Day 341, A dream about an occurence with a woman I am attracted to. Part 2

Now continuing with the deconstruction of my first blog about this point. For more insights, do have a look at the link I am placing here.

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-340-dream-about-occurence-with.html


Now I am continuing with the self-commitment statements:


                       

Self-Commitment statement:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into desiring her, I stop--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, ground myself within and as my physical breathing till I clear and stable within and as myself.

I realize I am desiring her, because of interpreting my attraction to her into giving the sexual attraction more impetus, thus leaving out the other attractions as being comfortable with her and around her and stable and also being able to move more freely as and within myself with her.

Therefore, I commit myself to explore myself better and learn from what I gathered when being around her, because within this I can see that I experience a grounding, a stability, a comfortability that I did not experience with others before that is practical, physical, thus making sure to go deeper into exploring within myself to use this opportunity to learn about myself more and thus getting to know myself as I am getting to know her.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into creating an energetic positive experience within myself, I stop---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am creating this positive energetic experience within myself but in separation with the actual experience itself thus not getting into the depth of the experience as the positive energy experience itself, and within this not being able to direct myself within and as this energy and allow myself to be carried away.

Thus within this I commit myself to really direct myself within my positive energy experience and make sure to give it back to my body and use that in a way that is practical to/towards myself and to/towards her.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting and feeling energetically that I want to kiss her, I stop-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that my want to kiss her is about me fantasizing about it within my mind and thus generating energy within my mind.

Thus within this, I commit myself to let go of this generation of energy within myself but first also letting go of the fantasizing about kissing her that is making me generate energy within myself. Thus when this happen I make sure to immediately to step out of it by reminding myself to breathe first grounding myself and than to change myself in the moment itself by staying here, in the touch of my breath and the touch of my hands.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting and sexually desiring her, I stop------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am confusing the comfortability and stability when being with her or in her presence and give it a sexual desire, so I can start accumulating and building energy within my mind using the attraction of being in her presence and really getting to know her.

Thus therefore, I commit myself to when I am with her to only make sure I focus on the stability and comfort I am experiencing and learn about that, because it is something that I need to learn to be, make part of my expression as myself in this world.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into being impatience about myself waiting and projected on her as if I have to wait for her, I stop------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am projecting waiting on her as if I am the one that have to wait for her, but in reality it is me fighting against my own impatience, thus that I am the one that have to learn to live patience.

Thus within this, I commit myself to direct  myself using the tools of self-forgiveness and self-commitment  done in self-honesty to become someone that lives patience and just be here doing what I must do to bring about that which is best for all, whatever will happen will happen, because she can also find someone else and decide to choose to be sharing her life with this someone else.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting to protect the woman I am with or want to be with, I stop-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am here and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am relying and applying within myself an old relationship pattern wherein men believe that they are made to protect the woman, because the woman is weak somehow and they are strong, thus within this wanted to express this old construct within and as a relationship to feel better about myself.

Therefore, I commit myself to use the tools I have at my disposal as self-forgiveness and self-correction done in self-honesty to release free myself from this old pattern and construct about relationships between a man and a woman.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into giving a woman more value because of me being able to protect her, I stop---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that within this I have allowed myself to programmed myself into believing that a woman have more value if I am able to protect her, as if she is a prize I have won, thus this prize is to be admired and honored, but purely from the perspective that I won the prize as her.


Thus within this, I commit myself to release myself from this program that I have programmed myself to be and become utilizing the tools of self-forgiveness and self-correction done in self-honesty to stop and change within myself to not see the woman as a prize that I won, thus the woman as the prize itself is not of value, but my winning of her as the prize anymore, but to see and live with her as an equal expression of life here having the same value as I have to express myself as life here.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling sorry for her because of interpreting that she cannot defend herself with words when others are attacking her with knowledge and information that she does not have clear understanding of yet, I stop---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I feel sorry for because I feel sorry for myself to when I am in similar situation or have been in similar situation and thus remembering myself going through that I project this onto her.

Therefore within this I commit myself focus resolving and releasing myself from this construct within and as myself of feeling sorry about myself and thus when there is a similar situation outside myself I generate the same emotion again within myself, thus making sure to forgive myself in that moment and stay focus on my breathing, grounding myself touching myself by holding my two hands together to remind myself to stay here when I am busy grounding myself and releasing myself from this emotional pattern.



Thanks,


Larry Manuela

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Day 228, Not Wanting/Willing/DARING To Communicate. Part 3

I am now continuing with my next dimension, in relation to this point that has open up as the title of my blog.

For context here is a bit of what i wrote yesterday:




Self-Reward:


I have seen what for FEARS i have accepted and allowed myself and have seen/realized/understood for what reasons i hold on to them, thus now that i am aware of myself as how i created myself to be the whom i am as a mind consciousness system in relation to this specific fear, i can now gift myself the gift to make sure i am more attentive and focused on myself and my words and thus is now able to move withinself-honesty with much clarity and stability.

Problem:




Thought- Dimension:


** Picture of myself trying to explain myself to her
** Picture myself being annoyed/bothersome with hearing what i myself want to share
** Picturing her being annoyed/bothersome with what i want to share with her, thus i keep my mouth shot.




Solution:




Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of myself trying to explain myself to her, to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that having a picture in my mind have nothing to do with the actuality of the moment within reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to think/belief that by having a picture of what myself and another might think/belief is actually going to be real in the reality i find myself in.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my thoughts on to her thinking/believing that what is presented within me as my own thoughts is how she will be responding basing this entirely on my mind intepretation as what it has stored up within itself as memory being in separation with reality.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have given my mind permission to decide for me how to act/move within/as my human physical body/form.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT take my directive WILL and decide for myself in a moment in Breath, what will be BEST for me and others as myself.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture appear within my mind of myself being annoyed/bothersome with myself as to what i want to share with her.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a picture within myself of me being annoyed/bothersome and then project this onto her as if this is exactly how she will react if i were to share what i want to share with her.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that projecting a picture on to her is actually doing something that will change the reality, when the only reality that it is changing is my own mind-reality and not the actual reality as this physical world/reality/existence.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to change myself as i interact with another, in this case with her by having thoughts and thus by changing my interaction i perceive this as changing reality, but in reality i am NOT changing reality but i am creating consequences within reality for myself and others as myself that are NOT Best for ALL.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to through my thoughts, to influence myself to act/move in certain/specific way that have an outflow of a world/reality of inequality/separation.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand to what extent i am busy influencing reality through my participation within/as thoughts that have nothing to do with this physical world/reality.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to by picturing her being annoyed/bothersome with what i might share with her, i then choose to remain silent.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself be silent just because of my own mind interpretation of what reality could be like, without ever standing still and realize that what i am busy doing as thinking how reality could be like and how she could react or not within it, that that reality itself IS NOT like that at all in the moment i am busy thinking that the reality would be like, and also that it could actually happen like that or not, all of it is NOT HERE.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that by NOT being HERE within and as my breath and my human physical body one and equal i am in fact NOT HERE and i am missing what is HERE in every moment of breath.




Self-commitment statements:


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into picturing myself trying to explain to her what i want to share, I STOP take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, and continue focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and then from this clarity and stability i then communicate with her in a moment what i need to share with her in a moment.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into having pictures within my mind, which have nothing to do with reality/are NOT reality, I STOP----------take a deep breath and focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into using thoughts to intepret reality as IF what appears within my mind as thoughts are what really are going to take place, I immediately STOP--------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE and focus on my breathing, and meanwhile i am focusing on my deep breathing i hold my hands together to remind myself that i am HERE, and to not give attention to the thoughts that are appearing within my mind, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.



I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into projecting my thoughts onto her, I STOP------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE and focus on my breathing and do not give the thoughts attention just observe them and if there comes reactions within me i self-forgive myself for having that particular reaction within me and let it all go in my Out-breath.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into giving my mind permission to decide for me in a moment, I STOP-----take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, and remind myself by holding my hands together that i am HERE and the one that is actually HERE as the human physical body/form IS the one that have to take its self-responsibility and its own dirtective-WILL.



I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into picturing myself being annoyed/bothersome with myself as in what i want to share with her, I STOP-------------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy and within this see/realize/understand for myself that my thoughts are NOT what reality is and can never be.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into projecting my thoughts onto her, to immediately STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE and remind myself by holding my hands together that what i am busy doing, thus the thoughts i am busy creating within my mind have nothing to do with what is actually HERE, and thus i keep on breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy and then from this clarity and stability I then act/move/communicate.



I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into changing my self-behaviour or my self-movement, based on thoughts that have nothing to do with reality with her, I STOP------------take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the miond as energy, so i can then interact with her form a basis of clarity and stability within and as myself one and equal.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself NOT going into directing myself to act/move in a way that is BEST for all, to immediately STOP, take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, within and as my breath and my human physical body/form and remind myself that as being one and equal with and as my human physical body/form alone i can be REAL.



I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into having pictures within my own mind about her maybe/possibly becoming/being annoyed/bothersome with what i want to share and thus i want to remain in silence, I STOP, take a deep breath and focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and from this stand and stance of clarity and stability i can then see if i being silent is necessary or not, and thus NOT from my mind perspective but from the perspective of BEING HERE, as the whom i am as the human physical body/form Breathing.


I commit myself to when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into missing out on reality through my own participation in thoughts, I immediately STOP------take a deep breath and Earth myself back HERE and focus on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and from this point of clarity and stability i then act/move/interact/communicate.






Self-Reward:



As i now have worked out my thoughts in regards to how i want/will/dare to communicate with another and i see how i fool myself and also sabotage myself into NOT being HERE when taking participation within them, it makes it easier to for the next time(s) similar points arrive to immediately see them for what they are and i can then STOP myself much faster and be more attentive to how i interact with another and in this case with her, thus i have open a door/an opportunity for myself to find a way to NOT get lost in thought off shootings as pictures in my mind that are not real, and that are only past memories of what the mind interpreted.




Thanks.




Larry Manuela

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Day 134, A Dream. SFS & SCS.

So here i am continuing with my self-forgiveness statements and self-commitment statements.  For further perspectives here is the link from yesterdays dream writing:   http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-133-dream.html

SELF-forgiveness statements continues:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to form a picture/image of my son to exist within me as me, in a dream where i will allow this picture of my son to play out a scene within my mind as i am dreaming, without me seeing/realizing/understanding that the image/picture of my son is myself as energy within my mind, that was transformed from my human physical body as the substance of LIFE. So i realize that everything within and as my mind or derived from my mind is all me, the thoughts as images/pictures and emotions and feelings connected to them, are all ME as the mind as energy, and are all really just END products.

I commit myself to step by step, little by little to STOP myself in participating in my dreams and even to have dreams through my very writing of self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE, and also to do self-forgiveness aloud in the moment, and remind myself to BREATHE, and be here as my breath and my human physical body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself have a image/picture as a thought as my nephew to exist within me as me.

I commit myself to interact with my nephew as his human physical body and make sure i do NOT allow my mind as myself to make pictures of him to use later on in dreams and thoughts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have an image/picture of chef-knife to exist within me as me and use this image/picture with the image/picture of my son that looked liked he was about to jam it into my nephew's right eye, to exist within me as me.

I commit myself to STOP participation in my mind that creates images/pictures of real physical manifestations wherein i see my son that is about to jam a chef-knife into my nephew's right eye, that also created a emotion as fear within me as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my son and my nephew to romp each other in the dream dreamed by myself wherein a foresee/anticipate  a fight coming out of it, to exist within me as me.

I commit myself to STOP myself in dreams wherein i myself is the dreamer and what is being dreamed of, to exist within me as me and just take a deep BREATH and remind myself even in my dreams that i am still HERE and i am breathing as my human  physical body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have chosen a yard to dream myself in together with my son, my nephew and my little sister, as for my mind to use a perfect family get together scenario for the whole scene to take place.  

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to hear the voices of my son, my nephew and my sister and of course of my own to exist as a memory within me as me, that i use to ignite certain specific negative feelings as emotions that are none other than little parts of my human physical body that were killed and transformed into energy so my mind can continue with it's existence within me as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use a image/picture of a chair to exist within my mind in the dream within me as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the image/picture of an eye to exist within me as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed  myself to be fearful within my dream as when i saw that my son was about to jam the chef-knife into my nephew's right eye.

Now let me place the points that are important wherein i can see what i can teach myself from my own dream and what are the points i need to work on still:

 

 

*** That i am too close to people meaning i still trust people/persons when this is not something that one should be aiming for as long as someone is not willing to walk the talk as to bring about a world that is BEST for all LIFE.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to trust people to easy, because of my self-created character as a ''good person,''  wherein i have the belief that o ''good person'' is someone whom is nice and good to others, when most of the time i am aware of those whom are not really people to be trusted for sure. I realize that i am still judging people, so within i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others by the way the present themselves, when i know that their presentation is a LIE, because they, just like me are playing a personality/character in their minds using the body as a host, or better yet, as a hostage.

I commit myself to STOP every time i see myself going into or about to go into the ''good person'' character and just take a deep BREATH and make sure i remind myself that i am here by touching something that is physical, so i don't get lost within my mind.

 

*** I enjoy company of people i trust or are close to me.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy mostly company of people i trust or are close to me, within excluding the rest of all that is HERE as LIFE manifest,creating within me and the world at large more separation, and place a false value on people.

 

I commit myself to remind myself that ALL people are and have the same value as LIFE, and therefore treat them all as one as equal as i would like myself to be treated like.

 

*** I am stubborn.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be stubborn and want things to go my way, without seeing/realizing/understanding that within stubborn behavior there is no oneness and equality and is selfish and implies the need/want to be superior than others, so within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish and in need/want to be superior to others.

 

I commit myself to little by little, step by step to STOP this superiority and selfish behavior that exists within me as me that i myself have accepted and allowed myself to create myself to be part of the whom i am, through my writings of self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE, and just make sure i BREATHE till all is quiet within me and nothing moves as energy within me as me as my mind.

 

 

 

***  I am cutting things in half or little pieces, meaning i don't go full out, and i am looking at things in division/separation/polarity.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate myself in NOT doing the things that i need to do especially when it comes to me being more diligent to my own process. 

 

I commit myself to STOP myself procrastinating and to push myself more and more and to never give up, till i find my stability within my process, because i know it is my mind trying to make it look like it is difficult when in reality all it takes is me doing what i need to do in every breath till it is done.

*** family and friends are important to me, but i am not giving it attention.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT give my friends and family much attention due to the fact that i know they do NOT agree with me on this whole process that i am walking here, that from their point of view/perspective looks like a belief system that they don't agree with so they distant themselves more and more.

 

I commit myself to treat and interact with my family and friends, without mind participation so that i remain just HERE, and when an opportunity present itself then i can slowly talk about my process and what i am doing in easy to understand terms so they can hear me, and maybe realize something for themselves about themselves. 

*** I see things the right way, which is in reality not THE right way, since the knife was about to be jammed in the right eye, meaning: the right way is what is BEST for all LIFE and NOT the right way as in right and wrong as polarity and opposites.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that the true ''right way'' is to make sure all LIFE is equal and to make sure each part of LIFE is functioning at it's optimum/BEST.

I commit myself to STOP myself every time i see myself going into or about to go into participation the polarity game of the mind and just BREATHE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me, and make sure i am touching something that is physically here so i don't loose myself in my mind and just be one and equal with my breath and my human physical body.

*** I am fighting through my own process here, which it should NOT be so, i should be gliding through it, but i am making it a fight, so fighting with myself, with other words holding back, instead of going full out as it should.

 

 I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT go full out within and as my own process where i sabotage myself to NOT do what is necessary to be done and get it done.

I commit myself to keep on pushing myself till i am stable and clear so i can move through my process with much ease, and not make it a dragging and a burden but something fun to do.

*** and of course the fear that exists to do the right thing, which is what is BEST for all LIFE, so i fear doing what is BEST for all life which i use to sabotage myself and divide myself into difficulty within myself.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what is BEST for all life as an application for me to walk for i know of the consequences that will come to such a responsibility.

 

I commit myself to make sure i take my self-responsibility for i have chosen to stand for LIFE, so for and as LIFE i MUST walk till this is done..!!

 

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

 

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