Monday, 6 August 2012

Day 102, Keeping Things Orderly Character.

Now this kind of character has been living with me for a long time...loll

 

 

I just like things to look need and easy to find and orderly, because if they are not it makes me ''feel'' kind of stressful, like i can't find my way in the middle of all these disorders/chaos.

 

Self-forgiveness:

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief/think that being orderly have anything to do with how i will feel inside, to perceive/interpret/view things to be not in order and feel stressful about it means, i am feeding my character that i have created in the past to deal with these kind of situations, wherein i can get an energetic experience of being stressful, when all this is not necessary at all, i just be here in breath and make sure i sort the things out as they should, make sure everything is in order for that will be best.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use this character a lot to judge people as when i see if they are orderly or not, and one that is overly orderly i will see as a perfectionist which i will judge as a good thing in some areas but not all areas, and an overly disorderly person i will see as someone very lazy, which i will judge as totally wrong.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect order with negativity behavior and and obsessive behavior, for within me i fear these behaviors myself so will make sure when i see it outside to push it away from me and not face it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the word order, without seeing/realizing/understand that the world order in common sense implies when all is equal as and one as LIFE, then all is order.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a system that is out of order exist where life that is REAL order is NOT taken into consideration at all, the only consideration that is taken in relation to LIFE is: '' how to abuse it, to keep the disorder going.''


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never see/realize/understand how everything we as humans created are in a way a disorder, because none of it brought us as humans closer to each other nor make it possible for us to co-exist with each other and all of LIFE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that governments can actually do something about what is going on, because i realize that nothing they will do to safe the system will work, because the system itself is designed to be a disorder and to fail, and is NOT LIFE, so trying to safe an sickly disordered system is clearly insanity, and within this overlooking LIFE completely never taking in consideration that LIFE is the ONLY real value that exists, and is WORTH saving.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that me within my own fear of disorder cannot STOP myself and create myself as a REAL orderly being, which is me being one and equal with/as my human physical body, which is already HERE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never see how it was fear that was behind all of this trying to be a orderly person, creating hence an orderly character to play the orderly personality, and the fear that is being hidden is the fear of things really going haywire, the fear of loosing control,when in reality all along i never had control at all only fear of what i perceive that i need to be in control of, so how can i be in control if it can get out of control, and if it can get out of control then i never was in control, NEVER..!!


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the orderly character as a decoy to hide from the fear within me, that is the fear of loosing control, just because i don't want to face myself as the fear as '' loosing control.'' So hence i created a character to hide myself as the fear as '' loosing control'' and within this character also make it judge disorder as negative and bad,so i have more layers to play within the '' orderly character to never even try and look at the fear of loosing control character that is really running the show in the black-waters of my mind.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always try and make thing look need and orderly within my room(s) or my house,because if they are not looking orderly need , start to  loose control of the things i have to do within the house, because i kind of loose myself within the disorder that i created myself in the first place, so hence since then i almost never have a disorderly place, for i fear loosing control of what i have to do within my day.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to strongly belief that planning for the future and such are happening in the mind, for life is happening right here and the future is what i will create in my awareness of my hereness, and hence create a future outflow that is equal to and one as LIFE, here always in all ways.


I commit myself to show that disorder is NOT of that which is LIFE, but out of that which is fear,and the real order as life we have not lived yet here on this planet.


I commit myself to STOP myself whenever i see myself going into fear of disorder, and make sure to BREATHE, and touch something that is physically here, so i don't loose myself in my mind with it's characters.


I commit myself to show that the system we have here in this world where we have placed our values in and even where we have coined out the word value from is a complete disorder, that the only way to really  get out of it, is to STOP ourselves within it as ourselves,because we are the system, we are the ones participating in it and supporting it, giving it life so to speak.


I commit myself to show that the equalmoney system will be the starting-point of real order within this world, till we realize that money for real was never needed at all in order for us to live on this planet, because the planet is self-supported for all it's children, it is a giving support not a taking support.


I commit myself to walk little by little step by step debunking and deleting this orderly character that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world till it is none existent within me any longer.


I commit myself to stop judging out of fear and look at myself judgement in relation to this orderly character in order to delete it in self-forgiveness and breathing.