Now within this serie i am about to start with the deconstruction is about the positive energy patterns and constructs i go through in regard to a woman i am attracted to. I will take on this positive part, because this is the part that i also have to work on and out, which is also still energy related. It is realized by myself and also others in the group that i am part of, that we humans most of the times when it comes to the things we go through that are ''positive'' in nature we tend to think/belief that they do NOT need to be deconstructed or corrected, because that which is: ''positive,'' has been regarded as a acceptable norm/experience in societies. Something we seek/desire/aspire to. And as many think/belief as the saying goes: '' there is nothing wrong with being positive or feeling positive energies.'' But is this really so? Does going through a positive experience as feelings, really bring forth a totally positive environment or practical living reality that is BEST for all LIFE?
The points i will be working on/out within this post are:
**** Passion
**** Beauty
**** Lust
**** Softness of skin
**** Color of skin
**** Softness of voice
In this post i will go through an explanation to each point as how i have been living them and what values i have given them in my own life.
**** Passion: Now this is related to sex, when and as i see a woman i am with and she is totally ingrained with the excitement to move herself to have sex in a slow motion kind of way, as in building the stamina to a state where i know from experience will get herself totally aroused and where she will let all the brakes loose and where nothing matters but the two of us in that moment engulfing in all the touches and kisses and body fluids as in a form of out of control but yet still in control as meaning: '' following the flow of the movements in the moment.''
**** Beauty: within this i see beauty as in every thing she does, whether it is the way she smiles, the way she close her eyes when i am kissing her, the way she lower her voice as i will perceive it as she is ''giving in'' into the moment of being together, this beauty has nothing to do with specific how she looks, but more with how she is in a moment or all moment as she moves herself.
**** Lust: kissing, caressing, touching her body, making sure that every inch is being given attention, following the movements within me and try to figure out what she might be going through when i am busy with her, breath changing and becoming long and heavy, slowly but surly getting into faster motions to eventually in the end reach an orgasm. Now this orgasm thing is a major point on my behalf, that i will have to work on/out extensively, because i can see within me that i have programmed myself to really LIKE orgasm, i have become an orgasm junky, thus in reality meaning: '' energy sucking vampire,'' in a sense.
**** Softness of skin: She has very soft skin, and when i touch her skin i feel as if i want to touch it forever, like wanting to really really feel the touch of her skin when i am touching it, i can go one forever just doing that, it is like amazing, everywhere i touch this softness is there, thus the softness of skin is for me a way to explore the touch to the skin.
**** Color of skin: I LIKE white skin-color and she has just that, white skin-color. Now because of this it generates even more energy within me, it is just because i have gotten what i wish/desire/want when it comes to the color of the skin of a woman, the so-called: '' happy feeling.''
**** Softness of voice: Now this point is also a major problem for me, because when she speaks she has a very soft low tonality and that gets me all the time, sometimes if i don't pay attention to my breathing i can immediately get aroused by just hearing her speak whatever. So this softness of voice is again another point that i have programmed within myself for me as a point of getting myself worked out as into becoming aroused, because it signifies passion in a woman to me according to my own self-created beliefs, because of the experiences i have had with other women in the past with soft voices.
So as one can see, all of this is THE PROBLEM, what i wrote up there. Now why is it a problem? It is a problem because ALL of it are specific reactions and feelings i have created within myself in order for me to survive within this world and are part of past memories that i keep on re-living in every moment to keep on re-creating these specific feelings and reactions, which are all energy based, they CANNOT exist by themselves/on their own without being generated and produced. And who is doing the generating and production? I am, this ME as the Mind CONsciousness System.
In the next post i will start with the deconstruction of the first dimension i will take on in regards to this specific point, which will be the Fear-Dimension.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
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I am going to do self-forgiveness for the character(s) i am with my dad.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be this character with my dad where i am his son, so within the relationship with my father i play the son with him so he can play the father with me, so we both hold our characters in place, so we will never see our true nature of breathing physical flesh that are equals as life expressions HERE.
I commit myself to break down this character of a son, and prepare myself to be/become the real character that is the flesh that is HERE as LIFE manifest.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character around my father where i will see in him someone who is always ready to help everyone when it comes to fixing their electrical supplies,within which he is great at,and in so doing i support this character without seeing/realizing/understanding that i was just supporting a character that sees some greatness in my father, which is a character in this movie we all play a part within, which the movie called: '' the CON of CONsciousness''
I commit myself to STOP myself into being a character to suit another character as my father as seeing within his character as a great character because he is helping people, when it is just a character in the mind as a CON of CONsciousness.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that will agree with the character of my father to train myself to be a good sportsman, which i took and influenced myself with throughout my life, making myself a good sportsman in most of the sporting activities that are to be done physically.
I commit myself to STOP myself to be this character that because of the ''good in sport'' mentality has also become the competing character, that always want to be great at whatever he is doing that is to be physically done.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be the character hat will try and please my dad by pleasing him in a way that i believed he would be looking up to me as i have given my all to be the competitive winner i believed and saw within him, that i also wanted to be/become.
I commit myself to STOP myself every time i see myself going into competitive mode, and breathe myself HERE back into and as my human physical body, where i delete little by little and step by step this competitor character.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that liked going fishing with my dad, just to please him, because even though he was telling me that i have a very good luck with fishing, but don't have the patients i did like fishing with him, just for the sake of sitting there at the ocean and try and catch some fish.
I commit myself to STOP myself in trying to please others to make them feel good about themselves, so whenever i see myself going into pleasing others or about to go into pleasing others, i STOP myself through BREATHING and make sure that i am HERE touching something that is physical to ground myself here and make sure to remind myself that i am HERE and not THERE in my mind the place where characters are created.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to respect my dad just because he is my dad, the father figure that one is taught to respect once one is born here in this world, without seeing/realizing/understanding that that kind of respect is in reality system-wise respect and not respect in fact, for respect in fact is when we treat and behave with each other in ways that honour our equality and oneness as LIFE.
I commit myself to live respect as in what it should have always been, which is the respect of being one and equal as LIFE here within and as the physical body that i am as all physical bodies are equally here as manifested substance as LIFE.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to one time felt a real connection with my dad for something that happened to me, as i had my birthday and my dad was here on vacation and my friends and lots of them were at my apartment at the time, and i remember me not having much more drink to serve and also not much money left to buy more and i felt so embarrassing but he just looked at me and said to me, wait i will go with you and he went with me and bought drinks and stuff for me, because at the time i was a student and did not have much money, and the money i had left was just enough for me to buy bread with for the up coming week. So from that day on, whenever i see that same thing that my dad saw in my face, as embarrassing i will immediately make sure to get the person out of that emotion of getting embarrassed. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to to create a character due to my experience with my dad, that will always try and save someone else going through a embarrassing moment.
I commit myself to STOP creating myself as a character that wants to save the day by trying to help people get over their own self-created moment of embarrassing moment(s)
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that is proud of my dad, for what he can do.
I commit myself to STOP giving validations and value to characters and live and make sure i am giving validation and value to the flesh as the real character as one and equal as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that finds my dad to be funny when he is drunk, when i was a little boy and also when i was a teen, but as i grew older i saw more and more that this drunken character that my father becomes is not whom he is, when he is not drunk, when he is not drunk he is very serious and doesn't talk that much, but when he is drunk he is funny and happy and wanting to dance all the time. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to support my father in being this drunk character that is funny and that everyone likes to see becoming drunk, because when he does get drunk then they can have something funny to laugh about.
I commit myself to not create a character in the future that support other characters that are in reality abusing their own bodies for the sake of how they want to feel, so whenever i see myself going into supportive mode of agreeing with the whole drunken person i STOP and take a deep breath and make sure i am grounded here within and as my human physical body where i can show as myself that i am here as in my breath without being under the influence of alcohol and so others as me can see me as an example and take the decision to STOP harming their human physical body for a fleeting feeling that will last only as long as they are drunk.
I commit myself to STOP myself into my relationship with my father as me being the son and him being the father and see and behave and treat my father as one that is one and equal as me as the flesh that is HERE as manifested substance of/as LIFE.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
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