Day 26, The Seeking Part 2

Continuing with the self-forgiveness from yesterday.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mesmerized by the words i was reading in the books, just because in the books the words were unusual words and words from other dead languages that supposedly must have had some magic power in them, apparently those people from the past were very evolved and had some great secret knowledge that we somehow in the present must look for if we can understand it all and become like them, and within this totally disregarding the fact that what i was reading was in no way possible to be true, simply because it is not HERE anymore, i would have to depend on my belief in it, and that is about it.It can never be an absolute truth because it is a possible past event written that can or cannot be true.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that just because i am reading some old language words that it will give me some power of some sorts or some realization of some sorts, because the words were meant to give the reader some specific knowledge.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall for these big words and magic words used in esoteric teachings as if they were special.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek special words in esoteric teachings, because i see/realize/understand that within me was a desire to be special, so i looked for that which will make me special among the group called humanity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the words spoken of spiritual masters as enlightenment words that could enlighten me somehow to some higher state of being, that i believed would be necessary in order for me to be more effective in bringing about a change in this world, without seeing/realizing/understanding that within this i was separating me from myself more and more instead of just being here as life in every moment of breath one and equal as my human physical body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take every word that was uttered from the spiritual master teachers as great words of knowledge when in reality, i was not changing at all, i was just accumulating more knowledge and information and was talking about it, and that was about it, which looked as if i was changing, but the only change was the new knowledge and information i was talking about that i acquired out of books and out of listening to talks with spiritual master teachers around the world. And within this giving value to knowledge instead of practical living here in and as the physical,where all is seen and known and is in fact the reason why i was seeking something higher or whatever because of what i saw as ''wrong/bad/negative'' in this world. I see/realized/understand that it is the physical that project our acceptances and allowances of what we have become in this world, in this existence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the spiritual master teachers as more then me, as being special, as having some ability that i would never have no matter what i do, i will just have to give in and give up and follow them, and try to implement their teachings in my life, when their teachings are not really designed to work in my daily physical living in the system and that will make me a human being that does in all ways what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to engage into channeling materials on the websites where i saw that they were spreading the message of love and higher vibratory existences where if one does what they were saying, one will automatically when the vibratory shift that they were talking about happens, be also part of it, without seeing/realizing/understanding that this is also another trap of me not being here as in breath as the physical human body that i am in this world, on this planet, in this existence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself into believing/thinking that by acquiring some higher knowledge will somehow end the consequences i will live and also those consequences i affected upon others in this life, when in reality, i did not see/realize/understand that i already created those consequences and that i will have to face them all eventually and also those that i have caused to be affected will also have to go through the consequences that i have affected upon them, within this creating a whole world where suffering and abuse and harm is done to life in many different ways.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find knowledge and information as more then life, without ever truly living life, and in so doing abdicating my own physical living here as the manifested form of life as that which is my human physical body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be lured into believing and squandered my own living here as the physical human body.

I commit myself to to prepare myself in order for me to not ever have to rely on ''believes'' but just be here as a living being equal and one as life.

I commit myself t expose the delusions/illusions enlightenment and religions has brought to us, when it is totally obvious that they did not bring a practical real solution to problems in this world.

I commit myself use the knowledge and information gain in the past that i can still remember and reverse it to show it's true nature as the deception it all was and is.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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