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Sunday, 10 May 2015

Day 355, A dream with the word " Incentive" as a password.

Before I continue with the series I am busy with I am going to workout a dream I've had last night. I am going to be as specific as I can with what is left as memories of the dream and step by step work them out.



                                             

However first, one must understand that when one is dreaming and one is seeing familiar people or friends and family or even strangers in dreams, that ALL of that is oneself. All of these people and also places within the dream are memories that one has accumulated about people and places and now the mind is scrambling through them and making a movie most of the times of a story that doesn't make any sense and where scenes are throwed all over the place, events, weather and time changes in matter of seconds and most of the times one does not experience time as one would experience it when being awake. In the dream everything seem to be focused on the moments, its like frame to frame to another frame, If it is from day to night or vice versa from frame to frame doesn't matter........if they are related or not doesn't matter either. Dreams where there are certain people in it or there are certain events going on seem to be abruptly stopped sometimes and another completely new dream will just start. There is no chronological story telling in the dreams, it is like the shooting of images with people and places and events around, like someone is throwing cards in the air and see how they will land either facing up or down.


Thus dreams are our own memories about people, places and events and also together with all of that, our judgements/reactions we had about these people, places and events, either recently or way in the past.

So now to the dream.
I was dreaming that my ex. was somewhere and she went there to get something for me to do some work in a house that was not hers neither mine, but that I was just there and had to do the work in that house, and the place where this house was situated was somewhere in a very poor area where the street in front of the house was not asfalted and was dirty/messy and dark as it was at night when this was going on, the street lights were very poor.....not giving much light, making it very difficult to see. The houses all of them on that street were in very very poor physical conditions. What exactly I had to fix in that particular house I was in, I do not remember.
Than suddenly my ex. called me from the car she was in with the children, with some man driving.....and when she called me, its like I can be in the car watching her talking to me......you know...the kind of scenes that only happens in movies and not in real life?   that view, that kind of scene, like one is hovering around where someone else when one is actually in another place at the same time.
And I can see her and hear her telling me via the phone that she needs me to put money on something that is called "Ipay," which btw is a real casino like thingy where one can put Icoins on it and play casino online. One can be paid with real money by transforming these Icoins into real money. And she was telling me to put X amount on that for her, because she uses that to pay things with. I then told her that is very nice however, how am I going to put it on your account if I do not know your "password."  Now understand, since when do one have to have a personal password from someone else to put money on their account for them?  And then she answered with such a trust: " it's INCENTIVE, the password, you fool.....hihihi."
Now in the dream or during the dream itself I am asking myself: " wait a minute here, what is this word telling me about myself, I have to remember this when I wake up."
And how I was experiencing myself within that dream was a little stressed as exactly how one will experience oneself when one's money is not enough to buy things and one is short on money.


So what are the points according to myself that I need to work out?

words or phrases of importance to myself.

*  being at lost in a house that is not mine in a poor neighbourhood
*  at night where poor visibility conditions are as to be expected
*  the street being not asfalted and looks dirty/messy
*  asking for a personal password from another
*  the money being on a casino like game
*  password being "incentive"
*  experiencing myself as stressed within the dream
*  being able in the dream to remind myself to remember it when I wake up



Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe within my mind consciousness system that it is possible for me to get lost, when the reality of life is showing me that life is always here, thus I can never be lost, only in my mind can I create such concepts as loss to exist within as me, and than through this live that through body acting as if it is really so, that I am lost in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my dream finding myself being in a house in a poor neighbourhood impossible to be mine, or me living there, thus within the dream camouflashing it as me being in a strangers home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being poor and being in a poor neighbourhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being poor and living in a poor neighbourhood, because I am aware that in that situation I will be living a very stressful and compromising life, where life will be very challenging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to see clearly, and have a fear within myself within the dream that project the fear of not seeing clearly unto the light of the streets that do not give much light, however it is within myself that I am fearing my own unclearness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of puting on paper if it is necessary or access the awareness in a moment of what exactly is unclear about myself within myself I keep it intact within me by looking at it alone, however not applying myself really when there are moments when I see it, or see myself doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unclear about the whom I am within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this unclearness about me not being aware of whom I am in every moment to be in my own way of seeing clear, because now i have made it a focus within my mind, where I am seeing that something is unclear however do not see that seeing that something that is unclear is the very point itself that is in my way of seeing clearly.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find within myself something not nice and also unacceptable to ask for a personal password of someone else from that someone else, because I am aware that I have a fear within myself that, if someone would have my personal password they will be able to have control over whatever it is I had a personal password for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually have an issue with passwords, because I have programmed within myself to see passwords as something that is in reality unacceptable because it is contributing to keeping secrets from others, and having secrets mean to me that I am doing something that is not what is best for all, or can have many outcomes that will not result into what will be best for all, thus I keep it a secret so it will have an outcome that is best for me alone, even though this is so in reality, yet I am also aware that for the moment I have to have passwords for certain things in this world, because I am already living within that which is the outcome of having secrets and keeping secrets within myself and from others, because I want to abuse others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself to be dirty within and as my mind about how I look at a point I am busy with which is the point of sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see sex as dirty and with the word "dirty" it means that I am busy cheating myself into doing something to myself and also others as myself when I am aware I should not be doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to keep sex as how I am busy with it as something that is secretive and because I am manipulating lots of women to have sex with me, I am making a mess out of myself and creating unneccessary challenging outcomes for myself and for others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the street not being asfalted in my dream is actually telling me about myself that my sex life is not stable and I am not directing myself within and as it, that I am not being clear about myself about sex with women, as if I do not actually really have any ideas as where I have to be within sex with women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see money as something mostly that I always loose, meaning; that I am on the receiving end and this receiving end is not what will be best for me, because the casino system of money wins always, wherein I have created within my mind a personality that is always treating money as if it means nothing and also spending it as if it means nothing, not really actually directing me with money and give the money I make a destination that will be best for all always, however find myself trying to help others most of the times even with the little I got, and leaving supporting myself out even though I myself also have points that I need to take care of with money, because I see in that moment that the others are more in need of the money than myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that by giving money to people that are in need is in a way doing with money what is best for all, when in reality deep within myself I am aware that it is not a permanent solution and that this very point is me acting out on money itself, because I have created a disgust to/towards money within and as me, thus I am giving money away from that perspective of me being in disgust with money, even though on the surface I am giving it away with "good intentions,"  as I see how the race I am part of have accepted and allowed its creation as money to be something that harms life on earth and I am against harming life on earth, thus I act out on the money we as humans have created within this world, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am not actually living to/towards doing whatever I can to come up with a solution that will actually/practically have an outcome that will be best for all, and thus I give with my money, disgust instead of support that will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have any incentive as in myself I am seeing that I do not motivate myself to create a practical solution that will have an outcome that will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have any incentive within and as myself, becasue I am using excuses within myself and also blame to/towards myself and the whole of humanity that I and the rest is too late, that it is all done, no-one wants to hear anything about change actually, and especially changes where everyone is benefitting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given myself the permission to give up on myself and also on others as myself and focus within myself on the point of "everything is lost"  or " I have lost everything" to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, wherein I compromise myself and do not direct myself anymore as I should have, and let my moment of actually creating connections that will lead to waht is best for all pass me by.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience stress within and as myself as I see and interpret my own life as " I  have lost everything," as a failure and as a point where there is no return, when deep within myself I am aware that there is actually me rising up and standing up within and as myself in every moment here is what I should be doing, should be focusing on, however, I let myself down by giving up on myself, and thus giving up on life within and as myself and within and as everything that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I see what is going on in this world and even know what I have to do and how I can apply myself I still choose to give up on myself as giving up on myself does not require any physical movement of change in practical terms, however it does have a physical/practical result that is not what is best for all life, and that is totally clear to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that giving up on myself whenn I am aware of what it is I need to do is creating unneccessary stress within myself that actually helps with the stagnation of not moving myself, not directing myself to stand here firmly.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that even within my dreams I am still somehow aware of what I am doing and even reminding myself to look at a point where I am having a challenge with, but instead of moving myself and apply myself as I should do, I just glorify within myself that same point where I find myself fascinating how I can even within a dream still interupt that and infiltrate the thoughts processes that are going on to remind myself to stand, and that this means that I can do it, I just have to really take a stand.




In the next blog I will be writing the commitments in regards to this dream.

Now before I leave here, I have seen/realized and understood within my own dream that even though a story looks unrelated and people and places are given certain expressions, it all is in its own way letting me see whom I am within and as myself and that it has nothing to do really with the people, the places, events and so forths...........it is all about whom I am within and as myself.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela



Join us at: Desteni

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Friday, 1 May 2015

354, Fear of working by myself alone Part 3

Before I start with this continuation of the series about this point, I have to say that today I am going to set a new beginning for myself, because I see that I am writing less and less and this must change, thus I am setting a new goal for myself wherein I write more often as I used to do way in the beginning of this life journey process. I see I have written only one post the past month and this is unacceptable, so I stop myself right here in this moment and just walk what I already very well know what I have to do and how I have to do it, thus it is time for the practical part as in actually writing to continue as it was in the beginning. Now contuing with the next post out of the two pevious ones, which were:

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-353-fear-of-working-on-myself-alone.html


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2015/03/day-352-fear-of-working-on-myself-alone.html



Now continuing with more of the release.

So I ask this question, why am I allowing myself to manipulate women in order to get sex?
Why is sex so important in my life?
What does sex really mean to me?



                                                   





Self-forgiveness statements:




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate women to have sex with, because I like the energy I get out of having sex with them and because it suits my personality I have built specifically for this one purpose, this one goal within and as my life, the way I have programmed myself to get my body to produce energy for me to indulge into as a way to cope with boredom and at the same time experiencing the feeling of love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to built a personality with a purpose and goal that is continuously  transforming substance within and as my body into energy for my mind, giving my personalities power to continue existing within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself engage into boredom, so much so that I have become unaware of it and I just live the consequences of it out, which I reward with sex with women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make sex so important in my life that all I have been focusing on within and as my life and with my relationships with people gravitate around a sexual outcome, either to manipulate a moment that will lead to a sexual outcome or directing a moment with many people man and women and manipulate all involved in order to have a cozy environment where the possibility of a sexual encounter with one of the females of my preference in that moment can be a realistic outcome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself so sexually that I started seeing it as a way to communicate and share myself with a woman, seeing it as the ultimate intimacy and only focus on this part of intimacy leaving out the understanding of the complete person I am having sex with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to due to my lack of self-intimacy I have now allowed myself to look outside of myself using my mind to give me persepctive about what intimacy should be and found than through/via sex what I am looking for, however not seeing/realizing and understanding that I am in that moment moving away from creating actual real self-intimacy first within and as myself, and instead is busy living out what my mind as I believe intimacy should be in this physical world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character within and as myself that is playingout what it perceive intimacy should be, without me as self here having any direct experience with real physical self-intimacy, where out of which I  just express it as me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to accept that I have made of sex just a fantasy of intimacy that I indulge into and due to the indulging that has a physical undertaking, I make of sex something energetic instead of really practical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on in my mind trying to defend what I have come to perceive sex as at all costs, just because I am aware that what I am doing on some levels must come to a stop and eventually I must change, because it is not what is best for me nor for others as myself, thus because of this I try as hard as I can within myself to see sex as something "good."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive sex as something "good" just in order to give myself a reason to continue doing what I am busy doing which deep down within myself I am aware is not what is best for all.



Thanks.




Larry Manuela



Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.


Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

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Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG



















Monday, 13 April 2015

Day 353, Fear of working on myself alone Part 2

Within this blog, I am continuing with what I worked out in the previous blog. If one have not read that one yet here is the link.







Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I am tired of myself, however yet not using this opportunity to actually apply myself in these moments and get it over with and to not be too hard on myself as by being too hard on myself I close the door again, because I am then within my mind consciousness system expecting a quick change, when deep within me I am aware that there is no such thing as a quick change within this process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberatly use the want/need/desire to have a quick change to delude myself in order to in reality not apply myself, because I am aware that I will not change quickly thus this will give me more time to postpone my own real practical change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear real change, because I fear loosing the people close to me if I would really change and take a stand for what I will accept and allow and for what I will not accept and allow, of which I am aware are points that are very challenging for myself as also for others as myself seeing my change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on beating around the bush with the 2 points that are a real challenge within my process, which Bernard indicated to me in the past, which are sex and money, and the relationship I have with sex when I have money and when I am without money, that I use them both to compensate one another and out of which I generate more negative energetic charge within myself, as in when I do not have money, I look for sex to generate positive energetic charge within me to compensate for the stress and emotional turmoil of not having money or not having enough or having difficulties financially.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I see that my finance is just getting a little better or starting to get a little better it gives me a sense of freedom within me and since I have created myself into a personality that couples freedom with lots of sex, I immediately look for women to have sex with to lessen the surpluse of positive energetic charge I have accumulated gravitating on this little change I project as if ALL my problems with money are now behind me when in reality it is not so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately manipulate many women on the internet into virtually or physically afterwards to have sex with me, and within these moments actually being aware that what I am busy doing is NOT what will be best for me nor for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself deliberately not challenging myself on this point writing them out in self-forgiveness, because within myself I am aware that when I do it means to me that I must now actually really, must stop and it is now in the open, thus fearing that I might actually stop myself, thus due to this not writing it out nor looking for any assistance, because I am aware already what assisstances I will get and that these assisstances and support will give me something that I cannot run from and make me have to do it, thus I than make the choice to not ask for assisstance so I can continue indulging within this personality with its traits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel great about myself when I am busy manipulating the women to have sex with me even though I am aware that I am just using the words they themselves are expecting to hear till I bring the personality out of them that I want and desire for us to than engage into either virtual or physical sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my ability of story-telling to entice/generate the fantasy of the women I talk to in order to get them to the point of actually wanting to have sex with me, making them believe that I am doing something to them through words when in reality I am aware that I am just manipulating them to believe this and deep within me I experience shame of myself, however yet I do not allow this shame to really come forth, because I am in that moment in full attention of the specific words I use that when the women would give in, I get a positive energetic charge within me that I expience as something I needed for that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately supress the shame that I experience deep within me, because of being aware of what I am doing, which is NOT what is best for me nor for the women I am talking to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to everytime to remind myself to stop, but to not actually stop and say to myself as having a backchat within myself saying: " let's do this one more time and then you can quit," when in reality I keep on  having lots and lots of "one more times" and more and more women to please sexually and with sexually tinted and sexually enticing story telling to reach my goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to give these women some kind of hope that we may be one day in a real relationship when in reality I am aware that I am just using their emotional experiences they have of fearing being alone also their desire to be with a man, and use words to bring these emotions and feelings forth and seeing myself as being so good at making a woman want and desire me when I am aware that I am just manipulating what I can see through their own words without them even being aware of it, because they loose themselves within the words I choose to tell the stories.


More to come in another blog on this point that opened up in this blog here...............



Thanks.


Larry Manuela


Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.


Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

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Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Day 352, Fear of working on myself alone.

Within the previous blog, I have had a realization about myself that I fear working on myself, because of what I might find about myself that I do not want to go through and when I go through it, I would prefer to not be alone all by myself.

I will quote myself here what I wrote in the previous blog:

" I realize that I fear being alone from the perspective of not having anyone to have a communication with, because it will imply to me that I will be and have to deal all by myself with my stuff, thus in actuality fearing having to face myself, or deal with myself all alone."


                                                       




Self-Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I am aware that I go through these subtle fears of facing myself alone as in what I might find within myself that I have to change about myself, or stop about myself, I let the fear of facing myself influence my decision making in a moment, because it serves my personality(ies) I do not want to stop or change right now as in wanting to wait for a few more time before I put them down, or change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait on myself deliberately, because I am aware that when I wait I do not have to change myself, apply myself thus I wait and I wait, and within this actually I do not change myself all the time in the moments as I have wrote within the commitments I have given to myself as in when exactly I have to stop myself, release myself and than live what I have committed to do.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing me, because I am aware within myself that I do have the courage to stand for life and to change myself too, and I am aware that I will be feared because of this and thus I deliberately postpone changing myself in every moment and allow myself to take my own shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse in my mind as backchat: " I am tired of all of this in this world," for purposes of putting myself in a position to manipulate myself in order to not have to change myself in every moment.

I forgive myself that I did not see/realize and understand that the backchat: "  I am tired of all this in this world," is actually in fact me being tired of myself not doing what I am aware I must do to change me, to stop me, to release me in order to bring about a change within myself that have a result/outcome that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtly try and  manipulate myself to write less, in order to postpone my own change, however deep within myself I am aware that when I do as I am doing right now it stabilizes me and gives me the opportunity to actually face myself and release myself and eventually walk my own talk as I place my words on paper that I must commit in order to change me as I am aware I am NOT living me as a human being that "what is best for life," is my life, is the way I move within and as myself and within and as this world, when "what is best for life," is like breathing, like brushing my teeth, like me eating, like walking, in one word, when it is natural to me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take my process really really serious, because again I am aware that my own change would mean the death of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as this world as this personality(ies) I have become to survive as a personality(ies) within and as this world, within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my own change as a threat to myself, as a threat to my existence as a mind personality(ies) wherein I want to live as this/these personality(ies) that actually are NOT contributing to what will be best for my life and all of life on this planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change from the perspective of my mind, because I am aware that I am my mind right now, and that I fear letting me go as this mind that I have become, thinking and believing that the death of me as this mind-personality is my complete death as all of what I am here, when I am also at the same time aware that I can exist in a moment as my breath within and as one and equal with my breath and that nothing moves within me as my mind, yet still letting fear of stopping me completely in everyone moment ruin my process, prolonging my own change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to get into the nitty gritty of myself within and as myself, because I fear loosing myself, when I am aware that what I will so called "loose," is just what I have become of a mind personalty(ies) .


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent on my mind-personality(ies) to live for me and I living according to what I dictate to myself as my mind personality(ies).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just sit here and ponder about the how I am going to tackle myself just to tell myself as this personality that I am doing something, that I am applying myself when in reality, in real physical movement in moments I am aware that I am not doing that all the time, it is only sometimes, thus within this I forgive myself to not apply myself in the moments that I am aware I must do so, to actually change myself in every moment till it is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not interfere within my own moments when I see myself falling as in not applying myself as I am aware I must do.


To be continued............................


Larry Manuela


Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.


Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG






Day 351, Why do I allow limitation Part 3

Here, continuing with the previous blog,


click here to go the previous blog if one wants to read it.


                                                               




I realize that I can loose myself trying to proof a point when in discussion with people without seeing/realizing/understanding that not everyone is on the same level of understanding as I might be, and that even if they were it is about what will be best for all life and not me wanting to proof a point to get others to agree with me.

Thus within this I commit myself to, when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting to proof a point in order to get others to agree with me, I take a deep breath first bring myself back here, stabalise myself, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy and from this point I make sure that I than communicate with another purely based on the starting point of what would be best for life.


I realize that I am just using the realization on points even when they have starting point which will be best for all, I only stick to that, I do not push myself to actually in fact live what I have seen, and am aware what is within me that needs actual real physical change.

Thus within this, I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into NOT moving myself to actually change myself and just stick to the starting point alone that I saw had a outcome that could be best for all if lived, I take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and make sure that I start applying myself to actually, in fact do what I am aware I must do physically to make sure the necessary outcome that I saw is manifested and lived by myself.

I realize that I fear being not included in group conversations or included at all, because of myself judging myself that I am not a someone to be approached in a conversation because what I have to say is being perceived as negative.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the fear of thinking and believing that I might be excluded from conversation because I will be seen as someone negative, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and from out of this stability I speak and communicate and I only do so when I am sure that whatever I will say is in the service of LIFE, in the support of life as my starting point and within this take a stand and also to remind myself that I do not HAVE TO speak all the time, that sometimes being quiet is also a way of say something without using words.

I realize that I fear being alone from the perspective of not having anyone to have a communication with, because it will imply to me that I will be and have to deal all by myself with my stuff, thus in actuality fearing having to face myself, or deal with myself all alone.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing myself to be on my own, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I stable and clear I have an honest look within myself and investigate within myself where I created this fear of being on my own and having to on my own to work myself out as if I am afraid of what I might find and don't really want to go through all that, thus within this I commit myself to investigate this point that have opened up within me more.

I realize that I fear going through physical pain.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing to go through physical pain, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I am clear and stable I remind myself that the fearing the physical pain is not necessary, because if something happens to me that is physical and it is something that will physically hurt I cannot stop the pain, I just have to go through it, however "fearing the pain," is not what is going to stop the pain in the moment or just a few seconds before the moment.


I realize that I am thinking and believing that a negative person is someone to be feared and thus what happens is that when I judge someone to be negative I automatically go into fearing them on some level even though it is subtle and I than go into an act of preparing myself to defend myself against this individual, but if someone would to point it out to me, I would deny it, I even deny it within myself looking at it.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into trying or doing my best to defend myself because of already being in a subtle state of fear within myself about someone else and denying it when it is seen by others or myself for that matter, I just stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I am sure I am stable and clear I than just accept the fearing within me, embrace it but not let it influence me and when I have embraced it within me and stand as the fear within me, I release the fear as to remind and show to myself that just like I created it to exist within me, I can uncreate it to not have to exist within me as me, and than out of this when it is not here anymore I can communicate with the person in front of me without fearing him/her.




Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Day 350, Why do I Allow limitation Part 2

So here I am within this blog going to write about the points I mentioned in the blog previous to this one.

If one have not read that blog yet, click here to go to it.

                                                           





                                                       


So the points that I am going to work out in this blog are the following:

** Fearing confrontational disputes with other people

** Fear being disliked

** Fear for being hated by others

** Fear for being avoided by others

** Fear for being seen as a "negative person."

Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to go through confrontational disputes with other people, because I am aware that within these confrontation I can loose myself trying to prove a point without seeing/realizing and understanding that not everyone is at the same level of understanding as I might be, and even if they were it is about what will be best for all life and not me trying to prove a point or wanting another to agree with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that trying to make someone agree with me is enough, when I am aware that the agreeing point is just a starting point, it is not an actual real agreement yet as in moving myself within and as the point I have agreed upon, thus I might just agree about theoretical mind jargon that make sense for the both of us within the moment, but it does not necessarily mean that I am actually going to change myself to live that which we both see needs change, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I am seeing what I must do in order to change myself and take a stand in where I stand and what I stand for and take responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disliked, because in being disliked I perceive it as equal to being alone in the sense of not being able to be included in the majority and thus being communicatively none existent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being left out of being communicated to or being able to communicate with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being communicated at or left out of being communication with others because it implies that I will be on my own, and that I fear actually deep within myself to actually in fact to be alone as in having no-one to communicate with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being hated by others, because within me I am aware that hate breeds violence and within violence one can go through very harsh physical abuse and thus within this, fearing to go through the physical abuse that is accompanied with lots of physical pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am being avoided by others, because of again when being avoided by others I will go through the experience of being left behind and alone, not worthy of communicating with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am not worthy to be communicated with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as a negative person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a negative person is someone to be feared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a negative person is automatically someone to be feared and thus within this not wanting to be seen as a negative person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement I have about judging others judging me being a negative person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own judgment about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that by fearing my own judgement will make the judgement disappear.

To be continued................

Thanks.

Larry Manuela






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Sunday, 1 March 2015

Day 349, Why do I allow limitation?

There has been these particular points about myself that I do allow to exist within me for either to not be in confrontational disputes or to not have to be not liked by others, or be hated by others, or someone that has to be avoided, because I will be seen as a " negative person." Understand that this finding me "a negative person," is just a label we place on people and if one really have a look at our world one can see that the reality out there is NOT positive. We can color it in all we want, but it is not going to magically change because we are a bunch walking along being all positive within our minds. If this was real, with all the positive religion explosion in this world that is going on, the world should have been extremely positive since the times of the Beatles, since the flower era. I am not looking for people to find me a "positive person" either, I am just telling the things as they are, not coloring them in, and if this makes me a "negative person," in people's eyes, it is their own judgment, has nothing to do with the reality that is a fact to be what we will term/interpret as: " bad/wrong/negative." The reality though is that our reality is harmful/destructive/abusive/unequal and these are labeled as "bad/wrong/negative." Here under this paragraph I place a picture that is fueling this dilemma, where with phrases like these people will always keep on brushing people away from them if they see that they are not agreeing with their positive bubble in their heads.

                                                                  


So I have a self-judgement that I fear that others might find me a "negative person," thus I shut up when it comes to the topic of what is going on in the world sometimes. What I did noticed though even within this fear, that when I do go into expressing myself for life, I am not fearful of wording what I'm  aware within myself to be common sense, and I talk loud and clear, and I am certain within myself about the points that I am busy conveying or bringing to the table as is being said.
As I have noticed and it is a fact, people do not like to hear these two words: " acceptance & allowance,"  because they know that these two words place them in a position where they have to take responsibility, and this word too is something most of us do not really want to engage into, especially when it comes to the responsibility to ALL LIFE.

The moment I say the world is the way it is, and not because of some politicians that are doing something or some elite somewhere is doing something, the world is how it is because we are the ones accepting and allowing all these things that we see as "bad/wrong/and negative" to continue  being here, being part of our reality.
We love to find someone else or a group to blame for what is happening, but the moment the blame is shifted and put upon us, ourselves, we want to push it away, and the "BUT's " will start to enter the conversations.

Of course in this world, you have in regards to what happens in the world two kinds of people, The ones that do actually DO something, either that something would be positive or negative, but they are the doers and we have those who just stand by....... the standbyers, the watchers.

Now the standbyers as I am calling us, which is the greater majority of us, which one can call the 99% of us in any particular country are the ones that will allow the 1% to do what they like, and we keep on blaming and blaming, criticizing them just because they are the doers. Maybe we secretly are jealous of them, because they actually DO what they say they will do, they are not just talkers, spewing verbal diarrhea. So even though the 1% is in their actions not doing what will be best for all, they do have the potential though to actually make things happen, meaning, they take action, something the 99% is lacking in extreme measures.
Now just imagine if the 99 % were the doers, all these things the 99% find that are "bad/wrong/negative" in their own lives, that they find the 1 % are doing to them, they themselves just make sure that these things will never happen again and go actually do it themselves, just take the stuff over and stop what is hurting us and change it? And when I say taking it over, I am NOT talking about taking it over by/through force or military force where people can get hurt and harmed, I am talking about taking it over by elections, making usage of direct democracy.
We are actually a humanity full of fears. We fear so much that we allow a 1% of us to put words on paper to actually bring harm instead of harmony, or put words on paper to enslave us, instead of freeing us, put words on paper to control us, put words on paper to tell us what to do and what not to do, limiting our participation in a world where all were born into freely in the same way as everybody else. Have you not noticed that the words on papers are all not words you directly participated in agreeing that they should be on paper or not? But yet here we are allowing all this stupidity to go on. Understand that words on their own are totally harmless, even the words that we have given to things that harm ourselves. It is us living what we believe these words to be, IS what is the problem and IS what is REALLY harmful.

Now let me tell you why that did not happen yet, and there were instances in  history when there were so called: "revolutions,"  but these revolutions were messy and were just a switching of powers, nothing really fundamentally changed, because we still did the same thing, allowing a little group to have the power over us, making decisions that influence our daily lives, and these decisions that are made are always only "good" for a few, these very few individuals that made the decisions, but never that we create a system that allow all of us to not only have a saying, like an opinion but that we literally all are corner stones of making decisions on behalf of all of us, thus that everyone participate in the decision making, because at the end of the day, what the 1% is making decisions about includes all of us, but they just make sure that they the 1% get more instead of making sure that everyone is equally provided for and we can start with the REAL living as a humanity on this planet.
So the reason all of this is going on is because we have accepted and allowed within and as ourselves separation to exist, we do NOT see ourselves as equals for real yet. We may talk about it, but actually in fact see/realize and understand that we ARE equals, very very few people can see this and actually strife to bring about this equality that is here.
And this is the why we are still roaming around in this system of inequality, because within and as ourselves we are unequal. We are unequal in our thoughts/words and actions, thus this what we are within is being allowed outwardly too, as anyone in this world can clearly attest now in this era that is called: "information era."

In my next blog I will be working out the points mentioned in the beginning of this blog.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela



Join us at: Desteni

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