Day 173, A Moment Of A Little Fear.

Today this writing i am about to share with you will be just a small one.

Yesterday at work, i went through a little fear when the Rolls we work with  almost fell on me. It happen very strangely, because i made sure that the hooks were well positioned in place, because when i look at these things i just don't trust them, that they can hold this much weight, these plastic rolls we work with they weight up to 200 Kg. and the bigger ones even more. So i don't understand how one side could have got out of the hook and then fell. My supervisor told me when i told him  what happened to me, that maybe i did not place the hook as completely correct in, and i understand his point of view very clearly, because when i look at it, to me also the way he explain it to me, is the only way the bar can get out of the hook, it can not just jump out of it and fall. So i cannot explain this, but it did fell and almost fell on me, and i am glad it fell before it was much more higher in the air.


                                                                     

                                                                     


Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my life. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have such words as '' fear loosing my life'' to exist within me as me. I realize that such words as in ''fear loosing my life'' can only exist within me when i am NOT one and equal with and as LIFE. Thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use such words as ''fear loosing my life to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to felt a little fear when the roll fell on the ground almost hitting me, but in the moment itself i did not have any fear, it was after the effect, the i went through a little fear, because of thoughts.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to start thinking about how it could have happened that  the roll fell off, which made me think and think about what went wrong, because i could not understand and see the logic in it. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use thought to try and understand something that already happened and that in the moment itself i did not see HOW it happened in that moment, so i can never find out through thought processes the HOW it happened, because, the HOW is not in my memory data base, because my mind did NOT see what happened, so it cannot understand, and due to me being one and equal, lost in my mind, I to thus cannot understand what happened.





I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to from the start not trusting and thus fearing these hooks for in my mind they don't look strong enough. Thus within this i had an actual real consequence in the moment that, that which i fear manifested immediately.




I commit myself to stick to breath whenever i see myself going into or about to go into moments of fear within me, or starting to look for fear memories within me, to immediately just STOP and do NOT participate in them.



I commit myself to just breathe at work and wherever i am so i don't get lost in my mind with thoughts of fear, that stimulate fear and can eventually as in this case cause a consequence where fear can be felt more greatly.





Thanks.





Larry Manuela




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Day 64, Cultural Music.

Now i am going to do self-forgiveness on a song that i like on youtube that is from where i come from and it is our cultural music, even though where the song is being played is not on the island i come from but a neighbour island, the singer though is from the island i come from.  I will place the video here for a little entertainment ....lol

I am going to do self-forgiveness on how this song makes me feel and the memories it brings of the people and of the island i was born into, and our way of making music.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel'' good when i listen to this music, because it reminds me of home as home being the place where i was born, which is a little island called: Bonaire.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be energetically moved by this music in relation to what memories it ignites within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge this type of music as a ''good music'' ''pleasurable.''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have memories of me going to festivals on the island and this kind of music was played.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy music from the perspective of how they make me feel as an energy built up within me, and not as how the music assist and support me as my human physical body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that by following my reactions to how a song makes me feel, i am indeed not listening to the song/music as me being here totally, but as me being in and of/as my mind,the place where judgements live.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my attention drift away in the sound of the instruments, in how they make me feel inside myself instead of listening to the instruments as what they produce as sound alone without any energy rising up within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let this music make me remember certain foods that we eat island, like stewed iguana meat, or iguana soup, stewed goat meat, or goat soup, and stewed conch.Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to remember even how these foods taste like.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the memories of my people because of listening to this music, it brings remembrances of the people there.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a song take me away from here and get lost into my mind where i can be anywhere in thoughts but not here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find the cultural music of my country to be sounding great, within this judging it from the perspective of how it makes me feel.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never have listen to music in any other way then to how it will make me feel, and this has not really listen to the music in it's entirety.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be mesmerized at how music make me feel and not how i am listening to the music as one as equal as being here in breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let this song give me the memories of how the island i was born on looks like.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to due to this song remember how the ambient of the festival feels like within me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to remember due to this song how the particular place where  the festival is taking place smells like.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect smell and feelings to a song/music.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to remember how the people of my country talks when hearing this music.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT listen to music for the sake of music as an expression of life, but for the sake of what feelings i can get out of it.

 

 

I commit myself to listen to music as me as in breath and not as what it would make me feel.

 

I commit myself to investigate more deeply what it means to listen to music as me as in breath, and what the experience thereof is and share it with others,so we can start to really appreciate music for music and not for what it can makes us feel, because then we will just listen to our own judgements about the music and not listen really to the music itself.

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

 

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