I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a world exists where parents belief most of the things teachers will say that will be against their own children and they do this just because the teachers are being seen/considered to be respected people in society, when in reality teachers and no teachers and every grown up are equally the same totally lost as the CON as CONsciousness.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a world exist where people are convinced by their beliefs and not by facts, that their beliefs override facts so much so that LIFE as how it functions as FACTS HERE are NOT all being taken into consideration.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live equal and one in a world wherein adults like me are in various states/sections of inequality, making it appear as if it is a very BIG thing, when it can never ever exist if it was not for the equality of the participants in the inequality existence that they accept and allow to exist.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow the teachings and examples of what my parents showed me, as to be a ''good kid'' which was just the opposite of that which would be a ''bad kid'' in my behavior and mannerism and eventually in my living as a grownup, but yet being a good kid as i was did not make me a human being that functions as the BEST human being i can ever be that will always honor and do what is BEST for all LIFE in all possible ways.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a world exists where mothers have to beat or give their children a ass-wooping in order to keep them in line and obey what the mothers are seeing as ''bad'' and unacceptable that the child is doing, without ever understanding at all that they are teaching their children to copy them by using anger and fear, so the child will grow old and do the same thing, teach their children to anger and fear.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal with the belief in this whole world in humans that we must at all costs avoid as much as possible the bad, and try as much as we can to achieve that which is good, and reward that which is good, and that which is bad must be punished, without seeing/realizing/understanding that this is exactly what we will live in this world, a world full of punishment for the apparent badness and full of rewards for the apparent goodness, when instead i should focus on understanding how i create both of them in me and my world at large and make sure i change myself and live in a way that is BEST for all LIFE, supporting life that is in all things equally with great honor.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with my mother for beating me, and especially for not believing me when i was in all self-honesty telling her that i did NOT do what the teacher was accusing me of doing, that it was not me who did whatever she believes i did, but my mother did not hear me and i got my little ass-woop anyways for being the famous none acceptable ''bad kid.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create an character based on this particular event of getting an ass-woop from my mother when being not the one that did whatever there was done that i was accused of having done, to exist within me as me where i will use this character to ignite emotions of anger within me with loads of thoughts with their roots firmly planted into the soil of my memories to make sure i am anger in matters of seconds.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be influenced by the voice and tonality that mother used at that time to make me react and that every time someone else use my name with similar voice tonality and manner i will have the same reactions of anger.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that an outside source can change something within me, when in reality the only one that can change anything within me is myself, so if i need to calm myself down i don't need anything but myself to calm myself down, i just do it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ran away from home just to punish my parents, in this case more my mother to make them go through the experience i experienced when i was not believed and had to take a beat down/ass-woop for telling the truth.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoyed spiting my parents in my own mind and enjoyed when i had the opportunity to do what i wanted, because i was all on myself alone, i did what i was not allowed to do, which was to go near this rough ocean that is dangerous, just to show them that i can brake that rule and be against them for they have hurt me, when in reality i was all by myself in my own mind alone doing all this and was not seeing/realizing/understanding that i was busy giving energy to an creation of an energetic entity within myself that will one day become a character to deal with similar scenarios.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed and guilty when my mother felt sorry for what she did to me and started to cry but not so much for her but for i knew in my secret mind all the things i did when i ran away from home and how spiteful/angry/mean i was to/towards her in my mind.
To be continued tomorrow...........................