Day 341, A dream about an occurence with a woman I am attracted to. Part 2

Now continuing with the deconstruction of my first blog about this point. For more insights, do have a look at the link I am placing here.

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-340-dream-about-occurence-with.html


Now I am continuing with the self-commitment statements:


                       

Self-Commitment statement:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into desiring her, I stop--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, ground myself within and as my physical breathing till I clear and stable within and as myself.

I realize I am desiring her, because of interpreting my attraction to her into giving the sexual attraction more impetus, thus leaving out the other attractions as being comfortable with her and around her and stable and also being able to move more freely as and within myself with her.

Therefore, I commit myself to explore myself better and learn from what I gathered when being around her, because within this I can see that I experience a grounding, a stability, a comfortability that I did not experience with others before that is practical, physical, thus making sure to go deeper into exploring within myself to use this opportunity to learn about myself more and thus getting to know myself as I am getting to know her.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into creating an energetic positive experience within myself, I stop---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am creating this positive energetic experience within myself but in separation with the actual experience itself thus not getting into the depth of the experience as the positive energy experience itself, and within this not being able to direct myself within and as this energy and allow myself to be carried away.

Thus within this I commit myself to really direct myself within my positive energy experience and make sure to give it back to my body and use that in a way that is practical to/towards myself and to/towards her.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting and feeling energetically that I want to kiss her, I stop-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that my want to kiss her is about me fantasizing about it within my mind and thus generating energy within my mind.

Thus within this, I commit myself to let go of this generation of energy within myself but first also letting go of the fantasizing about kissing her that is making me generate energy within myself. Thus when this happen I make sure to immediately to step out of it by reminding myself to breathe first grounding myself and than to change myself in the moment itself by staying here, in the touch of my breath and the touch of my hands.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting and sexually desiring her, I stop------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am confusing the comfortability and stability when being with her or in her presence and give it a sexual desire, so I can start accumulating and building energy within my mind using the attraction of being in her presence and really getting to know her.

Thus therefore, I commit myself to when I am with her to only make sure I focus on the stability and comfort I am experiencing and learn about that, because it is something that I need to learn to be, make part of my expression as myself in this world.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into being impatience about myself waiting and projected on her as if I have to wait for her, I stop------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am projecting waiting on her as if I am the one that have to wait for her, but in reality it is me fighting against my own impatience, thus that I am the one that have to learn to live patience.

Thus within this, I commit myself to direct  myself using the tools of self-forgiveness and self-commitment  done in self-honesty to become someone that lives patience and just be here doing what I must do to bring about that which is best for all, whatever will happen will happen, because she can also find someone else and decide to choose to be sharing her life with this someone else.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting to protect the woman I am with or want to be with, I stop-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am here and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am relying and applying within myself an old relationship pattern wherein men believe that they are made to protect the woman, because the woman is weak somehow and they are strong, thus within this wanted to express this old construct within and as a relationship to feel better about myself.

Therefore, I commit myself to use the tools I have at my disposal as self-forgiveness and self-correction done in self-honesty to release free myself from this old pattern and construct about relationships between a man and a woman.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into giving a woman more value because of me being able to protect her, I stop---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that within this I have allowed myself to programmed myself into believing that a woman have more value if I am able to protect her, as if she is a prize I have won, thus this prize is to be admired and honored, but purely from the perspective that I won the prize as her.


Thus within this, I commit myself to release myself from this program that I have programmed myself to be and become utilizing the tools of self-forgiveness and self-correction done in self-honesty to stop and change within myself to not see the woman as a prize that I won, thus the woman as the prize itself is not of value, but my winning of her as the prize anymore, but to see and live with her as an equal expression of life here having the same value as I have to express myself as life here.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling sorry for her because of interpreting that she cannot defend herself with words when others are attacking her with knowledge and information that she does not have clear understanding of yet, I stop---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I feel sorry for because I feel sorry for myself to when I am in similar situation or have been in similar situation and thus remembering myself going through that I project this onto her.

Therefore within this I commit myself focus resolving and releasing myself from this construct within and as myself of feeling sorry about myself and thus when there is a similar situation outside myself I generate the same emotion again within myself, thus making sure to forgive myself in that moment and stay focus on my breathing, grounding myself touching myself by holding my two hands together to remind myself to stay here when I am busy grounding myself and releasing myself from this emotional pattern.



Thanks,


Larry Manuela

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Day 65, Why Tomorrow and Not Each Moment.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not act today but keep on postponing my action to align to that which is best for all life,because i accept and allow feelings and emotions to rule my standing for life, where i have this one lifetime to do this, to stand for real for LIFE..!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have no joy in life anymore, the moment i found out that i am EVIL as all the others, that there is not one that is not evil,because as long as all of us as me is here and the atrocities are here equally, then i am the source of it equal and one with and as it, together with all the other humans.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for i ''feel'' i am not doing enough to STOP myself as the source of all that is here as the abuse done to LIFE.

 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear for standing up for life, just because i know that to stand up for life in this world would mean; 'being the enemy of the system as what it is here through and by the humans as myself.'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT honor my own breath and my human physical body as in the constancy and consistency that they are assisting and supporting me within and as this physical world, this physical existence, within my '' letting go off '' the Me as the EGO,as the personality i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel'' as if i am rotten away, little by little as the personality i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become, for i have never lived as me as the body that is here and as the breath of life that is here, equal and one as me. Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only live in a relationship to my body and my breath, a relationship of pure separation where me as the personality consume the body that is here as manifested substance as oneness and equality as LIFE, and within this actually rot away because of the consummation of the substance as the body that is here for my personality that is NOT here as the body,but only in my mind as energy to keep on existing.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be dragged by my own participation within my mind,where i fall pray to my despair, crawling to the stairs of my own demise that i have built to be as steep and as slippery as possible for if i ever wanted to climb my way up where i would look down and see what i have created to be me, i will not get to the top to see, i will slide down from my own slippery steep stairs.Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as an personality that will do whatever it takes for me NOT to stand for life, for this means to the personality that i am:'' DEATH.''   Within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own death as the personality that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world, in this reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that i cannot engage in participating in my mind delusions, where i will tell myself that all is fine and o.k. when my eyes gaze at the world at large, the place where i live, i see only abuse, only suffering, that are not as in the eyes of the beholder but are as what it is, as what i accept and allow to be here. within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to live everyday in a world where there is unnecessary suffering and abuse and where i support a system that will NEVER STOP this unless i STOP me and support another system that supports LIFE, that HONOR LIFE..!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel'' sad because of me not seeing the HOW we are ever going to really stand up for life, for most people i encounter are NOT willing and that the only people i know for sure that are willing to stand for life and are doing in every moment of breath what needs to be done to bring about a world that is best for all LIFE, are the desteni people.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel'' like the walls are closing in on me, as if everything is compounding and accumulating to a degree where there is just sadness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel'' sadness, as sadness is another emotion set in motion in my mind in order for me to not STOP myself from the participation within my mind as the personality i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to each time i see atrocities in this world in pictures, images,videos i become emotional as in angry at myself and humanity as a whole for we have NOT stood and STOP the atrocities not today but yesterday..!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that no matter what, i have to stand for life for myself first before i can do anything in the world at large, because by becoming one and equal as life the world will not be as large anymore as i perceive it now from the perspective and the interpretation of my mind consciousness system, as which is what i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world, in this reality, in this existence.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing stable and here in breath, for i already know within myself that my standing as LIFE will create storms in peoples minds, and within this i fear the people being against me as LIFE, and wanting to eradicate me, as i have already seen in this reality that those who will stand for life will be ground.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear of getting ''ground'' for standing up for life, whether it happens or not is irrelevant to the problems at hand that must be faced.

I commit myself to through my writings, self-forgiveness and my commitments to life to STOP myself in participating in trying to fool myself and looking for back-doors to save my personality, when the real saving so to speak will be me as the personality bringing all that i have accepted and allowed myself as in my relationships to be grounded in LIFE  back so i give myself to LIFE back as the totality that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become in this world, in this reality, in this existence.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Art work done by:      Scott Cook

His artwork: Scott Cook

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