Friday, 28 September 2012
Thursday, 27 September 2012
Today i woke up screaming: '' nooooooooo....!!! ''
Now this is because in my dream my son had a big chef knife and was going to jam into the right eye as i could perceive it from the angel where i was sitting, the target-point it was going to go in.
I was sitting in the yard with my little sister and my son and his nephew were romping with each other and i was telling them to STOP doing that, because romping always lead to someone hitting each other just a little to hard and then the other one will get angry and hit a little harder back and before you know it you will both be fighting blaming each other on whom was the one whom started the whole thing.
And of course in dreams events and happenings like to jump from scene very fast, it is like the dream want you get at the suspense part as fast as possible and it looks like you are leaving every part of the play at half, you don't get to see the whole play.
So i just found myself in the middle of a conversation with my sister but my eyes were on the two boys romping that i was about to stand up and go and stop them from doing that, but just a few seconds before i even got up from the chair my son had a chef knife and held it up in the air and was already more then half way as he was going to jam it as it looked, in the eyes of his nephew, and the chef knife seem to have come from no where as in the dream my son was empty handed, and suddenly he had a chef knife, the whole bullshit of the mind when one is having dreams. So anyways that was the moment i woke up screaming: '' Nooooooo..!! '' and jumped out of the chair to try and reach them before the knife enter in the eyes.
But of course in that moment is also the moment i woke up.
Now i am wondering why one always wake up right at the very moment the suspense is at it's peak. It is like you are left with a big question when you wake up, if he really did it or not and if i reached them in time or not...?? We will never know....lolll
So let us deconstruct this whole dream.
I am going to place the names of the things that seem important in the dream and try to see what will come out of this.
* my son
* my nephew
* my little sister
* yard, daytime
* chef knife(big one) too big for my son actually to be able to hold in reality, would be too heavy for him in reality, he won't be able to handle it like he did in the dream ever.
* eyes, the point where the knife was suppose to go in.
* my own fear reaction, when he held the knife up and was about to jam it in.
So, now lets have a look at what my son, my nephew and my sister mean to me, and also before i go into the deconstruction, for those who don't know about this, but in your dreams everything and everyone is YOU..!! Because people have the tendency to think/belief that the people and the things in their dreams are NOT them and are representing the people themselves they are dreaming about, but this is NOT so it is all oneself. So if my son is in my dream, this picture or image of my son in my mind in this dream is NOT my son as he is in reality at home not here with me at all, that much we can agree on, don't we...?? Because they will think/belief the dream is trying to tell them something about the people they are dreaming about and stuff like that, and as you all know you always want to give your dreams some special mysterious meaning......lollll So up to the deconstruction now.
* my son: in reality me and my son are very close even when i am not in his life every day as i would like to and he of course would like to. I know he misses me a lot and is always as when i call asking me when i am going to come and visit him, because he wants to see me and just be with me, like any child would want from their father. And my son is 6 about to be 7 years old.
* my nephew: in reality i like my nephew to and i am as close to him as i am to my son to, but he is not the one that will miss me or me missing him, but our relationship with each other is a good one, and for those whom don't know he is just 4 about to be 5 years old. My nephew and my son are the two that also have a good relationship with each other, because when they are together they always play with each other more and like the company of each other, my son don't really enjoy the company of the other nephew i have that is older then my son whom is also a child from my little sister. It is like they always end up in discussions and arguments. So my son and my little nephew are the ones playing together most of the time when i am at my sister's house.
* my little sister: my little sister, when it comes to children i see someone whom is very good at organizing fun stuff to do with the kids, but her only weak point is that she have studied a little about how to handle with children and she is applying those things by the book so to speak but they are not really working, but she keep on believing that they work, and she feels offended when one talks about it and try to tell her to maybe she can try another way, but she won't because she beliefs her way IS the way, she is stubborn. So all this is what is existent within myself as myself, it is all me, and not my sister, can you see this..??
* Chef-knife: this kind of knife is handy for chef work around the kitchen and are mostly if it is a good one, a heavy knife of good quality, and as usual, knifes are things that we use to cut things with. And for myself i like chef knifes because when i have to cut vegetables and meat, i like using this kind of knife, because it cuts better. So the bottom line here is that knife is a symbol of cutting things either in half or into more little pieces, so it is in a sense a divider.
* yard: my experience with yard is that it is a open space in the back from ones home mostly where one can do little gardening and stuff and can also be a playground for children, and just a nice place to sit and have a good time with each other, have some BBQ and stuff, so this yard is symbolizing a get together place for families and friends.
* eyes: this is what we use to see with of course and in my dream it looked like my son was about to jam the knife in the right eye of my nephew. And the word: '' right'' come to the forefront here, meaning in this sense, to look at the things the right way, or ability to see rightly.
* chair: is what we use to sit in comfortably for support. So within this dream the chair represent and symbolizes support.
* romping: this is when children can also so be stupid adults play fight games. so in this dream i was expecting a fight to come out of this, because as i told them, it becomes in the end almost always a fight, a real one. So romping in this dream represents fight.
* fear reaction: This speaks for itself already, because out of the dream i really got to experience the fear, so the feeling of the emotion as fear was the only thing in the whole dream that was experienced at a physical level real, with other words, my mind fucked me up by killing a few little parts of my body to transform it into an emotion as energy.
So what does this dream tell me about myself..??
* That i am too close to people meaning i still trust people/persons when this is not something that one should be aiming for as long as someone is not willing to walk the talk as to bring about a world that is BEST for all LIFE.
* I enjoy company of people i trust or are close to me.
* I am stubborn.
* I am cutting things in half or little pieces, meaning i don't go full out, and i am looking at things in division/separation/polarity.
* family and friends are important to me, but i am not giving it attention.
* I see things the right way, which is in reality not THE right way, since the knife was about to be jammed in the right eye, meaning: the right way is what is BEST for all LIFE and NOT the right way as in right and wrong as polarity and opposites.
* I am fighting through my own process here, which it should NOT be so, i should be gliding through it, but i am making it a fight, so fighting with myself, with other words holding back, instead of going full out as it should.
* and of course the fear that exists to do the right thing, which is what is BEST for all LIFE, so i fear doing what is BEST for all life which i use to sabotage myself and divide myself into difficulty within myself.
Now up to the self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind continue running when i am resting, where even then it tries and get more energy to continue it's existence within me as me. I realize within my dream that i forgot to remind myself to BREATHE. So i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to forget to BREATHE in my dream.
I commit myself to even when i am dreaming to remind myself within my dream to BREATHE, and i hereby place my statement as the living word as i speak it as i am writing to remind myself to BREATHE when i am dreaming and to NOT STOP until the dream STOPS, which means my mind STOPS.
I will continue with this tomorrow...........
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Wednesday, 26 September 2012
There was a time in the past when i was younger that i wanted to go into the military. I was looking at it from the perspective of going into the military and learn some technical skills and get to be doing ''good things'' for people whom were in trouble either in this country or in other countries. Understand that this is the kind of bullshit that is being told to the young people to persuade them into joining the military, as if it is a great adventure, and besides that, they pay you well to, to become a soldier.
I passed almost all the tests, but after i have passed the psychological tests and so forth, i had to talk with one of the officers and in that particular conversation he was asking me some questions. Now before i continue, as i was waiting in the big hall for my turn to go in and have the conversation i looked at all the people there and i noticed the ones that had higher rankings when they were walking in and took a seat, they don't say hallo at all to no-one. They were proliferating themselves as arrogant, and in that moment i just had a good look within myself and i asked myself: '' is this really where you want to be, and with people that are like this..??''
So i went in and the officer started asking me questions and he asked me if i have had any troubles with the justice system and if i have had some fines in whatever matter. Now i remembered then that i did receive a fine from riding in the metro without paying, but they never sent me anything home to pay, so i never bothered asking them either, so i thought that will not be accountable since they never sent me a bill to pay the fine. So i said to the officer: '' no, i have no fines.'' And as i was answering his questions, he was looking in the computer, and he replied: '' you know Mr. Manuela, in the military we don't like people whom are liars, so are you sure you have no fines..??? And i repeat once more: '' no, i have no fines, because in my mind i was sure that the one fine will not be visible anymore since i have never received any bills and it was something like at that time 5 to 6 month later, so in my mind it cannot be in the computer otherwise they should have sent me a bill. Anyways, he told me, well since you are insisting in lying to us, i must in this moment not let you proceed with this whole test, because in the military we need people whom we can trust and we don't want liars, so hereby you are dismissed. Well, let me tell you, when i got out of the office to leave that place, i felt a relief, and i said to myself: '' thank goodness for that little fine,'' because i just didn't felt like that was the place for me to be, i didn't like the attitude of the people at all, it looked all stiff and cold, and the body language showing arrogance--------i just saw myself going to have a lot of problems with these people if i were to be in their midst. Because from my experience with interaction with arrogant people, i know that most if not all arrogant people are people whom always want to be better then others and see themselves as more then others, and i never liked people like this. Because they are very abusive either verbally or physically. The thing that i found out about this whole military bullshit, is that they can get any information about anyone if they like to, if they have your identity information. Because the people whom are dealing with these fines were not the police or something like that, they do work for the state, but it it doesn't fall under the police and legal departments. And even after the whole military tryout, i never got the bill home either from the department till this day, that is like 13 years later, wherein i will be asked to pay my way due fine. So to me that means they can look into systems of other departments and find out about things about you if your name is there very easily, they don't need any chip insertion as people belief/think that are afraid of these things, as all the conspiracy theories out there are trumpet around everywhere....lolll
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wanted to go into the military because of my adventures attitude that i was living back then, wherein i was not even questioning the whole military complex in it's entirety, i just saw it as people whom will go to prepare themselves to protect their country and if there is trouble in other countries go and help them, IF they are part of alliance agreement wherein ones particular country is in with other countries.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief/think that dying for ones country or for the good for all people was a great thing and a tough thing to do as it is being portrayed in the military when in reality it is NOT great at all to go and kill anyone and real tough people are people whom want to LIVE, not people whom want to DIE. People whom stand for LIFE, but not by trying to kill LIFE. I realize that negative things and things that are destructive to LIFE are being seen as tough things and given much more value, when the toughest thing ever is to live LIFE, as one as equal as all as everything as LIFE, right HERE and be self-honest. People will rather kill each other as in killing LIFE, then to give each other LIFE, they will rather fight then to find and agree to live in peace with each other, and the fight will be seen as something very tough, and peace will be seen as weak, so weak that they will even fight and kill each other using the name of peace..... i mean:'' What The Fuck..!! ''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never saw/perceived/viewed how by just wanting to participate even when the very existence of something like a military alone is beyond insanity, i still wanted to be part of it anyways as i was seeing/perceiving/viewing it as something tough without considering in fact what the fuck i was really trying to involve myself within, and wanted to be part of.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that the military is here to protect me, when real protection is to prevent the killing of ALL LIFE by giving as you would like to receive, which is a giving of LIFE back to LIFE itself, there is NEVER a loss in giving LIFE to LIFE, because LIFE is the REAL support for all that is manifested as itself as LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the military as something honorable to the country and the people in the country, when in reality it is just plain brainwashing to protect the ones in power in the country, and also to execute their power when they need to.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the military everywhere in ALL countries is in reality an abomination to LIFE, that will never ever honor LIFE, because it's very intention is to destroy LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the propaganda of the military that are going around giving people false hopes and false protection, because with the military one will never reach peace and one will never be protected because it creates more hate in people, and the more hate it creates the more it creates more enemies and have to keep on growing in numbers and in weapon creation. So i realize that with war one will only produce more enemies and NO peace at all as the world is proving and have proven throughout the ages, but still the young people are being brainwashed and their parents approve it either directly or indirectly that it is all o.k. to be part of the military or marine, that it is a great /tough thing to go out and kill other people in other countries that don't agree with the way one live in ones country, with all the none-sense that one belief.
I commit myself to show that the military is an abomination to LIFE and also a crime against all LIFE, and should be banned from the face of the earth as soon as possible.
I commit myself to show to the young people especially that choosing to go into the military is THE most stupid thing one can ever do, and the greatest crime that one will commit against LIFE, that will have consequences either HERE in this LIFE or when one dies, there is NO way out for what one accepts and allows to be done to LIFE.
I commit myself to debunk and expose the military for what it is always, as it is a acceptable crime committed to LIFE where no-one for real is really standing up and saying: '' no more..!! ''
I commit myself to show people whom are saying that they are against the military that they are in truth pro-military, because they are allowing it to exist in their country and allowing their children to participate within it and act as if there is nothing they can do about it, and even go as far as to say that their children have their own choices, and if they choose to go into the military, it is their choice, when in reality it wasn't a choice, they were brainwashed and are forced through laws and false propaganda to enroll themselves to go into the military.
I commit myself to work with others to bring about a system in this world in the form of the equalmoney system that will STOP all WARS and ALL military world wide.
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Tuesday, 25 September 2012
So within this blog i am going to write my self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements in regards to my relationship with rain as i see/perceive/view it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see/perceive/view rain as something special, just because i have chosen within myself to give rain a special meaning within myself as for the relationship i have had when i was a little boy living with my grandmother on the farm and how all the other farmers appreciated very much when it rained, and their ability to look at the soil and work the soil when it rains so the little water streams/small rivers that are formed when it is raining can be used properly/effectively to benefit as best as possible the soil, that will be used for plantation.
I commit myself to STOP myself whenever i see myself going into or about to go into my special feeling for the rain when it is raining, that brings all kinds of remembrances of the past when i was a little boy staying with my grandmother on the farm, and just BREATHE-----------------making sure i am touching something that is physically here so i don't loose myself within my mind shooting up memories to keep my occupied within it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not look at the rain as one as equal as myself as what is here physically manifest, but as separate from me wherein i have given the rain more value than other manifestations of LIFE right here in this physical world.
I commit myself to wipe off within me the specialness that i have given to the rain, and start my process of seeing/perceiving/viewing and most importantly being one and equal with the rain as a manifestation of LIFE just like me right HERE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for the way i see them seeing/viewing/perceiving the rain, and just because it is NOT in contrast with how i see/view/perceive the rain, i judge them by their very judgment of the rain, which is from my perspective a negative judgement.
I commit myself to STOP myself every time i am about to go into judging others to take a deep BREATH and make sure i am touching something that is physically here, as for example my own hands to remind me that i am HERE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give the smell of the rain a special meaning as an interpretation of my mind within myself, that i have given the sound of the rain falling on the soil and rooftops a special meaning within myself, that i have given the wetness of the soil after the rainfall a special meaning within myself, that i have given the breeze that i feel on my body when it rains a special meaning within myself, that i have given the taste of the rain a special meaning within myself, that i have given the support of growth that follows after it have rained a special meaning within myself, within this glorifying the rain and giving the rain more value then the rest of the expressions of nature.
I commit myself to STOP myself every time i see myself going into my mind and call upon memories of specialness in relation to the rain, and BREATHE till i am clear and stable within myself and nothing moves within me as energy as the mind, so i can let go of my view/interpretation of the meaning the rain has for me, which is just a interpretation of what the mind within me as me has of the rain.