Thursday, 6 July 2017

Day 386, In the moment Self-forgivenesses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea, a feeling that there is nothing I can significantly do in this world anymore to bring a change in this world, that will have a result that would practically be what would be best for all life, because I have given up within and as myself on myself, without seeing/realizing and understanding that as long as I have not forgiven all and everything that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, I am just mind fucking myself into believing there is nothing I can do anymore to bring any significant change in this world.

.................................................Now before I continue, I just woke up and had a " bad dream."

So I will be working out this " bad dream" because it is HERE.
First of all, if you are new reading this blog, I want you to understand that EVERYONE and EVERYTHING in one's dreams is oneself. Other people, buildings, roads, animals, plants, skies.......EVERYTHING is oneself. Why? Because it is one's own Memories. If someone is dreaming for example about their sister or brother or mother, it is not them that you are dreaming about, it is you that you are dreaming about. How you have placed them in your mind, your judgments about them, your memory of for example how they look like to you, etc..etc..... However it is all you and not them as many people believe. Many people have the believe that when they are dreaming about a person, that they are really dreaming about the person in fact, like its as if the person was in their dream and it has nothing to do with themselves, like the person is taking part in their dream, like the person is visiting them in their dreams to tell them something or help them through whatever it is they are dreaming about in their dreams, or that the person is in their dream just being there as a companion,to complete the cast. However it is their memories of the person or how they have placed that person's looks and images they have made of him/her and hold on to it in their minds, is what they are dreaming about, using these images to try and make some sense of a story in their minds that most of the times does not make any sense at all anyways, because one keep on jumping from place to place and from scenery to scenery in one's dreams. The movie is playing out using these images they have accepted and allowed from others, known people and unknown people, things one can remember one did see in ones real physical world and things one does not remember one saw in one's real physical world. Thus dreams are always all about ME! what occupies my mind, what my fears are, my deep seated fears are, what my judgments are about people and things, what kind of believes I still have in the depths of my mind consciousness system. Very important too is that everything is in reverse. Thus one have to have a look at it as in reverse.

I will be placing in written words all of what I can remember about the dream and then start working it out. What is also very important is to really try and remember how I felt when dreaming the dream.


The dream:

I was in the dream, kind of like a detective. I say; ' kind of,' because I am not sure if I was a detective or not, it appears that I was one.
We went into a very old, scary looking house, like the ones one see in horror movies. It was me with two other colleagues. We went into the house, because we were looking for a mother that was abusing her 3 children. We went into the house and got into a room upstairs, where we found the mother about to do some sacrificial ritual to one of the children. All the children clothing color was pink/rosy. So we handcuff the mother and also all the other women that were there and we took the children in our arms and started to leave the house. As we were leaving I got this sense about me and I turned back my head to have a look at what I was sensing and my eyes fell on a door that was next to the room we went into to take the children from, it was a little bit open/at a crack and was larger in width and length, but I could still see inside and that there was complete darkness behind it, and there was like a dark-green blanket placed over the door. However I could sense that there was someone looking at us. So I decided that I was going to trick this person to see if there is any movement. So I did as if I was also going away, leaving the house, but yet calmly and quietly as I could be, return to see if there would be any kind of movement behind that door that would satisfy my gut feeling that there is someone watching us from behind that door. Thus as I peaked from behind the wall, I saw the door was fast closing, but it slowed down as whomever or whatever noticed I watched it closing it, and then I sensed that whatever was behind that door, was not human. Thus I decided that I will just leave. ( Here I felt a little fear, not as much as fear of what is behind the door, but more like fear of being taken by this thing that was behind the door without being able to leave/free myself.)
So when we got outside I looked back and was trying to find some odd windows, that I thought would belong to that room, and just as I thought there were two little windows, kind of like exactly in the middle of the house with white painted bars around them. So I looked directly into these windows and made a gesture with my hand by raising my arms as saying to whomever or whatever is watching, that: " I will be back for you soon, don't think I will just leave you there." And as soon as I was doing this, suddenly a little bit outside of the yard, but yet still very close to it, a tower like structure as from old palaces started to come out of the soil/ground and it had two large eyes on it, and the eyes were looking very angry at me. I started running, because something told me, it was time to run. My two colleagues just watched me, they did not run and just stood there looking at me run away. As I was running ( by the way, in this part of the dream, I am on a familiar farm road, country side, from the island I was born into) and there was like a tongue breaking the soil/ground following me, like roots of trees, but yet a tongue. I could see that I could not outrun this tongue and it was poking me all over, but was actually trying to grab me to give me a good squeeze. In other words, it wanted to squeeze the life out of me......lol
So in this very moment I had an idea, very fast of course, because I did not have much time and could not outrun this tongue, so I must outsmart or at least try and outsmart this tongue. So I decided that I will run into a very heavy/closed group of Cane Cholla cactus  
and go around them and through them in order for the tongue to get these cactus on herself and maybe stop chasing me. As I was standing there, about to go through the Cane Cholla Cactus, my dream abruptly ended. It was the end and I woke up.

So now the working out part.

first I will take all the words or sentences representing something about me to me:

**1) Being a detective or not?
**2) Old scary house, like in the horror movies
**3)  Mother(women in particular) doing ritualistic things to small children.
**4) Children dressed in pink/rosy colors clothing
**5) Sensing being watched
**6)  Darkness behind closed door, opened only at a crack.
**7) Dark-green Blanket over door with darkness behind it
**8)  Fear of being caught and not being able to leave, thus being caught in this darkness.
**9)  Two small white painted bared windows
** 10) Having a gut feeling as if I had to go back to look for whatever is behind that door
** 11) Palace like structure with a tower coming out of the soil/ground, with two large angry looking eyes on it
** 12) Running on familiar ground for my life
**13) Tongue following me, through and beneath the soil/ground, like roots of trees.
**14) Fearing being squeezed to death
**15) Not being able to outrun tongue, maybe outsmart it
**16) Decide to go into Cane Cholla Cactus to outsmart tongue, something that could hurt it, pinch it, so it may leave me alone.


Now up to the working out of the dream.
I will start at looking at each point I have chosen that have some significance about it to myself.

Point number one. **1) Being a detective or not? This not being sure if I was a detective or not in this dream signifies to me, that I am not investigating myself properly, I am not paying attention to details about who and how I am in each moment I am here. Thus being a detective or not, is a choice I have, or more a decision I have to make to investigate, introspect myself better. Give investigative perspectives about myself, about who and what I am in each moment.

Point number two. **2) Old scary house, like in the horror movies. This signifies in my dream a house that looks like it is not being taken care of in proper matter. This is in relation to my own human physical body. My judgment about it. Meaning; ' I am not really treating my body with respect, and that I need to give my own body attention on all levels. The reality is that I fear my body and see it as something scary, something too much to handle, when in reality the way I see my body is just an opinion I have about it, it is not scary at all in. It is my opinion that is of and as something that is scary, thus I have scary opinions.

Point number three. **3) mother( women in particular) doing ritualistic things to small children. Now this part in the dream have to do with some news I watched in real life about children being abused by adults through dangerous ritualistic offerings, to satisfy whatever it is they are believing in. However to myself the dream signifies that the care of like a mother cares about her children is what I need to live within my own life to and towards my own children and all children in this world to make sure that what I have given to the future generation can be used to build a world where life is the number one thing of real value for humans and is basis for all decisions about everything and that care about all life equally becomes the norm.

Point number four. **4)  Children dressed in pink/rosy color clothing. Pink represent feelings of lust with sensual undertone. This tells me about me that when I judge that a woman posses what I think is like an innocence of child I am more prone to experience feelings of lust for that woman, with deep sensual undertone.

Point number five. **5) Sensing being watched.  This originate from a fear within of being watched or believing that one is being watched when one is aware that one is not doing that which is best for all. Life is watching every moment what I am choosing. Am I choosing life that is best for all, or am I choosing that which abuses life.

Point number six. **6)  Darkness behind closed door, opened only at a crack. This Darkness represents life, in this case, my life, that I only see very little of it, as I only see about it in common sense, I am not it yet as one as equal as all as me. Now because there was a dark-green blanket on the door, it means that my personal development and growth to/towards my life needs to be worked on by myself to reach into  that darkness of life within and as myself.

Point number seven. **7) See last sentence above, at point number Six.(6)


Point number Eight. **8)  Fear of being caught in this darkness and not being able to leave. This represent my fear of actually living life as equal as one with and as life itself. I fear living myself as life, and that if I go in there I will lose myself, however this " myself" as of now that I am is just a character in a mind, and not me as equal as one as life here. Thus what do I have to do? Go into that darkness!!

Point number Nine. **9) Two small white painted bared windows. This represents to me that there are some small embarrassments and disgusting things I want to keep hidden, and keep on watching myself, knowing that the answer is in that darkness, the place that is not a place where I am just here and see all that is here as what is best for life or not.

Point number Ten. **10)  Having a gut feeling as if I have to go back to look for whatever is behind that door. This means that I am aware on some levels of myself that there is where I need to be, in the darkness of life, as life, something that I fear, but yet because of everything being in reverse it means I should not fear this darkness, because there is where my answers are, there is where I can be just HERE as life is here as all as one as equal as everything.

Point number eleven. **11)  Palace like structure with a tower coming out of the soil/ground with two large angry looking eyes on it. This again is me trying through my mind to make myself as much as possible to try and fear more and more going into and stand one and equal as this darkness of me as life. These two large eyes, are my mind trying to tell me it has eyes on me and it is angry at me trying to go into the darkness, not wanting me to go in, which of course in reality mean for myself, that I have to ignore the mind and go in.

Point number Twelve. **12) Running on familiar ground for my life. This again signifies that I am trying to run away from that which is should actually run to and not away from. the running on familiar grounds, are representing points I am already familiar with within and as myself that I am using to avoid myself looking within the deeper dark dimensions of myself.

Point number thirteen. **13) Tongue following me through and beneath the soil/ground, like roots of trees. Deep seated words that break through to me, breaking through my foundation and are the words I need to get to the root of my characters/personality, the main one. Thus I should follow it, look for it within my words and deeds to root out this character/personality.

Point number fourteen. **14)  fearing being squeezed to death. This again is my mind with its personality fearing being squeezed to death. Thus this imply that in actuality and or reality I should give to myself that which I fear. I should give life to my body to my beingness, and stop giving life to my mind consciousness system, stop feeding it. This obviously happens when I use the tools of  self-forgiveness and self-honesty rooted in common sense introspection.

Point number fifteen. **15) Not being able to outrun tongue, maybe outsmart it. Here I am having a decision problem, not sure what to do, however in reality it means I should not outrun the words nor trying to go into an ego, wanting to be right within and as myself against myself, but instead embrace myself as I am now to more understand myself and from out of that understanding gained create the best version of myself that does what would be best for all life.

Point number sixteen. ** 16) Decide to go through Cane Cholla Cactus to outsmart tongue by trying to hurt it, to pinch it, so it may leave me alone. So here again I am trying to do everything in my power to avoid the words of the tongue that I need to hear from myself to workout the points within myself that are necessary for me to be HERE.


Will do actual working out of these point through self-forgiveness in the next blog.



Thanks.........


Larry Manuela



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Saturday, 13 May 2017

Day 385, The Good Guy Thingy, PART 2

within this post I will be doing my self forgiveness statements in regards to and in relation to the previous blog. For context read the previous blog here.


                                                                                     

Self-forgiveness statements:             


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to represent myself as a good guy within and as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that being a good guy has something to do do with real goodness in the physical reality, which is that which is best for all of life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use/abuse the good guy personality to get away with the fear that exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that by being a good guy character within and as the mind I am allowing fear as fear to exist within and as me and into the outside world as well, wherein I am abdicating my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being not liked by other people, thus in fearing this, I give the good guy personality existence within me in order for me to NOT go into/through the consequences of having to deal with/confront/face that which is uncomfortable because it goes right in to/through my self-created self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to go through lots trouble if I was to be self-honest all the time, because I am aware that, in a world of dishonesty I will hated, will be feared, will be bullied, thus to avoid all of this occurring to me I choose to not stand as the principle of what is best for all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people wanting to get back at me, because of me being against their self-interest, which is not what is best for life, thus knowing that I will be attacked makes me choose my own self-interest using survival as a tactic to make sure I do not choose what is best for all life in every moment, but give in/give up disrespecting myself and thus all life to avoid going through/facing my self-created fear, fearing my won fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the fear of being persecuted because of me having to stand up for life, making me back down a little, taking it slow, just to give myself more time, when in reality I am aware that the time I have / i got is the moments of breath I have in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what might happen if I would be HERE in real time as the breath of life that I have been given, being equal and one with all that is here as this physical reality as this human physical body that I am here now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that to stand within and as the principles of life, automatically place me into a position/situation wherein I can be abused, I can hated upon, I can be bullied upon, which are all true, however, having to create fear in regards to these consequences is not what would be best for me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/nor understand that to accept fear within and as myself is equal and one as accepting fear within and as others as myself as other people in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being a good guy as something of weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see being a good guy as something as weakness, because I am aware that this good guy personality allows others to walk over them a little or completely, which is a form of weakness, but is in actuality connected to the fear of being physically abused, physically mutilated, physically hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the personality of  being a good guy to fall into the category of something that is positive, something that is good.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that, that which I allow myself to be as this personality/character in the mind, as a good guy, is an invention/creation of myself to make sure I do not challenge reality as I really see it as it exists here within and as this physical reality/physical realm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing reality as it is, because of certain circumstances/situations that can have an outcome that would not be best for me, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding, how I can come up with a way, a manner within which I can come up with a solution that will not have to put me immediately in a situation where I can  be physically hurt or abused.




Thanks,


Larry Manuela


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Friday, 24 March 2017

DAY 384, The Good Guy Thingy.

Throughout my adult life, I have been seen/called/treated as a " good guy."



                                                                                 

I fully developed this characteristic in my late teenage years, when I became aware that I can manipulate others to either get my way, or to avoid certain/specific outcomes that would not result into what would be best for me.
However deep inside it's actually to avoid some deep rooted fear. Fear to confront people, because there are lots of times that I do see people that abuse others and myself but I do not confront them or at least say something about it, I like navigate around them to find a spot, a moment where I can gain their trust (which is manipulation) to somehow then make it clear to them that they are abusive, because I in that instant will know that they won't abuse me, or take it the " wrong way," because now they are trusting me, they have found out that I am the "good guy."

However there are also lots of moments when this trust in me will be abused, because now they can see that I am the " good guy," thus they are going to think that it means that " good guys" are fools, weak. In certain aspects, it is true, when it comes to, or is related to weakness. Why? because lots of times I will let people so to speak walk over me a little, again to just avoid to have to go through trouble if I would confront them and say stop, or that it is enough, and having people hating me=(fear), or not liking me=(fear), or being vigilant about me in order to get back at me=(fear), which I see happen to people who are straight to the point a lot, either them being right or wrong in their exertion of their straightness.

So as I can see here, in my own words, it has lots to do with Self-responsibility.
Thus, this " good guy" characteristic that I am portraying in this world does not lead to a world that is best for all, because I am NOT standing my ground, being an example to show no matter what, that only what is best for all life is what I live, getting away from opposites and polarities, leaving balance between these two also behind, because mind you, people do say a lot that one needs to find a balance between these opposites and polarities, which is in actuality a fable of course because the " balance" will make way for their existence to continue, and only take a stand and stance and live by life-principles of oneness and equality, that which is best for all life. Because I DO SEE, when I am being manipulated by others, when I am manipulating others, when I am being abused by others, and when I am abusing others. Thus how can I be living life-principles when I am allowing ABUSE to exist within me and within others as me? How can I be living life-principles when I allow MANIPULATION to exist within me and others as me? Thus ALLOWANCE of abuse/manipulation/deceit/lies/half trues/opposites/polarities/balance of opposites and polarities within and without me is NOT what would be best for all life. Thus I have to change ME!!!


In the next blog the self forgivenesses will follow.

Thanks,


Larry Manuela


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Sunday, 5 February 2017

Day 383, day 4 of SF on aloneness

Within this blog,  I am going to do self forgiveness on what I wrote about in the previous blog.





                                                                               
                                                                                

Self forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still be sexually very energetically busy and that I keep on finding ways to keep on, with the keeping on of engaging in energetic mind sex, with this, accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself in relation to how I have define sex for myself within myself and through what I have done in conjunction with how I have defined sex for myself and outwardly live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept from myself that it is totally o.k. to have sex with anyone that is a woman or looks a lot like a woman, because using them is where I will feed my sexual energy, always looking and paying attention to what they say in order to find a point of weakness where I can commence and eventually get into the sexual talk and see where they are within it and from there build on that little point, till they break/accept the invitation, which is actually a manipulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very manipulative when it comes to sex with women and try and justify it, just because the women give me their permission to do so, however even though I am aware that without their permission there will be no sex talk or anything sexual, I am also aware that I manipulate them in order to get their permission, I have become a permission seeker freak, to use it to work for me, in order to satisfy my energetic mind sexual energy.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that in trying to manipulate others to have sex with me in any form or any other way or shape,  to satisfy my mind sexual energy, is actually me giving in into the programming I have created within and as myself as mind sexual energy seeker, depending on another for my mind sexual need of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing this mind sex energy that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do  whatever it takes to make sure I am always vigilant in bringing about ways to get into this mind sex energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly groom this energy within me, creating within me experiences of feeling alone, just to make sure I go and do something about it outwardly that will have me satisfying this mind sex energy I have created myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do whatever it takes to make sure that my self-created mind sex energy is always, when it comes to relationships with women I find attractive,  to be the first thing to be triggered within me in order to give value to what I am seeing outwardly that coincide with what I have accepted and allowed within myself as what I need in order to experience this mind sex energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as this mind sex energy as all that I am now,  without seeing, realizing, and understanding how and why I created myself within and as this mind sex energy in order to stop and change what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge this mind sex energy as something bad, wrong and negative however yet not making a clear decision about what I see and judge myself as bad,wrong and negative in order to find out about how I created it to stop myself, to first release myself from it and to then redefine for myself how I should be living in a way that does not bring harm to myself or abuse to myself, nor to others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand within and as the harm and abuse that I am standing within and as- as separation within and as myself as an example in this world through projecting this separation I am within outwardly, to and towards people and things, so that the separation within me continues to exist as what I have accepted and allowed as me - as if it is not coming from me or lives within me, when even though I am aware that only I experience my inner experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify certain harms and abuse as less worse than others, forgetting at all that abuse is abuse, and always have an outcome as consequence that is equal to what it is and represent through and via me and all humans in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself a lot when it comes to mind sex energy, giving in into it and giving up on my process of being and becoming equal and one within and as the physical here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the giving in, into mind sex energy, because I am aware of the addiction I have created within and as myself to and towards this mind sex energy I indulge within and as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and justify for myself that there is nothing " wrong" with this indulging within and as this mind sex energy, meanwhile being aware that it is not what is best for me nor what is best for all of LIFE.


To be continued.......................


Thanks,


Larry Manuela




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Thursday, 29 September 2016

Day 382, day 3 on SF on Aloneness

                                                                        DAY 3 SF on ALONENESS










                                                                            



So with this which is not a real THIRD day for me, however more like a third moment as I have chosen this moment in time to do this writing about myself.
I have written 2 days of SF on Aloneness already, and when I have a look at it, I am aware that I can go deeper than that, and not for the purpose to just be able go deeper, however for the purpose to really face the dark waters that are hidden within and as myself, that keep on disturbing, obstructing me, for me to not change  for real.
So, why am I experiencing myself alone?
Now the real answer is very simple, however yet, it needs to be worked out.
The answer is, because I am not really facing the real points that I am aware I need to face in order for me to really change into and live as a human being that lives “ what would be best for all life, oneness and equality,” which is a principle living. It’s like I am postponing facing myself. Like I do not want to really change yet, let me be system Larry a little bit more longer and then one day, I will take on myself for real.
So, what am I really waiting for? It does not make any sense, I am aware. Why do I want to postpone hiding my dark side, the real nitty gritty about me, what goes on within me and about me that I am aware I am doing or not doing.
Btw, this writing is inspired by the interview I’ve just listen to called:  “ Dark- Self: true nature of Self, by the Atlanteans through the portal at the EQAFE website store.
Here is the link if one wants to have a listen to it: https://eqafe.com/p/dark-self-true-nature-of-self-atlanteans-part-440

So let me list them all for myself here, to put it all into context and perspective  and exposure as I should have done and should be doing,  not only today but also constantly till there is no more LIVING with hidden stuff in my life.

1  1)      SEX. I am someone at the moment,  that will literally and I am being brutally honest with myself here, that would have sex with anyone that is a woman or really look like a woman, and by this I mean transsexuals or transgenders, however they must really look like a woman, because I am not attracted sexually to a man physique. I am not attracted to gay man. And there is more, I am having sex with two women, they both know I am having sex with them. One of them is a Polyamorous kind of person and the other one is someone that loves sex as much as I do. Now even with having two women to have real physical sex with I find myself when I am not with them sneaking watching some porn now and then anyways, it is like I have to have an orgasm, either with them, with porn or sometimes even without porn or just finding other women on the internet that are horny and engage into sex talks to get each other horny and go as far as exchanging sexual pictures or little sexual tainted films of ourselves with one another.
       2) Work. The work I do is not something I would love to do for the rest of my life, it is the kind of work that I just do it as best as I can, because I have to take care of myself within this system, however the continuous pressure to work faster and faster and producing more and more is not my thing, I am a guy that want to do my work properly with as less as possible stress of competing with other companies etc.
       3) My process.  In regards to my process, thus that which I am aware I have to do to change myself into a human being that lives “ oneness and equality, that which is best for all life,” this includes blogging and vlogging  and my DIP course, investigating all systems in this world,  I am legging behind with them and why? Because all of these are the points that force me to face myself and by “ force me” I do not mean that I am experiencing these points forcing me, however more like a push, a point of facing myself, thus I avoid them as much as possible so I do not have to change for real.
       4)  My son. I hear of my son now and then, I would like to be hearing from him more, not because I miss him or anything, however because I am responsible for him as I am responsible for myself and everything and everyone else. There are some points that I see are just excuses I use, because I can change them, but keep on waiting to make a move. For example, he does not have his own phone, and I have to call the mother first, and the mother works and I have to deal with the time difference and also with my working shifts, which means it makes communication very poor, however I can at least make some arrangements to change all of this so it can have an outcome that is best for all. So here for example I see that I always had the pattern of waiting too long to do something or to move, take action, I always let things accumulate till it becomes a problem or bigger problem.
       5)  Debts. I have a few system debts, some I was responsible for making them, however some I was not and I am in the process of dealing with them all, meaning taking organizations or companies to legal court lawsuits, which drains me financially, however I have to do it.
  6)     I am a nice guy. This is how people that know me will define me, however I do not want to be a “ nice guy” I want to be a real guy, someone that lives: “ giving a fuck about life.” This means that I sometimes let people push me around or walk over me a little, but all very calculated, I have always been this very calculated person ( another point here to face.) I calculate shit in very little detail about what could happen or not happen, I used to be a great deceiver, and patterns of the “ greatness” are still here. This “ greatness” is actually weakness, weakness into making sure I avoid as much as possible consequences that can harm me or make people not like me. I have found like a middle ground so to speak throughout my life in order to deal with these points, so I let people sometimes walk over me just enough in order to keep on being looked at as “ the good guy.” However as I said already I am aware that “ good guys” can never be “real guys”  because real guys give a damn about ALL life and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!

O.k. So that is my dark self as far as I can see, now in the next blog I will be going into the specifics as I do Sf on all of them as to HOW I really do them. As they are written down here now they are just empty sentences, not yet faced, exposure though, but not faced yet through self-forgiveness.


Thanks.

Larry Manuela





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Monday, 19 September 2016

Day 381, SF on Aloneness day 2.



                                          Day 2: SF on ALONENESS



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the outside world, the people in the world for not wanting to take a stand and stance against the abuse that is going on in this world, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am blaming the outside world, the people in the world, because within me I am also silently blaming myself for not taking a stand and a stance as living human being that is here and that does not take abuse in any form done to all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that in order for me to take a stand and a stance against any abuse done to life, I must first take a stand and a stance within myself, stopping my own creations of abuse within and as myself as the personalities/characters I exert via/through my human physical body, forcing my human physical body to do the bidding of the personalities/characters that I have created within and as myself to represent energetic me’s, that are heavily in great need of continuous/constant energy to exist within the body of life as my human physical body as if they are the real body of life that is here as my human physical form, believing that the personalities are something of value to life and not my body/form, expression of life here itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the personality/character of aloneness in my mind to divert my attention in such a way that it comes back  to itself when I sometimes is about to take a stance or stand within myself or to converge attention to itself when I do not take a stand and stance within myself, always leading and attracting me to itself first for decision making as I have programmed it to be/become as a representation of myself within my mind consciousness system to make sure I do not actually change myself in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the diversion I talk about are points within the outside world that I use to ignite the personality/character of aloneness within and as me, when I see that I am going to take a stand and a stance within and as myself as the points I see outside of me are not common-sensically speaking, what would be best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the words used within the system as: ’ money, rich people, famous people, smart/intelligent/intellectual people, religious people, price, status, poor people, elite, politicians, spirituality, New- Age, philosophy, law, rules, regulations, debt, debt-collectors, taxes, war, hunger, work, love, loved ones, ’  to be the words that will divert my attention to the personality/character of aloneness within and as me, as tentacles of this very personality/character within and as my mind consciousness system because I have judged all these words and their applications within this world as being words that support abuse done to life in this world, thus words that according to my judgments do not in fact for real contribute to what real caring would be in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the words used within the system as: ‘ mystery, sex, secrets, happiness, wonderful, playful, horniness, lust,’ to be the words that will convert my attention to the personality/character of aloneness within and as me, as positive charged energy within me to feed this personality/character in order for me to again not change myself here in fact.


Thanks.

Larry Manuela




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Sunday, 18 September 2016

Day 380, a new beginning in the middle of continuation. Aloneness day:1

Within this post I will be working a point I have been stuck with for a very long time, however now have decided that I really have to pick myself up and do what needs to be done.





                                                                       
 


SF on aloneness

Day 1:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the outside world, the humans in this world as people that do not really care about what is going on in this world, thus accepting and allowing myself to create within myself an emotion of me being all alone as someone that is caring, without seeing/realizing and understanding that this “ caring “ is just a word I use within and as my mind to exactly support the very personality/character I have created to judge the outside world with, the people in the world that I judge as not caring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a separation within my mind between me and the outside world, the people in the world, in order to have a point of ME against THEM to exist within me as me and as my mind as myself as self here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the outside world, people in the world as “ not caring,” because within myself I also judge myself as not caring, because I do not see that I am being effective enough to bring about a world that would best for everyone and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my process of becoming one and equal with life here, birthing myself here in the physical as life as something that is a burden and that looks like I am not doing anything in the outside world that would really matter to change the world in fact, without seeing/realizing and understanding that the outside world, as the people in the world I judge as not caring is actually an accumulation of each individual as is myself not being responsible human beings in this world, to and towards life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the emotion of sadness to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, in order for me as the personality of aloneness to keep on existing within me as me as the mind, because I create within myself a reason now through sadness to stagnate myself, to not move, that I do not need to actually change because change as what is best for all does not exist anyways, thus just keep on being alone and experiencing emotions of sadness about experiencing myself as alone in the mind is a fine prerequisite to not change in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear real change, because I have no idea what I will be and become as an actual real human living, expressing what is best for all in the face of what is not best for all as is the status quo in the world at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being brutalized, abused and tramped down, annihilated, humiliated, abandoned in this world, by the people of this world if I would to actually change and become a living expressing human being that gives a damn about life, because the world as it exist now is a world where life has no meaning, no value other than to abuse life as living forms as slaves to accumulate money and execute control over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let all these “ what if’s” to have dominion over my process of changing me as a human being that actually lives care, lives what is best for all life in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through accepting and allowing fear of changing me, because of judging myself as to what could happen if I would change to me, to interfere with my process of actually living, changing me as what would be best for all life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that through the creation of the personality/character of aloneness within and as me, I am in fact busy not actually moving and thus, creating myself within the physical as someone that does not care, because in the physical care means giving, real practical/physical giving and I am not giving care to myself, thus not giving care to the world either.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give myself responsibility and thus always fall in my own mind trap of being irresponsible and not walking my process of change as I am aware I should.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use aloneness within as myself to trap myself into not moving, not changing in order to create friction and thus energy to support my own mind personalities/characters that are existing only by my permission to be against myself for not allowing myself to be responsible, for not allowing myself to live self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself in assessing within myself what is going on, because I am aware of myself that when I do so I have to stop this personality I have created within and as myself to disturb and hinder my own change, to procrastinate myself, keeping on postponing my own change.


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand as to what extent I have accepted and allowed myself to, through the personality/character of “ aloneness” exclude myself from not involving myself with my own self creation as a human being that stop abuse within and as himself and give care to himself and thus through giving care to myself, being able to actually live care as who I am in the world.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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