Day 334, Very Naugthy Children Part 5

In this blog, I am going to workout specifically the commitments related to the second part of this series, wherein I provide the link here below:


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/10/day-331-very-naughty-chuildren-part-2.html


                                                              

Self-Commitment statements:


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into blaming myself for leaving my kids behind, I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am blaming myself because I am experiencing doubts within myself for leaving them behind, when I was aware that I had to made that decision, because it was not the first time.


Thus within this, I commit myself to instead of keeping on blaming myself, I use that energy to look for ways to communicate more with them and also to find practical solutions to help myself in moments where I am aware of myself blaming myself till I completely get rid of this blaming game.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into having self-doubts, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am having self-doubt, because I am believing that I cannot trust myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to work on my self-trust by using practical little chores to start learning how I can trust myself, till I am living self-trust as the whom I am.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into seeing the point of not being able to trust in another, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I am seeing the point of not being able to trust in another, because I am projecting the not trusting myself and look than for a way to attack it in another instead of looking for solutions that are practical to work on my own self-trust.

Thus within this I commit myself to look at what it is exactly I am not trusting in another, because that would be an indication for me to look for that same point within me so I can work it out within myself, because I also have that same point within myself and is just being mirrored how it looks like, thus I work it out within myself till I delete it within myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into my memories of what I could have done or not have done in regards to leaving my children behind with my ex. I STOP------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am going into my memory database to look for ways to see if I could have done it differently, and if I could have made another decision and try again to fix the relationship between me and the mother, but I can still not see that in that period that things would have changed, thus I do not have to keep on looking at memories involving that.

Thus within this, I commit myself to find practical ways to let go of this memory to what could have been or not and just focus on what is here now and do my best to live with what is here now as it exist right now, and if there are problems within the lives of the children to support them with it, and be practical and stable and do my best to be constant and consistent within my communication with them.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into looking at the situation about my children as hopeless, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am seeing the situation about my children as hopeless, because of judging them from hearsay instead of actually communicating with them and in that moment look for practical solution with them, as for now that is all I can do because they are in another country, thus I cannot go and have a one on one conversation with them and be live in person with them, and there is not need either as long as I make sure I communicate with them constantly and consistently.

Therefore, I commit myself to keep on communicating with them constantly and consistently even when it seem as if they are not interested in communicating with me, I just don't give up on them and continue, because one day it will make sense to them.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into thinking and believing that i cannot solve this problem or deal with it, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that it is just a believe-system I have created to cope with a situation that seem too far away and because of the geographical distance I think and believe that I cannot solve the problem with the children. Therefore I can have an excuse as not being able to pay too much attention to them.

Thus within this I commit myself to make sure I pay attention to them and also give them more attention, and do my best to stay constant and consistent.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling a relief because of not having to practically have them with me and have to take practical responsibilities to/towards them, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that this experience of so-called relief is a thought construct that I have created within myself to protect myself against myself in order to not have to take my responsibility.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure that when this happen again to not participate in it and make sure that I find practical ways to resolve it, and make sure that I do exactly the reverse thereof, thus making sure I go and in that moment call my children or send them a message and have a conversation with them, anything that will involve some sort of responsibility.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into not wanting to fix anything, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using this not wanting to fix anything as an excuse to not have to do anything about the situation and giving up within myself.

Therefore I commit myself to push myself especially in the moment when I do not want to resolve or fix anything and just go and do it.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the backchat of: " I don't want to deal with this shit right now, on top of all the shit I am already in," I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that this backchat is supporting my irresponsibility to look for solutions.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure I push myself even when I don't feel like it or not to take my responsibility to/towards my children as I should have all the time and look for ways to support them in whatever they may be going through.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling like I will disturb my living alone and not wanting to have my children with me, I STOP.......take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I try to avoid having my children coming to live with me, because that will mean that my comfortable life of being on my own alone will be disturbed.

Thus within this I commit myself to not let myself get influenced by what I want in my mind and just look and focus on what will be best for everyone involved practically and if it is doable or not and that is about it and from there make my decision and stick to it.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into postponing myself to commit to anything that is important and serious, I STOP---------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I do not want to commit because with commitment comes responsibility and I avoid taking responsibility.

Thus within this, I commit myself to push myself to be a responsible human being and make sure to commit myself to starting with little commitments till I can take more bigger ones.




Thanks.



Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

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I don't want to deal with all this shit right now on top of all the shit I am already in," - See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/10/day-331-very-naughty-chuildren-part-2.html#sthash.q55tm7uv.dpuf

Day 296, Who am I in relationship with the word: "Seeing." Part- 11

In this blog I am going to have a look at the next word I have placed within the list of the first blog about; ' what is understanding.' For those whom are reading this for this first time, I suggest the link here from the very first blog about these words I have placed that I am now working out for myself to have an understanding in practical/physical manner/way.


                                                                   

Here is the link to that first blog: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/02/day-286-what-is-understanding.html



So lets see what is in the dictionaries about this word "to see, or seeing":

¹see

 verb \ˈsē\

: to notice or become aware of (someone or something) by using your eyes

: to have the ability to see : to have the power of sight

: to be or become aware of (something)

saw  seen  see·ing 

Full Definition of SEE

transitive verb

1

a :  to perceive by the eye

b :  to perceive or detect as if by sight

2

a :  to have experience of :  undergo <see army service>

b :  to come to know :  discover

c :  to be the setting or time of <the last fifty years haveseen a sweeping revolution in science — Barry Commoner>

3

a :  to form a mental picture of :  visualize <can still see her as she was years ago>

b :  to perceive the meaning or importance of :  understand

c :  to be aware of :  recognize <sees only our faults>

d :  to imagine as a possibility :  suppose <couldn't see him as a crook>

4

a :  examine, watch <want to see how she handles the problem>

b (1) :  read (2) :  to read of

c :  to attend as a spectator <see a play>

5

a :  to take care of :  provide for <had enough money to seeus through>

b :  to make sure <see that order is kept>

6

a :  to regard as :  judge

b :  to prefer to have <I'll see him hanged first> <I'll see you dead before I accept your terms>

c :  to find acceptable or attractive <can't understand what he sees in her>

7

a :  to call on :  visit

b (1) :  to keep company with especially in courtship or dating <had been seeing each other for a year> (2) :  to grant an interview to :  receive <the president will see you now>

8

:  accompany, escort <see the guests to the door>

9

:  to meet (a bet) in poker or to equal the bet of (a player) : call

intransitive verb

1

a :  to give or pay attention

b :  to look about

2

a :  to have the power of sight

b :  to apprehend objects by sight

c :  to perceive objects as if by sight

3

a :  to grasp something mentally

b :  to acknowledge or consider something being pointed out<see, I told you it would rain>

4

:  to make investigation or inquiry

— see·able  adjective

— see after

:  to attend to :  care for

— see eye to eye

:  to have a common viewpoint :  agree

— see red

:  to become very angry

— see the light

:  to discover or realize a usually obscured truth

— see the light of day

:  to become publicly known or available (as through publication) <manuscripts that will never see the light of day>

— see things

:  hallucinate

— see through

:  to grasp the true nature of <saw through the scheme>

— see to

:  to attend to :  care for

 See see defined for English-language learners »

See see defined for kids »

Well as one can see, to see have a lot of definition to go with. Now if I ask myself the question: "have I ever seen with my phyiscal eyes for real?" My answer would be a definitive "no!" 

Now as I have mentioned in my previous blogs what we see with our eyes is what our minds are projecting on the physical.

For more detail information on this I have here a link to the desteni forum where through the portal, Veno went through great detail explaining what was termed: "the existential framework-system." I leave here a little quote in the beginning of that transcription here:

 " The ‘Existential Framework-System’ is an actual system-framework that capsulate everything that is physical-manifest form.

“System-Framework”, meaning – a framework generated from and of the mind consciousness system, as all human beings’ mind consciousness systems together, that manifested a ‘framework’ surrounding everything that is physical-form, that has physical form. 

Like a membrane enclosing the structural-form of all and everything that has form within and as this physical-reality, which include literally everything and all of and as physical-manifest form. 

This ‘framework’ that can be seen and experienced as a force surrounding the outer-lining of and as all and everything that consist of and exist as physical-structural form:

Resonate with a ‘pure electrical-pulse’. By Veno- through the interdimensional Portal.

http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?t=507

When one reads that information one will come to realize that one have never seen with ones human physical eyes before. We will see/ realize and understand that whatever we are seeing is just our mind projection. We are not seeing directly what we are looking at as it actually is without the participation of the mind in it to interpret it, which is a form of judgement. Because how can it not be a judgement when one have not seen it in fact? It is what one will conjure up in the mind that will be used as a form of " getting to know" reality.

If one would study the desteni material one will see/realize and understand how through/by/from the interdimensional Portal everything is being explained in a way we can understand and also use in our processes of changing ourselves, birthing ourselves as life here in the physical.

Self-forgiveness & Self-Commitment statements:

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to actually/really/in fact see with my human physical eyes, but instead see thr projection of my mind consciousneness system through the eyes and call this " seeing."

I commit myself to little by little through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life in self-honesty to get myself out of this projected seeing and see instead directly and to remind myself that this will take time, because it is an existential construct and it is what I have accepted and allowed myself to be part of me and part of all of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a lot of emphasis on the word seeing and use it as a form of awareness where as I am in fact not aware at all as in actual/direct seeing without the interpretation of my mind, thus the projections of my mind consciousness system.

I commit myself to start placing emphasis on what I the physical living part of my reality and less and less emphasis on the mental part of my reality and together with the support for myself through writing of self-forgiveness and my commitments to life in self-honesty, the day will come that I see directly what is here without the interference of my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that my seeing is a form of judgment to/towards the physical reality projected unto the physical reality.

I commit myself to forgive all judgments that exist within me as me as the mind as consciousness in self-honesty and remind myself through my breathing, paying attention to my breathing in every moment that it takes time from moment to moment till I have freed myself from my my own judgments, because all judgments are self-judgements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that what I am seeing with my eyes are what is real, when in reality is just my mind interpretation of reality and not reality as it in fact exists.

I commit myself to stop the thinking and believing in what I am seeing through my mind and start working towards working out practical solutions that will support me in direct seeing through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life in self-honesty till I am actually seeing directly with my real physical eyes without my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe that seeing with my eyes alone is impossible and that I have to have my mind in order to interpret what I see.

I commit myself to work out these thoughts and believes about the impossibility of seeing directly without the mind and just do my work in writing of self-forgiveness and my commitments to life in self-honesty and sticking to what is actually here happening as it is happening without trying to interpret it and little by ltitle give myself the opportunity to release myself and thus free myself from the grips of my own mind.

Self-Reward:


Within this writing I have come to see/realize and understand that I am not actually seeing as I should be seeing with my human physical eyes in fact but that my seeing is a projected interpretation, a judgment on the physical reality, wherein I tell myself through my mind what the reality should be or could be, but not what it IS. Thus now that I became aware of what I am accepting and allowing to be part of me, I can stop myself in participation of it and take my directive-principle, my directive-will and change me to actually, in fact SEE directly with and as my human physical eyes.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela

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Day 281, Memories that triggers the need/want/desire for sex in the relasionship : Part-6

                                                                     

In my last blog I finished of with the following:



Self-Reward:

Within this thread I have come to see/realize and understand about myself that I am using certain specific backchats as starting point to generate energy and to get me excited within and as my mind to eventually look for actual sex through either having sex with a woman or by masturbating, because through this, I as my mind consciouness system can aquire more energy through having an orgasm, for my existence as this mind consciousness system. Thus now that I have become more aware of what I am doing and why I am doing it, I can stop and change myself in the moment and do not participate in such backchats at all and eventually in the end where I won't participate in any backchat, because these are all illusions and delusional, and are not what is BEST for me nor for all of LIFE.



Now I'm moving to the next dimension which will be, the Reaction-dimension.


Reaction-Dimension:

*** There is this anxiety that maybe my kiss will not fall into her liking.

***  An reaction as/of anxiety of being caught starring at her legs.

***  An reaction as/of anxiety about my voice maybe not being found as sweet as I believe and think.


Self-Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this anxiety within me existing, of maybe my kiss will not fall into her liking, within which I judge myself and also rely on another for what and how I want to express myself within and as a moment, separating myself completely from reality and sabotage myself to in the end up doubting myself if I should kiss her or not.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the anxiety within me of maybe my kiss not falling in her liking, wherein I judge myself and also rely on this judgement of another for what and how I want to express myself in a moment, separating myself completely from reality and sabotage myself into doubt about kissing her or not kissing her, I STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

Thus within this, I commit myself to through my writing of self-florgiveness and also through my out loud speaking of self-forgiveness to eradicate this fear I have created within myself that obstruct myself in a moment of self-expression, making doubt myself and if this does not stop and it continues, I then go into investigating more thoroughly what it is I have missed within my self-forgivnesses that still give rise to the fear and that it still exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my self-expression and choose my fear that exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into judging my self-expression and choose instead the fear that exist within me as me as the mind as energy, I STOP---------------- I breathe, and I ground myself within and as my human physical body/form and focus on my breathing till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am choosing fear above/over self-expression, because I have made myself to do so all the time, I have brainwashed myself to always choose fear above/over self-expression and don't even know how to self-express, because I never lived it before. All I did before was reacting through the mind in certain/specific moments, events and circumstances to the consequences I myself created within/without myself together within the world outside where I participate in the collective consequence creations with the rest of what is here as human beings.

Therefore, I commit myself to little by little, step by step to teach myself to express myself as ME as the living body as this human physical body/form that I am in fact, as all of what it consists of and exists as, till I am one and equal with it in fact. And do this through self-introspection and self-investigation and forgiving myself for not living as my human physical body/form but instead live as personalities within my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anxiety of  being caught starring at her legs, which implicates to myself that I am having this anxiety, because of what I myself have accepted and allowed to be morally unacceptable and within this, secretly trying to watch anyways, and trying also at the same time not to get caught doing so, because the woman in fact may not approve of this.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into reaction of anxiety because I am aware of my own dishonesty within and as my mind to/towards her/woman, I STOP---------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am going into anxiety because I am aware of my own dishonesty within myself to/towards her/woman.

Therefore, I commit myself to work out this anxiety reaction within and as myself to/towards her/woman in relation to my own dishonesty, through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to life so I can not only stop participation within this reaction, but also delete it from within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anxiety because of myself thinking and believing that my voice will not be found sweet by another, within this jugding my own voice to be sweet and that a sweet voice should be something acceptable.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into reaction of anxiety because of what I think/believe my voice will found as by another, wherein I judge my own voice to be sweet  and that a sweet voice should be something acceptable, I STOP---------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am thinking/believing that my voice will not be found sweet by another and within this belief, I judge my own voice based on this self-created belief and then give what I perceive and interpret would be an " acceptable voice," more value then my actual/real voice itself.

Thus within this, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitments to life, to workout this reaction of anxiety to/towards my own voice as what I perceive/interpret another might find of it and make sure I focus on my breathing while communicating with others and when having that reaction coming up within me to immediately remind myself to stop the conversation and excuse myself for a moment and just do something in that moment that is a physical application that can be as simple as holding my two hands together or take a short walk away from the person and come back when I have stabilized myself within and as myself within and as my breathing, and my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be programmed to think/belief what a sweet voice should be or not be and use this self-manipulation to go against my own real physical voice that my physical body/form produces to put my perception/interpretation of what it should sound like and/or be like first and of more importance and value.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into my self-programming of what I think/belief a sweet voice should be or not be like and use this self-manipulation to go against my own real physical voice and find the self-manipulation voice having more importance and value, I STOP--------------I breathe, and focus on m,y breathing till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I Realize that I am using what I think/belief a sweet voice should be like, against my own real physical voice and give this belief more importance and value then my real voice itself.

Therefore, I commit myself to through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitment to life to little by little to put more trust and importance within and as my own voice and stand within and as my own voice when I communicate/speak with another and make sure I stick to my breathing and focus on it so I do not loose myself within and as my mind with its judgement of my voice while in communication.




Self-Reward:



Within this Thread I have seen/realized and understood within and as myself that I am creating believes about my voice as how another will perceive and interpret it and based on this belief that in its own turn is also my own perception and interpretation put me in a position where I judge myself, sabotage myself and give the belief more importance and value from which I go through an reaction of anxiety to/towards myself in realtion to what I think/belief others may find about myself, and also within this when it comes to starring at women's legs I have placed a judgement within and as myself to be dishonest and unacceptable because I have set my own moral code and I then break it, thus react in anxiety for deliberately breaking my own moral-code of conduct. Thus now within all this I have given myself the opportunity to clean up this mess within and as myself till I will be free of these reactions to/towards myself and to/towards others as myself.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela


Join us at: Desteni

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Day 246, Positive Findings/Remarks/Feelings regarding attractiveness for a woman/women. Part- 4

Continuing with the next Dimension.


The next Dimension is going to be the Backchat-Dimension.



For a little bit of context, here is a little of the previous post:



Self-Reward:



Within this post i have seen/realized/understood through my own writing that i am using imagination to trigger energies, within and as my mind in order for me to get my energetic highs as feelings and emotions, and thus keeping myself in this matter away from actually/factually/practically Expressing ME, as the Human Physical Body/Form, thus NOT living as the body but as a personality in a mind.





Problem:



Backchat-Dimension:

                                                    Art done by: Andrew Gable




***  if i could only get that point of passion again with her

***  lord have mercy, look at how beautiful she looks and she doesn't even know it

***  why not just have sex and then we deal with the practice of what come up when we are done?

***   i can still remember touching her skin, it felt so nice

***  why is her skin-color still having impact on me?

***  damn, her voice is making me crazy, so soft!





Solution:







Self-forgiveness statements:



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' if only could get that point of passion again with her,'' to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed to have  this backchat: '' if i only could get that point of passion again with her,'' to exist within me, because i am looking at satisfying my own sexual desire based on energy, as a form of fulfillment that i just have got to have.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link, the backchat: '' if only could get that point of passion again with her,'' to fill in a point of fulfillment within myself as implying to myself that i am somehow empty if i do NOT get to experience this passion as in the act of having sex with her, thus projecting my desire onto her as if she is the one i need in order to get this passion, NOT seeing/realizing/understanding that this passion as i have define it within me is nothing but experiencing energy in the mind.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define emptiness in relation to NOT getting an energy kick as in passionate sex.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that there is a huge difference between passion related to energy and passion related to actual real expression as the body itself right HERE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' lord have mercy, look at how beautiful she looks and she doesn't even know it,'' to exist within me as me as the mind as energy as i based this ''looking beautiful'' as a trigger-point within myself in order to engage into energetic built-ups.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link the backchat: '' lord have mercy, look at how beautiful she looks and she doesn't even know it,'' to  a trigger-point within me as to create feelings of desires to/towards her to fulfill my own self-interest.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' why not just have sex and then we deal with the practice of what come up when we are done?,'' to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, which is a way of looking to satisfy my own self-interest in the form of experiencing sex with her pure for the sake of getting energy out of it for my mind.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to want/wish/desire more energy-sex instead of pushing myself to learn expressing myself within/as SEX as the totality of the whom i am as the human physical body/form.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' i can still remember touching her skin, it felt so fine,'' to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use this specific backchat: '' i can still remember touching her skin, it felt so nice,'' because it allow me to participate in memories that can induce certain/specific feelings as to drive me to eventually make the move to when their is an opportunity to feel her skin as in touching it, i can than be satisfied within and as my mind as i interpret this within/as my mind as a winning-point, an energetic boost just to keep the energy existent within and as my mind.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat as a question to myself as: '' why is her skin-color still having impact on me,'' to exist within me as me as i see that by emphasizing the words: '' skin- color,'' i am feeding the feelings and emotions and memories that are pertaining to it, so i can keep all of that alive and well within and as my mind as energy as the whom i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become within and as this world, wherein a simple thing like a skin-color can make me react in feelings and emotions based on some set of values i have given to it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to color-in what i see as in her skin-color in my mind, instead of just looking at the skin-color as i see it with my human physical eyes and that is it, without any energy racing within and as me as what i think/belief about the skin-color.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' damn, her voice is making me crazy, so soft!,'' to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give a positive value to the softness sounding of her voice to utilize this to charge certain/specific memories and feelings within me all of which are related to SEX, as i have valued SEX as a means to get me lots of energy, especially when i reach an orgasm.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a value-system within myself in relation to a woman's softness of voice to be a VERY important point for me to extract/suck more Substance from/of my body to transform it into energy for my mind as the Feelings i then experience as the reward of my participation in the value-system of my own creation within and as myself.




Self-Commitments statements:



When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into back-chatting about passion in my mind, I STOP-------------- take a deep or many deep breaths till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am using the word ''passion'' as a means to fulfill some energy experience within and as myself and NOT '' Passion,'' as in me expressing me passionately as the whom i am as my human physical body as one as equal as LIFE, HERE.

Therefore, I commit myself to be attentive in every moment and look within me for certain energetic feelings that trigger some backchat that on their turn trigger a longing and a want, a desire to fulfill the crutch so to speak. And thus to investigate the point through the writing of self-forgiveness and corrective statements to STOP and eventually learn to walk as ME as the body as the Real being of earth, Expressing itself as a manifested Life-Form.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into, having a backchat with ''beauty'' in it to create energies within me, i immediately STOP,------------- take a deep breath and ground myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize i am using my own interpretation as what i have defined as ''beauty'' within me to trigger some memories and feelings in order for me to experience energy within and as myself through/as my mind.

Therefore, I commit myself to investigate and work out these point when they appear within me as in writing them out in order for me to see what it is i am accepting and allowing and thus change myself to NOT participate in such energy and to just be HERE.



When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into participating in backchat in relation to wanting to have sex with her, I immediately STOP--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, and make sure i continue focusing on my breathing till nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i am looking for ways to have sex with her, just to satisfy my own selfish desire to go through the experience of sex and to engulf into energies that are prevalent to come up during sex and especially when having an orgasm.

Thus, therefore I commit myself to NOT give in, into this backchat neither into what makes me react because of this and to NOT give them attention and instead place my attention on my breathing and invent anything that physical to do, in order to be just HERE physically and not lost in my mind, and if there are points that come up, that i see within myself that i haven't investigated yet, i then make sure that i write them out in the form of Self-forgiveness and Corrective-Statements to attend and workout the point in order for me to be/become my own directive principle instead of my feelings/emotions/memories doing that for me, which have proven to me are NOT doing things that are BEST for me and all of LIFE, only what is BEST for Self-interest as the personalities i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.


When and as i see myself going into any backchat related to skin-color, I immediately STOP myself in participating in them, and make sure i take a long deep breath till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize i am using backchat that have to do with her skin-color just to generate some feelings within me.


Therefore i commit myself to make sure i do NOT participate in these backchat when they do come up again, as i already did self-forgiveness on them thus i know they will come again as to see if i will give-in into them, thus i will let myself get distracted of my being HERE as my human physical body and my breathing, and if this continues for too long and doesn't STOP, than i know that i have missed some points, that i have NOT gone deep enough investigating and out-rooting the cause of them existing within me as me. Thus i will take on writing them out through Self-forgiveness till i am satisfied with myself that i have reach a point of depth where there is nothing within me anymore about this particular point.


When and as i see myself going into getting myself all worked out because of what i perceive her voice is ''doing'' to me, I STOP------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that i have placed many emphasis on the sounds of voice of women in and hers in particular as something i need in order to make me feel certain/specific way in me as a '' good feeling.''


Thus within this, I commit myself to little by little to workout all this delusional belief that i have placed within me as a value system to energize myself positively. Thus i write myself out in Self-honesty and make sure to place commitment statements that are doable for me to practically engage into, so i can walk the point more effectively.




Self-Reward:


Within this post i have seen/realized/understood that i have placed certain words to have certain and specific values for me, just in order for me to USE them to get myself energized and participating in the mind and NOT be HERE as my Human Physical Body/Form as i Breathe Right HERE. Thus my reward is that i am now aware of what i do and how i do it, so i can do something about it, that will eventually have an outcome that will be BEST for me and BEST for all.






Thanks.



Larry Manuela

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