I fully developed this characteristic in my late teenage years, when I became aware that I can manipulate others to either get my way, or to avoid certain/specific outcomes that would not result into what would be best for me.
However deep inside it's actually to avoid some deep rooted fear. Fear to confront people, because there are lots of times that I do see people that abuse others and myself but I do not confront them or at least say something about it, I like navigate around them to find a spot, a moment where I can gain their trust (which is manipulation) to somehow then make it clear to them that they are abusive, because I in that instant will know that they won't abuse me, or take it the " wrong way," because now they are trusting me, they have found out that I am the "good guy."
However there are also lots of moments when this trust in me will be abused, because now they can see that I am the " good guy," thus they are going to think that it means that " good guys" are fools, weak. In certain aspects, it is true, when it comes to, or is related to weakness. Why? because lots of times I will let people so to speak walk over me a little, again to just avoid to have to go through trouble if I would confront them and say stop, or that it is enough, and having people hating me=(fear), or not liking me=(fear), or being vigilant about me in order to get back at me=(fear), which I see happen to people who are straight to the point a lot, either them being right or wrong in their exertion of their straightness.
So as I can see here, in my own words, it has lots to do with Self-responsibility.
Thus, this " good guy" characteristic that I am portraying in this world does not lead to a world that is best for all, because I am NOT standing my ground, being an example to show no matter what, that only what is best for all life is what I live, getting away from opposites and polarities, leaving balance between these two also behind, because mind you, people do say a lot that one needs to find a balance between these opposites and polarities, which is in actuality a fable of course because the " balance" will make way for their existence to continue, and only take a stand and stance and live by life-principles of oneness and equality, that which is best for all life. Because I DO SEE, when I am being manipulated by others, when I am manipulating others, when I am being abused by others, and when I am abusing others. Thus how can I be living life-principles when I am allowing ABUSE to exist within me and within others as me? How can I be living life-principles when I allow MANIPULATION to exist within me and others as me? Thus ALLOWANCE of abuse/manipulation/deceit/lies/half trues/opposites/polarities/balance of opposites and polarities within and without me is NOT what would be best for all life. Thus I have to change ME!!!
In the next blog the self forgivenesses will follow.
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