Sunday, 10 May 2015

Day 355, A dream with the word " Incentive" as a password.

Before I continue with the series I am busy with I am going to workout a dream I've had last night. I am going to be as specific as I can with what is left as memories of the dream and step by step work them out.



                                             

However first, one must understand that when one is dreaming and one is seeing familiar people or friends and family or even strangers in dreams, that ALL of that is oneself. All of these people and also places within the dream are memories that one has accumulated about people and places and now the mind is scrambling through them and making a movie most of the times of a story that doesn't make any sense and where scenes are throwed all over the place, events, weather and time changes in matter of seconds and most of the times one does not experience time as one would experience it when being awake. In the dream everything seem to be focused on the moments, its like frame to frame to another frame, If it is from day to night or vice versa from frame to frame doesn't matter........if they are related or not doesn't matter either. Dreams where there are certain people in it or there are certain events going on seem to be abruptly stopped sometimes and another completely new dream will just start. There is no chronological story telling in the dreams, it is like the shooting of images with people and places and events around, like someone is throwing cards in the air and see how they will land either facing up or down.


Thus dreams are our own memories about people, places and events and also together with all of that, our judgements/reactions we had about these people, places and events, either recently or way in the past.

So now to the dream.
I was dreaming that my ex. was somewhere and she went there to get something for me to do some work in a house that was not hers neither mine, but that I was just there and had to do the work in that house, and the place where this house was situated was somewhere in a very poor area where the street in front of the house was not asfalted and was dirty/messy and dark as it was at night when this was going on, the street lights were very poor.....not giving much light, making it very difficult to see. The houses all of them on that street were in very very poor physical conditions. What exactly I had to fix in that particular house I was in, I do not remember.
Than suddenly my ex. called me from the car she was in with the children, with some man driving.....and when she called me, its like I can be in the car watching her talking to me......you know...the kind of scenes that only happens in movies and not in real life?   that view, that kind of scene, like one is hovering around where someone else when one is actually in another place at the same time.
And I can see her and hear her telling me via the phone that she needs me to put money on something that is called "Ipay," which btw is a real casino like thingy where one can put Icoins on it and play casino online. One can be paid with real money by transforming these Icoins into real money. And she was telling me to put X amount on that for her, because she uses that to pay things with. I then told her that is very nice however, how am I going to put it on your account if I do not know your "password."  Now understand, since when do one have to have a personal password from someone else to put money on their account for them?  And then she answered with such a trust: " it's INCENTIVE, the password, you fool.....hihihi."
Now in the dream or during the dream itself I am asking myself: " wait a minute here, what is this word telling me about myself, I have to remember this when I wake up."
And how I was experiencing myself within that dream was a little stressed as exactly how one will experience oneself when one's money is not enough to buy things and one is short on money.


So what are the points according to myself that I need to work out?

words or phrases of importance to myself.

*  being at lost in a house that is not mine in a poor neighbourhood
*  at night where poor visibility conditions are as to be expected
*  the street being not asfalted and looks dirty/messy
*  asking for a personal password from another
*  the money being on a casino like game
*  password being "incentive"
*  experiencing myself as stressed within the dream
*  being able in the dream to remind myself to remember it when I wake up



Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe within my mind consciousness system that it is possible for me to get lost, when the reality of life is showing me that life is always here, thus I can never be lost, only in my mind can I create such concepts as loss to exist within as me, and than through this live that through body acting as if it is really so, that I am lost in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my dream finding myself being in a house in a poor neighbourhood impossible to be mine, or me living there, thus within the dream camouflashing it as me being in a strangers home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being poor and being in a poor neighbourhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being poor and living in a poor neighbourhood, because I am aware that in that situation I will be living a very stressful and compromising life, where life will be very challenging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to see clearly, and have a fear within myself within the dream that project the fear of not seeing clearly unto the light of the streets that do not give much light, however it is within myself that I am fearing my own unclearness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of puting on paper if it is necessary or access the awareness in a moment of what exactly is unclear about myself within myself I keep it intact within me by looking at it alone, however not applying myself really when there are moments when I see it, or see myself doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unclear about the whom I am within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this unclearness about me not being aware of whom I am in every moment to be in my own way of seeing clear, because now i have made it a focus within my mind, where I am seeing that something is unclear however do not see that seeing that something that is unclear is the very point itself that is in my way of seeing clearly.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find within myself something not nice and also unacceptable to ask for a personal password of someone else from that someone else, because I am aware that I have a fear within myself that, if someone would have my personal password they will be able to have control over whatever it is I had a personal password for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually have an issue with passwords, because I have programmed within myself to see passwords as something that is in reality unacceptable because it is contributing to keeping secrets from others, and having secrets mean to me that I am doing something that is not what is best for all, or can have many outcomes that will not result into what will be best for all, thus I keep it a secret so it will have an outcome that is best for me alone, even though this is so in reality, yet I am also aware that for the moment I have to have passwords for certain things in this world, because I am already living within that which is the outcome of having secrets and keeping secrets within myself and from others, because I want to abuse others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself to be dirty within and as my mind about how I look at a point I am busy with which is the point of sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see sex as dirty and with the word "dirty" it means that I am busy cheating myself into doing something to myself and also others as myself when I am aware I should not be doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to keep sex as how I am busy with it as something that is secretive and because I am manipulating lots of women to have sex with me, I am making a mess out of myself and creating unneccessary challenging outcomes for myself and for others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the street not being asfalted in my dream is actually telling me about myself that my sex life is not stable and I am not directing myself within and as it, that I am not being clear about myself about sex with women, as if I do not actually really have any ideas as where I have to be within sex with women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see money as something mostly that I always loose, meaning; that I am on the receiving end and this receiving end is not what will be best for me, because the casino system of money wins always, wherein I have created within my mind a personality that is always treating money as if it means nothing and also spending it as if it means nothing, not really actually directing me with money and give the money I make a destination that will be best for all always, however find myself trying to help others most of the times even with the little I got, and leaving supporting myself out even though I myself also have points that I need to take care of with money, because I see in that moment that the others are more in need of the money than myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that by giving money to people that are in need is in a way doing with money what is best for all, when in reality deep within myself I am aware that it is not a permanent solution and that this very point is me acting out on money itself, because I have created a disgust to/towards money within and as me, thus I am giving money away from that perspective of me being in disgust with money, even though on the surface I am giving it away with "good intentions,"  as I see how the race I am part of have accepted and allowed its creation as money to be something that harms life on earth and I am against harming life on earth, thus I act out on the money we as humans have created within this world, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am not actually living to/towards doing whatever I can to come up with a solution that will actually/practically have an outcome that will be best for all, and thus I give with my money, disgust instead of support that will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have any incentive as in myself I am seeing that I do not motivate myself to create a practical solution that will have an outcome that will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have any incentive within and as myself, becasue I am using excuses within myself and also blame to/towards myself and the whole of humanity that I and the rest is too late, that it is all done, no-one wants to hear anything about change actually, and especially changes where everyone is benefitting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given myself the permission to give up on myself and also on others as myself and focus within myself on the point of "everything is lost"  or " I have lost everything" to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, wherein I compromise myself and do not direct myself anymore as I should have, and let my moment of actually creating connections that will lead to waht is best for all pass me by.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience stress within and as myself as I see and interpret my own life as " I  have lost everything," as a failure and as a point where there is no return, when deep within myself I am aware that there is actually me rising up and standing up within and as myself in every moment here is what I should be doing, should be focusing on, however, I let myself down by giving up on myself, and thus giving up on life within and as myself and within and as everything that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I see what is going on in this world and even know what I have to do and how I can apply myself I still choose to give up on myself as giving up on myself does not require any physical movement of change in practical terms, however it does have a physical/practical result that is not what is best for all life, and that is totally clear to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that giving up on myself whenn I am aware of what it is I need to do is creating unneccessary stress within myself that actually helps with the stagnation of not moving myself, not directing myself to stand here firmly.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that even within my dreams I am still somehow aware of what I am doing and even reminding myself to look at a point where I am having a challenge with, but instead of moving myself and apply myself as I should do, I just glorify within myself that same point where I find myself fascinating how I can even within a dream still interupt that and infiltrate the thoughts processes that are going on to remind myself to stand, and that this means that I can do it, I just have to really take a stand.




In the next blog I will be writing the commitments in regards to this dream.

Now before I leave here, I have seen/realized and understood within my own dream that even though a story looks unrelated and people and places are given certain expressions, it all is in its own way letting me see whom I am within and as myself and that it has nothing to do really with the people, the places, events and so forths...........it is all about whom I am within and as myself.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela



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