Friday, 28 September 2012

Day 134, A Dream. SFS & SCS.

So here i am continuing with my self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements.  For further perspectives here is the link from yesterdays dream writing:   http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-133-dream.html




SELF-forgiveness statements continues:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form a picture/image of my son to exist within me as me, in a dream where i will allow this picture of my son to play out a scene within my mind as i am dreaming, without me seeing/realizing/understanding that the image/picture of my son is myself as energy within my mind, that was transformed from my human physical body as the substance of LIFE. So i realize that everything within and as my mind or derived from my mind is all me, the thoughts as images/pictures and emotions and feelings connected to them, are all ME as the mind as energy, and are all really just END products.


I commit myself to step by step, little by little to STOP myself in participating in my dreams and even to have dreams through my very writing of self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE, and also to do self-forgiveness aloud in the moment, and remind myself to BREATHE, and be here as my breath and my human physical body.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself have a image/picture as a thought as my nephew to exist within me as me.


I commit myself to interact with my nephew as his human physical body and make sure i do NOT allow my mind as myself to make pictures of him to use later on in dreams and thoughts.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have an image/picture of chef-knife to exist within me as me and use this image/picture with the image/picture of my son that looked liked he was about to jam it into my nephew's right eye, to exist within me as me.


I commit myself to STOP participation in my mind that creates images/pictures of real physical manifestations wherein i see my son that is about to jam a chef-knife into my nephew's right eye, that also created a emotion as fear within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my son and my nephew to romp each other in the dream dreamed by myself wherein a foresee/anticipate  a fight coming out of it, to exist within me as me.


I commit myself to STOP myself in dreams wherein i myself is the dreamer and what is being dreamed of, to exist within me as me and just take a deep BREATH and remind myself even in my dreams that i am still HERE and i am breathing as my human  physical body.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have chosen a yard to dream myself in together with my son, my nephew and my little sister, as for my mind to use a perfect family get together scenario for the whole scene to take place.  


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hear the voices of my son, my nephew and my sister and of course of my own to exist as a memory within me as me, that i use to ignite certain specific negative feelings as emotions that are none other than little parts of my human physical body that were killed and transformed into energy so my mind can continue with it's existence within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use a image/picture of a chair to exist within my mind in the dream within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the image/picture of an eye to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to be fearful within my dream as when i saw that my son was about to jam the chef-knife into my nephew's right eye.


Now let me place the points that are important wherein i can see what i can teach myself from my own dream and what are the points i need to work on still:

 

 

*** That i am too close to people meaning i still trust people/persons when this is not something that one should be aiming for as long as someone is not willing to walk the talk as to bring about a world that is BEST for all LIFE.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust people to easy, because of my self-created character as a ''good person,''  wherein i have the belief that o ''good person'' is someone whom is nice and good to others, when most of the time i am aware of those whom are not really people to be trusted for sure. I realize that i am still judging people, so within i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others by the way the present themselves, when i know that their presentation is a LIE, because they, just like me are playing a personality/character in their minds using the body as a host, or better yet, as a hostage.


I commit myself to STOP every time i see myself going into or about to go into the ''good person'' character and just take a deep BREATH and make sure i remind myself that i am here by touching something that is physical, so i don't get lost within my mind.



 

*** I enjoy company of people i trust or are close to me.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy mostly company of people i trust or are close to me, within excluding the rest of all that is HERE as LIFE manifest,creating within me and the world at large more separation, and place a false value on people.

 

I commit myself to remind myself that ALL people are and have the same value as LIFE, and therefore treat them all as one as equal as i would like myself to be treated like.

 

*** I am stubborn.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn and want things to go my way, without seeing/realizing/understanding that within stubborn behavior there is no oneness and equality and is selfish and implies the need/want to be superior than others, so within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish and in need/want to be superior to others.

 

I commit myself to little by little, step by step to STOP this superiority and selfish behavior that exists within me as me that i myself have accepted and allowed myself to create myself to be part of the whom i am, through my writings of self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE, and just make sure i BREATHE till all is quiet within me and nothing moves as energy within me as me as my mind.

 

 

 

***  I am cutting things in half or little pieces, meaning i don't go full out, and i am looking at things in division/separation/polarity.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate myself in NOT doing the things that i need to do especially when it comes to me being more diligent to my own process. 

 

I commit myself to STOP myself procrastinating and to push myself more and more and to never give up, till i find my stability within my process, because i know it is my mind trying to make it look like it is difficult when in reality all it takes is me doing what i need to do in every breath till it is done.

*** family and friends are important to me, but i am not giving it attention.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT give my friends and family much attention due to the fact that i know they do NOT agree with me on this whole process that i am walking here, that from their point of view/perspective looks like a belief system that they don't agree with so they distant themselves more and more.

 

I commit myself to treat and interact with my family and friends, without mind participation so that i remain just HERE, and when an opportunity present itself then i can slowly talk about my process and what i am doing in easy to understand terms so they can hear me, and maybe realize something for themselves about themselves. 

*** I see things the right way, which is in reality not THE right way, since the knife was about to be jammed in the right eye, meaning: the right way is what is BEST for all LIFE and NOT the right way as in right and wrong as polarity and opposites.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that the true ''right way'' is to make sure all LIFE is equal and to make sure each part of LIFE is functioning at it's optimum/BEST.


I commit myself to STOP myself every time i see myself going into or about to go into participation the polarity game of the mind and just BREATHE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me, and make sure i am touching something that is physically here so i don't loose myself in my mind and just be one and equal with my breath and my human physical body.

*** I am fighting through my own process here, which it should NOT be so, i should be gliding through it, but i am making it a fight, so fighting with myself, with other words holding back, instead of going full out as it should.

 

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT go full out within and as my own process where i sabotage myself to NOT do what is necessary to be done and get it done.


I commit myself to keep on pushing myself till i am stable and clear so i can move through my process with much ease, and not make it a dragging and a burden but something fun to do.

*** and of course the fear that exists to do the right thing, which is what is BEST for all LIFE, so i fear doing what is BEST for all life which i use to sabotage myself and divide myself into difficulty within myself.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what is BEST for all life as an application for me to walk for i know of the consequences that will come to such a responsibility.

 

I commit myself to make sure i take my self-responsibility for i have chosen to stand for LIFE, so for and as LIFE i MUST walk till this is done..!!

 

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

 

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Thursday, 27 September 2012

Day 133, A Dream.

Today i woke up screaming: '' nooooooooo....!!! ''




Now this is because in my dream my son had a big chef knife and was going to jam into the right eye as i could perceive it from the angel where i was sitting, the target-point it was going to go in.


I was sitting in the yard with my little sister and my son and his nephew were romping with each other and i was telling them to STOP doing that, because romping always lead to someone hitting each other just a little to hard and then the other one will get angry and hit a little harder back and before you know it you will both be fighting blaming each other on whom was the one whom started the whole thing.


And of course in dreams events and happenings like to jump from scene very fast, it is like the dream want you get at the suspense part as fast as possible and it looks like you are leaving every part of the play at half, you don't get to see the whole play. 


So i just found myself in the middle of a conversation with my sister but my eyes were on the two boys romping that i was about to stand up and go and stop them from doing that, but just a few seconds before i even got up from the chair my son had a chef knife and held it up in the air and was already more then half way as he was going to jam it as it looked, in the eyes of his nephew, and the chef knife seem to have come from no where as in the dream my son was empty handed, and suddenly he had a chef knife, the whole bullshit of the mind when one is having dreams. So anyways that was the moment i woke up screaming: '' Nooooooo..!! '' and jumped out of the chair to try and reach them before the knife enter in the eyes.


But of course in that moment is also the moment i woke up.


Now i am wondering why one always wake up right at the very moment the suspense is at it's peak. It is like you are left with a big question when you wake up, if he really did it or not and if i reached them in time or not...??  We will never know....lolll


So let us deconstruct this whole dream.


I am going to place the names of the things that seem important in the dream and try to see what will come out of this.


* my son

* my nephew

* my little sister

* yard, daytime

* chef knife(big one)  too big for my son actually to be able to hold in reality, would be too heavy for him in reality, he won't be able to handle it like he did in the dream ever.

* eyes, the point where the knife was suppose to go in.


* chair

* romping

* my own fear reaction, when he held the knife up and was about to jam it in.

 

So, now lets have a look at what my son, my nephew and my sister mean to me, and also before i go into the deconstruction, for those who don't know about this, but in your dreams everything and everyone is YOU..!!   Because people have the tendency to think/belief that the people and the things in their dreams are NOT them and are representing the people themselves they are dreaming about, but this is NOT so it is all oneself. So if my son is in my dream, this picture or image of my son in my mind in this dream is NOT my son as he is in reality at home not here with me at all, that much we can agree on, don't we...??   Because they will think/belief the dream is trying to tell them something about the people they are dreaming about and stuff like that, and as you all know you always want to give your dreams some special mysterious meaning......lollll    So up to the deconstruction now.


* my son:  in reality me and my son are very close even when i am not in his life every day as i would like to and he of course would like to. I know he misses me a lot and is always as when i call asking me when i am going to come and visit him, because he wants to see me and just be with me, like any child would want from their father. And my son is 6 about to be 7 years old.


* my nephew: in reality i like my nephew to and i am as close to him as i am to my son to, but he is not the one that will miss me or me missing him, but our relationship with each other is a good one, and for those whom don't know he is just 4 about to be 5 years old.  My nephew and my son are the two that also have a good relationship with each other, because when they are together they always play with each other more and like the company of each other, my son don't really enjoy the company of the other nephew i have that is older then my son whom is also a child from my little sister. It is like they always end up in discussions and arguments. So my son and my little nephew are the ones playing together most of the time when i am at my sister's house.


* my little sister: my little sister, when it comes to children i see someone whom is very good at organizing fun stuff to do with the kids, but her only weak point is that she have studied a little about how to handle with children and she is applying those things by the book so to speak but they are not really working, but she keep on believing that they work, and she feels offended when one talks about it and try to tell her to maybe she can try another way, but she won't because she beliefs her way IS the way, she is stubborn. So all this is what is existent within myself as myself, it is all me, and not my sister, can you see this..??



* Chef-knife: this kind of knife is handy for chef work around the kitchen and are mostly if it is a good one, a heavy knife of good quality, and as usual, knifes are things that we use to cut things with. And for myself i like chef knifes because when i have to cut vegetables and meat, i like using this kind of knife, because it cuts better.  So the bottom line here is that knife is a symbol of cutting things either in half or into more little pieces, so it is in a sense a divider.


* yard:  my experience with yard is that it is a open space in the back from ones home mostly where one can do little gardening and stuff and can also be a playground for children, and just a nice place to sit and have a good time with each other, have some BBQ and stuff, so this yard is symbolizing a get together place for families and friends.


* eyes: this is what we use to see with of course and in my dream it looked like my son was about to jam the knife in the right eye of my nephew. And the word: '' right'' come to the forefront here, meaning in this sense, to look at the things the right way, or ability to see rightly.


* chair: is what we use to sit in comfortably for support. So within this dream the chair represent and symbolizes support.


* romping: this is when children can also so be stupid adults play fight games. so in this dream i was expecting a fight to come out of this, because as i told them, it becomes in the end almost always a fight, a real one.  So romping in this dream represents fight. 


* fear reaction: This speaks for itself already, because out of the dream i really got to experience the fear, so the feeling of the emotion as fear was the only thing in the whole dream that was experienced at a physical level real, with other words, my mind fucked me up by killing a few little parts of my body to transform it into an emotion as energy.


So what does this dream tell me about myself..??


* That i am too close to people meaning i still trust people/persons when this is not something that one should be aiming for as long as someone is not willing to walk the talk as to bring about a world that is BEST for all LIFE.

 

* I enjoy company of people i trust or are close to me.

 

* I am stubborn.

 

*  I am cutting things in half or little pieces, meaning i don't go full out, and i am looking at things in division/separation/polarity.


* family and friends are important to me, but i am not giving it attention.


* I see things the right way, which is in reality not THE right way, since the knife was about to be jammed in the right eye, meaning: the right way is what is BEST for all LIFE and NOT the right way as in right and wrong as polarity and opposites.


* I am fighting through my own process here, which it should NOT be so, i should be gliding through it, but i am making it a fight, so fighting with myself, with other words holding back, instead of going full out as it should.


* and of course the fear that exists to do the right thing, which is what is BEST for all LIFE, so i fear doing what is BEST for all life which i use to sabotage myself and divide myself into difficulty within myself.


Now up to the self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind continue running when i am resting, where even then it tries and get more energy to continue it's existence within me as me. I realize within my dream that i forgot to remind myself to BREATHE. So i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to forget to BREATHE in my dream.


I commit myself to even when i am dreaming to remind myself within my dream to BREATHE, and i hereby place my statement as the living word as i speak it as i am writing to remind myself to BREATHE when i am dreaming and to NOT STOP until the dream STOPS, which means my mind STOPS.

 

I will continue with this tomorrow...........

 

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

 

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Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Day 132, Going Into The Military..??

There was a time in the past when i was younger that i wanted to go into the military. I was looking at it from the perspective of going into the military and learn some technical skills and get to be doing ''good things'' for people whom were in trouble either in this country or in other countries. Understand that this is the kind of bullshit that is being told to the young people to persuade  them into joining the military, as if it is a great adventure, and besides that, they pay you well to, to become a soldier.

 

 


I passed almost all the tests, but after i have passed the psychological tests and so forth, i had to talk with one of the officers and in that particular conversation he was asking me some questions. Now before i continue, as i was waiting in the big hall for my turn to go in and have the conversation i looked at all the people there and  i noticed the ones that had higher rankings when they were walking in and took a seat, they don't say hallo at all to no-one. They were proliferating themselves as arrogant, and in that moment i just had a good look within myself and i asked myself: '' is this really where you want to be, and with people that are like this..??''


So i went in and the officer started asking me questions and he asked me if i have had any troubles with the justice system and if i have had some fines in whatever matter. Now i remembered then that i did receive a fine from riding in the metro without paying, but they never sent me anything home to pay, so i never bothered asking them either, so i thought that will not be accountable since they never sent me a bill to pay the fine. So i said to the officer: '' no, i have no fines.''  And as i was answering his questions, he was looking in the computer, and he replied: '' you know Mr. Manuela, in the military we don't like people whom are liars, so are you sure you have no fines..???    And i repeat once more: '' no, i have no fines, because in my mind i was sure that the one fine will not be visible anymore since i have never received any bills and it was something like at that time 5 to 6 month later, so in my mind it cannot be in the computer otherwise they should have sent me a bill.  Anyways, he told me, well since you are insisting in lying to us, i must in this moment not let you proceed with this whole test, because in the military we need people whom we can trust and we don't want liars, so hereby you are dismissed.   Well, let me tell you, when i got out of the office to leave that place, i felt a relief, and i said to myself:  '' thank goodness for that little fine,'' because i just didn't felt like that was the place for me to be, i didn't like the attitude of the people at all, it looked all stiff and cold, and the body language showing arrogance--------i just saw myself going to have a lot of problems with these people if i were to be in their midst. Because from my experience with interaction with arrogant people, i know that most if not all arrogant people are people whom always want to be better then others and see themselves as more then others, and i never liked people like this. Because they are very abusive either verbally or physically. The thing that i found out about this whole military bullshit, is that they can get any information about anyone if they like to, if they have your identity information. Because the people whom are dealing with these fines were not the police or something like that, they do work for the state, but it it doesn't fall under the police and legal departments. And even after the whole military tryout, i never got the bill home either from the department till this day, that is like 13 years later, wherein i will be asked to pay my way due fine. So to me that means they can look into systems of other departments and find out about things about you if your name is there very easily, they don't need any chip insertion as people belief/think that are afraid of these things, as all the conspiracy theories out there are trumpet around everywhere....lolll


Self-forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wanted to go into the military because of my adventures attitude that i was living back then, wherein i was not even questioning the whole military complex in it's entirety, i just saw it as people whom will go to prepare themselves to protect their country and if there is trouble in other countries  go and help them, IF they are part of alliance agreement wherein ones particular country is in with other countries.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief/think that dying for ones country or for the good for all people was a great thing and a tough thing to do as it is being portrayed in the military when in reality it is NOT great at all to go and kill anyone and real tough people are people whom want to LIVE, not people whom want to DIE. People whom stand for LIFE, but not by trying to kill LIFE.  I realize that negative things and things that are destructive to LIFE are being seen as tough things and given much more value, when the toughest thing ever is to live LIFE, as one as equal as all as everything as LIFE, right HERE and be self-honest. People will rather kill each other as in killing LIFE, then to give each other LIFE, they will rather fight then to find and agree to live in peace with each other, and the fight will be seen as something very tough, and peace will be seen as weak, so weak that they will even fight and kill each other using the name of peace..... i mean:'' What The Fuck..!! ''


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never saw/perceived/viewed how by just wanting to participate even when the very existence of something like a military alone is beyond insanity, i still wanted to be part of it anyways as i was seeing/perceiving/viewing it as something tough without considering in fact what the fuck i was really trying to involve myself within, and wanted to be part of.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that the military is here to protect me, when real protection is to prevent the killing of ALL LIFE by giving as you would like to receive, which is a giving of LIFE back to LIFE itself, there is NEVER a loss in giving LIFE to LIFE, because LIFE is the REAL support for all that is manifested as itself as LIFE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the military as something honorable to the country and the people in the country, when in reality it is just plain brainwashing to protect the ones in power in the country, and also to execute their power when they need to.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the military everywhere in ALL countries is in reality an abomination to LIFE, that will never ever honor LIFE, because it's very intention is to destroy LIFE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the propaganda of the military that are going around giving people false hopes and false protection, because with the military one will never reach peace and one will never be protected because it creates more hate in people, and the more hate it creates the more it creates more enemies and have to keep on growing in numbers and in weapon creation. So i realize that with war one will only produce more enemies and NO peace at all as the world is proving and have proven throughout the ages, but still the young people are being brainwashed and their parents approve it either directly or indirectly that it is all o.k. to be part of the military or marine, that it is a great /tough thing to go out and kill other people in other countries that don't agree with the way one live in ones country, with all the none-sense that one belief.

 

I commit myself to show that the military is an abomination to LIFE and also a crime against all LIFE, and should be banned from the face of the earth as soon as possible.

 

I commit myself to show to the young people especially that choosing to go into the military is THE most stupid thing one can ever do, and the greatest crime that one will commit against LIFE, that will  have consequences either HERE in this LIFE or when one dies, there is NO way out for what one accepts  and allows to be done to LIFE.


I commit myself to debunk and expose the military for what it is always, as it is a acceptable crime committed to LIFE where no-one for real is really standing up and saying: '' no more..!! ''


I commit myself to show people whom are saying that they are against the military that they are in truth pro-military, because they are allowing it to exist in their country and allowing their children to participate within it and act as if there is nothing they can  do about it, and even go as far as to say that their children have their own choices, and if they choose to go into the military, it is their choice, when in reality it wasn't a choice, they were brainwashed and are forced through laws and false propaganda to enroll themselves to go into the military.


I commit myself to work with others to bring about a system in this world in the form of the equalmoney system that will STOP all WARS and ALL military world wide.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Day 131, When It Rains. SFS & SCS.

So within this blog i am going to write my self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements in regards to my relationship with  rain as i see/perceive/view it.

 

 


Self-forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see/perceive/view  rain as something special, just because i have chosen within myself to give rain a special meaning within myself as for the relationship i have had when i was a little boy living with my grandmother on the farm and how all the other farmers appreciated very much when it rained, and their ability to look at the soil and work the soil when it rains so the little water streams/small rivers that are formed when it is raining can be used properly/effectively to benefit as best as possible the soil, that will be used for plantation.


I commit myself to STOP myself whenever i see myself going into or about to go into my special feeling for the rain when it is raining, that brings all kinds of remembrances of the past when i was a little boy staying with my grandmother on the farm, and just BREATHE-----------------making sure i am touching something that is physically here so i don't loose myself within my mind shooting up memories to keep my occupied within it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not look at the rain as one as equal as myself as what is here physically manifest, but as separate from me wherein i have given the rain more value than other manifestations of LIFE right here in this physical world.



I commit myself to wipe off within me the specialness that i have given to the rain, and start my process of seeing/perceiving/viewing and most importantly being one and equal with the rain as a manifestation of LIFE just like me right HERE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others for the way i see them seeing/viewing/perceiving the rain, and just because it is NOT in contrast with how i see/view/perceive the rain, i judge them by their very judgment of the rain, which is from my perspective a negative judgement.


I commit myself to STOP myself every time i am about to go into judging others to take a deep BREATH and make sure i am touching something that is physically here, as for example my own hands to remind me that i am HERE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give the smell of the rain a special meaning as an interpretation of my mind within myself, that i have given the sound of the rain falling on the soil and rooftops a special meaning within myself, that i have given the wetness of the soil after the rainfall a special meaning within myself, that i have given the breeze that i feel on my body when it rains a special meaning within myself, that i have given the taste of the rain a special meaning within myself, that i have given the support of growth that follows after it have rained a special meaning within myself, within this glorifying the rain and giving the rain more value then the rest of the expressions of nature

 

 

 

I commit myself to STOP myself every time i see myself going into my mind and call upon memories of specialness in relation to the rain, and BREATHE till i am clear and stable within myself and nothing moves within me as energy as the mind, so i can let go of my view/interpretation of the meaning the rain has for me, which is just a interpretation of what the mind within me as me has of the rain.

 

I forgive myself  that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of me as a child playing in the rain and being very happy playing in the rain, wherein i do not realize/see/understand that through allowing this memory to manifest within me as energy is NOT what is HERE, it is a just a picture and image i have placed within my mind to ignite in specific moments certain/specific feelings to/towards the rain of happiness within me, wherein i loose myself within my mind and loose all touch with reality HERE.


I commit myself to STOP myself whenever i see myself going into my mind as in my memories to shoot off pictures/images of experiences of me playing in the rain wherein i get a special happy feeling within my solar plexus area, and make sure that i just BREATHE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as energy as the mind, wherein i am just HERE as my breath and my human physical body one and equal.

 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the falling of rain to the memory of me being a little boy living on the farm with my grandmother whom has passed away already.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself whenever i see myself going into participation of memories within my mind that keep me occupied and imprisoned within my mind, and take a deep BREATH till i am clear and stable and nothing else moves within me so that i am just HERE as one as equal with/as my breath and my human physical body.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself a special feeling to/towards the rain in relationship with my experiences i have had with rain in my life.

 

I commit myself to through my writings of self-forgiveness and my commitments to life to make sure i delete all energy experiences within me as the mind to leave only what is here as the living word as the flesh as it should be as the manifested life as substance of life.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect certain and specific feelings and emotions 

 to memories and thoughts within me of me being happy and of me dancing and playing in the rain.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself whenever i see myself going into or about to go into thoughts and emotions related to how i feel about the rain and what picture manifestations appear within my conscious level of my mind, and just BREATHE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as thoughts nor memories as my mind as energy within me as me.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Sunday, 23 September 2012

Day 130, When It Rains.

I always had a thing with rain. With this i mean, i just ''love'' it when it rains, even when it is disastrous, because i look at it as nature doing what it is doing and man trying to get in it's way for their ways and it doesn't work. I like the sound of rain falling on the roof, or just falling on the soil and the smell of it, and just how it looks when it is raining with little wind in carrying it or when it is carried with lots of hard wind, it has it's own movement, and i just like it.

 

 


In this country where i live now,which is Holland people don't seem to appreciate rain at all, they don't like it at all when it rains, because it interferes with their ability to make money and to go out and have some fun. There are very few that i have interacted with that will say that they like it when it rains, very few. It also have to do a little with the fact that it rains above average in this country and they don't get to see the sun that much, so they wish for a warm weather most of the times, the majority that is.


Where i come from it used to rain in every season when it was suppose to rain, like from November till March or so. But nowadays things have changed and it almost doesn't rain at all that much. But still from my perspective i always love it when it rains, because i see the rain as a support to the earth and life on earth and not as a burden or disturbance, like they see it here in this country. So even here where it rains much more, i still have the same view and perspective about rain, nothing changed, i see it's value in it's support, and NOT as a point of self-interest where it disturbs me of going out to do the things i want to do, the car is going to be dirty, walking in the rain i am going to get wet and my clothing all wet and my shoes all fucked up, and so on and on............ as many do in this country, they become even cantankerous here when it rains, can you imagine that....loll..........


This is just to have a look at how different people in different places behave around a simple thing like rain and experience the rain as either positive or negative and in most cases not as what the functionality of the rain is in fact.


So i have come to honor the rain in my life due to my relationship with the rain with the land and how what we planted is in need of the rain and everything else is in need of the rain, so i never saw the rain as a burden or a disturbance. So i find how the people here react to the rainfall very strange and not honorable in the beginning when i first arrived here in this country for my studies. Now i am used to them with their complaints about the rain.


I look at this for the reason that as i can see, when a society becomes more financially powerful, they start to distant themselves more and more from nature and even start to have like a hatred in some form against nature to interfere within their little lives of ''modern society.''  This modern society seem to be putted on a pedestal, above nature and what is real. Because the modern society is just a dream of the dreamers that constitute together this ''modern society'' and superimpose it on nature without any regards to how it affect nature in it's entirety. As long as the dream is being lived out, all seem great. Modern society seem advanced and all the none sense, when in reality modern society is truly a complete devolution, that at it's peak will bring only destruction to all societies and everything else. Modern society is trying to distant itself from nature, the part where the body consists of and exists as. So trying to distance oneself from the REAL nature and try and put in it's place the MIND as the false nature, will lead to complete separation, because the mind is not natural as the body that it finds itself in/as, and wherein it's trying to be the god thereof.


So when rain is not being appreciated and honored anymore, what does this tell us about ourselves..?? Are we not becoming more systematic and mechanical, and within this full of light and love..?? So light and love are systematic and mechanical and not natural as the rain that falls on the earth that supports with growth. The rain supports with sustenance of the whole ecosystem of earth. So the rain do it's duty very well as it's nature. Man is not yet at DOING at all as it's nature, which is being a breathing human physical body, that works together as one as equal with the rest of what is nature as itself right here.


As one can clearly see in the way we live with each other, this love has not been able to produce a growth at all in humanity where life sprout out of it and is being supported, like the rain is doing, something to take into consideration, when almost all of humanity is claiming that they so-called: ''love.''


But we the humans are so separated from nature that we don't even know anymore what the heck nature really is, and our bodies that is part of this whole nature we don't treat it with respect and honor at all as part of this nature that it consists of and exists as, as one as equal to this physical nature of earth and the whole physical existence. We seem to give importance to what our minds---------- what we belief/think we are, tells us about what our nature is in separation to the nature that is truly HERE in fact as our bodies, as the earth and as the entire physical existence as the whole universe that is physically HERE and not take this into consideration at all.

 

I will be doing self-forgiveness statements and my commitments to life for this whole relationship with rain as in how i perceive/view/interpret  RAIN tomorrow........

 

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela.


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Saturday, 22 September 2012

Day 129, Working up To The Age Of 67.

I was asked today at work by my supervisor to be careful with my back, because i lifted a heavy box up, and he said: '' remember you have to work till you are 67.''


 

 



 


The thing about this and that i did not go deep into it was, that it is because i know within myself that this current system is not going to be here by the time i am 67. For one, i will be one of those whom will make sure this absurd/abusive stupidity ENDS, wherein we work for not to support LIFE, but to owe someone or a minority group of people whom belief they deserve to be more and have more then all the rest, and make the rest PAY for what they have stolen/pillaged and declared as theirs, therefore i and the rest now works for them in order for us to keep ourselves and our families alive in this world system, that in reality don't care about LIFE at all.

 

So i have no problems with WORK itself, and when i say work here i mean work that really for real support all LIFE equally. With this every being working together to bring about a world that is always in all ways BEST for all living beings. So we can explore/expand ourselves and the earth and it's inhabitants and for real be free. At the moment we ONLY work to survive in the system that dictates to us that if we don't participate in the DEBT of the system we won't be accepted in the system and will be seen as outcasts and trouble makers, and also be punished for not wanting to participate in the system of DEBT in many different ways, through the laws/rules/regulations within the system that protect the thieves that are ahead of this stupid abusive game of a system.

 

Here in this country some people say: '' ik leef niet om te werken, ik werk om te leven.''   meaning:  '' i don't live to work, i work to live'' 

 

They say this because they mean that their work is only for their survival as what they belief, and work is not life, but the reality is that the whole saying is a catch 22, the snake eating it's own tale. Because within the system no matter how you play with the words, YOU are working in order to keep yourself alive in the system, because everything that is used and is needed for survival of the body costs money and the only way to get money is through work. Food/clothing/housing/sanitation/transportation/education---------------all of this is only available to you if you have money.

 

 

Yes of course you can go out somewhere and live in the bushes and plant your own food and built your own home with wood, but than you will be just an outcast and someone whom is an self-interest prick. And even within this, as all the lands are being taken by the super rich, you will probably not even get a bush to go amd live in, because it will be a property of some sick ego maniac as a rich man. Because you will rather try  and save your own ass and let everyone that are in the system to continue being abused and lied to, and murdered/killed. And by getting or moving into the bushes will  not change the world system to be/become a system that will be BEST for all LIFE. It is the same as an example as when someone gets laid off of their job, the job continues, only they were removed and their removal won't stop the job to not exist anymore,and the rest of  the people will continue working there when they are gone.  And that on itself( moving into the bushes) would not be living either, because than all of the rest of your life will be you surviving in the bushes. hunting, looking for food. And that will be about it. When one have a look at bush people or people whom live in very rural and remote areas, one will notice that all their lives is about, is looking for food everyday and then having some ritual they do at night before going to sleep, but the only thing they do is just trying to stay alive, they don't move out of this circle.

 

 

We already have all the things we need to distribute all that we all need to live a dignified LIFE on this planet, it is only in the HOW we are distributing it, that there is a problem. Because all that the earth is giving for free to support all life on it, is not being distributed equally as a support as the earth itself is doing. Some have robbed the earth and people and declare themselves as OWNERS of what is freely given to ALL by the earth and make everyone now PAY them in order to get it. And this abusive bullshit is what will be STOPPED. No-one will own any fucking thing that is a support and detrimental for LIFE of ALL the inhabitants on this earth..!!

 

 

I am sick and tired of this bullshit, people talking about their jobs as if it is a great thing and as if even when they don't like it, accept it and say: '' yeah, but there is nothing we can do about it,'' which is totally NOT TRUE.!!

 

 


 



  


No more of this abusive bullshit will be accepted to ever exist on this planet again. I for sure have had enough of my own bullshit and the rest of the population's bullshit, running around like little fear mongers, hiding behind fear in order to not take one's self-responsibility for BEING HERE..!!

 

 

I can tell you, that it is already DONE..!!  There is more going on that you don't know of, and even if i would tell you, you won't  belief me anyways right now. I and the rest of the peoples whom have realized themselves and are busy deconstructing ourselves to transform ourselves to be/become the BEST human we can ever be that always does what is BEST for all LIFE in all ways, and we will not STOP until ALL are FREE, only then freedom is REAL. And this is my purpose for being here on this planet.

 

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react within myself as in being tired of people not getting this whole world system they are participating in, and accept and even defend it as if it cares for their lives.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself in moments and circumstances where i see myself going into or about to go into feeling tired of people NOT getting how the system they're supporting everyday really works.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system exists when i am here that dictates to me and everyone else how long they have to be wage-slaves and force everyone tacitly to accept/allow this wage-slavery.

 

I commit myself to show in my writings of self-forgiveness and my commitments to life that we are just wage-slaves in a broken system of abuse that doesn't care at all for LIFE, only in consuming LIFE to turn it into money.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system exist where such things as supervisors can exist within it, that are the ones whom are looking for ways to make the wage-slaves just like themselves to work harder for the system and the ones on top of the system, hiding behind the justification that they to need to eat, that they can't do anything about it, and that if they don't do it someone else is going to do it anyways. Within this i realize that people are afraid to come together and stand together and make the change, and this is because they don't trust themselves let alone trusting someone else they don't even know, so they will rather continue with the abuse that is trickling down from above as the ones making the decisions to put more pressure on the ones that are actually doing the real part of the work, the practical part, so they can get more of the gain of the part that is illusion, which is the profit as money.

 

I commit myself to show all people whom are ready to hear that the positions they have in their jobs is nothing but a position that can be used to make the system as it is continue existing as it is, where some are seen as be having more value then another and deserve to have a better life then another and get to be rewarded with more because of the positions that are being seen as having more value within/to the system.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let work exist in the form as it exists now, as a form/structure/system to enslave people rather to be used to explore and expand our experience on this earth as in the BEST possible way for all Living things.

 

I commit myself to show that work in it's current form is just slavery. it is not practical actions to produce a life worth living that is BEST for all living things.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system exist that dictates to me and everyone and everything else if they are going to eat or not eat, if they are going to have a roof over their heads or not, if they are going to be able to cloth themselves or not, if they are going to be educated or not, if they are going to be able to transport themselves to some other place or not, if they are going to be cured if they get sick or not, if they are going to have enough to drink or not.

 

I commit myself to show that the system as it exist  currently is nothing but a system that sucks on LIFE and not in anyways whatsoever honor LIFE at all, all that the earth produces freely for all life on it to be given freely so all life is as the BEST possible supported is being taken and transformed into money and money is being used as if it itself is LIFE and is the real resource, so money now is the false resource, a belief system created by humans to be put in place for the few humans to have their lives being lived as best as possible for them alone.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system of money exist that only support the self-interest of humans and even within this NOT all humans either,but only few of the humans.

 

I commit myself to show that those whom have made the laws/rules/regulations within the system to glorify self-interest above all else, did this deliberately in order for them to get the upper hand and so the others won't notice.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system exists where the minority rules and make decisions for the majority through laws/rules/regulations that will benefit only the minority and make sure the majority is enslaved though/by these very laws/rules/regulations that seemingly no-one dares to change or better yet throw away for they serve only self-interest.

 

I commit myself to show that laws/rules/regulations of men are all but a limited version of opinions of men itself that has not taken into consideration ALL LIFE on earth, only for the lives of few humans as are being called: '' the upper elite.''

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

 

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Thursday, 20 September 2012

Day 128, Falling For An Image, SF & SC. day 4.

So here i am continuing with the deconstruction and self-honest investigation within myself as i see what exists within myself, in order to bring it to nothing.


Here are the links what i wrote other days:

* 1)  day 124

* 2)  day 125

* 3)  day 126

* 4)  day 127


Now i will continue with the back-chats related to falling for images.

 

Before i write the back-chats here, i must point out an interesting realization,  that when it comes to SEX, most of the times i have back-chats in my mother tongue, which is very interesting, so bear with me here, i will be putting some of them written in my mother tongue and of course the translation behind it in English. This point itself is also to be investigated, and deconstructed as it gives emphasis to get closer to this whole character that is behind this mess, that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.




Back-chats:

* 1) [Eh eh, bon ko'i bati ku patin esaki ta,] meaning: '' Eh eh, this is something good to fuck,''-------------- literally translated it would look like this: Eh eh, good thing to hit with my dick, is this.


* 2) [Mara mi por hañ'é.]  meaning: '' Wish i could get her ''


* 3) [ ami so k'e ko'i mi ta bisabo, lo'n tin awa pa laba.]  meaning:  '' me alone with that thing, i am telling you there will be no water to wash with.  This last part( no water to wash with) is a saying  we use in our language, when one finds oneself in a situation wherein one can't get out of.


* 4) [Eh eh dushi, tur esei ta dibo anto bo no ta parti..??]   meaning: '' oh baby, all of that is yours, and you don't share..??


* 5) [ Ta kon mi lo hasi kumi hañami ku tantu karni asina...??]  meaning: '' what would i do, when i find myself with so much flesh...??

 

                                            =====================



Self-forgiveness on the back-chats:


Before i write the self-forgiveness statements related to the back-chats i will also delve into the language itself within my self-forgiveness statements, because i understand in this moment that i have to.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my own mother tongue to express my back-chats that i have regarding how i look at woman, when i find them sexually attractive, wherein i use this language, because it gives me a sense of control and certainty within myself, as something that is very personal, so my mother tongue in my mind is to me then very personal, as personal as possible i can get when using certain words to get what i desire, which is in this case SEX with a woman. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give value on personalities within myself as myself and outside myself by using my own mother tongue as a means to strengthen my own belief about the sexuality i accept and allow within and as myself as to make sure that, when i use my mother tongue i am more prompt and sure, and more in control because it is now closer to me as something that i OWN.

 

I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or about to go into back-chats using my mother tongue or back-chats in any other tongue to STOP---------------BREATHE and make sure i continue breathing till nothing moves any longer within me, so i don't loose myself within and as my mind, and within this application make sure that i touch something that is physical to remind me in every breath, that i am HERE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that by using my own mother tongue it gives me the freedom to OWN what i desire and want, for my mother tongue is something i feel that i OWN, it is mine. I realize how i equate sexual desires for control through ownership and using my mother tongue to give this delusion some credibility and value and as if because of this i can think/belief and say anything within my mind, regarding my perceived/interpreted view i have about the picture presentation of some particular woman in this world, that i apparently choose.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself to hide behind the trap as my mother tongue to give me a sense of freedom to think/belief/word-out what is within and as my mind, and make sure i BREATHE----------------breathe deeply till i am here alone breathing as myself as the human physical body that is HERE, as the REAL SELF, as the FLESH. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my mother tongue, when i think/belief/fantasize about woman within and as my mind, as to give it validation for my mother tongue i interpret/perceive/view as the one thing that belongs to me and that no-one can touch or take away from me. So within this i realize that i give trust in my mother tongue to give me a sense of belonging and also at the same time a sense of desiring/wanting to have the one particular woman to belong to me for me to then lavish out my sexual appetite on her.

 

I commit myself to make sure to STOP myself every time i see myself going into or about to go into usage of my mother tongue for  purposes of giving myself a sense of belonging and wishing/wanting to have the woman in question as my personal belonging, making sure i BREATHE and touch something that is physically HERE, so i don't loose myself into my mind filled with wishes/wants/needs/desires.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on my mother tongue to give my self-delusion credibility and validation, just because i am wearing the belief/trust that my mother tongue is something that is my own, without realizing how i am using the living word as me as in my mother tongue to get away with trying to impose delusions of grandeur to meet with my self-induced sexual craving in the direction of females in this world i am attractive to sexually.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself in participating in my mind delusions as in giving a language a credibility and validation, just because of the  feelings and value i have attached to this language as is my mother tongue. within this i make sure to BREATHE, and touch something that is HERE as physical manifestation as for example my own hands to remind me that HERE is where i am, and not there within and as my mind, the playground of separation.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to pause and remind myself to BREATHE in moments where i fantasize and imagine within my mind, using my mother tongue in order to just give me a positive feeling as a reward for my self-deluded/illusionalized desires and wants.

 

I commit myself to STOP every time i see myself loosing myself in fantasies and imaginations within my mind and just bring myself back HERE, within/as my breath and my human physical body.

 

 

                                         =====================

 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat:  [Eh eh, bon ko'i bati ku patin esaki ta,] meaning: '' Eh eh, this is something good to fuck,'' to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: [Mara mi por hañ'é.]  meaning: '' Wish i could get her, '' to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: [ ami so k'e ko'i mi ta bisabo, lo'n tin awa pa laba.]  meaning:  '' me alone with that thing, i am telling you there will be no water to wash with, to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: [Eh eh dushi, tur esei ta dibo anto bo no ta parti..??]   meaning: '' oh baby, all of that is yours, and you don't share..?? to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: [ Ta kon mi lo hasi kumi hañami ku tantu karni asina...??]  meaning: '' what would i do, when i find myself with so much flesh...?? to exist within me as me.


I commit myself to make sure i STOP myself every time i see myself going into or about to go into back-chatting my way in my own mother tongue, and just make sure that i take as many as possible deep breaths to ensure that i am HERE and don't get myself lost in my ow mind.


I commit myself to STOP myself into seeing/perceiving/interpreting woman that i like mostly only as a piece of meat, and make sure that i BREATHE, to not loose myself into my self-abusive mind-delusions that are also abusive to the woman.


I commit myself to look at the FLESH, as the SELF that i am, that is HERE as for what it is as it is, as the expression of LIFE HERE manifest as the living being of earth, and to make sure i am one and equal as this living being that i am yet to be awaken as, and make sure i BREATHE as this living being that i am, that is truly HERE.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Day 127, Falling For An Image, SF & SC. day 3.

Here i am continuing with the having a look at what all exists within me as when it comes to this 1 point of falling for an image.


 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at what i have programmed within myself that i will find beautiful woman, to be very sensual and sexual, and that give me a sensing of this beauty as i look at it, interpreting it as what i have already within me as memories in order for me to be mesmerized by the beauty one particular woman present herself as, as i see/interpret/perceive her within my mind through my human physical eyes.


I commit myself to STOP myself in BREATH, whenever i see myself going into, or about to go into program activation as memories within me in regards to what i will be seeing/interpreting/perceiving within my mind through my human physical eyes as what i will call a beautiful woman, and make sure i remain here in/as my breath till i am stable HERE, and not lost myself in this flood of thoughts and back-chats about what i see/interpret/perceive within my mind through my human physical eyes, and within all this t help myself to remind myself that i am here i also make sure to touch something that is physically here.


* Thought:


I see a white woman laying on a bed with very little clothing on, as having some pink lingerie, where she has her forefinger in her mouth and with an inviting look on her face, as in calling me to come and join her in this bed.

 

Self-forgiveness on the thought:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of a white woman on a bed with very little clothing on, as having some lingerie, where she has her forefinger in her mouth and with and inviting look on her face, as in calling me to come and join her in this bed to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to within this thought manifestation within my mind to find pink lingerie to be a piece of clothing that will be sexually attractive to me, to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see/interpret/perceive white woman as the ones that i will choose as in my mind to be sexy or beautiful, more so than other skin colors, as for what i have been let myself been brainwashed with through images and pictures bombarded at me through television and tabloids  and you name it, and than accept those as what i will hold dear within myself as what will be my preferences when it comes to liking a female based on how they look physically within my mind through my human physical eyes.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make myself belief/think that a woman making a gesture as in putting her forefinger in her mouth means that she is ready for sex, and wish to be entered.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get hooked by an image within my mind that i will allow to create experiences of excitement  within me in order for me to participate in my mind instead of me being HERE within and as my human physical body and my breath.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself of interpreting certain specific colors of clothing and the texture and fabric they are made of to ignite certain specific experiences of feelings within me as to give me the urge to surge for what will eventually lead to an actual physical interaction whereby i from that physical interaction can obtain/gain/consume more energy for me as the mind to continue existing within/as the human physical body.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to within my thought equate bed for the purposes of having sex, for being the most common place and means to have sexual intercourse with a woman, wherein the bed give me the sense of comfort when and as having  sexual intercourse.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have within this thought, the woman having an inviting look on her face, denoting and expressing within this thought to me as to interpret/view/perceive this is a gesture to come and lay down with her in the bed.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a mouth of the woman manifested within and as my mind as a thought wherein my desire for kissing her is also being met within my mind.



* Memories related to this thought:


* memory of me seeing myself getting in bed with one of my ex. girlfriends, where she was all warmed up and has the exact same posture as that which appears within and as a thought within my mind.


* memory of me enjoying kissing her lips and her entire body.

* memory of smelling her body-scent.

* memory of hearing her moans and groans when i touch and kiss her body.

* memory  of feeling her touch on kisses on my body.

* memory of experiencing an immense energy manifestation within my solar-plexus area.

* memory of feeling how the bed physically felt.

* memory of the quietness of the room.

 

Self-forgiveness on the memory(ies)

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory manifested within me, where in i see myself getting in bed with one of my ex. girlfriends, where she was all warmed up and has the exact same posture as that which appears within and as a thought within my mind, to exist within me as me, and that is the platform from which i create more thoughts in relation to this particular memory, that may have similarities within the thoughts and have slight look-adjustments  to make it look like it is a complete new thought out of a complete new memory, when it is not.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of me enjoying kissing her lips and her entire body to manifest and exist in me as me, for i am the one that give permission for such illusions to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of smelling her body-scent to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to  have the memory wherein i can hear her moan and groan when i touch and kiss her body to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of feeling her touch and kisses on my body to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of me going through the immense energy experience within my solar-plexus area to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of feeling how the bed was physically felt, to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of the quietness of the room to exist within me as me.

 

           =========================================

 

 

 

More deconstruction will take place tomorrow.............

 

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

 

Join us at: DESTENI


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Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Day 126, Falling For An Image, SF & SC. day 2.

I am continuing  with the self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements to LIFE in this blog.


 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be sexually attractive to a woman that have a nice clean cut face, as in the picture here on the left that i have chosen as an example.


I commit myself to make sure that every time i see a woman with a face similar to this one, to not let myself be lost within my thoughts and back-chats where i will say to myself: '' woow, now that is a pretty lady.''


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a physical attraction to females that have face features like the one i have used here as an example due to my own imprinting of similar faces i have stored throughout my life, that i have chosen to be beautiful for me.  


I commit myself to little by little make sure to delete all these images and pictures i have stored within my body and that i use as memories to ignite certain specific feelings for woman that have similar face features to this one i have chosen as an example, through my focusing on my breathing, as being one and equal with/as my breathing and to write myself to freedom doing self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find woman with lips like the one here on the picture to be very sexually attractive to me, because in my mind these kind of lips look very kissable to me, wherein i imagine myself kissing these kind of lips forever. I realize also that i equate such lips as lips good for a blowjob. So within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at and see the lips as lips that are good for a blowjob, just because of what i myself have defined within myself during my life, what would be the kind of lips that would be good or not good for a blowjob, when in reality the shape of the lips don't have anything to do with the blowjob, it is just my interpretation and it's based on my own self-created desire and delusion that lips like that can be portrayed/seen as kissable and good for a blowjob.


I commit myself to STOP myself in BREATH every time i see myself going into or about to go into thoughts of imaginations about lips and their shape, wherein  i use them to create  sexual related fantasies within myself based on pictures and images i have gathered throughout my life and stored within my body to be later used as memories of what i will prefer for myself to be acceptable/likable/sexually attractive to me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare such faces with other faces and treat those that don't have similar faces as less valuable just because their faces is not what i have chosen within myself through brainwashing from my environment what will be an beautiful or not beautiful face and hence be then acceptable.


I commit myself to make sure that i do not judge other faces and treat the person with that particular face as less valuable because she doesn't have the face i would like as what i have apparently chosen would be beautiful or not and just STOP myself and BREATHE and make sure i touch something that is physically here, to remind myself that i am here.


I will be continuing tomorrow with more self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements to life, to get out all the layers as to why and how i see and look at woman and treat them because of the way they look.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Monday, 17 September 2012

Day 125, Falling For An Image, SF & SC.

So in this blog i will be doing the self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements to LIFE, for myself to apply.

 

 

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just because i know women or all people are all gullible to ''positive compliments'' i use this as a means to get out/from the woman what i desire from them, which is SEX, basically.

 

I commit myself to STOP every time i see myself going into or about to go into manipulating the woman by using positive compliments, with the intention  to get SEX from/out of them, to just BREATHE, and make sure i continue breathing till this desire to control and manipulate is gone from within me, and that nothing moves anymore, and i can start getting to know the woman as whom she is in fact and also for getting myself out of my delusional/manipulative tryouts and experiences that denote self-abuse and self-dishonesty to whom i am as LIFE and to all that is as and of LIFE.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be so engulfed within my endeavor to challenge myself into using my control and manipulative tactics to make sure i get what i desire from the woman,which wherein i use my own self-created character as the ''the sexual horny character,'' to get what i want and desire from/of the woman.

 

I commit myself to STOP this character as '' the sexual horny character'' that i induce within myself as to come forth and use it as if it is real to do about with what this character itself as myself desires and want from a woman, which is SEX. So within this every time i see myself going into or about to go into this character i STOP and breathe and make sure i continue breathing till there is no more movement within me taking place so i am stable within and as my breath and to make sure i am touching something that is physical, which can be as simple as holding and touching my own hands, for me to not get lost within and as my mind.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/view/interpret all woman under the same banner as easy to get, all of those whom might have a slight interest in me, because i know of their weakness, which is wanting to go through: '' positive energetic experience.''

 

I commit myself to make sure i  STOP myself every time i see myself go into or about to go into this perceiving/viewing/interpretation of what is based as memories within me, that i use as assumptions in order to commence my manipulation to try and get what i want from them. So within this i make sure in these moments to BREATHE, as long as it takes till i am stable and can make the decision in breath using common sense reasoning that which is BEST for all.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still be mesmerized by the body-parts of the female body, from which i make decisions based on how they appear within the clothing or no clothing as what i would like or not like, within this, treating the woman within my mind as like any other consumer product that give me some ''good feeling'' because i like what i am seeing in the form and shape of the product as it is being presented to me.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself into looking at woman as only body-parts, and make sure every time i see myself going into or about to go into this mind participation to BREATHE, and make sure to continue breathing till there is no  more movement within me anymore as memories of desires concerning the body-parts that i let myself be attractive to/towards to make my ''sexual horny character'' happy as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at mostly specific parts of woman's body as:  ass, legs, face, hair, lips,neck,feet,belly,eyes, and the shapes of these to be in a specific way that is rooted as comparable within countless t.v. commercials and movies/magazines where i saw women being presented in these very specific ways, till i formed a basic layout within my own mind of what it is about these parts i need in order for me to find the woman sexually attractive or not.

 

I commit myself to make sure i STOP myself in BREATH every time i see myself going into or about to go into body-part scanning to be able to feed my '' sexual horny character'' that i created within myself through time, by watching movies and t.v. programs/magazines with woman looking in specific ways and having specific body-parts shaped in very specific way to suit what i desire within me that i myself created from the environment i am in that throws these images at me.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a basic layout within my mind concerning the images that are bombarded at me and from them make my own image that will be in my liking and where i will use this basic own self-created image layout in my mind to use it as a means to find or not find a woman sexually attractive.

 

I commit myself to make sure i keep on digging within myself to find the patterns of this ''sexual horny character'' that i created within me, to find out how and when i created it, to take it out and delete it step by step till i am HERE not as this character anymore, breath by breath till this is done, with my sexual preferences delusions.

Will be continued tomorrow..........................

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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