Day 142, SFS On How Can I Be False Part 3

  I am continuing with my self-forgiveness statements here from the other days:

day 139

day 140 

day 141

 

 

                                                       

Self-forgiveness on memories of the points:

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a memory of someone that was sharing her deepest pain with me, and where i was hearing her, but was not showing any reaction, have made her become angry at me for what she thought/believed, which was; 'that i was not hearing her, or paying attention to her deepest pain she was sharing' and this memory i have stored within me because i felt as if i was guilty by not showing any reaction, and thereafter i acted upon my guilty feeling when i engage into similar encounters or interactions with other people from this one incident or experience, without seeing/realizing/understanding that i am busy acting out on a past memory and not taking action as to what is HERE and direct myself in this HERE moment to make a decision to say what i have to say in that moment based on what will be BEST for all participants involved.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of myself when i was just a young boy and that other boys will pick on me,because i was quiet, believing that they can bully me around but wherein they will soon find out that i am quiet but beneath the quietness there was a great storm as anger that i don't understand that exists within me as only the feeling of this anger when i am being challenged,  pops up and i couldn't control it, i will become so angry at what i know is abusive that i will feel no pain, and no fear at all of what could happen to me, like a total anger possession and also having a lot of strength wherein those bullying will go through hell, because i will not stop fucking them up at all if there were no intervention from teachers.  So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let anger be part of me as me and engage completely in it, letting myself get possessed by it where the me that was quiet won't exist anymore but just the me that is now in full rage.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be guided and possessed by a memory of me not liking people in higher positions in this world system, because they were always abusive towards myself and others as myself, wherein i will judge all of them as abusive, hence i can never trust any man/woman in higher positions because they will always abuse the ones under them for them to climb up even more on the ladder of success.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a memory of me not liking people bossing me around because it is always about doing what they want and need that will benefit them and not me or others, especially since i am good in physical tasks, and when they see this they want to put pressure on me, because in their eyes they can abuse my physical skill to their benefit to reach higher on top, the normal system norms as usual.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a memory of me finding out on my salary slip that i and everyone else is being lied to and manipulated and conned and paid not as it should be, wherein i became angry and made it my life purpose to find out how they are doing it, to have so many different amounts for different workers that are being paid exactly the same amount per hour and also are working the same amount of hours in a month. Thus within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself carry this memory within  me and always measure bosses with according to this one incident.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory existent within me as me wherein i feel sad and frustrated,mixed with anger because i have the understanding that it is NOT going to get better in the system and it is NOT going to be the way it was never ever again, no matter how much positive the ones whom belief this get, because the system as it exist now was built on the premise to abuse life only and never to support life, so it has been abusing life for so long and now that there is not much life to abuse and all that is being abused and sucked and consumed are coming to an END, so will the system to come to an slow end, but surely.

 

To be continued......

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

 

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