In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Friday, 3 August 2012
Day 100, I Am Such A Goood Person....Is It So..?
I am going to look at this '' i am a good person personality/character'' in the mind. As one can already see it in the word ''PERSON.''
A PERSON is always in the MIND, it's existence is therein. There is NO reality for the person, as the body is already real, so now what does this person do, enslave that which is real, abuse it, impose stuff on it, making it a self-produced drug addict. So every time one say: '' i like his/her personality,'' you are in FACT liking the parasite in the BODY that is NOT real, and who is really liking this personality..?? Another personality, for personalities can only see themselves and value themselves as personalities.
So am i ''good'' when i am being perceived by myself and others as a ''good person'' for real..??? Is being ''good'' necessary as to LIVE, as to express as manifested LIFE...?? Does LIFE depend on some goodness coming from a personality/character in the mind, to be LIFE...??
So what am i doing with this trying to be ''good'' thing, when LIFE/LIVING is NOT about that at all..??
Who the hell taught me that trying to be ''good'' whatever that means is the way to go, because understand that this trying to be ''good'' fluctuates a lot, depending where on this planet one was born,meaning in which culture/belief-system and traditions. What is understood as ''good'' human behavior in the Western countries is NOT so in the Eastern Countries. So how can i trust this perception of ''goodness'' when it varies and take other meanings depending on where one comes from...?? So what is being inputted in peoples minds become their behavior in the outside world. And try as we may, all the different good try outs of different cultures and traditions, they never managed to make humanity become one and equal. So can i trust this ''goodness'' when i look at the face of the earth and how we live with each other and everything else, can the way we live with each other be considered something to be ''good'' as what is to be understood as what implies ''being good'' is all about...?? Or maybe i have to delete this perception of goodness totally within me and start expressing/living as the LIVING BEING OF EARTH, which is the HUMAN PHYSICAL BODY...!!
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a ''good person'' without ever questioning this ''good person personality/character'' for if i was GOOD in fact, my whole living as the who i am will be in every moment of breath that which is GOOD as what is implied to be a ''good person'' in this world, that does not do bad/wrong/negative things, don't accept and allow these nor any other abuse and atrocities in anyways whatsoever,and not one thought of judgement will be existent within me about myself and others as myself. Within this i realize that nothing that is energetically experienced within me can be considered to be of any value, for they are proof by the very fluctuation they have, as they are not constant and consistent HERE as my breath and my human physical body or anything that is physically HERE manifest. So i ask myself how can i trust my whole life on something that i have to follow within me, that i am not as yet aware of how exactly such a thing appear within me as for me to experience it as an energetic experience.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel happy about myself when others will tell me that i am a ''good person'' in their eyes, because i am always ready to help anyone, and open to give advises, within this i realize i do all this for the whole purpose of reward, and the reward i will get out from all this is that i will go through as a ''feel good about myself within myself experience'' that only lasts when i get to hear from others that in their eyes i am a ''good person'' because i help everybody.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react within me when people say to me that i am a ''good person'' because when i react, it means that i have missed breaths, because if i am in breath all the time, no reactions as energy can ever come up.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to walk this earth finding ways to make some people say to me that i am a ''good person'' without seeing/realizing/understanding that the moment i am finding ways to be/become something that is NOT here in the moment constantly and consistently, it means that that what i am looking for is NOT whom i am and that i have to rely on my mind to come up with ideas in coined out of memories, that leads to a physical performance as in order for me to be noticed and then in that notice get the possibility to be seen/perceived/interpret as a ''good person.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let the world i am in to exist within personalities/characters that are playing their acts out for themselves and few other personalities where lots and lots of these personalities are being called: '' good people'' in the face of the suffering that is here everywhere to be seen in this world, where no personality ever stood for real to STOP these to exist and the need to be called ''good person/people'' won't even exist anymore for all will be equally the BEST for all LIFE. I realize this is so because personalities are NOT interested in practically bringing a real change in this world, otherwise the personality won't have anything to ''feel good about itself,'' it depends on energetic experience to exist, so the suffering/abuse in this world must continue being here for the personality to act as if it is doing something about it, that will give it it's justification to exist and at the same time the allowance of the suffering/abuse to continue, because without these no personality as a ''good person'' is needed. So the ''good person personality/character it's soul purpose to exist is heavily dependent on the real suffering and abuse within this physical world, that is being done to LIFE.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how in literally performing as this ''good person'' character i am in fact being the EVIL of this world, because this personality MUST have some real suffering and abuse for it to come to the rescue, within this thus accepting and allowing it, instead of eradicating ALL suffering and abuse in this world forever more.
I commit myself to every time i see myself going into my mind to play this character of a ''good person'' to STOP-----------take as many deep breaths as possible in order for me to slow myself down and STOP myself in creating myself as a character in my mind and make sure to touch something that is physically here, so i don't loose myself within and as my mind.
I commit myself to show that this ''good person'' character in this world that is being performed through/within the mind in many real beings as the human physical form are all EVIL, for it can only exist in the face of real suffering and abuse.
I commit myself to show that real suffering will NOT stop as long as these characters exist through/within the mind within the body.
I commit myself to little by little stop myself creating myself as this character in some specific moments, for it only exists in some moments as it is an energetic experience and energy never lasts long enough it dissipates and ENDS.
I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into a reaction or about to go into a reaction when i may be told that i am a ''good person'' to immediately STOP myself---------and breathe, take as many breaths within me so i don't give rise to this character within me till it is NO more.