In this blog i will walk myself to nothingness for 7 years onward of self-forgiveness, self-correction and as so i take upon me all that i have accepted and allowed to be HERE as life as me as all.
Saturday, 15 September 2012
Day 123, When Fear Interfere.
Have you noticed how when one falls into participation in fear one tends to loose grip with reality, and is immediately shifted within and as the mind, wherein this mind has full access and total control of the situation as in making sure you're reactive to external influences where more internal reactions as emotions and back-chats can take over and where the wheel of thoughts start to turn, to see where it will stop with a thought energized enough to suit that particular moment and/or event,so the mind can have it's energy fix using all it's available tools. This goes on day by day within all of us. The mind is in complete directive status as a dictator, dictating how reality must function, according to it's programming that in reality run in complete opposite to what reality truly is.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let fear interfere within my functionality at work, for when fear interfere it takes me into a wheel of thoughts of how it should be or not be and all the internal conversations will take over, and within this showing the me that is is looking at all this how limited the mind really is for it does not know how to solve a problem that is physical, because of it's complete separation to the physical. Within this i realize how limited i am as the machinery that is the mind running a mock, lost in it's own programming of separation till the END. Within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be taken over by my own mind instead of me taking over the directive principle and do what is BEST for all in each breath.
I commit myself to slow myself down in breath, in the very moments i am or about to go into fear of not being able to function at the best i can function at my job according to my own self-judgements.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to walk myself into fear, because of memories of fear-moments themselves reserved in me of me not coping or doing something right, and so bringing that memory up and play it as thoughts in my mind on moments that are in appearance to me in my own self-judgement, that the moment or event i am about to take part of, is one that is similar in nature as the one i have as memory, wherein i let myself belief this bullshit and fall in the trap of my own mind, where reactions of fear will manifest within me and i experience an energy rise within my guts, meanwhile within all this i forget to BREATHE, and not be HERE as one and equal as my breath and my human physical body, that are right here supporting and assisting me as LIFE.
I commit myself to slow myself down within and as my BREATH every time i engage or about to engage into activities that are interpreted by my mind as activities where fear can be harness out of them, and just STOP and make sure i am touching something that is physically HERE, so i don't loose myself within this mind manipulative approach.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear, that i have placed/implanted within my own body to be used in situations/events/moments wherein i sabotage myself into thinking/believing i am not opt to do a particular activity related to what i have to do according to the physical interaction/application that is needed for that particular work to be done in a specific time schedule. Herein i realize, that i give time the blame for me to start going into my mind and looking for fear-reactions within me, that are placed as memories within me, instead of just BE HERE in every moment of breath and carry on with the physical work that has to be done and get it over with.
I commit myself to BREATHE in these moments where i see myself going into or about to go into my mind participation as thoughts and memories as to bring forth experiences that are NOT here anymore as to that particular moment of me being HERE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my fear interfere in moments where i assume/judge my interaction within my physical task to look somehow difficult to do, when i have not even commenced in that moment yet with that particular physical task.
I commit myself to just stay within and as my breath and walk through my breath moments and do what is to be done, and not let myself get lost within my mind with it's fear reactions.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to move physically faster in a state of haste, like wanting to act fast, when all of it is unnecessary, but just because i am participating in my mind and is NOT HERE in that moment i also move my body in certain specific way as to dance to the song the mind is busy playing, which is a song of fear in anticipation of failure. Within this i forgive myself that even when i can see that i am doing all this, but yet i let myself get fucked by my own mind and let it take over, instead of me taking my directive principle and act in the BEST way for all.
I commit myself to always remind myself to STOP before i do any physical action and stay within and as my BREATH and do my tasks in my breath-moments step by step breath by breath till it is done.