as where I live.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that by not telling my daughter who her real biological father is, it will protect me and the mother from possible problems with her biological father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a possible problem with her biological dad will lead into some form of disputes that can turn into possible physical fights, thus judging from that perspective have decided to better not have nothing to do with him to avoid such conflicts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the biological father of my daughter as someone whom one cannot communicate with, based on the stories of what I have heard from them, as him being a aggressive man whom solve problems with his hands instead of reason and understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the stories and not investigate for myself if all of that is true or not, but just went with it without question.


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to give myself the option of going and investigating what is going on for myself, but instead have chosen to follow the  stories of others without question, just to avoid problems, or possible problems that can derive from such points.




To be continued.................


Thanks.


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

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Day 277, Memories that triggers the need/want/desire for sex in the relasionship : Part 2

                                                                         

                                                                 


Now i starting with the first dimension to workout this point,which is the Fear-Dimension.

As i discovered yesterday, i now have some clarification as to; with what to work with now, and i will place the points that came out that i can start working with.


**  ''good traits'being used to either connect or fuel the trigger point in order to get a happy feeling.

**  when i ask myself question my mind use confusion to keep me from looking inside of it

**  that i like my personality to exist and stay intact thus i use conflict and friction in the form of inventing a delusional confusion to protect what i like.

**  when i do not get what i want as feedback in them and get emotional reaction for example, i retreat within myself as this personality, to defend myself in this way, so the personality does not have to be faced and worked out and thus remains.



Fear-Dimension:


**   Fear of not being able to experience a happy feeling
**   Fear for looking inside my own mind to not find out what i don't want to see
**   Fear of having to face myself
**   Fearing by thinking/believing that by loosing myself as a personality i will not exist anymore
**   Fear of undesired feedback


Self-Forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to experience a happy feeling as if the experience itself is more important than anything else in life, without me seeing/realizing and understanding that if i had the experience and it is not here anymore how can i trust it, if it is not constantly and consistanltly here within and as me, that it is not real because i have to seek for it, and then get frustrated and lost within my mind looking to once again go through experiencing happy feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that to accept happy feelings to be part of me, is at the same time to accept its opposite polarity to be part of me, because it is one coin with two sides, that cannot exist without each other and when i look deeper within myself it tells me that the opposite is the truth of me, because that is what i am actually going through and thus are looking to experience the other one, but the opposite is what is here and is making me look for the other as the carrot hanging on a string in front of me that i can't seem to reach.

I forigve myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking within my own mind to not find out what i don't want to see.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear  not looking within my own mind, because i am aware within myself that what i will encounter is something i have to change, and change is not comfortalble, thus i try to avoid having to look within my mind in order to not go through the change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to face myself.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to face myself, because of the fear that exist within me as a ''what if'' question,which is in reality just a justification to sabotage myself to not do what i know i have to do in order to change myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have fear when i think/belief that i will loose myself as a personality and not exist anymore.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not existing anymore.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to hear undesired feedback.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to hear desired feedback from others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire to hear desired feedback, because i can then go through an positive energetic experience which is what i really want.



Self-Commitment statements:


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into fear of not being able to experience a happy feeling, I STOP----------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am fearing being able to not experience a happy feeling anymore, because of being aware already that when i am not experiencing the feeling it just does not exist within and as me and i then need to seek for it, looking for a way to generate within me.

Therefore i commit myself to when the desire comes up within me when i am trying to generate the feeling to be experienced again, i just make sure that i stick to focusing on my breathing and move myself to do something physical in that moment in combination with the breathing till this desire disappears and if it does not, i make sure that i use the tools as writing my self-forgivenesses and my commitments till i am not anymore desiring to experience happy feelings and just be here breathing.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into accepting happy feelings within me, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by accepting happy feelings is telling me that i am in reality sad within myself, and i then look for the opposite if this sadness which is  feeling happy, thus not accepting my true reality, that i am sad.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life, to investigate more deeply why  it is i am experiencing myself in a state of sadness and instead of working it out, i try to run from it and look for a happy feeling, but yet when the happy feeling is gone, i am back to square one, thus telling that the happy feeling does not take the sad feeling away.

When and as i see myself going into fearing looking into my own mind to not find out what i don't want to see, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and  nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i don't want to find out what i actualy already am aware of what i will encounter and then have to face myself within it, and act as if i don't want to see it, keeping myself to stay away of any oportunity to face and stop and change myself.

Thus, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to do face myself and stop myself and change myself step by step till i am the living change.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into having an emotion as change not being comfortable, I STOP--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that, because i experience changing myself as comfortable i avoid going into points that challenge me to actually having to change myself.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to work out this emotion of uncomfortability step by step till it is not a hindering in my process to then actually get to the point of actually changing me for real.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into the ''what if'' question within mysef, I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i am using this ''what if'' question to sabotage myself to not have to go into investigation within and about myself to avoid having to change.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to just leave this ''what if'' question out of the equation and just investigate whatever point i have to investigate in order to find out what i need correcting within and about myself in order to actually change.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into avoiding undesired feedback, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i use the fear of hearing undesired feedback in order to once again not having to go through the facing of myself and to then have to change myself.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to instead of fearing the undesired feedback, to incorportate them within me as me looking through a mirror and use these feedback in a practical way to actually change myself.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into, desiring to hear desired feedbacks, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves witin me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that desiring desired feedbacks is the other way to also stay within a certain personality in order to not have to face myself and change myself.

Therefore, i commit myself to workout through my writing of self-forgiveness this desired feedbacks, step by step till i not desiring them anymore and also not desire anything for that matter anymore, taking desire itself completely out of me, so i just live.



Self-Reward:

Within this thread i have seen/realized and understood that i am using certain specific fears that are opposite from each other in order for me to save myself having to work out my points where i will have to change myself when i  look/investigate what is going on within and as me and about me. Thus now being aware of this, i can gift myself the gift of recognizing the points and use these fears to actually change myself in a more constructive practical manner/way, through writing them out in the form of self-forgiveness statements and then making commitments to myself that i can live and then just apply myself within and as these commitments.




Thanks


Larry Manuela




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Day 194, Am I Really Tired..?? Part 3

So here i am continuing where i left of yesterday with self-forgivenesses.

Here are the related Links:  




http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013/01/day-193-am-i-tired-part-2.html#



http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2013/01/day-192-am-i-really-tired.html#



Self-forgiveness continuing:



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse as ''being tired'' in order to postpone my own standing up within and as myself, right here. I realize that by using this excuse i can then delay myself, giving myself as personality more time to keep on existing as this personality i fear not to exist anymore. Therefore, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that all that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become i must bring it back to myself as myself in order to stand as all that i have become and in this matter i can desolve myself as and give SELF back to SELF, as me expressing myself fully as an Individual.


 I suggest watching this interview done by Sunette Spies.

                                                           




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a personality as ''the one that is tired'' to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to due to fear for not facing myself i create such a character/personality within myself in order to not go through the actual facing of myself, and thus now this peronality that i have become is fearful of not existing within me anymore if i dare to face myself as the fears that come up that are related/connected to the very reason such character/personality was created within by me as me as the energy as the mind. Thus i realize that not wanting to go through the system as it exists and facing it, i try to go around it and avoid it by creating this '' being tired'' character/personality.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own creation which is the character/personality of me being/feeling tired ignited by another fear, which is the fear of facing SELF as self as what self have accepted and allowed SELF to be/become as SELF as individual and as SELF as all as LIFE right here. Within this i realize how i am instead of living/expression as SELF as LIFE, i am in a state of SELF that is in a becoming and experience. Thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give more impetus into experiencing SELF as what the personalities within my mind impose upon me, instead of me living me as expressing me as what i am as the SELF as LIFE as all as one as equal right HERE.



Self-commitments:


I commit myself to make sure that whenever i see myself going into or about to go into ''feeling tired'' to immediately STOP my participation within this thought and emotional turmoil, and take a deep breath and keep on focusing on my breathing till i clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and from this clearness and stability i then move/act.



I commit myself to make sure that i little by little to bring all that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world, so i can face myself as SELF and then give back all that self has become and so all is HERE back to SELF and then i understand myself and from there create SELF as what is BEST for all equal and one.


I commit myself to be patient with myself and to watch myself as thoughts/feelings/emotions very closely and to make sure i can identify all that i am as these mind creations and programs so i can STOP myself in creating myself as a self-interested organic robot.



I commit myself to jsut focus on my breathing and live breath by breath and walk my process within the real time which is BREATH time, till i am aware of myself as life as the physical form a breathing/living being of planet earth.




Thanks.


Larry Manuela




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Day 152, What Is There In My Name: Larry.......SCS

Now in this blog i am going to write my self-commitment statements related to my 3 last self-forgiveness statements blogs, here are the links of these:

 

 

                                                   

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-149-what-is-there-in-my-name.html

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-150-what-is-there-in-my-name.html

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-151-what-is-there-in-my-name-larry.html

Self-commitment statements:

 

I commit myself to make sure that every time my name will be called in certain/specific way and in certain/specific voice tonality to just take a deep BREATH and don't let myself get caught within the memories that exist within me that are part of the personality i have created in the past to deal with my name being spoken in certain/specific way and in certain/specific voice tonality.

 

I commit myself that whenever i see myself going into or about to go into character/personality act that are linked to my name being used in certain/specific way or certain/specific voice tonality to just STOP and make sure i breathe and that i am also touching something that is physically HERE so to remind me that i am HERE and not lost in my mind as characters/personalities.

I commit myself to whenever in see myself going into or about to go into to take myself personal or someone else personal to just STOP myself in doing so immediately and take a few very deep breaths till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within move, and then out from this state of nothing moving within me i walk and say whatever will be appropriate in that particular instant.

I commit myself to make sure whenever i see myself going into or about to go into participation in positive energy experiences as feelings within myself to just STOP myself from doing so by take many deep breaths till i am clear and stable till nothing moves within me as the energy as my mind, so i can move me as my human physical body in that particular moment as me, and not as my mind dictating my actions and words based on it's programming.

I commit myself to make sure that whenever i see myself going into or about to go into negative energy experiences as emotions within myself to just STOP myself from doing so by taking as many deep breaths as possible till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the energy that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as the mind.

I commit myself to make sure that i never ever again think/belief that my self-created  positive energy experiences and negative energy experiences are ME and that i can't STOP me of creating myself as such and whenever i see myself going into or about to go into creating myself as such i just stop and breathe till i am clear and stable and in this remind myself that i am here by touching something that is physically here.

 

                                                

I commit myself to no longer hide behind my feelings and emotions without questioning them critically so i can resolve them and crate myself into a human that does what is BEST for all life.

I commit myself to whenever i  see myself going into or about to go into giving myself permission to be influenced by others and then belief/think that they can emotionally hurt me or make me have feelings, i just STOP and BREATHE and remind myself that everything that happens within me as energy is my own creation, and that no-one else can create that within me but myself.

 

I commit myself to let go of the personality i have  created within myself based on the strict manner and voice tonality my father used to call my name and make sure i forgive myself for accepting and allowing this to be created again and again within me when someone else calls my name in similar manner.

I commit myself to STOP blaming others for my own personality creations within myself, and just STOP myself whenever i see i am going into or about to go into blaming others, and just take a deep BREATH till i am clear and stable, and act out of this clearness and stability.

I commit myself to whenever i am going to or about to go into assumption of someone wanting to hurt me just because of the tonality i have heard coming out of their mouth, i STOP myself in that moment by taking a deep breath and make sure i keep focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable.

I commit myself to make sure i always remind myself to stay within and as my breath focusing on it to make sure i don't loose myself in my reactions ignited by my memories.

I commit myself to let this personality go that i have created in relation to the reaction i have had when my great great uncle have scared me with his deep and hard base voice, and make sure that whenever someone with a similar voice will call my name i will just STOP myself in going into my mind and react and just BREATHE til i am clear and calm.

Now that i see/realize/understand that i mirror myself in another i make sure to focus more what another will say when speaking my name and see if there are reactions within me coming up and as soon they do, i make sure to STOP myself and take a deep breath till i am clear and calm/stable and from this clearness and calmness/stability i act out or speak.

I commit myself to make sure to always little by little as i move myself into the direction of becoming more and more self-honest to always speak out of this self-honesty, because in self-honesty their lies the truth of me, so i open my mouth and speak my truth that is BEST for all, not just me alone or to protect me, but because it is BEST for all.

I Commit myself to stop fearing conflict/friction that will derived from being self-honest as LIFE right here, as speaking the facts as they are right here right now, no matter what.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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