In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Thursday, 30 August 2012
Day 118, Why So Much Questions..??
In my life, and still to this day, this ''questioning things'' is what i have been doing throughout my whole life. Now the problem with this is, that i have created a character of this questioning, instead of questioning what is HERE.
I questioned most of the time my own existence, couldn't get what the fuck am i doing here. This question haunted me my whole life, I know many people ask themselves this question, it is kind of a universal question, but not everyone really become determine to find out what the fuck they're doing here. It looks like there is no purpose for me being here, i couldn't see the purpose and sometimes when i found something that looked like something that would be my purpose it then turned out differently putting me in a situation where i will have to question that whole thing again, which usually would be some knowledge and information that have some mysterious look to it, like it is out of this world. Some special hidden knowledge bullshit.
If i did not stumble on DESTENI, i would still be questioning LIFE. Now i am learning to question using common sense reasoning, and not knowledge and information. With common sense reasoning i can question exactly what is here as me as my thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions/justifications/judgements and what it is i am allowing in the world at large while i am HERE and see if what i am doing or not doing is what is BEST for all LIFE or not, so i don't create more and more consequences of inequality all over the place through my participation within this world. So i look at all that is HERE as it is in fact manifested. Very simple, but very very effective.
So as i mentioned in my early writings already, questioning from the perspective of knowledge and information is as good as done. With this i mean my questioning have substance now, it is not just knowledge and information, and to gain more knowledge and information, it is to question things in LIFE and to see how i can correct myself in my daily living to function as a part of this whole group that is called humanity, in the BEST possible way, to bring about a world that truly is BEST for all living things, so we can co-exist together HERE on planet earth in the BEST possible way, not harming nor abusing each other.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to questioning things in life in the past using my knowledge and information, to gain more knowledge and information as to feel important instead of questioning what is HERE and how we are living with each other and if there is another way to co-exist that is BEST for all participants, not just humans.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that by questioning things by using my knowledge i was questioning it in the right way, without seeing/realizing/understanding that i was questioning from a limited perspective, so my conclusions will always be limited and what are NOT BEST for ALL LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the past into philosophies and spiritual knowledge that seemed very great at the time, when in reality all they were with all the big words, was just a way to justify this reality as an illusion and their knowledge as REAL.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that i was on a great path because i was questioning LIFE, without realizing at all that this kind of questioning was the very thing that was enslaving me to NOT LIVE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be so obsessed with questioning LIFE,that i even created a special character for this in my own mind, that will be the: '' the life questioner character.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character within my mind to question for me things in life and LIFE itself based on memories within my own mind, making it absolute delusional and thus NOT having any validity whatsoever. I realize how can i use something to question something with, when it is the very thing that is limiting me to see what is HERE, the very place where i am separated from all that is here, is within my very mind. So this means i am questioning always from the point of view/perspective of separation, so my answers will always be in and as separation exactly equal and one to what i am using to question LIFE with.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my own mind as more then LIFE, even when i was not saying it, but it was there in the black-waters of my secret mind, because i was giving it more value then LIFE itself, so much so that LIFE had no value at all.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence: '' don't play with your LIFE'' many many times wherein i was implying that LIFE is the most valuable thing, but yet in that very statement was not LIVING it as reality, because my whole reality is NOT a reality where LIFE is valued at all by the very means that i have to use such statement within it, which is implying also that there is something being done that is endangering LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a world exist where LIFE is endangered and is being feared to not loose it, without seeing/realizing/understanding that the ''loosing'' part is only when i am not equal and one with/as LIFE, and it is only within my mind that i can clearly see that i am not equal and one with and as LIFE, for the rest that is physically HERE manifest, is all working in oneness and equality, assisting and supporting itself within this oneness and equality to that which is BEST for all.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how in choosing to question things in life based on my thoughts derived from memories imbedded within me, i was just repeating the past interpreted with a slightly different look to make it seem as if it is something new i am discovering or uncovering, when it is all past memories.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never question my own ability i was using and the tool i was using to question LIFE with to see if i can trust myself within using this ability or tool effectively.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT deal with LIFE at all as important from the perspective of me BEING LIFE, but was looking at LIFE as something that is separate from me and that even now i am still in separation to LIFE, i can only see in common sense that i am LIFE, it is NOT in FACT so yet for me. I realize that for me to realize and see in fact right HERE that I AM LIFE, my mind must NOT be in the way at all, no mind LIFE will remain.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not ever considered that i could be fucking with myself by questioning with my very mind, because of it being the very thing that was built to separate me from NOT finding out for real the whom i am as LIFE right HERE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question things in life and LIFE itself so much so to the point that i couldn't even trust myself any longer, let alone trust what is HERE as the physical manifested LIFE.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by questioning with my mind using thoughts, i was in fact busy creating myself to be less trustworthy to myself and others as myself, because the questioning was taken me away from what is HERE, and what is HERE in FACT is My truth and all of humanity's truth, all that is being accepted and allowed deliberately without having any consideration at all FOR LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even when i was looking at the atrocities done to LIFE while was questioning i was still managing to brush it off and looking at it as IF it is ''life lessons'' these people need to go through for whatever reason which i knew within myself was not clear enough as to why would a being that is eternal be needing any ''life lessons,'' how a being that is suppose to be all ONE be needing any ''life lessons'' and on top of it all, how can life be a lesson, it should be expression and NOT a lesson to be learned, creativity is about expression not about learning, learning implies limitation, because how can i create if i still need to learn how to create....???
I commit myself to show through my writings of self-forgiveness and my commitments to life that to question using ones mind is NOT the way to go, but rather using your common sense reasoning with which one look at just what is HERE manifest in FACT as LIFE, and how that functions in specificity and if all of these manifested life expression can co-exist in the BEST possible way leaving as little as possible harm and abuse, till we create ourselves in a way where no abuse and harm will ever exist.
I commit myself to always question from the perspective of common sense reasoning alone for this is the only way i can see if what is being presented in the systems of this world are what is BEST for all LIFE or not, because in common sense reasoning FACTS of things are the value and NOT opinions of men about what they think and belief the facts are.
I commit myself to show through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE that the only questioning that will be valid is the questioning that life is being lived in an equal way.
I commit myself to STOP myself every time i see myself going into or about to go into using my thoughts based on memories to question this reality and the systems within it and just BREATHE,and make sure i am touching something that is physical to remind myself that i am HERE, and forgive myself for what i will accept and allow to be within me as thoughts and memories.