Saturday, 16 January 2016

Day 371, Drug Experimentation Success or Failure Part 3

So now in this blog I am going to take it all back to self. I am going to take the responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.


                                                           



Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be influenced by my two friends to smoke weed with them, from the very beginning even though within myself I did not want to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the opportunity of my two friends that smoke weed to also try it out for myself with them to satisfy my desire of if anything should go wrong they might know what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue smoking weed with them after I have tried it and did not like it, just because I did not want to be excluded from the friendship I had with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friends for using weed and for behaving as though it is the most fun thing to do and the most important thing in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to be with friends that smoked weed, because even though it is legal to smoke weed in this country, when it is being seen as something not right to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also find within myself that smoking weed it not the right thing to do for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try out smoking weed even when within myself I was fighting against myself to not do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go against my own findings at the time, within which afterwards have propelled me into lots of moment within my life where I would do this same thing, thus that I have created a pattern within myself to go against my own will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to just say " no."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try an synthetic drug, to satisfy my sexuality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to satisfy my sexual mind desires through using a synthetic drug.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need more when it comes to sexual experience and practice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to want to be more sexual than ever when having sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that sex is like something I can win women with, like using it to make someone see me as special and that they want to be with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that I need to be someone special and being great in bed in order to be likable or seen and treated like someone special, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I do not need nor have to be seen nor treated like someone special nor be found likable by someone else, all I need to do is live what is best for me as life as all as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my own sexual expression and thought and believed it needed some higher performance as if I am not good enough, when even in reality nothing was suggesting such a thing, it was only me within my mind consciousness system judging myself and wanting to be more than what I am when it comes to sexual expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that I needed to manipulate myself and others through sex in order to be loved or treated as something that I have as an idea, however is not who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be something that I am not and look for ways to express it that needs alteration through some synthetic drug.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need alteration in order to fit with an idea I have had about myself within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be defined by ideas within and as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to fit in, when I can see within and as myself that fitting in is actually what everyone is doing and is being passed over from parents to child on how to fit in, however never being showed/exampled in how to be and to live as one as equal as all life, thus by trying to fit in I am actually supporting the world system and also how the human has created itself to be having a destructive nature that we have come to call: ' human nature,' as if it is something we cannot change at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also let myself believe that the nature I have created myself to be and become is something that I cannot change and that it is who I am and that it is human, when in reality I have never really lived as a human in awareness of what that really is, I have only lived in knowing and experiencing myself as a personality(ies). in my mind through using my body to do so, I have only lived what my parents and my culture and my environment I was in has thought me how and what to be, my believes that were placed within me as information that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the nature and as who and what I am as I call it: ' my human nature.'




To be continued......................



Thanks,

Larry Manuela



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Friday, 1 January 2016

Day 370, Drug Experimentation, Success or Failure? Part 2

As I wrote in the previous blog, that I am going to use my own experience too, to take it back to self-responsibility.

This piece however is about myself, experimenting with drugs, usually soft-drugs and some research chemicals when I was a student.

For those of you whom haven't read the previous blog, here is the link:


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.nl/2015/12/day-369-drug-experimentation-success-or.html



                                                                     




So now to having a look at myself.
When I was a student, I used to have 2 friends that loved smoking weed. In the beginning I did not smoke weed with them, however after awhile, just to test it out to see what this weed thing is all about, I smoked it with them.
To tell you the truth I did not like it, I could not understand what this fuss about getting high was all about, because high to me was like my body was in a state of too much relaxation, like everything became very slow, I experienced my heart rate beating very slow, like if my heart rate would be like 40 beats in a minute when I am normally relaxed, with being high I would have a heart rate about 20 beats a minute, just to have a measurement here about what I mean with I experience myself too slow. However to these friends of mine, this slowness is what they loved about being high so much and called it: " cool chilling."

So one day I decided to try a synthetic drug. There was this store where I used to live that was called: " the pope."   Imagine that. Anyways I went into the store and I bought something that is called: " Rush." I found it got its name because that is exactly what it does, what it makes you go through. You literally experience yourself in a rush. However this one you have to smell it. On the little bottle they mention to NOT take it with alcohol or drugs. Oh by the way the reason I did was because this rush was explicitly for higher performance during sex, and I wanted to see what they meant with: " higher performance"
So I bought it and went home with it. Later in the evening I decided to just try it out alone before I use it with a girlfriend I had at the time.
So I smelled in the little bottle to see what would happen. Now after just a few seconds I felt my heart beat racing like hell. It gave me a sensation that I needed to do something with my body. In this very moment I understood immediately what they meant with: " higher performance."
However after awhile I started to become a little worried, because I felt like this hyper experience was not going to go away and my heart was beating at enormous speeds. It felt like, if I do not move myself got out of bed and do something my heart is just going to continue going faster and faster till it can not beat anymore and just stop.
So I stood up and I thought, it would be better for me to take a walk in the vicinity of the hospital, because where I was living was just one block away from the hospital, so in case I fall down, I can be rushed into the hospital immediately, because I am at the front door.
However after walking like 45 minutes or so, my heartbeat started to go down, and I could breath normally again.
Guess what? Even though I went through this scary moment, I decided to give it a go anyways with the girlfriend I had then. And I literally became like a pitbull in bed, because the " rush" makes you want to keep on going like that for a long time in a very high speed.
Anyways I did use it 2 or 3 more times after that with her, but I did not like it, because I am the kind of guy that prefers when having sex with a woman to have sex in a love making fashion, that whole pitbull thing is not really my thing.

Now going back to weed. I smoked with these two friends of mine for awhile, but the only time I would smoke it was when I was with them, I myself did not go and buy weed and smoke it all by  myself, because I really did not like the experience of being high, as I said in the beginning of this blog, that I get too slow,  I experience everything too slow, and that is not " fun"  to me.
I noticed to that when I was high I would forget things in a second and try to remember like for hours.
There was this one time I smoked with one of these friends and he asked me if I could get him some water, because he was at my house then, so I went into the kitchen to get him some water, however when I got into the kitchen I could not remember what the heck I was doing there, and I was just walking up and down in the kitchen trying to remember, what the heck I was doing there, repeating the same question over and over: " o.k. what am I suppose to get here in the kitchen?"

After like 30 minutes or so I returned and my friend asked me: " where is my water?" And I immediately started to laugh and I told him, I went into the kitchen but could not remember what I was suppose to get there, and we both started to laugh like crazy, like this thing was super super funny, we got into a laugh-kick as they call it. And sometimes I would start a conversation on a topic and just in the middle of it completely forget what the heck I was talking about, and than we will both be very quiet like for a long time, like he is waiting for me to remember, while in my mind I was done telling the story, when in reality I was not, I just ended it in the middle of the story telling, like a sudden: " the end." After like 10 to 15 minutes we will both realized what happened and we both will start laughing like crazy again.

Now moments like these are being considered fun when being high, because one can laugh at the stupidity of all this forgetting stuff.
And I then noticed that lots of people I used to see being high would do some of these things, forgetting what they are doing or saying and find it all very funny. However when I was not high and I sat down and thought about it, I found it not fun. My friends will sometimes forget their wallets or their jackets or sometimes believing that they have forgotten something and ran back to the place looking for " something" but yet do not even know what exactly they believe they've lost. Or they will think and believe they lost their keys, but just misplaced it somewhere else where they do not normally put it.
So I looked at all the stuff, and I asked myself: " what the heck is fun about that?"

After awhile one can say life itself took care of all this, because of changes in our lives we just went apart from each other and I never saw these friends again, and so the whole weed thing stopped to with all of it.

In my next blog, I will be taking responsibility for what I have done here in the past.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela




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Saturday, 26 December 2015

Day 369, Drug experimentation, success or failure?

This piece is not so much about me, however it is about me witnessing someone else going through some rough times with experimenting with drugs/soft-drugs.



It was a day as any usual day. I had a get together with my stepdaughter, because we were to go together to a marketplace in Amsterdam where there are more affordable clothing. I needed to buy some winter jacket and so on for her, for when she arrives here she won't have to buy these anymore, they are then taken care of.
I took the train to Amsterdam and as usual I enjoy the train trips every time. One never knows whom one is going to meet or what one is going to experience on that particular train travel.

So on my arrival in Amsterdam everything seem a little the same as when I was used to live there. Amsterdam since I am here in Holland, was and still is my favorite city to be even though it is full of people, and busy and it looks stressful to lots of people, however to me there is this experience of multicultural living that somehow is in my liking.

So I decided to walk around while waiting for my stepdaughter to arrive.  I will share a few pictures here from that trip.



The lady here in the picture is someone who found it necessary to come and feed the pigeons everyday, because most of these pigeons prefer to eat leftovers from what people on the streets throw away.



So there I was in Amsterdam walking around and looking around. After awhile I decided that I will go to a kind of like a multi-service bar. The reason I say this is because they sell normal bar stuff, but they also sell food and weed, and the music is mostly pop music and some others and there are 2 big screen t.v. in the bar that are mostly streaming soccer games.
Anyways I was sitting at the bar and enjoying the music sipping my drink.
After awhile a few young ladies from U.S.A. walked in and they sat at the bar to, however they bought their weed before coming and sitting at the bar, and by the way they were lighting the weed up and smoking it, I could tell that it was their first time trying weed. For those of you who don't know, however Amsterdam is very famous for foreigners when it comes to weed smoking, because it is legal in this country to buy weed and to smoke it. Thus because of this many tourists visit Amsterdam to try out smoking weed, because in their own countries they can go to jail for this. 

After sitting awhile on the bar and waiting and waiting for my stepdaughter to show up, suddenly an Asian guy, tourist of course came to the bar and wanted to ask for a drink, however he started to like loose his balance and rock back and forth and it did not take long before he fainted. He fell down not too far away from where I as sitting. Immediately the people working in this bar rushed over to help him, and the friend that was with him got really scared and started to like cry and calling his name, but he was like coming and going, like fainting and waking up, like the system is having a bug. So the guy working at the bar started to massage his neck at the back with cold water and the lady working in the bar went to look for some lemonade syrup, because these are very sweet, having lots of sugar and she made a syrup drink for him, super sweet, meaning more syrup than water in the mix. after a few sips of this he could stand up, however he looked lost, did not know where he was and what he is doing there. They helped him to his chair, and there put him to sit down, soon after that the friend that was with him also started to go into the same thing and the same method was used with her too.

The problem with most of these tourists is that, they do not know that the weed tailors in this country are always busy with making the weeds stronger and stronger. The weeds they sell they give them all these strange exotic names, and sometimes they write them on a blackboard too, with all kinds of colors, so it looks very attractive to the tourists, however if it is their first time trying weed, it can be a very hard hit for them, like what happened to these two friends.
So going back to that moment, I noticed some things about the people in this country and people in general. When the guy fainted, I wanted to call the ambulance or something, that was the first thing that came to me, however by carefully looking at the situation I immediately saw that the people working in this bar had the situation under control and it seemed like they had many experiences like this with people coming in and trying these weeds for the first time in their lives and immediately smoke too much of it, which can be dangerous. What I also found fascinating is that no-one with a phone took images or started filming, this would not have happened if they were maybe in the states, because I have noticed that in the states everything having to do with some sensation will be filmed and than placed on YouTube, even though there were all kinds of people from different countries there, however I find that they can sense that in this country people don't just do that. So no-one filmed it nor took pictures, there was this kind of like silent agreement in the moment of respect.

So what did I see and learn from this trip?

Firstly, that sugar really in this case have a healing purpose, it is not ALL bad.
Secondly, people can sense what kind of morality is in a country where they themselves do not come from.
Thirdly, people are very much desensitized too to certain events and occurrences, like they don't really care, they look at it as a moment of entertainment, scared a little, however more so in a watching/observing-mode.


In the next blog, I will share few of my own experiences that I had in the past with experimenting with some drugs in this country, when I used to be a student.



Thanks,




Larry Manuela




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Wednesday, 16 December 2015

DAY 368, Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) PART 2

So now, I am continuing with having a look at this point of GSA.

For those of you who haven't read the earlier blog, here is the link to it.

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.nl/2015/12/day-367-genetic-sexual-attraction-gsa.html


                                                                     



I left off yesterday questioning; " love," " bondage," and " sex,"  within these cases. With these exceptional cases, suddenly words that are regarded as highly powerful/valuable and wonderful and right and what not, are being seen as weakness, as powerless, as having no value, bad and negative, disgusting even for some people, however for the individuals in question experiencing them, the words are as they are being defined and agreed upon within humanity collectively. So what does this mean? Does it mean that because these are all words not necessarily lived, however more so, experienced as an energetic experience that they are deceptive? Can they be trusted? No matter which side one chooses, it is the physical part that is what is being used as measurement to give these words that have an energetic charge as an experience within, their value.

Now lets talk about what is the reason behind people treating these cases as incest. Understand that incest in this world, or majority of countries if not all is punishable by law. People can go to jail for this.
Within incest the words: " disloyalty,"  " dishonesty," " bullying," " physical/psychological abuse," and " morality"  come into play. Now understand we are still looking at the " how something that is being felt as good within the human beings, is sometimes to be not acceptable in certain circumstances?"  With this I mean, the experience of the feeling of love that occurs between these individuals is the same as others will go through when they also fall in love with someone else, it's the same experience, even though they( individuals in these exceptional cases) say that the feeling is deeper and the bond is more powerful. This of course is personal, within their comparison of what they had before as an energetic experience when were in other relationships.
So, how come we humans can agree on the experience of the feeling of love to be something good, only when it is in accordance with what we determine in a moment what " good"  should be?
Can one see where I am going with this? I am focusing on the " the feeling of love." I am showing you through walking through these questions, how the feeling of love even though it is experienced as something " good," " positive," " wonderful," " powerful," " beautiful,"  and what not, it is not equal in practicality, in what the human do with his/her body. The outcome in the physical reality is not always the words that I have shared here that we the human beings use and give to love.
It is as the saying goes: " How can something be so wrong but yet feel so good and wonderful inside?"

Now that we have seen this, what is the lie? Is it not the energetic experiences? So how come we are still measuring our relationships with these? We are measuring relationships based on energy inside of us that are not equal in reality.
To give an example, two people cheating with one another, will tell you that they feel very good inside, they may even love one another, but yet their action/what they are doing together is unacceptable and they are aware of it being unacceptable, however, the FEELINGS inside are being experienced as " positive" " good"  " wonderful" " beautiful" ...............and what not, all these wonderful positive charged energies are being experienced and coined out in words such as these for description and definition of what they're going through.

So the BIG question remains;" how come we are still trusting these things, these energies, when we can see that they are not trustworthy at all to measure reality with?"
Within this we can see when Self-interest steps in, because now we are going to fight against one another to convince or convict one another when these wonderful feelings turns out to be something " wrong," " bad," " negative," according to our own findings.
They will only be what we all describe and define them to be, when it suits us personally in our doings!!!!

Now, how can we solve these problems?

As one can see, this is not only the problem with these people within these particular exceptional cases, however what they experience inside, that which they are using for their defense is the same that all humans experience when they are in love.
So WHO are we to condemn these individuals, calling them names and ostracizing them, when we are aware that what they are going through on the level of experiencing love is the same what we experience in our own relationships we have. Why is their love wrong and ours right? Love cannot be two things, understand that the experience itself is the same inside these people, it is the same positive energy charge that they are going through.

Thus to solve this problem, we all need to start forgiving these feelings, these emotions, these energetic charges we are experiencing inside ourselves, and we also make sure to measure the physical reality with common sense. And common sense is, that which is best for all practically measured and lived, that will have an outcome that is equal and one, best for all.

At desteni, this is what we do, we investigate ourselves, we assess what we do and what we do not do and to see if what we are doing will have an outcome that is best for all practically. As I have walked with you here to show you how we as humans are using love to measure our relationships with, to give it value and importance and to see it as something good, when love itself is not equal in the physical reality as it is being felt inside, the feelings do NOT match the reality outside. The physical reality, how we treat each other in the physical reality IS our truth! This is the WHO we are! What we accept and what we allow.




Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Monday, 14 December 2015

Day 367 Genetic Sexual Attraction ( GSA)

Let me start with first defining  what this Genetic Sexual Attraction is according to many.

" Genetic Sexual Attraction, is an attraction that occurs between family member whom got reunited for the very first time in their lives, family members whom have never met each other before." 


                                                


This is a highly controversial topic to talk about, because people in this world have certain ideas/believes/judgments about what should and should not be acceptable in societies.

Understand that these cases are more often cases that are exceptional. These are not an everyday occurrences.

About 50% of these people when they first meet, experience a deeper level of bondage that slowly but surely transforms into what we term: " love"  and with love comes: " sexual attraction." 
The majority of the cases wherein this happens is always between a daughter that meets her dad for the very first time after never have met him before in her life. It mostly never happens with a mother meeting for the first time with her son, or a father meeting for the first time with his son. Also brother and sisters or first and second cousins etc etc.....

Let me also add, the WHY, I have chosen this topic to write about, mostly because of 3 words. However also to walk some common sense points in regard to this topic to show how messed up we are in our minds, not condoning nor condemning these particular individuals.

***  LOVE
***  BONDAGE
***  SEX

Because of this phenomenon it makes me question love even more. Now what is love really? What is this intense deep level of " bondage" these individuals go through with one another however they don't go through it with other people? And why is it so intense that it becomes sexual, that it needs an outlet?

Before I continue I also have to add another question: " where in time did we all decide what kind of love is " good" and what kind of love is " bad ?"   Is there such a thing as " good love" and " bad love,"  or are these just figments of our imaginations that have become judgments and justifications. If love was real, would it not be just one thing, just as the word itself, one word, just: " love?" 

Within this, one can already see/realize and understand how we have split/separate/divide love into two things, a love that is being seen as " good " and a love that is being seen as " bad " 
And when do we see it as " bad? ".........................  When there is SEX  involved in relation to these particular EXCEPTIONAL cases.
Seen from the perspective of the individuals experiencing love about one another within these cases, they will tell you that it is " good thing." 
Now they have a problem, because the world is telling them that what they are experiencing as good inside themselves is actually bad, however they do not experience it as bad. They might feel bad about themselves for experiencing these feelings of love about one another, however because they are aware that they are being judged for it, they feel bad about being judged by others, and not per say because the feelings themselves within them is being felt like " bad."

As one can see we have a dilemma now. What is the dilemma? Well it is the following. 
On one side we have two individuals experiencing love within themselves as love is being defined as in this world, you know? Something: " good,"  " beautiful,"  " profound," " serene,"  and what not.............however because it is unacceptable in the eyes of the majority, it MUST be not this kind of love, it must be wrong, they are confused. Are they? Purely looking at the experience of the feeling of love about one another alone, are they?

So now let me add BONDAGE in the mix. The moment these individuals experience what they term a profound and deep level of bondage with one another, is the moment where the body will start to want to have SEX.
Sex for most humans in this world is the ultimate form of intimacy on a physical level, but also on a psychological level. So in other words, for the bondage and the love to have any form of legitimacy and any kind of realness on a physical level, sex must come into play. Sex is like the measurement these individuals take to measure their bondage and love to see for themselves if it is " good." Sex is what makes the circle complete. And because the level of love and bondage is very high between these individuals, sex will be experienced as highly exceptional too, just as is their case.

Here is a video one can watch:


                                                             


Will continue with this in the next blog............


Thanks.


Larry Manuela




Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.


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Sunday, 13 December 2015

Day 366, Do You Think You Are Gonna Make It? PART3

So no continuing with now the last phases of the working out of the points regarding this particular question to myself.

For context here are the links to the previous blogs relating to this point.

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.nl/2015/11/day-365-do-you-think-you-are-gonna-make.html

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.nl/2015/10/day-364-do-you-think-you-are-gonna-make.html




Self-Commitment statements:

I realize that I am within my mind wanting to give up on what it is that I need to do within my life, within this world, thus I keep on back chatting about it within my mind consciousness system.

I realize that I am not in every moment when I am allowing back chats to surface within me. to actually stop participation in them, however I go with the flow of the back chat within my mind.

I realize that I have created  fear based personalities in order for me to be against myself to make sure I do not have to change me into someone that only do what is best for all life.

I realize that I fear my own creations within myself forgetting and/or not seeing/realizing and understanding that I am the creator of them within and as me.

I realize that I let fear influence my decision makings instead of my common sense directive, life principled based.

I realize that I want to get rid of my mind consciousness system, because I think and belief that would be the easy way out, even though I am aware that the mind consciousness system is what I have become and cannot do that in the moment.

I realize that I am seeing and treating my own mind consciousness system as THE enemy, without wanting to understand the HOW I created this so called enemy to represent myself.

I realize that I am thinking and believing that I can win from my mind, even when I am on some deeper levels of myself aware that this process is not about winning or losing, however it is about standing within and as myself as life HERE. I do see/realize and understand that winning and losing is of and as the mind, a polarity/opposite game where the mind is always the winner, because when I participate it can generate energy from my body to continue its existence within and as my body and within and as the world through me.

I realize that I too much focus on all the points I have to work out about myself to change myself, telling myself to give up or give in, however I avoid focusing on the part of me that do not want to give up nor give in, however more want to really just stand and take stance and live that which is best for all of life.

I realize that I am doing less and less, because of letting/allowing myself participation within and as my mind consciousness system, wherein I loose focus in what needs to be done in every moment.

I realize that I am wishing and desiring and wanting a big shit to hit the fan, my world to collapse before I can direct myself into doing much much more, as if that is the only way I accept about myself that I will then be able to really stand and take a stance.

I realize that my wishes/wanting/desires for shit to hit the fan in my life and in everyone else life has to do with me keeping the judgment alive within myself in order to not move myself and actually change myself in be/becoming that which is best for all life, thus using all of this as a justification to not engage in changing myself.

Thus within all this, when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting to give up on myself and on life, I take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself making decisions based in fear or on fear and not common sense, as that which is best for all life, I take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into treating and seeing my mind consciousness system as THE ENEMY, I stop----------take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to fix my focus on those things that make me want to give up and give in on myself, I STOP..................... take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself deliberately acting as if I am not aware that I am the one creating the the creations as thoughts/fears/emotions/judgments within myself, I stop.............. take a deep breath and bring myself back here, ground myself till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I commit myself to stick to my focus on changing me in real moments of application within my personal daily live, and put the focus on the solution side of the coin and not on the problem side of the coin, because I am aware within myself that EVERY problem has a solution.

I commit myself to really have a very good look at myself within making decisions, so when I do so they are not fear based, however are common sense based with an outcome embedded in it that will lead to that which is best for all practically.

I commit myself to really practicing in moments really embracing myself as mind as who I am now first and forgive me as it to not treat my mind as my enemy, however as the part of me I need to understand




Thanks.

Larry Manuela



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Thursday, 26 November 2015

Day 365, Do You think You Are Gonna Make It? Part 2

Now continuing with the second phase of forgiveness statements.

What I wrote previously is to be found HERE





Self-forgiveness statements continuation:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly wanting/desiring/wishing to get rid of my mind consciousness system, even tho I am aware that I cannot do that in the moment, because it is what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as whom I am in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mind consciousness system as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as my enemy, as that something that I have to defeat, that something that I have to be against it, that something that I have not try and follow what it tells me to follow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be fighting within myself against my own mind, forgetting that within this fighting I am actually keeping the mind at bay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can win from my mind, when I am aware that within this process there is no such thing as winning or losing, only just standing as myself within and as life here equal and one, and that within this point it is not a point of winning from the mind, however it is a point of me being aware of who and what I am as life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to many times wanting to give up on myself, seeing no way out but to just give up and give in, ignoring that part within me that still no matter what wants to keep on standing/going/not giving up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give value and importance within this point of myself where I am aware that I am standing even tho I am also aware that I am like in some points doing less and less, and by focusing on these less and less of my doings, I am in actuality really doing less and judging myself about or feeling bad about within and as myself, because of myself being aware of what I am accepting and allowing within and as myself, and especially being aware too as to what to do to stop me in participating in doing less and less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes see like there is nothing changing within me as me as the mind as energy and that I would rather just give up and leave it to what ever happens, happens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so angry at myself and also at other people in my environment, because of us not really really standing and taking a real stance and say, till here and no further, enough is enough, and thus wishing/wanting/desiring for a big shit to hit the fan for everyone so we can all see together in that there is no other way out but to be one and equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to many times wish/desire/want the system of money to just collapse, not today or tomorrow, but yesterday, so we can all go through what many people and other life forms are going through in this world now and for many generations, so everyone can understand in one go, that we need to stop what we are, how we are creating and create only that which will be best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that within my suffering wishes for everyone I am having, that I am actually being self-centered and also not having trust within myself that I can do something about it without having to have so much suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to too much thinking/believing that in order for me and humanity as a whole to really stop and take a stand and stance, would be to first go through major catastrophes of all kinds, all happening together at the same time so no one is left out as a special one without experiencing some suffering/hardship/difficulty in their lives, so that we can all have a real chance of changing the course and the way we are living with one another and everything else.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly wish/desire everyday for things to get really really difficult for everyone including myself, all our buttons being pushed together at the same time so we can all see/realize and understand where and why we need to be responsible for all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this wanting, this wish, this desire so much that I use it as an excuse within my mind in order for me not to move, not to do something, not to really do all I can do within my power to bring about that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept anger to exist within me and wherein my focus and attention is on the anger and on the reason I believe I am angry about someone or something and wherein I loose myself being against it within my mind and actually not moving myself to change myself to be/become a beacon in this world and truly do what is within my power to change those things that I am angry about in the world.



To be continued................

Thanks.


Larry Manuela






Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.


Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG