Thursday, 20 September 2012

Day 128, Falling For An Image, SF & SC. day 4.

So here i am continuing with the deconstruction and self-honest investigation within myself as i see what exists within myself, in order to bring it to nothing.


Here are the links what i wrote other days:

* 1)  day 124

* 2)  day 125

* 3)  day 126

* 4)  day 127


Now i will continue with the back-chats related to falling for images.

 

Before i write the back-chats here, i must point out an interesting realization,  that when it comes to SEX, most of the times i have back-chats in my mother tongue, which is very interesting, so bear with me here, i will be putting some of them written in my mother tongue and of course the translation behind it in English. This point itself is also to be investigated, and deconstructed as it gives emphasis to get closer to this whole character that is behind this mess, that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.




Back-chats:

* 1) [Eh eh, bon ko'i bati ku patin esaki ta,] meaning: '' Eh eh, this is something good to fuck,''-------------- literally translated it would look like this: Eh eh, good thing to hit with my dick, is this.


* 2) [Mara mi por hañ'é.]  meaning: '' Wish i could get her ''


* 3) [ ami so k'e ko'i mi ta bisabo, lo'n tin awa pa laba.]  meaning:  '' me alone with that thing, i am telling you there will be no water to wash with.  This last part( no water to wash with) is a saying  we use in our language, when one finds oneself in a situation wherein one can't get out of.


* 4) [Eh eh dushi, tur esei ta dibo anto bo no ta parti..??]   meaning: '' oh baby, all of that is yours, and you don't share..??


* 5) [ Ta kon mi lo hasi kumi hañami ku tantu karni asina...??]  meaning: '' what would i do, when i find myself with so much flesh...??

 

                                            =====================



Self-forgiveness on the back-chats:


Before i write the self-forgiveness statements related to the back-chats i will also delve into the language itself within my self-forgiveness statements, because i understand in this moment that i have to.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my own mother tongue to express my back-chats that i have regarding how i look at woman, when i find them sexually attractive, wherein i use this language, because it gives me a sense of control and certainty within myself, as something that is very personal, so my mother tongue in my mind is to me then very personal, as personal as possible i can get when using certain words to get what i desire, which is in this case SEX with a woman. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give value on personalities within myself as myself and outside myself by using my own mother tongue as a means to strengthen my own belief about the sexuality i accept and allow within and as myself as to make sure that, when i use my mother tongue i am more prompt and sure, and more in control because it is now closer to me as something that i OWN.

 

I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or about to go into back-chats using my mother tongue or back-chats in any other tongue to STOP---------------BREATHE and make sure i continue breathing till nothing moves any longer within me, so i don't loose myself within and as my mind, and within this application make sure that i touch something that is physical to remind me in every breath, that i am HERE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that by using my own mother tongue it gives me the freedom to OWN what i desire and want, for my mother tongue is something i feel that i OWN, it is mine. I realize how i equate sexual desires for control through ownership and using my mother tongue to give this delusion some credibility and value and as if because of this i can think/belief and say anything within my mind, regarding my perceived/interpreted view i have about the picture presentation of some particular woman in this world, that i apparently choose.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself to hide behind the trap as my mother tongue to give me a sense of freedom to think/belief/word-out what is within and as my mind, and make sure i BREATHE----------------breathe deeply till i am here alone breathing as myself as the human physical body that is HERE, as the REAL SELF, as the FLESH. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use my mother tongue, when i think/belief/fantasize about woman within and as my mind, as to give it validation for my mother tongue i interpret/perceive/view as the one thing that belongs to me and that no-one can touch or take away from me. So within this i realize that i give trust in my mother tongue to give me a sense of belonging and also at the same time a sense of desiring/wanting to have the one particular woman to belong to me for me to then lavish out my sexual appetite on her.

 

I commit myself to make sure to STOP myself every time i see myself going into or about to go into usage of my mother tongue for  purposes of giving myself a sense of belonging and wishing/wanting to have the woman in question as my personal belonging, making sure i BREATHE and touch something that is physically HERE, so i don't loose myself into my mind filled with wishes/wants/needs/desires.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on my mother tongue to give my self-delusion credibility and validation, just because i am wearing the belief/trust that my mother tongue is something that is my own, without realizing how i am using the living word as me as in my mother tongue to get away with trying to impose delusions of grandeur to meet with my self-induced sexual craving in the direction of females in this world i am attractive to sexually.

 

I commit myself to STOP myself in participating in my mind delusions as in giving a language a credibility and validation, just because of the  feelings and value i have attached to this language as is my mother tongue. within this i make sure to BREATHE, and touch something that is HERE as physical manifestation as for example my own hands to remind me that HERE is where i am, and not there within and as my mind, the playground of separation.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to pause and remind myself to BREATHE in moments where i fantasize and imagine within my mind, using my mother tongue in order to just give me a positive feeling as a reward for my self-deluded/illusionalized desires and wants.

 

I commit myself to STOP every time i see myself loosing myself in fantasies and imaginations within my mind and just bring myself back HERE, within/as my breath and my human physical body.

 

 

                                         =====================

 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat:  [Eh eh, bon ko'i bati ku patin esaki ta,] meaning: '' Eh eh, this is something good to fuck,'' to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: [Mara mi por hañ'é.]  meaning: '' Wish i could get her, '' to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: [ ami so k'e ko'i mi ta bisabo, lo'n tin awa pa laba.]  meaning:  '' me alone with that thing, i am telling you there will be no water to wash with, to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: [Eh eh dushi, tur esei ta dibo anto bo no ta parti..??]   meaning: '' oh baby, all of that is yours, and you don't share..?? to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat: [ Ta kon mi lo hasi kumi hañami ku tantu karni asina...??]  meaning: '' what would i do, when i find myself with so much flesh...?? to exist within me as me.


I commit myself to make sure i STOP myself every time i see myself going into or about to go into back-chatting my way in my own mother tongue, and just make sure that i take as many as possible deep breaths to ensure that i am HERE and don't get myself lost in my ow mind.


I commit myself to STOP myself into seeing/perceiving/interpreting woman that i like mostly only as a piece of meat, and make sure that i BREATHE, to not loose myself into my self-abusive mind-delusions that are also abusive to the woman.


I commit myself to look at the FLESH, as the SELF that i am, that is HERE as for what it is as it is, as the expression of LIFE HERE manifest as the living being of earth, and to make sure i am one and equal as this living being that i am yet to be awaken as, and make sure i BREATHE as this living being that i am, that is truly HERE.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela


Join us at: DESTENI


Have a look at our solution to all the problems in this world as in: EQUALMONEY


Support our research and buy one or more products of your liking that will assist and support your greatly in understanding what is going on for real and how everything functions as what they are for real and also what really happened for real: EQAFE


Do the course of the lifetime, and assist and support yourself in doing so and also all LIFE on earth: DIP