Day 382, day 3 on SF on Aloneness

                                                                        DAY 3 SF on ALONENESS

                                                                            

So with this which is not a real THIRD day for me, however more like a third moment as I have chosen this moment in time to do this writing about myself.

I have written 2 days of SF on Aloneness already, and when I have a look at it, I am aware that I can go deeper than that, and not for the purpose to just be able go deeper, however for the purpose to really face the dark waters that are hidden within and as myself, that keep on disturbing, obstructing me, for me to not change  for real.

So, why am I experiencing myself alone?

Now the real answer is very simple, however yet, it needs to be worked out.

The answer is, because I am not really facing the real points that I am aware I need to face in order for me to really change into and live as a human being that lives “ what would be best for all life, oneness and equality,” which is a principle living. It’s like I am postponing facing myself. Like I do not want to really change yet, let me be system Larry a little bit more longer and then one day, I will take on myself for real.

So, what am I really waiting for? It does not make any sense, I am aware. Why do I want to postpone hiding my dark side, the real nitty gritty about me, what goes on within me and about me that I am aware I am doing or not doing.

Btw, this writing is inspired by the interview I’ve just listen to called:  “ Dark- Self: true nature of Self, by the Atlanteans through the portal at the EQAFE website store.
Here is the link if one wants to have a listen to it: https://eqafe.com/p/dark-self-true-nature-of-self-atlanteans-part-440

So let me list them all for myself here, to put it all into context and perspective  and exposure as I should have done and should be doing,  not only today but also constantly till there is no more LIVING with hidden stuff in my life.

1  1)      SEX. I am someone at the moment,  that will literally and I am being brutally honest with myself here, that would have sex with anyone that is a woman or really look like a woman, and by this I mean transsexuals or transgenders, however they must really look like a woman, because I am not attracted sexually to a man physique. I am not attracted to gay man. And there is more, I am having sex with two women, they both know I am having sex with them. One of them is a Polyamorous kind of person and the other one is someone that loves sex as much as I do. Now even with having two women to have real physical sex with I find myself when I am not with them sneaking watching some porn now and then anyways, it is like I have to have an orgasm, either with them, with porn or sometimes even without porn or just finding other women on the internet that are horny and engage into sex talks to get each other horny and go as far as exchanging sexual pictures or little sexual tainted films of ourselves with one another.

       2) Work. The work I do is not something I would love to do for the rest of my life, it is the kind of work that I just do it as best as I can, because I have to take care of myself within this system, however the continuous pressure to work faster and faster and producing more and more is not my thing, I am a guy that want to do my work properly with as less as possible stress of competing with other companies etc.

       3) My process.  In regards to my process, thus that which I am aware I have to do to change myself into a human being that lives “ oneness and equality, that which is best for all life,” this includes blogging and vlogging  and my DIP course, investigating all systems in this world,  I am legging behind with them and why? Because all of these are the points that force me to face myself and by “ force me” I do not mean that I am experiencing these points forcing me, however more like a push, a point of facing myself, thus I avoid them as much as possible so I do not have to change for real.

       4)  My son. I hear of my son now and then, I would like to be hearing from him more, not because I miss him or anything, however because I am responsible for him as I am responsible for myself and everything and everyone else. There are some points that I see are just excuses I use, because I can change them, but keep on waiting to make a move. For example, he does not have his own phone, and I have to call the mother first, and the mother works and I have to deal with the time difference and also with my working shifts, which means it makes communication very poor, however I can at least make some arrangements to change all of this so it can have an outcome that is best for all. So here for example I see that I always had the pattern of waiting too long to do something or to move, take action, I always let things accumulate till it becomes a problem or bigger problem.

       5)  Debts. I have a few system debts, some I was responsible for making them, however some I was not and I am in the process of dealing with them all, meaning taking organizations or companies to legal court lawsuits, which drains me financially, however I have to do it.

  6)     I am a nice guy. This is how people that know me will define me, however I do not want to be a “ nice guy” I want to be a real guy, someone that lives: “ giving a fuck about life.” This means that I sometimes let people push me around or walk over me a little, but all very calculated, I have always been this very calculated person ( another point here to face.) I calculate shit in very little detail about what could happen or not happen, I used to be a great deceiver, and patterns of the “ greatness” are still here. This “ greatness” is actually weakness, weakness into making sure I avoid as much as possible consequences that can harm me or make people not like me. I have found like a middle ground so to speak throughout my life in order to deal with these points, so I let people sometimes walk over me just enough in order to keep on being looked at as “ the good guy.” However as I said already I am aware that “ good guys” can never be “real guys”  because real guys give a damn about ALL life and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!

O.k. So that is my dark self as far as I can see, now in the next blog I will be going into the specifics as I do Sf on all of them as to HOW I really do them. As they are written down here now they are just empty sentences, not yet faced, exposure though, but not faced yet through self-forgiveness.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

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Day 381, SF on Aloneness day 2.

                                          Day 2: SF on ALONENESS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the outside world, the people in the world for not wanting to take a stand and stance against the abuse that is going on in this world, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am blaming the outside world, the people in the world, because within me I am also silently blaming myself for not taking a stand and a stance as living human being that is here and that does not take abuse in any form done to all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that in order for me to take a stand and a stance against any abuse done to life, I must first take a stand and a stance within myself, stopping my own creations of abuse within and as myself as the personalities/characters I exert via/through my human physical body, forcing my human physical body to do the bidding of the personalities/characters that I have created within and as myself to represent energetic me’s, that are heavily in great need of continuous/constant energy to exist within the body of life as my human physical body as if they are the real body of life that is here as my human physical form, believing that the personalities are something of value to life and not my body/form, expression of life here itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the personality/character of aloneness in my mind to divert my attention in such a way that it comes back  to itself when I sometimes is about to take a stance or stand within myself or to converge attention to itself when I do not take a stand and stance within myself, always leading and attracting me to itself first for decision making as I have programmed it to be/become as a representation of myself within my mind consciousness system to make sure I do not actually change myself in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the diversion I talk about are points within the outside world that I use to ignite the personality/character of aloneness within and as me, when I see that I am going to take a stand and a stance within and as myself as the points I see outside of me are not common-sensically speaking, what would be best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the words used within the system as: ’ money, rich people, famous people, smart/intelligent/intellectual people, religious people, price, status, poor people, elite, politicians, spirituality, New- Age, philosophy, law, rules, regulations, debt, debt-collectors, taxes, war, hunger, work, love, loved ones, ’  to be the words that will divert my attention to the personality/character of aloneness within and as me, as tentacles of this very personality/character within and as my mind consciousness system because I have judged all these words and their applications within this world as being words that support abuse done to life in this world, thus words that according to my judgments do not in fact for real contribute to what real caring would be in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the words used within the system as: ‘ mystery, sex, secrets, happiness, wonderful, playful, horniness, lust,’ to be the words that will convert my attention to the personality/character of aloneness within and as me, as positive charged energy within me to feed this personality/character in order for me to again not change myself here in fact.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG

Day 380, a new beginning in the middle of continuation. Aloneness day:1

Within this post I will be working a point I have been stuck with for a very long time, however now have decided that I really have to pick myself up and do what needs to be done.





                                                                       

 

SF on aloneness

Day 1:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the outside world, the humans in this world as people that do not really care about what is going on in this world, thus accepting and allowing myself to create within myself an emotion of me being all alone as someone that is caring, without seeing/realizing and understanding that this “ caring “ is just a word I use within and as my mind to exactly support the very personality/character I have created to judge the outside world with, the people in the world that I judge as not caring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a separation within my mind between me and the outside world, the people in the world, in order to have a point of ME against THEM to exist within me as me and as my mind as myself as self here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the outside world, people in the world as “ not caring,” because within myself I also judge myself as not caring, because I do not see that I am being effective enough to bring about a world that would best for everyone and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my process of becoming one and equal with life here, birthing myself here in the physical as life as something that is a burden and that looks like I am not doing anything in the outside world that would really matter to change the world in fact, without seeing/realizing and understanding that the outside world, as the people in the world I judge as not caring is actually an accumulation of each individual as is myself not being responsible human beings in this world, to and towards life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the emotion of sadness to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, in order for me as the personality of aloneness to keep on existing within me as me as the mind, because I create within myself a reason now through sadness to stagnate myself, to not move, that I do not need to actually change because change as what is best for all does not exist anyways, thus just keep on being alone and experiencing emotions of sadness about experiencing myself as alone in the mind is a fine prerequisite to not change in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear real change, because I have no idea what I will be and become as an actual real human living, expressing what is best for all in the face of what is not best for all as is the status quo in the world at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being brutalized, abused and tramped down, annihilated, humiliated, abandoned in this world, by the people of this world if I would to actually change and become a living expressing human being that gives a damn about life, because the world as it exist now is a world where life has no meaning, no value other than to abuse life as living forms as slaves to accumulate money and execute control over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let all these “ what if’s” to have dominion over my process of changing me as a human being that actually lives care, lives what is best for all life in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through accepting and allowing fear of changing me, because of judging myself as to what could happen if I would change to me, to interfere with my process of actually living, changing me as what would be best for all life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that through the creation of the personality/character of aloneness within and as me, I am in fact busy not actually moving and thus, creating myself within the physical as someone that does not care, because in the physical care means giving, real practical/physical giving and I am not giving care to myself, thus not giving care to the world either.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give myself responsibility and thus always fall in my own mind trap of being irresponsible and not walking my process of change as I am aware I should.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use aloneness within as myself to trap myself into not moving, not changing in order to create friction and thus energy to support my own mind personalities/characters that are existing only by my permission to be against myself for not allowing myself to be responsible, for not allowing myself to live self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself in assessing within myself what is going on, because I am aware of myself that when I do so I have to stop this personality I have created within and as myself to disturb and hinder my own change, to procrastinate myself, keeping on postponing my own change.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand as to what extent I have accepted and allowed myself to, through the personality/character of “ aloneness” exclude myself from not involving myself with my own self creation as a human being that stop abuse within and as himself and give care to himself and thus through giving care to myself, being able to actually live care as who I am in the world.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG