Day 264, disregard of others in the little things.

At work today i have noticed something very small that i did, and even though i saw it late after i took some breaths and paid attention to my breathing, but when i saw it in that moment i started to investigate the point within me to see how many times i have done this before without even noticing, that even within such small things still there are moments of total disregard of another as myself.








                                                             

Now what happened was; at work before we work on some machine we have to put our names on the list in case something goes wrong, it can be easily assess who did what and on what time and date. Now the collegue of mine asked me to write our names down, but when he was asking me this i was already busy putting my name on the list, and he saw me doing that and he said; 'yeah, just put our names there,' in a way as if it is not really important, and then comes the point. In that moment i saw that i wrote my name very nice down, but when i wrote his name i wrote it fast and not looking nice at all, as if i reacted to what he said and unconsciously immediately in that moment express it in a consequence. Just because he mentioned to me that i should write our names but it is something of no importance, i then responded with writing HIS name down as if it is of no importance and just wrote it very fast and not looking nice at all as the way/manner i wrote my name.

So when i caught myself in breath and i saw this point, i said: What The Fuck.!!

And i started questioning myself, and i asked myself:

***  Why did i write his name down as if his name is of no importance, just because he said to put our names on the paper but in a way as if it is not important to do that and by not writing his name beautifully am i taking revenge in a sense on him because he sees our name writings as NOT important?

***  Why do i have to write mine nice and his ugly?

***  Why do i immerse into these opinions?

*** How come my body reacted like that and wrote his name so ugly?

*** Is this a point of inferiority/superiority?




Self-Forgiveness Statements:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react physically in a way as in writing the name of my collegue not beautifully as i wrote mine, just because in that slight moment i had a judgement about what he said and how he said it and did not agree with him, thus in my mind he needs to be revenged for what he said and thus my revenge was to write his name down NOT nice at all and also as if his name is of no importance compare to mine.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by juding others i am judging myself and it creates a physical consequence in the physical reality, where the judgement i have within and as myself becomes in the physical a consequence that is equal as the energy that the judgement had within and as me, and in this case the judgement was a ''negative judgement,'' and thus a negative outcome has taken place immediately in the form of writing a name down in a ugly way.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link unimportance to revenge, and thus something or someone that resembles or act in a form of unimportance, i immediately respond physically with a revenge as in this; someone or something having to PAY for what they have said or done.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to write my name beautifully and his ugly signifying my judgement in what he said as being unimportant according to my mind interpretation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to follow my mind interpretation instead of being HERE and staying HERE within and as myself within and as my breath and above this give into the trust of my interpretation instead of taking the time and write both our names as i am suppose to write them down beautifully as is my real handwriting.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my hands be guided and influenced by my interpretation and thus in the physical reality manifested a physical consequence that is NOT what is BEST for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be immersed within and as an opinion of what is important and what not, and by this physically manifested an outcome that match the opinion i have had within and as my mind, which in this case what i have found to be unimportant and none deserving.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand HOW far i have made my body addicted to these energies within and as myself where the body just go into compliance without any hesitation according to my mind interpretation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react in a way as taking revenge on him, just because i can see within me that i think/belief that this guy is always trying to compete with me and because i don't like it i am trying to revenge him in some way or another.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to interpret that he might be in competition with me, when all of the interpretation can be wrong, and even if i was right, i will still be nowhere, because it will not be based on a mutual understanding based in common sense but on a self-interest judgement based on feeling superior to/towards another as myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to in the moment i was writing his name down, not beautifully as mine, i didn't pay attention that i was physically in that moment also feeling physically uncomfortable as the pen in between my fingers was not feeling comfortable and feeling physically that the point/tip of the pen is not writing smoothly, but yet i kept on forcing myself to write his name NOT beautifully as i did mine.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the hints my hand was giving me when i was forcing myself in a moment without even noticing it to write his name down not beautifully as i wrote mine.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to to slow myself down in that slightest moment where i did have the awareness that i was doing something that was NOT what is BEST for all and that my body was even giving me hint, that i am not doing something that is BEST for all, but yet i did not breathe in that moment to slow myself down and be HERE to see/realize/understand what the moment i was in, what kind of opportunity it gave me to realize a point within and as myself, but yet did NOT took that opportunity in that moment.


Self-Commitment Statements:

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into judging others and it refelcts in HOW i write names down, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by having a judgement about others in a moment makes me have an physical outcome/consequence that is equal to the judgement itself within me as me as the mind as energy.

Therefore, i commit myself to make sure i stay within my breath and focus on my breathing and being HERE within and as my human physical body, always alert in every moment so i do not move into judgement and also make sure that i am clear within myself, that there are no burdens within me as thoughts of judgements, and if they do arrive within me, to immediately to investigate them through my writing of Self-Forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE, to see what it is i am busy suppressing that will become later on somewhere in my daily living a judgement of others, that in reality is the judgement of my SELF.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into linking unimportance to revenge within and as myself, I STOP------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am linking unimportance to revenge, because i see within myself as my mind consciousness system that that which is unimportant must be something that needs to be revenged, which is a form of punishment.

Within this, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to interpret within and as myself as my mind consciousness system that, that which i see through and as my mind consciousness system as something that is of ''unimportance,'' must be revenged and thus meaning, must be punished. And within this punishement i see/realize/understand that i am doing this because of NOT caring, so by not caring, thus literally NOT living CARE, all becomes not important and because of this i have accepted and allowed myself to punish or belief that that which is unimportant, thus that which i do NOT care for must be punished.

Therefore, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief through my mind consciousness system that, that which is NOT within and as my care, must be something that is unimportant and thus deserves to be punished, because punishment is then seen as equal to/as the unimportance, having no value.

Within this, I commit myself to investigate through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE to see within myself in order to understand ME, as to why it is i belief that unimportance have to be punished.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into interpreting or judging something as being beautiful or not, to Immediately STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that my interpretation of what beautiful is or not is linked with how i will treat or act in relation to that which i have interpret within myself to/towards the thing or a person and according to the charge i give the interpretation being ''positive or negative'' will be acted out in the real world in alignment with the energetic charge as an act or treatment that in the physical have intentions of harm or actually really harms.

So, therefore, i commit myself to make sure i stick within and as my breathing the only place where i can be one and equal with and as without having to be in judgement and yet still be HERE doing what is necessary to be done within that moment of breathing being HERE as to what is BEST for all.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into not taking my time to write names down all the same and let myself be influenced by my opinions, i immediately STOP--------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by not being HERE in breath one and equal within and as my body, i am busy letting myself be influenced by my judgement that are all Self-judgement.

Therefore, i commit myself to through my writing of Self-forgiveness to investigate within me if such point comes up again till it does not come up anymore because i have outrooted it, through the writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE as in not participating within it when it comes up, and this is only possible if i am aware of every moment of everything that happens within me as me as the mind as energy and also what happens in the without, as the world outside.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into, through my judgements as opinions that influence my hands or whatever part of my body, I STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am through opinions as judgements i influence by body to perform or do certain/specific tasks that do NOT have an outcome that is BEST for all.

Therefore i commit myself to make sure i am physically busy and aware of that which i am physically busy with, one and equal within and as my breath, to make sure i do not participate into thoughts as opinions as judgements and if anything should come to immediately or in moments when i am all by myself alone, to take it on in writing myself to freedom using Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE to see the point that opened up, to see what it is conncted to within and as me.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into body movements that i am not aware of me moving me, I STOP----------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, and keep on focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that the moments when i am not within and as my breath and with/as my human physical body equal and one, i am in my mind influencing my body movement to go the way the mind as me wants to go without my directiveness.

Therefore, i commit myself to make sure that i am doing something that is physically HERE and within that application also to make sure that i continue breathing and focusing on it in order to not participate in moments of mind interpretation and thoughts, and if this is to happen anyway, to make a note and when i am alone by myself to have a look at it and investigate within myself through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into interpreting others as being in competition with me as what i think and belief, or perceive, I STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that when i interpret others as being in competition with me, i get some friction/conflict within me that results in the outside world also in a form of friction/conflict with myself in relation to the others as myself or that i react physically in a form that resembles a punishement or a revenge.

Therefore, i commit myself to be very attentive in what i am doing physically to not distract myself from being HERE, within and as my breath and to get lost in my mind, so i can stay out of friction/conflict in relation to others as myself.

When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into feelings of superiority within and as myself, I STOP---------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that letting myself be taken into the feeling of superiority within myself reflects in the outside as seeing the other as inferior to me, which is the opposite of what i am busy feeling within myself as being superior to another, thus in reality i am reacted as feeling superior because i see myself as inferior to/towards the other.

thus within this, I commit myself to investigate through my writing of Self-forgiveness and my commitment to LIFE the moments that will visit me again where i will fall in the superiority/inferiority judgement of myself as oppose to another as myself and to in this way dig deeper to find out what is behind it all, within and as myself as the mind consciousness system.


When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into not feeling physically comfortable, i immediately STOP------------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that i am when i am physically comfortable it is because i am somewhere else in my mind and NOT HERE, in breath and within and as my body equal and one.

I commit myself to pay attention to my physical body and to follow my physical body when it is indicating to me in the form of feeling physically uncomfortable to stop whatever i am doing and catch some breath to slow myself down in order to see what i am busy participating in, in my mind that is giving my body an expression of uncomfortability. And if i cannot find it within that moment, i will take a note and when i am at home and being quiet by myself i investigate through Self-forgiveness what it is i have missed within that moment that made my body react in uncomfortability.



Self-Reward:

Within this writing in regard to this specific point, i have seen/realized/understood that even in little moments or exactly in little moments that the opportunities exist for me to realize myself in a moment to what i am accepting and allowing and what i am NOT accepting and allowing, i let myself get lost within my mind consciousness system, and how it is that my body even gives me hints, but yet because i am not in breath one and equal and within and as my body one and equal, i then create outcomes for myself and others as myself that are not what is BEST for all.



Thanks.


Larry Manuela

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day 151, What Is There In My Name: Larry ..?? SFS Part 3

I am continuing with my self-forgiveness statements of the previous early writings related to this specific point.

                                                     

For more clarification and to understand what the heck i am forgiving myself about here, please do read the early blogs, i will place the links of them here below:

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-146-what-is-there-in-my-name-larry.html

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-147-what-is-there-in-my-name.html

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/10/day-148-what-is-there-in-my-name-larry.html

So this self-forgiveness statement writing is related specifically to the the last link here above, thus day 148.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be influenced by the positive energetic experiences as in when my name is being called in specific way or/and with specific voice tonality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that by creating positive energetic experiences within me in regards to my name being called in some manner and in some certain/specific voice tonality, i am in fact allowing within myself a personality to take over and decide for me what should be the good feelings within me in relation to my name in the form of a memory i have created myself in the past to deal with this particular experience in relation to my name.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind interpret according to what it has as memory within it to decide for me if i would feel good or not good about what i hear through/with my mind itself when my name is being called in specific manner and in specific voice tonality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind interpret that if a voice is nice and sweet and whispered it means that i can then feel good and rust the individual and all is fine, when this is not entirely so, and i should not react at all in whatever way my name should be called in whatever way or in whatever voice tonality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even interpret a worrying voice to be something that is sweet and caring and that it means that i have to react back in a sweet way back as to reward this sweet voice for using such a nice tonality of voice with me by saying my name calm and in a whisper.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to see in the voice of my mother used in a sweet way and worried way in saying my name, that i can then take this experience and make a memory out of it and then use it from my mind perspective always within situations where my name will be addressed in the similar manner and similar voice tonality so i can then experience the same energetic experience of positivity i had when my mother spoke my name like that to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself create within myself through my mind interpretation when my father spoke my name in a funny way to be the way that i will react in happiness and feeling all happy and wanted to laugh all the time. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to depend on my mind with it's program with it's memories to dictate to me when i should feel happy and when not, when real happiness is in enjoyment in ones expression without harming oneself nor others as oneself.

 

 

More to come tomorrow....................

 

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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Day 147, What Is There In My Name: Larry..Part 2

So here i am continuing with deconstruction of my name to free myself from the chains i have placed in relation to my own name where i have made sure to make it possible that i do not even live my own name without attachments.

 

                                         

This is the link from the link of what i wrote yesterday:  Day 146.

So, since i have more negative energy experiences in regards to my name, i belief i will be placing more then 3 points as to work on as i wrote in my yesterday blog.

*** Now this is a time when i was in 3 rd grade or something and i have been accused by my teacher at school that i have done something when it was not me, and was not lying at all. In my time when i was growing up teachers had a lot of power so to speak on parents. Parents will belief teachers very easily, because they are for one; 'teachers' and secondly they are; 'adults' to just like my parents and probably a parent to on their own. Anyway, it is not about the teacher this little story, it is about myself and how i reacted to/towards my mother for how she reacted to/towards me. I don't remember exactly what happened anymore, but someone did something at school and my teacher believed and was convinced based on her own beliefs that it was me, but it wasn't me. I was raised to be a '' good kid.''   So if this ''good kid'' would do something that ''bad kids'' will do, i will be fucked especially by my mother, my mother is the one that gave us the beatings. My father never ever laid a hand on me/us. Now when i say beatings, i am not saying beatings like fucking you up completely, lets say for the sake of understanding: '' normal parent beatings.''    I am putting normal parent beating in quotes, because there is NOT one beating that is normal at all, it is totally unacceptable, and is for 100% NOT what is BEST for all..!!   Understand that when you get a beat, your getting it out of the irritation/frustration/anger from the one that is busy beating you, and in most cases when you are small, you don't even understand what is right actions and wrong actions, and why they are right actions and wrong actions, they just beat you up, for only the wrong actions. Because this is what the world teaches, that everything that is bad/wrong/negative MUST be avoided/punished at all costs...!!   So parents all over the world use 2 methods to fuck their children up. 

1 st) They punish  you in order to teach you something as they say, about right and wrong. So punishment is for the wrong action whatever that may be.

2 nd)  They reward you in order to teach you something as they say about whatever the good thing you did. So reward is for the good actions.

These two points are what most if NOT all parents do as parents in this world, no matter what they belief, or what language they speak, or what culture they are in and part of. And exactly these two points you will have in the whole of society everywhere. In your job, in your religion, in your school, everywhere....... And when you grow up and become a parent yourself, you will do the same shit, because understand this is ALL that you know, you may vary the way a little here and there and be a little more creative as they say with the two points, but you will NOT, not use these two points at all, you see...???  This is very difficult stuff, to NOT teach children using punishment and reward..!!

Anyway, so my teacher said to my mother that i did something that she was not approved of at school. So when we reached home my mother started to question me and telling me, or worst accusing me of why i did it and stuff like that, and i kept saying that i did NOT do anything. But she won't accept it, because as the teacher my mother was also convinced without any proof, just like the teacher, only a belief that it could have been me, but it wasn't. Now this one incident in my life made a very significant change in my life to, when it comes to standing up for your point no matter what. My mother have decided that i must get the famous beat, and i did, but i was so angry at her, because she did NOT belief me when i was telling her my truth. In order to let them, thus my parents feel how i felt, and i mean emotionally, i ran away from home. I ran all the way to the East side of the island somewhere where we go with my father to fish, it is the side of the island where the ocean is more aggressive and rough so to speak. As the picture of the site below is showing here.

 So the way my mother was talking to me and trying to get the apparent truth out of me, i didn't like it at all, and was the reason on top of me knowing already that i didn't do what they were accusing me of doing made me even more angry. So whenever someone will accuse me and have the same voice tonality as my mother did, that was like a little irritated and frustrated mixed with anger in it, i will react in the same way to/towards whomever that will use my name in that tonality.

                                          

So this rough and aggressive ocean calms me down a lot, i like the sound it makes when the waves are formed and when they hit the shore against the shore stones that are dangerously very sharp peaks due to corrosion of this salty see and wind blow.

So anyway this is where i ran to, to go and sit and just calm myself down, and this is also a place where i should have NOT been, or that was prohibited by my parents, because it is dangerous out there, it is a dangerous ocean. But since i was all by myself alone and i just ran away from home to punish my parents and let them worry about me, i didn't give a damn, enjoying spiting them in my own mind all the way....loll    After i have calmed myself down, i went back to our farm which is not very far from this ocean, and just sit there and wait to see what will happen, it was almost semi dark when they found me, around 6:30 at night, and i ran away from home in the afternoon. When they found me, and this was the idea of my father to for them to go have a look on the farm, because my father knew i like the farm. So when they found me they were all, very worried and was asking me why i did it, and i told them exactly why i did, and then my mother felt so bad and she cried and said that she was sorry that she did not belief me and that she had to beat me. But they also say to never ever again do such stupid thing, thus running away from home. Oh and i didn't tell them about the ocean part of course.....lol

Tomorrow i will write a few positive energy experiences i have related to my name...............

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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