Day 157, Sleeping As An Excuse Has Taken Over.
In this blog i am going to write myself free from this apparent '' tiredness'' that i am going through for a couple of weeks already. I usually, when i sit here to write i just start with the title alone, and from what i will place at that moment as my tittle, this will be what i write about in my blog, it can be my personal stuff but also stuff as how i perceive it in this world using my common sense reasoning. So i just look within myself what i will write about in relation to what i place as the title in that moment, and just write it out.
I have noticed many times, that every time i have to change shifts, because i work in three shifts--------that the day before the start of the next shift i let myself fall into this sudden tiredness and most of the times i don't get to write in my blog during this sudden event/happening when i am suppose to do daily my blog to assist and support those whom are ready and can hear the message of ONENESS and EQUALITY, that which is best for all LIFE. This is also the reason we are writing the way we write, for YOU, for when the shit hit your fan and you don't know what to do when you are in your emotional turmoil, you will find answers in our writings. It may not be me, it may be someone else in our group that is also writing their personal stuff and how they deal with it, that you can find that will be similar to your particular turmoil that you will be going through in your life, where we already did go through ourselves, so that you can be assisted and supported through our writings and within this know then how to assist and support yourself. You will say: ''wow, i went through the same shit, not exactly like that, but i can relate.'' You will find that some people went through the same shit you did, some maybe went deeper and some not so deep in relation to the weight of the problem or difficulty of what they went through in their particular lives.
So anyways back to ME now with my little problem here...lol
I looked into this apparent tiredness, and i see that it have to do with me NOT wanting to face myself, so i look for postponement through letting myself feel tired, as a way to excuse myself in order for me to NOT face myself with my mind garbage, you see..?? So this is deliberate self-dishonesty to myself as life and to all as LIFE. So within this i CANNOT take this shit from myself, because within these moments i am NOT choosing LIFE. Can you see this..?? I write in this form as asking YOU the reader the question as to take my personal stuff and bring it closer to you, get you involved within it. I write for myself but also for you, that one day you may find your way.
So let me continue with my self-honesty now so you can see what we mean by this at DESTENI.
I am self-dishonest every time i don't take my self-responsibility to/towards myself as LIFE and to/towards others as myself as LIFE. What happens is this. The day that i miss my writing could have been one of those days that you were suppose to be HERE reading about whatever i will say that in that moment will assist and support you, so when i miss a day deliberately because of whatever excuse, it means i have failed and thus letting you keep on walking your path where you won't find ways to get yourself out of whatever may be your problem, and i also sabotaged myself into not confronting/facing myself and write myself out. Your problem is my problem, as all problems is my problem and our problems, so I have to embrace all problems that are HERE so i can embrace the solution to all the problems that are HERE. Letting myself down, is letting all of LIFE down. Understand what i am writing here is NOT me blaming myself, this is me seeing directly what kind of consequences i am creating when i DO NOT choose LIFE in every moment of breath. Therefore i HAVE/MUST be self-honest with myself, because LIFE give me LIFE in pure honesty, so how dare i be self-dishonest with that which supports me as me and everyone and everything else by gifting to all of itself completely, constantly and consistently...??
Points to work on:
* postponement through sleeping when i am suppose to write.
* relaxing in bed doing absolutely nothing, and mind-fucking myself.
* back-chatting about bullshit, instead of breathing.
* imaging stuff and daydreaming.
* having internal conversations.
Tomorrow i will write about the deconstruction on these point and see what will come out of these.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
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