I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just because i know women or all people are all gullible to ''positive compliments'' i use this as a means to get out/from the woman what i desire from them, which is SEX, basically.
I commit myself to STOP every time i see myself going into or about to go into manipulating the woman by using positive compliments, with the intention to get SEX from/out of them, to just BREATHE, and make sure i continue breathing till this desire to control and manipulate is gone from within me, and that nothing moves anymore, and i can start getting to know the woman as whom she is in fact and also for getting myself out of my delusional/manipulative tryouts and experiences that denote self-abuse and self-dishonesty to whom i am as LIFE and to all that is as and of LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be so engulfed within my endeavor to challenge myself into using my control and manipulative tactics to make sure i get what i desire from the woman,which wherein i use my own self-created character as the ''the sexual horny character,'' to get what i want and desire from/of the woman.
I commit myself to STOP this character as '' the sexual horny character'' that i induce within myself as to come forth and use it as if it is real to do about with what this character itself as myself desires and want from a woman, which is SEX. So within this every time i see myself going into or about to go into this character i STOP and breathe and make sure i continue breathing till there is no more movement within me taking place so i am stable within and as my breath and to make sure i am touching something that is physical, which can be as simple as holding and touching my own hands, for me to not get lost within and as my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/view/interpret all woman under the same banner as easy to get, all of those whom might have a slight interest in me, because i know of their weakness, which is wanting to go through: '' positive energetic experience.''
I commit myself to make sure i STOP myself every time i see myself go into or about to go into this perceiving/viewing/interpretation of what is based as memories within me, that i use as assumptions in order to commence my manipulation to try and get what i want from them. So within this i make sure in these moments to BREATHE, as long as it takes till i am stable and can make the decision in breath using common sense reasoning that which is BEST for all.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still be mesmerized by the body-parts of the female body, from which i make decisions based on how they appear within the clothing or no clothing as what i would like or not like, within this, treating the woman within my mind as like any other consumer product that give me some ''good feeling'' because i like what i am seeing in the form and shape of the product as it is being presented to me.
I commit myself to STOP myself into looking at woman as only body-parts, and make sure every time i see myself going into or about to go into this mind participation to BREATHE, and make sure to continue breathing till there is no more movement within me anymore as memories of desires concerning the body-parts that i let myself be attractive to/towards to make my ''sexual horny character'' happy as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at mostly specific parts of woman's body as: ass, legs, face, hair, lips,neck,feet,belly,eyes, and the shapes of these to be in a specific way that is rooted as comparable within countless t.v. commercials and movies/magazines where i saw women being presented in these very specific ways, till i formed a basic layout within my own mind of what it is about these parts i need in order for me to find the woman sexually attractive or not.
I commit myself to make sure i STOP myself in BREATH every time i see myself going into or about to go into body-part scanning to be able to feed my '' sexual horny character'' that i created within myself through time, by watching movies and t.v. programs/magazines with woman looking in specific ways and having specific body-parts shaped in very specific way to suit what i desire within me that i myself created from the environment i am in that throws these images at me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a basic layout within my mind concerning the images that are bombarded at me and from them make my own image that will be in my liking and where i will use this basic own self-created image layout in my mind to use it as a means to find or not find a woman sexually attractive.
I commit myself to make sure i keep on digging within myself to find the patterns of this ''sexual horny character'' that i created within me, to find out how and when i created it, to take it out and delete it step by step till i am HERE not as this character anymore, breath by breath till this is done, with my sexual preferences delusions.
Will be continued tomorrow..........................
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