Day 387, Lost at sea- 1

In this blog I'll continue with the working of myself out.


Here is a few sentences of where I left of:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spent lots of time on the internet chasing my sexual desire, abdicating my responsibility to myself and to all of life as equal as one as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and deliberately let my guard down so to speak in order to procrastinate more and more, and finding ways to come up with excuses and justification to protect my procrastination.


More will follow into the next blog........

                                                                        

Self-forgivenesses continuation:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly be thinking about sex, that it is constantly in the background looking for ways to come up and delude myself into believing that I need to satisfy myself in accordance to what I have made valuable to me, based on my self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience exhilaration when I find some lady on the internet that is extremely horny, because in accordance with my judgement of myself, this is also who I see myself as, as equal to, thus finding someone that I think and believe is what I think and believe I am, makes the whole experience and moment seem much more interesting and desirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and stop myself in the moment I start to see that I am going to go into this whole situation, however I keep on letting myself fall into my own trap, and then justify to myself  saying to myself: " just one more last time, and then we can get to really working myself out," when in reality I never get to working myself out, because I keep on repeating this " one more time" every time, almost daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to put my process at an halt just in order to be able to satisfy my self-interest in relation to my virtual sex addiction.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to put all, if not more of my focus on online young ladies in oder to satify my self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that having virtual sexual acts with young ladies online give me some sense of still being sexually attractive and appealing  to young ladies.

I forgive myself that I have  accepted and allowed myself to become astute within manipulating young ladies in order to get my self-interested, self-indulgence met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give up looking for a opening, a way to get into their minds and see where I can effectively convince them to the participation that will have an outcome that will satisfy my sexual desire. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still feel that I am too weak to actually do this STOPPING of myself in my participation within my self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this point of getting my sexual desire met, so extremely effective that I would spent money that I could instead spent, or direct to outcomes that would be best for all LIFE, however rather use it to manipulate the ladies of my choice so I can have an positive outcome according to my addiction.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to workout this point of sexual addiction I have become, because I do not trust myself enough, that I can stop myself and change myself through my self-will, to do that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made countless sexual accounts on virtual sexual related websites, where like-minded people come together to share themselves in their addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that one day, all the pictures and vidoes that were hacked by hackers will be used against me to measure my integrity as who I am here if I dare to stand for life, making myself abdicating my Responsibility and make me halt my process in midways.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if others would find out about my addiction I have about sex, especially those that " know" me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to fear being shamed for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as a sexual addict, constantly looking for orgasmic mind pleasure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a seeker and experiencer of orgasmic mind pleasure, one that would do anything to get that experience, that high.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this entity I created within myself to rule over my decision making, making sure I always end up, choosing what would not be best for myself, nor what would be best for all life, because I have something to hide, something that I secretively hide, something I am too scared to face, as my addiction, that is actually making me the convict of  my conviction.




To be continued..........................



Thanks

Larry Manuela



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Day 387, Lost at sea.

I have been, for a very long time now lost at sea, as I placed it here in my heading. Lost on this vast ocean with no horizon in sight, no land to set foot on. In my little boat, being rocked and carried away by the wind and the ocean currents. May I reach land or may I not? I ask. Is the question intended to just question myself alone or is the question intended to practically move, take a stand, to set foot on land.                                                                     

                                                           
Now, even in my lostness I can still not, NOT see me. I cannot hide me, I cannot put me aside. Me is here for me to see. Lost at sea, metaphorically speaking cannot make me loose sight of me. I am always here seeing what I am doing, what I am accepting and allowing within and as myself.

But seeing me and not applying me, correcting me as I drift along will certainly not prepare me, when my little boat crashes on the rocks of the land. Shreaded boat and broken body is all that will be left scattered around.

So, what have I been doing all this time?

Well very busy I would say, compromising myself, however yet also deep inside being aware that I am just fooling myself, slowing myself down.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devorce myself from myself, from my process of walking myself back to HERE, forgiving me and being here in every moment of breath, walking my talk, and taking my self-responsibility to myself and all as myself as life, equal as one as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself and to participate into the virtual reality of sexual distractions in this world, on the internet, separating myself from myself within the truth of myself wherein I see, realize and understand what I am accepting and allowing myself to particpate in and act upon delibertaly for my own self-gratification and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate women on the internet to participate with me in my own seeking of self-gratification and self-interest and use the point of them volenteering to participate with me within it all as a justification so I can continue with my own self-interest and self-gratification I want and desire of them, being perfectly aware that I need their permission to do so, thus manipulating myself to manipulate them into making sure they give me the permission I need from them in order to get what I want and need and desire from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always prepare myself, before I start with visiting the websites I participate in, seeing/realizing and understanding how I am manipulating myself into making this whole sexual virtual reality thing a ritual and thus a pattern, feeling myself getting all excited because of myself knowing that I am soon to embark on these website and meet with " like-minded" people again, to engulf myself into this whole mind fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly wish I could meet one of these ladies in real life so I can do all these wonderful lusty things we say to each other on the internet.

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to focus more on the young ladies, because I have noticed that there is a change that happened within the system in terms of people lusting more and more and the young ones,are more and more, more freely emersing themselves into this on the internet, because just like me, they too see the easiness in having sexual  mind games on the internet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself extremely horny before I even get on these websites.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at the little bio's and accept and allow good judgement to exist within me in context to what I believe this particular lady would want to say or do on the internet, and if she would want to do that with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on a personality or character I believe they would want to speak with or chat with in accordance to their specific desire/ sexual fantasy and that would satsify in turn my own sexual desire purely based on energy, with mixture of desires to want it to also happen in real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always chat with these ladies with the desire to meet them in real life in the back of my mind, which is the real desire I have, and that I only use the website to see if I can get one to go that far with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find this chasing after ladies on the internet such a trill, just because I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to maybe/possibly get a chance to get the real deal in real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get very excited when I get a lady to move from the main sex chat webbsite to go with me on SnapChat, which means I am now in accordance to my mind consciousness system, much closer to my target, which is to be able to get to have a chance in the real physical world, doing all these fantasies for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get even more excited when the lady is from the same country that I am in right now, making myself think and belief that because of that, I might be able to score a chance to meet them much easier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spent lots of time on the internet chasing my sexual desire, abdicating my responsibility to myself and to all of life as equal as one as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and deliberately let my guard down so to speak in order to procrastinate more and more, and finding ways to come up with excuses and justification to protect my procrastination.


More will follow into the next blog........



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Support our research and buy one or more products for yourself or buy gift for someone else at: EQAFE

Do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP