Day 269, Why i am creating unnecessary friction and conflict within myself in regards to my process of breathing. - Part 2

Within this thread i am continuing with the the second part that would be about my commitments to myself in regards to what i have seen/realized and understood within and as myself within my Self-forgiveness statements.

                                                                       

Self-Commitment statements:

I commit myself to little by little as i start to focus on my breathing again in moments wherein i will be able to see more the movements of my mind and in so doing be able to prevent myself from physical actions that lead to consequences that are not what is best for all.

I commit myself to work on my anger within and as myself that i have created within and as myself against myself because of myself being aware that i am not stopping myself in moments as i wrote i will do when the moments come up and i have to stop me from participating into my mind, and i work this out through my writing of Self-forgiveness till i become more and more stable little by little within my physical actions.

I commit myself to work on my anger that i also project on others in regards to myself not stopping myself in breath in key moments, because i see that i am late constantly, in the sense that i keep on falling in the behaviour or action and then after i have a look at it, i will see that it was because i have missed being in breath, not being here within and as my breathing one and equal.

I commit myself to gif myself the gift of just being here within and as myself within and as my breath simplistically just BREATHING, without having to spiritualize it or whatever, just simply BREATHE, and practise and practise just like i will practise doing any physical task in this world, till the task or what i am practising is ME. And with breath it means that i will be automatically focused and aware of ME breathing. And little by little not missing breaths, because every breath missed is a moment NOT lived.

I commit myself to also work on my guilt through Self-forgiveness for not focusing on my breath as i have stated before that i will do in each moment when i see myself going into or about to go into whatever energetic reaction that will pop up within me, and all this is because of the very fact that i was in my mind and not in breath that it occured that i couldn't see the movement, before it happened, and only saw it afterwards.

I commit myself to learn little by little to focus on my breathing and to stop myself in participating in thoughts by just not letting myself go through them and stay within and as my breath, till i get the breathing, the focused breathing becomes me, and that i have to have patience, because it took time to be/become an individual not aware of itself breathing, thus it will also take time to be/become an individual that is aware of itself breathing.

I commit myself to learn little by little to focus on my breathing and stop myself in participating in feelings that comes up within and as me, so i can see within myself through my breath, because through my breath i am slowing myself down, and can see the movement of my mind, thus then in fact be ON time, before i participate in the feeling and thus can not participate in it.

I commit myself to learn little by little to focus on my breathing and stop myself in participating in judgements that comes up within and as me, so i can see within myself through my breath that i am to about to go into such mind program and my physical body addiction to this program and just stop participation in it before it happens.

I commit myself to learn how to little by little stop myself through breath in participating in justifications, because i have seen/realized and understood, that because i am solely within my mind participating in these justifications i cannot see that i am in them, because i was in them and not In breath, thus my focus was on justifications and NOT on me breathing HERE. Thus breathing is key for me as i see it within and as myself, because i am sick and tired of having to go to the same things over and over and over, meaning i am doing something that is not correct, and which i found out is my very focus on my breathing that i have said i will be doing in each moment but yet did not live it in FACT.

I commit myself to learn how to little by little stop myself in breath in participating in backchats, because i can see i can only be in backchats because i am not actually in fact focusing on my breathing, me being here jsut simply breathing. Because if i was i will see beforehand that i am going to participate in a backchat and thus be ON time to stop myself in fact before i participate in it.

I commit myself to learn how to listen to others without having to feel like i have to defend myself, because this feeling is pertaining to EGO, and it is also a moment of NOT being here within and as my breath. So i have to practise extensively staying within and as my breath daily till i get this point and i live being in breath in each moment, so i don't participate in mind and then afterwards try to defend my ego for doing so.

I commit myself to learn how to stop myself in being spiteful through learning to stay focus within and as my breath in practical living, because i see that this is my problem, my being not focused on my breathing, so much so that it has even become an excuse, so i will be going back to learning how to focus on my breathing till i become it in fact, that i am here aware of myself breathing in each moment.

I commit myself to even though in this moment i see focusing on my breathing as something difficult, i have to discipline myself to learn how to do so, because it is difficult only from my mind perspective, not from my body perspective, because i am breathing, just not aware of it. The body is busy breathing automatically. Thus me being aware of myself as myself breathing as my body will assist and support me greatly in my process of getting myself out of the mind into the physical.

I commit myself to use these changes that i am going through that makes it all seem difficult because i am being challenged to help me learn to focus on my breathing so i can assist and support msyelf better in dealing with my own changes that are happening within and as myself so it is more bearable and also can be more aware of myself in what i am doing in each moment.

I commit myself to STOP being too hard on myself in regards to me not focusing on my breathing as i have mentioned before and wrote before but yet did not live them before as i wrote them before i kept on falling in the moments and only see afterwards that i have fallen, because i have missed the beginning part of my commitments i have made to myself which was to STOP myself when i see myself going into or i am about to go into, but yet could not see it, because of me not being in breath and just in my mind, thus not being able to prevent myself in going into participation within my mind.

Self-Reward:

Within this commitments i have seen/realized and understood that when it comes to my personal process, this breathing part is the part that is disturbing me to move forward within and as my process, because i keep on missing being HERE in breath and then look for excuses on mental level to cope with it, when deep down i know within myself that i am NOT focusing on my breathing and i keep on letting myself get caught in old habbits of not being aware of myself breathing. Because when i look at myself and compare myself in the beginning of my process where i was more in breath, i could see more of myself as my mind consciousness system, and now i am always late because of not slowing myself in breath and thus being in almost full mind participation most of the times, and even see that only when i take a deep breath afterwards that i can see that i was not HERE in breath, thus in my mind. So i have homework to do, and that is to go back to the drawingboard and start again learing HOW to breathe physically, just being here breathing, as simple as that till it becomes part of me in awareness, that i am aware of myself breathing, because this is the only way i will be able to be ON time and thus prevent myself physical actions that will be not what is BEST for all.

                                             =========================

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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Day 268, Why i am creating unnecessary friction and conflict within myself in regards to my process of breathing.

                                                                 

Today the point came up that i am writing a part of my commitments that i am not really actually living it as i wrote it.
I can see within myself that i have like an internal fight against the structure, because i am not living the words as i place them exactly within this structure.

With structure i mean for example; i write a Self-forgiveness statement and then after that i have to write a statement wherein i will stop myself in breath when i see myself in the next time if this is to occur in a moment again.

Now here is where the fight starts within me, because i am aware that i am NOT in every moment in breath and especially when i have written countless of blogs where i wrote these sentences as a statement to myself that i will practise.
Thus my friction is within me going against myself in myself because i am not stopping myself when and as i see myself going into..........whatever i wrote in my previous blogs, very little of these ''stopping myself in breath statements'' i can say right now  are statements that i have lived it as i have placed it here in words, when the opportunities presented themselves in the moments.

Thus within this i have come to the conclusion and i am making the decision that i will leave writing this part of stopping myself in a moment when i see myself going into or i am about to go into something; an energetic reaction, a justification, a judgement, a feeling, a thought, an emotion, a sabotage, a backchat, till i get this friction out of myself that i have with this being aware afterwards that something happened that i already wrote i was suppose to have stopped in participating within it in that moment and yet did not do it when the moment arrived and saw it only afterwards, which makes me react in various ways within myself, because i see it within myself as Self-compromise, and becoming angry and impatient with myself, because i am then aware that i missed my words i wrote in my blogs when i had the opportunity to do so. I see that this point have stood in my way of actually moving forward within and as my process. And to me it is a point of NOT o.k. because i am writing something that i am not living.

And i am starting my 21 days of going to the basics of 4 count breath again and as long as it takes till i am more stable within my breathing as myself HERE, otherwise i keep on compromising and sabotaging myself because i am aware that i am too late in taking the action when the things i have already said i should have been stopping myself in breath in the moment occur and then don't take the action i commited myself to take.

So i will write simplistically my Self-forgiveness statements together with my Self-commitment statements alone, because as i see it within myself in this moment is what i can live at the moment and leave the point of breathing apart to work it out beginning with the 21 days of breathing as a starting point in relation to the conflicts i create within and as myself in regards to me not actually/factually in a moment stopping myself in breath when i see myself going into or about to go into whatever energy movement i wrote about in the past that i will be stopping in the moment in the future when it occurs again.



Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not live my stopping myself in a  moment in breath as i wrote it before that i will be doing in the moments in the future.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel anger within and as myself not stopping myself in breath when and as i see myself going or about to go into energy movements within and as myself as i stated as part of my commitments to myself, because of actually not being here in breath makes me miss the points themselves where i can be aware and only see them afterwards.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a feeling of anger within and as myself towards myself and sometimes to/towards others as myself, just because i see afterwards that i have not lived being in breath in the key moments as i have made myself the commitment to myself to stop myself when i see something shifting within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the opportunity to give myself the gift to just be here with myself in a moment and breathe with and as myself here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty within and as myself about myself not actually being here in breath in a moment and so to be able to stop myself in going into my mind participation as i have stated many times i will do when i see myself going into or i am about to go into my mind, because most of the times i am already in my mind participation and not in breath, thus it is common sense that i will miss the opportunity and only see them afterwards.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself in breath everytime i have thoughts as i wrote before that i will be doing if they will come up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself in breath everytime feelings come up within and as me as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to stop myself in breath when a judgement came up within me as i wrote in blogs before.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to not be in breath in every moment as i wrote when i will be having a justification coming up within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have backchats within and as myself when i already wrote that i should be not having these backchats, but because i am not here in breath or most of the moments at least, i find myself within and as my mind.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to try and defend myself when someone else afterwards let me see that i am judging or justifying myself or projecting myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself get caught in a feeling of needing to defend myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even though i am being stable within taking critics yet when i defend myself i don't see that i am busy being spiteful in relation to the critics.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have enormous frictions and conflicts within myself in relation to me stopping myself in breath, because i am within my mind fighting against myself for not wanting to focus on my breathing consistantly and constantly, because it is something i have not lived and i see it as difficult to focus on my breathing in every moment, and can only focus at the moment sometimes, but not all the times as i should have, in order for me to not be missing points.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fight within myself because i know that i am little by little changing, but as the personalities within my mind don't want me to change i am experiencing it all as me fighting myself against myself and thus also refusing to hear what i already know within myself that i just have to do, and thus i have to see the reality of the physical world outside showing me and also myself being aware that i am changing and starting to see more of whom i am and this ''whom i am,'' is unacceptable within and as myself as the part of me that is aware that it is changing, but yet not taking a stand within and as myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be too hard on myself just because of not having patience with myself and expect immediate change to occur and when immediate change does not occur i become angry at myself and also feel inferior as if i am incapable of changing myself by disciplinging myself till i completely get the point of focusing on my breathing and just being one and equal with it in every moment, which will assist and support me in seeing/realizing nd understanding the energy movements of myself as my mind consciousness system and then indeed be able to stop myself before i let myself get caught in thoughts/feelings and emotions and only realize and see them moments afterwards.


To be continued....................



Thanks.


Larry Manuela

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Day 267, When i lost count of the day.

                                                                     

Two days ago at work when i arrived, i met my supervisor at the door when i was coming in and he told me that the Otoplastics have arrived and that i need to go get them upstairs, and that i have to do this between 13:00 and 15:00. And he also told me to tell two other colleagues of mine the same thing.

So i went upstairs and just sit in the cantine and wait till the time came for me to go downstairs to start working.

Now when i was working on one of the machines my supervisor came to me and he asked me if i went already to get my otoplastics, and in that moment i saw that i was not HERE in the moment when he told me from the start to when i needed to go get my otoplastics. And the reason for this was; because in my mind even though i was on time at work and everything, to me i was in the morning-shift, meaning that i start at 06:00 and end at 14:00. So i was thinking to myself; ''uuhhhmmm i still got time after work to go get them, so need to hurry''.....loll

And in that moment my supervisor then told me why it is when i did not understand him, did i not ask him to explain it to me. But to me everything he said was crystal clear, but of course he couldn't know where i am in my mind, that i was completely in a sort of time-shift, believing that it is just morning and not the afternoon.

And when i realized that i was not HERE, a few things took place within me:

**  I started to feel ashamed, because i belief that i appeared to be stupid
**  I started to look for excuses as in why it was planned like that

I also had backchats in relation to all this, and they were:

**  Why don't they give these things to the supervisor and he then give to us?
**  Oh i understood you(my supervisor) perfectly, only you cannot see in my mind as where i was in that moment.



Self-Forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT be HERE in every moment of breath and let myself be lost within and as my mind wherein i am living according to this mind interpretation in another time of the day.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed, because of me believing myself to appear as stupid in the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as stupid.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that i am stupid.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to relate being lost with stupidity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize and understand that in order for my total attention to be HERE, i MUST be HERE in breath one and equal within and as my body.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to mess with the time as i define time in my head instead of just being HERE in breath so i can pay attention to what is going in and around me.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that in order for me to understand real time i have to be and become one and equal with breath-time that is really actually real time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to instead of realizing that in breath-time in a moment i am always totally me HERE in the moment i let myself get caught into the illusionary time as i have come to define time as it exist within and as this world and within and as myself.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look for excuses to hide the shame i have felt when i judged myself as stupid.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that i have to justify my own shameness within and as myself in oder to fake it within and as myself.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project an image within and as my mind trying to picture what exactly would be going on when i go and get the otoplastics, without seeing/realizing and understanding that without asking a question about when i do not know or pretending as if i do, still it is not the actual fact what will happen as in how it will happen when it is actually happening.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system at work as how it has been put together at work as being the problem and the cause/reason that i am in shame.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT agree within and as my mind about the rules of the system at work based on what i belief these so called rules are entailing for me and others.



Self-Commitment Statement:


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into my mind interpretation that will eventually propel me into a timeshift, I  STOP------------------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that mind interpretations can only exist when i am NOT HERE within and as my physical breath one and equal, and get lost in the mind time and not breath time which is in reality REAL-time.


I commit myself to focus on my breathing and to remind myself to focus on my breathing when i see that i am not aware of myself breathing and to touch something that is practically HERE to get me back HERE and/or just say out loud to myself; STOP, so i can get back into my breathing.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into feeling ashamed for something that i perceive or interpret that is necessary to feel ashamed about, I STOP------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am feeling ashamed only because i have programmed myself that is necessary to feel ashamed for something that i myself have make myself belief that i need to feel ashamed about.

I commit myself to start little by little, step by step De-programming myself by taking the decision in a moment to stick to NOT participating in what i already see within myself is a mind interpretation of what it is to be ashamed or not ashamed.


When and as i see myself judging myself as stupid, I STOP-------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am judging myself as stupid, because within myself i judged myself as being stupid for NOT being HERE paying attention to what time of the day it is exactly.

I commit myself to pay attention to what time of the day it is and remind myself to stick to the time that it is in the day according to where i am in a moment in relation to the time as it is being understood within and as the system.



                                                                 

When and as i see myself going into or about to go into relating being lost with stupidity, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as the energy.

I realize that i am relating being lost with stupidity, because of me seeing within being lost as something i don't know, and not knowing something i have accepted as stupidity.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure i stay within my breath everytime i there is a movement within me as me coming up that i am aware is energy related, to hold my hands together and just breath and focus on my breathing and let the judgement of myself of finding myself being stupid go, and if this keep on coming up it means that there is a point in regards to this that i have missed within myself that needs my attention, in order to walk through this point.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into messing with time as i define it in my head, I STOP----------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am confusing real time as Breath-time with illusionary time, which is the time i look at on my watch.

I commit myself to make sure i stick to the Breath-time and when in breath-time i just look at my watch and read it as it is, without having to go into my mind to evaluate what time of the day it is according to my mind interpretation.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into trying to hide within an excuse from what i feel is a shame, i just immediately STOP----------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am using the excuse because i am feeling uncomfortable with the feeling of being ashamed within and as myself.

Therefore, I commit myself to step by step with using common sense in my writing of Self-forgiveness in Self-honesty to teach myself to get out of the feeling of being ashamed for something that is insignificant.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into projecting images about things that i do not have any idea as in how they occur in reality in a moment, I immediately STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am projecting these images in my mind as IF i know what is going on just because i am looking for a reason to justify what have accured before where i judged myself as stupid, not knowing what time of the day it was.

Therefore, I commit myself to remember myself repeatedly to not try and justify myself when and if i get to be in an experience of feeling ashamed, and to hold my hands together to remember this so i do not get lost in my mind interpretation about trying to justify why it is i was ashamed and need to protect myself within and as my mind.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to into looking to blame the system as it used at work for the reason i am in a protective mode, I STOP------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am blaming an outside source for the reason I am ashamed about myself within myself.

I commit myself to make sure i investigate in a moment within breath if there is a next time that will come wherein shame will enssue and within that moment to just breath through the shame and if a reason comes up within me as me trying to want to protect myself by blaming an outisde source, i just say the word: ''STOP'' outloud,and breathe,and continue with the breathing and if this also doesn't work i take a note of the seriousness of the shame to work on it when i am alone by myself.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into NOT agreeing within my mind to the rules as they are used within the system at work, I STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within  me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am agreeing to disagree within my own mind about that which is BeLIEf about the rules within the system at work.

I commit myself to within my writing of Self-forgiveness to and my commitment to LIFE in Self-honesty to investigate the point of the polarity of agreeing vs disagreeing, wherein i hold on to the beLIEf i have within my own mind about the rules of the system that is used at work.



To be continued....................................


Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: DESTENI

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Day 266, Lifeless and Isolation.

                                                           

So i am going to investigate within myself in common sense what these two words actually mean to me and to find out IF they can be lived. If they are NOT to be lived, then i Redefine them in order for them to be livable for me and also to find out why it is we invent words we Don't actually live nor CAN we live them. Because to me a word like: '' Lifeless'' is impossible to be lived as pertaining to the definition that goes with it.

Before i do this i am going to write what these two words mean to me without the use of a dictionary.

What the words mean to me:

Lifeless: Something or someone NOT having LIFE. Or to be without LIFE. Dead.

Isolation: To exclude oneself from the whole and feel alone about it. Or to be totally separate from the whole.




Now here the dictionary definitions from thefreedictionary.com:


life·less  (lfls)

adj.

1. Having no life; inanimate.

2. Having lost life; dead. See Synonyms at dead.

3. Not inhabited by living beings; not capable of sustaining life.

4. Lacking vitality or animation; dull: a lifeless party.

                                             ==================================

isolation [ˌaɪsəˈleɪʃən]

n

1. the act of isolating or the condition of being isolated

2. (Government, Politics & Diplomacy) (of a country, party, etc.) nonparticipation in or withdrawal from international politics

3. (Medicine) Med

a.  social separation of a person who has or is suspected of having a contagious disease Compare quarantine

b.  (as modifier) an isolation hospital

4. (Sociology) Sociol a lack of contact between persons, groups, or whole societies

5. (Psychology) Social psychol the failure of an individual to maintain contact with others or genuine communication where interaction with others persists

in isolation without regard to context, similar matters, etc.

                                =====================================

So now i have seen the definitions as what they mean and as they are widely accepted within society.
When i look at the defintions of the word; '''lifeless'' i see only one definition that i can say i have lived that definition myself. And that is the last one as in; '' lacking vitality or animation; dull.

The other three defintions before the 4th one, i never lived them before as in me being aware as myself as these words, as what they're being defined as. I only have an understanding of them by seeing what is happening to other beings or looking at pictures of other places. And even the one that i do live as in lacking vitality especially, i see that it is based on when my mind is tired, it is a mental tiredness and not a physical tiredness.
As i look at all the definitions i, and the rest of humanity accept to define ourselves within and as are all words in separation to ourselves, we don't actually live the words we speak, we live in separation of the words we speak and then the words become nothing less then definitions and concepts, something we talk about trying to make our living make sense. And it makes sense from our mind perspective only in separation to all that is HERE as LIFE. So we only see fragmentation as valid within the words we use as in how we tend to live them.


                                                         

When i look at the 3rd defintion for example where it is written; ''not inhabited by living beings; not capable of sustaining life.''  I am wondering if we are aware when we use these words what they actually imply. Because what is a ''living being'' to us really? We may not call a stone a living being, but yet it is. We may not call the Moon a living being, but yet it is. The very fact that they exist and are physically manifested means that they are alive. So a living being according to our mind interpretations are things that have certain movements and capablities or a design similar to ours, and if it is NOT so, then to us it is NOT a ''living being.''

All of this is then for us to see that because we are not AWARE of ourselves as LIFE, we cannot see as in being ONE and EQUAL with all of LIFE to see/realize and understand that all that is HERE is LIFE in many many manifestations and forms. We see only fragments and separation and within this we then coin up words to support our fragmentations and our separation.

So i can clearly see that i and everyone else are living words in separation to ourselves and even come up with words we cannot even live, which to me is a very strange phenomena.

When i have a look at the second word, which is ''isolation,'' i see that this word is a word i live more often then not, and is also more often used by others as myself in this world.

Within this word i can also see how with each word we keep on separating ourselves from the very word in different sections. With this i mean; the word will be used in the proffesions we have, in the beliefs we hold as our truth and based on our beliefs, the judgements we have about ourselves and others as ourselves-------------all of this separating ourselves more and more from each word.

So how can i redefine these two words in order to make them words that i can live?

The first word, which is; ''lifeless'' when i sound the word i hear withing sounding it, the word; '' LIE'' and then i can within sounding of the word use the word for myself as ''LIEless''  which will mean; ''having no LIES.''  Now this is a word i can do something with it, as in living it for myself and is also at the same time a word that when i live it, is a word that is BEST for all of LIFE.

The second word, which is; '' isolation,'' when i sound it i hear the words; '' I- SOUL- ate - tion.''
Within this word ''isolation'' i can see there are hidden symbolics within it, as in this case I ATE MY SOUL. And as the whole sounding of the words I-SOUL-ATE- tion,'' is the act of one eating ones soul. It is an act of consuming ones soul. Now The word soul to me in this very moment stand as the substance of LIFE within and as myself. Thus in ''isolation,'' i am busy with CONsuming myself as the substance of LIFE.
So now i can see how i can live or in this case; NOT live this word, because it is clear to me that i cannot keep on consuming myself as the substance of and as LIFE.

In this very word, i can also sound it to be; '' I- SO - LATE- tion''   Which will imply that when i am in ''isolation'' i am always in the act of being late. Being late in what sense?  Being late in; NOT being constantly HERE, as LIFE. So the act of ''isolation'' is the act of NOT being HERE as one as equal with and as LIFE. With other words NOT actually LIVING for real as one as equal within and as ones human physical body/form, one and equal within and as this physical world, this physical reality and physical existence.

So now through/via the sounding of these two words, i can do something with them, can make something out of them that will be BEST for all LIFE. With these two words i can see what they are implying for me when i am using them, because i have Redefined them as words that i can live and also as words i have an understanding about them as in how they affect LIFE, if i am to live them in certain/specific way/manner.
Words i/we use are words that will either harm what is to be BEST for all or SUPPORT what is BEST for all. Words that are used in separation have always intention to harm, because they are not used in consideration to ALL of LIFE, parts of LIFE are being left out, thus harm will occur as consequence thereof.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela

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Day 265, Why does the Concrete Jungle seem Isolated?

                                                                   

I have noticed within myself that when i am walking in the city, any city small or big and there are not many people in the city i experience this as lifeless and a form of isolation when i walk in the city.
So i started investigating this point within and as myself. And of course i started questioning it whithin and as myself as to understand, WHY it is i am experiencing it like that.
Then i noticed a peculiar thing; that most of the things we humans take from the earth to create something else with it, have no real movement as in the movement of LIFE. What do i mean with this; That it doesn't move like nature does.

For example when i take a walk in nature, even when there is NOT one individual human being there, still i do NOT experience this lifelessness or isolation within and as myself. Because every individual part of nature in that particular place/area and moment are all moving, even the trees. The breese of the wind that moves the branches and leafs of the tree, there is this presence of LIFE happening/Growth/expansion, even though it is NOT seen with my human eyes yet, the little movements that are not visible to my human eyes.


                                                           

In the concrete jungle there is another thing happening, there is decay, the buildings going empty, closing down, lots of ENDING in many ways. And when the buildings are done being built, they will stay within that form as they were built and finished for a very long time, till they end. One may say; 'but trees end too!'  Yes they do. But look at this peculiar thing. They don't end because of stagnation or of not growing, of not expanding, they end because they have reached a certain length of time, of growing and expanding and also there are many other consequences related to them as the human factor for example, that put an end to their lives in different ways and manners, that i will call; genocide.

So what i have noticed is; that when we humans create something with the resources of the earth, it will NOT have growth in it, or a way to expand itself naturally. What we touch and create has a tendency to stay stagnant not having LIFE-movement as in growth and expansion. So we take from the earth that which is growing and is expanding, and we create that which is stagnant and standing still/freeze with it. And now i see more clearly why it is that; cities never attracted me, as in going to some country to walk and see what people have created as old buildings and things like that, i never could understand people that will go to a country to watch old buildings. To me it was like a waste of time and money. If i go to another country i will be more interested to see the nature of that country and not its buildings created by men.


Self-Forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the experience of lifelessness and isolation to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, when i walk in a city, be it; small or big and when there is not many people or no people at all because everything is closed or it is in the evening.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand before that what we humans at this moment create using the earth resources will be frozen in time as/in another physical form that does not move or can express itself naturally as it did when it was in the form of the resource where we took it from.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that OUR Human Physical Body/Form is indeed capable of creating another body as itself that can and does move and express itself as another form of LIFE naturally, and WE within and as our minds when we create from the mind CANNOT do this at the moment, from the mind we do NOT create another LIFE, we are at the moment TAKING LIVES through and via the use of the mind and transform it to be less then what it was before, thus creating diminishment and limitation exponentially, down to the point of destruction and annihilation where all that is HERE will be no more.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from all that is HERE as LIFE no matter if it is in a form that is in movement as expressive life form or/and in a form that is not in movement as an expressive life form, because i within and as myself is NOT living yet as one as equal as LIFE to see/realize and understand that all that is HERE are expressions of and as LIFE from the biggest to the very smallest, from that which SEEM lifeless to that which is, as we call it; ''alive.''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that only when there is people around that there is LIFE, that there is a sense of livelihood, because i am in separation of ALL that is HERE as the planet, as everything that the planet consist of and exist as and i am only in a mental reality that exclude everything else, like the 99,99999.......% of the rest of  LIFE that is also HERE within each moment of Breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see human beings as one expression of LIFE as more important and have more value then the rest of LIFE that is also HERE together one and equal within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only see nature as an expression of life that is more important and have more value then the rest of LIFE that is HERE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize and understand that by including only one aspect of LIFE is in reality excluding ALL aspects of LIFE from this one aspect, and thus give value to only one aspect of LIFE and deny and completely separate myself from the rest of the aspects of LIFE, so much so, that even my breathing and my human physical body is OUT of the equation as the rest of the aspects of LIFE, which i do NOT include within and as myself within and as my participation in this reality of physical manifested LIFE and delude myself to only focus on the delusion that is within and as my mind consciousness system wherein i separate ME from all that is HERE to only focus what is interpreted and observed through/via this mind as a personality within it that i at the moment have no idea how i created that personality in my mind to interpret and observe reality in my name, a personality that was put together based on memories gathered/accumulated through my life i deemed important and valuable according to what i have accepted and allowed in myself from others that went before me, that in their turn also have done the same, leaving me to then only being aware of a fraction of what is going on within and as  my own mind conciousness system and NOT the totality of it as all that it consist of and exist as, as the mind consciousness system that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as this world, within and as this reality, as this existence.



Self-Commitment Statements:

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into the experience of feeling lifelessness or isolation when i walk in a city that is small or big and there, I immediately STOP------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that based on my mind interpretation and projection i am letting myself experience a ''FEELING'' of lifelessness and isolation, but within this not seeing/realizing nor understanding that a ''FEELING'' of lifelessness and isolation is NOT lifelessness nor isolation itself, and that within this i have absolutely NO understanding within myself as myself as being aware as myself within and as these two words: '' lifelessness and isolation.''

Therefore, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to base my living in the physical reality and directing my physical body according to a feeling that is an interpretation of the words; ''lifelessness and isolation.''

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that i have never LIVED these words and that i do NOT even know of these words can be lived, but yet use them as IF i have lived them or i am living them, thus no actual understanding of these words as a physical/practical living application.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure i investigate these two words first what is their definition as it exist in this world right now and then see IF they can be lived for real and also to see that these two words are words that in this reality can be lived or not practically, through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE.


I commit myself to study the phenomena of these realizations as in the body being capable of creating another body and the mind being able at the moment to only create destruction and annihilation to the physical reality, thus NOT in fact being used to support LIFE, but instead being used to Destroy LIFE or Harm LIFE.



When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into separating myself into my mind consciousness system as what i think and belief is having life or no life, I STOP--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i separate myself from everything that is HERE, through and via my mind consciousness system as what i interpret within it as a fraction even what the mind itself completely consist of and exist as and based on this interpretation i move myself which is NOT a Self-movement.


Therefore, I commit myself to push myself to learn to move within and as my breath and my human physical body and as my whole mind within equal and one awareness as the totality that i am right HERE so i can then direct me as myself within and as my body as the totality of what my body consist of and exist as.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into thinking and believing that only when there is people around, that there is LIFE, or a sense of livelihood, I STOP------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within and as me as the mind as energy.

I commit myself to when this happens again, where i let myself go into thinking and beliefs, to remember in that moment to Breathe, because i know that i am then not one and equal with my breathing thus NOT HERE equal and one with everything that is HERE as LIFE, and make sure that i touch my own hand or do anything else that is physical in order to help myself stick to my breathing and just being HERE.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into Giving human being more importance and value then the rest of the expression of LIFE that is exist HERE, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am giving the humans more importance and value because i can relate to them as being of the same design as i am, and therefore holding them in higher regard then the rest of the other designs of LIFE HERE on this planet, including the planet itself too.

Therefore, I commit myself to integrate within me all of the expression of all of LIFE within and as myself within what is to be understood as being important and valuable, so that no expression or fractions/aspects of LIFE are left out and push myself to see this through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE, till it becomes the whom i am as the whom i live me in this world, in this reality as equal as one with all that is HERE as my equal as expressions of LIFE.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into my mind interpretation of only seeing Nature as more important and more valuable as expression of LIFE, I immediately STOP----------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am giving nature more importance and value to the rest of what is HERE, because i see it as that which is supporting my individual existence as this human body on this planet, and within this excluding everything else, not seeing/realizing and understanding that nature also can only exist because of the support of the whole, it is NOT a separate expression on itself individually depending solely on itself.

Therefore, I commit myself to push myself through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE, to little by little to include all of nature within and as myself as one as equal as LIFE, till i am equal and one with all of nature within and as myself.



When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into separating myself into just ONE aspect of LIFE from ALL the rest of the aspects of LIFE, I immediately STOP------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that when i focus only on ONE aspect of LIFE within and as my mind i automatically in my mind exclude all the other aspects of LIFE, where i then give the value and focus only on this ONE aspect and NOT ALL aspects of LIFE as they exist HERE.





Therefore, I commit myself to incorporate ALL aspects of LIFE within and as myself through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE, in order to understand myself within and all this clearly till i LIVE all aspect as myself within and as myself equal and one as LIFE and that i have to be patient within and as myself till i am fully living my statement as myself as expression of LIFE HERE.



Self-Reward:

Within this investigation within and as myself about the concrete jungle i have come to realize that i am in major separation of what is ALL HERE, and that because of this i am busy selecting, making a choice within this separation as to which parts/aspects of LIFE deem having to be of more importance and value then others or then the Whole, and i also have seen/realized and understood, that the selection that happens within and as my mind consciousness system always chooses the individual aspect as having more importance or value then the WHOLE as what is ALL HERE.




Thanks


Larry Manuela

Join us at: DESTENI

Have a look at our solution to all the problems in this world, and i mean ALL: EQUALMONEY   and   Living income guaranteed

Support our research and by one or more of our educational products that will surely blow your mind:   EQAFE

Walk yourself out of your illusion back into the physical LIFE substance through using the tools in this course: DIP

Do the course of a lifetime and change yourself in order to change the world:DIP     If not able to afford this one, here is a free version to get you started in becoming a REAL caring human being: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com