In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Saturday, 11 August 2012
Day 106, Love Is Out Of Judgement.
Have you noticed how the ones you love in your life, is based on your judgement of them, that they should be the ones that you will feel the feeling of love for them..?? You have judged them by their appearances/looks, by what they represent for you of what YOU would like, so you can be the so-called: ''happy one ''
So if it was not for what one has been brainwashed to find attractive, or by hearing what the person is saying and say by yourself: '' hmm this is the kind of person i would like to be with,'' you would not be loving those that you are so-called: ''loving'' right now. There is a reason i am placing ''loving'' in quotes.
Because love as we live it currently and have always been living it, is all about the feeling one will get for certain individuals or for certain physical activity or some plants, animals or whatever. So the FEELING that one experience is of importance for the one that loves at the moment. And as you can see in the picture above the feeling of love is all dependent on chemical reactions produced within the body. As one can see within oneself this feeling is limited, it is not a feeling that is equal for all LIFE. That is why one cannot have the same feeling of love for every person or everything. It varies exponentially. and we have accepted this for a long long time now, that today it is being seen as ''normal,'' but did we ever question it..?? I mean, why it is we are feeling this love, that seem to have a life of it's own and pops up within us without us being the directive principle of it, without us being completely aware that we made ourselves go through the experience of feeling the feeling of love..?? Just have a look within oneself, are you the one that decided when you felt the feeling of love within, at that moment you wanted to feel it...?? Be honest with yourself and you will see what i am sharing here with you that i see within myself as self-honesty. I know for 100 % that is not ME, that decided that i should in any moment that i felt this feeling of love------- that now i am going to feel love, i didn't do that,i just went through the experience, i was not THE experience. Can you see this..?? Let me give another simpler example, it is like the aftermath, i experience the feeling of love when it was already done and prepared for me. Like baking a cake, i didn't do the baking, i just do the eating when the baking is done not by me but by the baker.
So how can one trust and rely on something like that,that is variable and in constant oscillation...?? But yet we choose to follow this oscillating energy within us without ever questioning what it is really and how does it come about. How does one create such a feeling in ones body, and what does it mean when one experience the feeling within oneself, why is it necessary...???
Do you see plants by their very expression feeling for one another, or do they just co-exist together with all plants and everything else. Does the animals have feelings as we may belief, because we see some familiarities within their behavior that looks like they might be going through some feelings, because that is what we humans do when we have feelings, or are they just expressing themselves physically,as the whom and what they are and according to their design..?? Does the planet Earth have feelings and emotions and thoughts...??? Is it not alive, or is it dead...?? So why do we humans think/belief that because we are thinking and feeling, that that is what keeps us alive..?? Or could it be the opposite, that because we are thinking and feeling it is killing us and everything else through us....???
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always look for love, because i believed love was the greatest thing as for one to search for and also to feel for someone else, without realizing nor questioning ever that this love would be the very greatest deception ever created.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel what i believed was love for only those whom are close to me and some animals that i have had and that is more about it, and for the sport activity i used to do which was; 'soccer.'
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how it is by feeling the feeling of love that can only be felt for just few------------- i was making sure that all LIFE would not be equal in being cared for and by me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to choose to love people only based on how i will judge them, either through their appearance or by the way they think, or the combination of both. Within this i realize within myself that even within the feeling of love, i was missing something that was not right,and what was not right looking back now, is that i couldn't trust my own feeling of love, because it was not what was presented in this world,what people whom are in love are talking about that they feel, i didn't feel that.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into believing my own lie,when i was saying to woman that i loved them,which meant for them a great thing, when in reality i was not feeling this thing that they are feeling at all as they describe it to me, i could only use words that i know will support this feeling they are having within them, so they can be more act more lovely to/towards me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my own judgements that are all just memories of what i would like or not like and prefer or not prefer and are all brainwashed into me, and based on these i go into the world and seek the so-called: '' feeling of love.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that this personality that wanted to go through the feeling of love was just another character in the mind, just like any other character in the mind,trying to validate why it should exist,and take the stage.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that love will make my life better somehow when love only introduce moments of happy feelings for a while that did not last a long time and eventually disappeared into oblivion as they always do, for energy runs out as a fact.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge people and according to that see if i am going to feel something or not for them,based on my own recordings as memories in my mind, of what would be valuable to like and what not, hence i then make a choice on the one that have the more similarities compared to what is stored up within my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others without seeing/realizing/understanding that being judging others i am judging myself, because i am the one that judges and it is coming from me, i am the one deciding on how another should suit my personality in order for me to like them.
I commit myself to show through my writing and self-forgiveness and my commitments to life that LOVE in this world is just another scam of the mind, to generate more energy from the body to continue it's existence.
I commit myself to never stop investigating more of this love drug and to debunk and delete all of what it consists as and consists of so i can get to the real character within the mind that is behind all these character manifestations within the mind.
I commit myself to show that LIFE does not exist because of love, but love can only exist because of LIFE, no LIFE, no love......but no love is YES LIFE STILL..!!
I commit myself to show that love is just a feeling that does not support all LIFE equal as one.
I commit myself to show that love sprout forth out of judgements as memories in the mind as our desires/needs/wants/wishes.