Day 340, A dream about an occurence with a woman I am attracted to.

I know someone that I find attractive in many ways, but she told me she is not ready yet to start anything with no-one, so I will just wait.
But anyways, she asked me yesterday what it was I once told her about what it would mean to be a real Christian?
So I repeated what I have told her before, but in her voice, because it was a voice message she sent me I could hear that she was maybe talking to someone about bible stuff and could not remember what I told her and I could hear the anxiety in her voice, its like she was explaining something or trying to explain something and said something to someone but now can't get herself out of the thing and became nervous, at least that is what it seem as I find, but of course it can also be something else.

                                                               

Anyways, I listen to that voice message many time that night, and I kind of like felt sorry for her. This is point number one by the way...lol

So that night when I went to bed, I had a dream about the whole thing and in the dream I went to her house and was talking to her and trying to make as much sense as possible as I can, and I was holding her and was wanting to kiss her. I remember like having a enormous positive energy experience in my chest area and wanted to kiss, but she will keep on telling me to not yet, she is afraid of doing that, but the no seem as if she is saying know but yet also does not free herself out of my arms, she kept on being in my arms, and because of this from my point of view, she wants me to kiss her but she is just not sure and maybe even though she is saying no, probably want me to take some action and just kiss her anyways. But eventually in the dream I decided to not kiss her, because I know that she told me she doesn't want to start anything with no-one and I did not want to force her or better yet, manipulate her to divert from her decision, just because I am attracted to her, so I just hold her and even slept in the bed next to her just holding her close to me, because I "felt" that is what she needed in that moment. I also remember in my dream telling her to not to worry about my erection, because it is normal for me to have a erection when I am attracted to a woman and I got close and things seem to go into that direction, but it doesn't necessary mean that because I have an erection we have to do something, because after awhile if I do not respond on the erection it will eventually go flat, and she said, o.k.



                                                                   

So now before I continue with the deconstruction of this dream I want to point out for those whom may not be familiar with dreams and that dreams are actually ourselves. With this I mean that everything in the dream is oneself and/or what one perceives about oneself or others as oneself. The judgments one have about oneself or about others. Thus dreaming about someone else has nothing to do with the person that one is dreaming about in fact, it is all to do with one's;" dreams/desires/wants/wishes/fears/memories....etc etc..." The memory of the person in the dream is just the trigger-point ones mind itself uses in order to start the whole production of energy on the going.

I will place here the points I see about myself that I am aware I need to deconstruct these points within myself:

**    The desire I have to be with this woman
**    Wanting/desiring to kiss her lips
**     Believing that I can save her from whatever she might be going through emotionally
**    Wanting/desiring to have sexual intercourse with her
**     Feeling enormous positively charged energy within my chest area/ solar plexus
**     Feeling great respect to/towards her about keeping my word to her
**     Having this enormous patience to just wait till she comes to her senses
**     Desiring to protect her in whatever way I can
**     Feeling sorry about her, that she gets put to a challenge by others



So these were the points that may appear to be about her, but are actually my points I have to workout about myself within myself.

Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I am aware of what she told me, to still desire her in a way, just because I am attracted to her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that just because I am attracted to her give me some reason or validation to have a desire or want within my mind about being with her.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that my desires I have to/towards her are all my own desires and are energetic in nature and are telling me that I am in separation with actually really getting to know her, because I have desire in front or between us, thus not seeing/realizing her as she is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within myself this little feeling of positive energetic experience I have whenever I talk to her or is in her vicinity, but yet try to not let myself completely go into the whole feeling and understand it and turn it around within myself and use it constructively to/towards myself and to/towards her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: " This, woman if I will be with her, I am going to make sure that she will be the last woman I am going to be with on this planet within my life-time that I have left on this planet."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see her as the one that I was waiting for all of my life, without having any idea of what she would want with me or not or even if she would even want me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself get sabotaged by my own mind without seeing/realizing and understanding that even though I am very much grounded when in her presence or in her vicinity or by just talking to her and I am comfortable with myself with her, still I let little energies rise here and there and do not work on them all the time, till I am just here grounded/ stable as I am when in her presence.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire very much to be with this woman, instead of actually really just be here grounding myself in really really getting to know her exactly what I am aware I must do, because no matter what I do I am aware that I am stable and comfortable around her or in her presence and this is a great support for me within my process from consciousness to awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want and desire to kiss her lips many times, but I do not say it, but it appears within my mind as thoughts and also as fantasies accompanied with pictures of me kissing her lips and experiencing her lips to be soft as I believe they must be feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/desire and want to have sexual intercourse with her, just because I am attracted to her without seeing/realizing and understanding that my sexual desire/wish and want is energy fluctuation within my mind and has nothing to do with practical spending time with her and really getting to know her and also in no ways validate my attraction to/towards her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still want to interpret my attraction to/towards her as because I am attracted to her means that I also must have sex with her without seeing/realizing/ and understanding that there are more to her than just someone I am attracted to and also would want to have sex with, even though I am aware that within myself she means much much more than a woman that I would want to have sex with above all, because when I first met her sex did not appear within my mind neither when I was in her presence, I actually really enjoyed just being with her in fact. Thus  within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my sexual desire to try and manipulate myself into trying to sabotage myself into turning the attraction into something else and as if this something else is of more value than actually what I am aware of when I am with her which is being comfortable and grounded within and as myself when with her and actually really really wanting to get to know her for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be patient waiting for her, because I believe that this has something to do with respect when in reality I am aware that real respect is about treating and living with another as equals as life practically right here and that the only thing i have to be patient about with myself about her is just embrace patience itself, living it as I am waiting for her, because in actuality I am waiting for myself and project it to/towards her as if I have to wait for her, but in reality it is me that have to move and learn what it means to be patience here in this physical/practical world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret and still have the ancient believe that a man needs to protect his woman or prospect woman he is with or can be with, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am in that moment actually validating just a old construct of believe system about relationships within my mind and using her just because I am aware I am attracted to her, thus silently trying to push this believe system through my own mind for me to fall into old relationship patterns I as of now did not workout yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that she needs to be protected and that I am the one that needs to protect her.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I am feeling the desire to protect her gives my attraction to and towards her more value as if I am telling myself that if I do not have the desire to protect her my attraction to her means nothing.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that attraction and protection of the one I am attracted to have something to do with me measuring the value of being with her or as if this make a stronger bond.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I feel sorry for her that that will make me somehow care more about her, when in reality it is just an energy experience as emotion that I allow to arise within me in order to built on it to sabotage myself into falling into old relationship habits of having feelings about another, and driving me away from what is actually real, which is me being comfortable and stable when with her.

I forgive myself that I haven't seen/realize and understand that feeling sorry for her has no actual practical support to her in this physical reality and that if I really want to support her as best as I can I must be practical and physical and in fact here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that by feeling sorry for her gives me more impetus to find her even more attractive without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am within my mind trying to sabotage myself into moving from what is real and here to limiting myself with energy, which needs to be generated and produced by my own body in order for it to even be within the sphere of my experience.



Will be continuing with more in the next blog.........


Thanks



Larry Manuela

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Day 339, Free choice and Free Will.

So here we go with some common sense with these two words. I am going to use the first word which is the word: "free" in front of the other two words which are: " choice and will."

 lets see what the dictionaries are saying about these words.

 Here is the definition according to one of the dictionaries about the word: " Choice."



                             

choice

noun \ˈchȯis\

: the act of choosing : the act of picking or deciding between two or more possibilities
: the opportunity or power to choose between two or more possibilities : the opportunity or power to make a decision

: a range of things that can be chosen

Now the other word, which is: " Will."

will

verb \wəl, (ə)l, ^əl, ˈwil\

past would present singular & plural will

Definition of WILL

transitive verb

:  desire, wish <call it what you will>

 

and now as the last word that we love mentioning a lot as humans, but that we don't actually live as a physical manifested part of ourselves in this physical world. This word is: "free."

free

adjective \ˈfrē\

: not costing any money
: not held as a slave or prisoner

: not physically held by something

fre·erfre·est

 Now lets look at these words from the context of the physical reality, the way we live with each other and everything else on this planet, including how we live as ourselves too.

If we were truly "free" as we believe we are because of certain lifestyles we have depending where we are coming from, meaning in which country we were born and in what kind of family and what we have gain as our knowledge in our educational system, we will notice that there is this peculiar thing that is behind it all, which is money, either your family have money, or as people will say: " your family have the means," or you are born into a country where the opportunities to get an education to later on in your life get a job that will give you access to money in order for you to feel free.............,of course you will firmly believe that you are free and that you have "free choice"and "free will."

Now first of all about the "free choice" part. If we were really born for example with free choice or even came here already having choice to choose freely, things would have been different, but from the very start, being born into this world, into a specific family and country and having certain opportunities to be able to survive in the system that is also already here when one is born, had nothing to do with one's "free choice." One did not have any choice in all of that.

Secondly, whatever one will learn as language( and within this I am speaking of all forms of language as in communication one can think of) depending of course in which country one is born, within all this, still one also have no saying, all of it will be put into one as the knowledge from those that went before one, and in this again one will have no choice, thus one will be the memory carrier from those that went before us, thus living the past in the present and building on the future with the past as memories they already have set forth through the acceptances and allowances they have accepted and allowed to be here.

So we are born into a world where from the very starting point of us coming here, IS already in full circle, we are than born into a system where we did not had any choice of the matter in the system itself being here when we are born into it, it was already here before we arrive on the scene. Everything was and is set.

Thus all the so-called "choices" we will have as believes of choices will not be actual choices, because we did not choose to be born into a system we would have want to be born into, we had absolutely NO saying in that. Exactly as we had no saying about the language that will be put into us for us to survive in the very system that was already here before we came here.

What is happening is we are all having false choices, because all the choices we are making are choices based on our own survival within the system we were born into without having any choice in the matter. Thus the system as it exist with all it's so called "choices," were choices placed by others in front of us to give us the illusion that we are having choices and that we are choosing between all the choices, but of course again, it is all false choices. We are not seeing/realizing and understanding that the so called: "choices" we are having are choices made by others and placed in front of us by these others. We are choosing what they have placed within certain parameters within the system so we can have our so called: "choice," but is it really so?

If I were to put 5 glasses of lemonade in front of one person with 5 different flavors and ask this person to choose, the person when he or she chooses one of the flavors will think and believe that he or she made her or his own choice, but it is just an illusion of choice, because I was the one placing the 5 different flavors for her or him to choose from. So her or his choice were in my control, I am in control of the choices they will have but yet they will experience it as IF they made the choices themselves, because they will have no choice to put one more flavor to the 5 choices I gave them. Even if they would decide to not choose any of the flavors, still that also will be in my control, because I also gave them the illusion that out of what is here as the 5 flavors they can say "NO" to them and refuse to choose none. The effectiveness of the illusion by this latter part is much convincing, because it gives one the impression that one somehow freed oneself from what others are telling one to do or in this case to choose from. To make things even more interesting behind the scenes, I will create systems of control about what we will like and what we will not like, thus controlling the taste we will have about the flavors I have given as choices to choose from. So wherever one will turn I will have control about the so called choices one will have.

Now when it comes to our entering and our exiting into and out of this earth reality, we also have no saying, no choice. We will die and we must die, it is certain, no-one will leave this place/earth alive. So where is the free choice in this? We are not free to choose; ' not to die.'  And in this the physical reality is showing its power very clearly, no matter what you believe yourself to be in your mind, you will not leave this place alive, you will die.

Thus the memories of the ones that went before us we are continue building on them and here and there we are making some little changes, but mostly they are changes made along the way as we encounter difficulties on our paths that are consequences we are living from the past, some of them can be changed, but most of it will not change without a consequence. Because all of it is an accumulation of what was accepted and allowed by the ones that went before us and they even left the memories for us behind to continue on the same path that will have certain/specific outcomes.

Now lets look at the "will" part. As we can see the dictionaries are telling us that our will is our wishes, our desires. Our wills are going to be the pushers that will shape our illusionary choices. What we will fail to see is that when we have a strong will about something we want to do with our lives and we go for it, mostly it will be something that is already here, something that is already within the system we already did NOT have a choice for it to exist the way it does when we came here, we were only taught how to survive within it to a certain level/degree, where most will be in on the level of obedience either tacitly or willingly or forcefully, it doesn't matter. The matter at hand is that one did not create the choice, one was born into a reality where what one chooses from will be placed by others for one to choose from.

Lets take an example.  Lets say when I was a kid I dreamed of becoming an astronaut, but than along the way as I grew up my perspective changed and I developed a strong will/wish/desire to become a monk. Now here I am doing whatever I can to become this monk that I have as a strong will within me. Now if I made it to become a monk or not, doesn't really matter, because its all about me believing that I made a choice about what I want/wish/desire. Can we not see/realize and understand that most if not all the things we will have a choice about are things that are already here in place? Why is it we are not having choices about creating whatever we will in the best interest of all, without it having to do with what is already here, thus where one actually create a choice and then live and manifest it?

Now first of all, most will not even go through the investigation of themselves as to what made one change what one wanted to do along the way, what were the events and points that made one divert or change and develop another will/want/wish/desire? Now why is this important? because we are living in a system where we have no choices, no saying and that system because of us accepting and allowing to exist as it does, is having certain and specific outcomes that will influence our decisions we will make and in so doing, completing our believe we have that we are making choices.

One particular thing about our choices and our wills are, that most of it are purely based on Self-interest.

Most of the choices we will make will be about our own survival within the system where we were born into without having any choice in the matter of the system being here.

How come that if we have free choice, we never choose to have a world of equality, where we make a choice to put a system in place for instance that will work for everyone equally, and that will have an outcome that will be best for all forms of life here on earth?

Why are our so called "free choice" always as it is right now about us choosing to protect our own survival/ our self-interest within a system where none have a choice to NOT choose another system as it seem?

So when it comes to the practical/actual/physical/factual living here on earth in this physical reality there are certain and specific things taking place that we have no choice in the matter.

We have no choice in how we look like.

We have no choice in being born into a specific family

We have no choice in what genes we are going to carry

We have no choice in being born as a baby and not being able to communicate with our parents

We have no choice being born into a specific country

We have no choice about how our bodies will function as how it exist as

We have no choice in how nature works here on earth

We have no choice in what language we will get from our parents when we arrive here

We have no choice in the believes and knowledge that will be imprinted upon us

Now the good news about all this is that we in the end can change all this. Some things we will not be able to change, because it will have consequences to the whole of life on earth, but there are a lot of things we can change to make it work in the best interest of all forms of life here on earth.

Thus what I am saying is, that when we go to the real nitty gritty of this choice phenomena we will see that we actually only always have two choices in all  the so called choices we believe we have and these two choices are: to choose to live as equals as life or not. If we choose to live as equals as life, it will  be forever, and if we choose to continue with to live in inequality as NOT equals as life, we will end. These are the REAL choices we have.

Thanks

Larry Manuela

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Day 338, what happens when I am not moving and I am stuck part 3

Now I am continuing with the deconstruction of what I wrote in the previous post.
In the previous post I wrote the self-forgiveness statements in relation to the more earlier post I have written in regards to what I am going through in relationships  to my process of birthing myself through the the physical here.


                                                               

I am placing the link to the previous blogs here:


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-337-what-happens-when-i-am-not.html



http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-336-what-happens-when-i-am-not.html


Now within this post I will be going through fishing out the points I have realized within myself and place self-commitment statements for myself to live.

Self-commitment statements:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into finding and looking within myself a good enough excuse for me to not have to move myself here in the physical, I stop-----------take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am looking to find a good enough excuse in order to keep myself in a state of not having to move myself here in the physical, thus compromising myself for moving myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to remind myself to stay focus on my own movements within my mind wherein I am trying to compromise myself and turn that into a practical point to apply, for example to first stay within and as my breath here and to help myself ground myself I look for anything that requires a physical task, in order for me to help myself stay here within and as my breath and within and as my human physical body.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into generating energy within my solar plexus, that I experience as a positive energy, I stop--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as em as the mind as energy.

I realize that I utilize this experience of the energy built up within my solar plexus as a means to escape the responsibility to/towards myself and others as myself here within and as the physical, and seeing and interpreting this as something "good."

Thus within this I commit myself to let go of this experience when it comes up through participating instead in focusing on my breathing and grounding myself here within it and to help myself grounding myself more and more by applying myself in actually/in fact doing something that requires a physical action of my part in order to help myself stay focus and remain here.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into interpreting the energy I experience as something good, I stop---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am letting myself get lost into believes about believes within myself, because I can see that my interpretation of the energy of being something good just because I experience it as positive are both just ideas and opinions about the experience of the energy itself.


Therefore, I commit myself to little by little get rid of all the believes/interpretations/opinions and ideas about myself  through the tools of self-forgiveness done in self-honesty and finding out what and whom I have become of them and then stopping myself as them and creating myself as a human being that lives only that which is best for all life in all ways always practically here.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into taking a nap/sleep a little bit, I stop------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am giving myself an impression of wanting to sleep just in order to have  less time to work on myself deliberately, so I don't have to change myself, move myself or direct myself into changing myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to make sure to stay focus in the moments when I am telling myself and allowing myself to go to sleep and ground myself within and as my breath, following it and within this, making sure my hands are doing something, touching something whatever it would be in order to remind myself to stay here physically breathing and just being here within and as my breath and within and as my human physical body.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into watching movie, I stop----- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using the excuse of wanting to watch a movie for purposes of using the gathered information to support myself within my process and also others as myself by looking at the common sense perspectives within a movie, but in reality I am just using the movies as a way to not to have to apply myself within and as my process of changing myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to really actually use the gathered information within movies to support myself within and as my process and also to support others as myself and just remember to take notes to use these for my blog or vlog.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into seeing myself as something or someone special because I can connect dots with each other related to movies in the past and also to clarify for myself some points in reality that are connected to the movie or the story within the movie, I stop----- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using one of my talents to divert myself into feeling good about myself and feeling special about myself within my mind and in so doing not change myself, because I experience all of this as something that is positive for myself, but yet not practical and which will result into that which will be best for myself as one as all as equal as life here.

Thus within this I commit myself to stay focus on myself within and as my breath and make sure I use the talents or this specific talent to support myself and others as myself by using the information constructively and practically so common sense can be gain more and more within and as myself and also as others as myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into making scrapbook scenario's within my mind consciousness system to connect pictures and images accompanied with sounds and music in order to deceive myself into believing that I can do something with this ability to do this within my mind consciousness system, I stop........take a deep breath and bring myself back here, grounding myself within and as my breath.

Therefore, I commit myself to use this scrapping of pictures/images accompanied with sounds and music to instead support myself to get to know myself better and use it to support myself within and as my process of birthing myself within and as the physical, bringing more common sense within and as myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into deceiving myself or conning myself into not doing what I said I will do either to/towards myself or to/towards others as myself, I stop------ take a deep breath and ground myself here within and as my breath and within and as my human physical body.

Therefore, I commit myself to actually really spent time on myself, working on myself, my mind consciousness system, looking at the points that I am having difficulty changing about myself and make sure to stick to a practical plan to apply myself that is comfortable and doable within my time-frame.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into dreaming myself away about technological  within my mind consciousness system, I stop--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize I make myself get carried away by the technology that is being used in movies to make the movie look great and fantasize about wanting to know how they do it, but don't really actually go and have a look at how they do it, to understand it and use it in order to show using picture animation how my mind works and support myself and others as myself with this.

Therefore within this I commit myself to slowly but surely to find all the information that are available to start looking for ways to apply myself using the technology even if it means on a minor scale to show people how my mind works and thus support myself and also others as myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into seeing my mental level as more important than the rest of my human physical body, I stop-------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and calm and grounded within and as myself, within and as my physical breath and my human physical body here.

I realize that I am finding my mental level more important than my human physical body, because it is the part of me where I am mostly within and as and also all I know about myself, thus giving it more value within my own mind than the rest of my human physical body.

Therefore within this, I commit myself to little by little to make sure I pay attention and value to all of what my body is, what it consist of and exist as here, till I am totally physically here aware of whom I am as the body as the real being of earth.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into looking within and as my memory bank to some specific memories as if I am connecting relationships within my mind with movie scenes and also with what some people have said in the past, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am trying to give meaning to the connections I see within my mind about the pictures and images and memories of what some people have said to me in the past, but yet I am not asking myself the why I am having these specific memories in relation to the movie scenes and what people said to me, as in why they are related, why I made them relate within my mind consciousness system and and most importantly why it is that specific movie scene that brought up that memory, as in what is that specific movie scene telling me about myself that I have found so valuable that I have placed it as a memory within myself for later to be used.

Therefore, I commit myself to next time I look at movie scenes and have memories coming up, I make sure to question the memories in the moment and take notes about what they will help me realize about myself in order to use this information to know more about myself and to thus work out the points I will be encountering within my memory bank.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into putting down my own idea of what I want to do with a picture or movie presentation by telling myself and convincing myself that it will be a huge undertaking, I stop--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am putting myself down and telling myself that it will take a huge undertaking to do such task, just because I do not want to go into actually applying myself to learn how to do so and by this finding out more about how my own mind works.

Thus within this, I commit myself to little by little start gathering information about how to do such movie presentations, till I am satisfied with the result after I have tested them out and then start with my creation process where I little by little start to put into motion picture what I have as idea within my mind for myself to see and to support myself and also for a support to others as myself.

Self- Reward:

Thus within this post I have come to see/realize and understand that I am mostly still postponing and deceiving myself in order for me to not have to move and apply myself, thus change myself in fact. Now that I am aware and I have seen in my own words what I am busy doing I have also place some commitment that I will be using to actually really get myself back moving, directing myself.



Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG

 

Day 337, What happens when I am not moving, and I am stuck. Part 2

So within this post I will start with the deconstruction of what I rote in the previous blog.

Here is a link to that blog:

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/12/day-336-what-happens-when-i-am-not.html




                                                               

Let me have a look at the specific points that came up throughout the writing from the previous blog: 


*** Finding a good enough excuse to avoid doing what I am aware I must do.

*** Energetic movement within my solar plexus, specifically a positive charged one.

*** Giving myself an impression of wanting to sleep the in order to not to move myself.

*** An urge to watch a movie with the intention to use the information within the movie as                 something that can be significant and supportive to/towards my process and also supportive to/towards others as myself

*** Eventually ending up not taking notes about specific points I would like to give perspective of.

*** Using the dot connections as to make myself feel good about myself because I can see matching dots related to each other and made something out of it that make sense about the connection itself.

*** Seeing scrapbook scenario within my mind consciousness system.

*** Using watching movie as a way to divert myself in order for me to not have to work on myself.

*** Saying that I worked on my mind versus actually working on it in fact.

*** Letting myself be mesmerize about the picture presentation in the movie and the specific music related to it.

***  Getting distracted by the technology that might be used to make the effects with lights and morphing and breaking down of symbols.

*** Coupling movie scenes with other past movie scenes.

*** Coupling movie scenes with what someone said in the past that I have placed in my memory bank.

*** Creating ideas about how I could use picture presentation to tell a story of how the mind itself works using my own mind as an example.

*** Immediately backing off of the whole bringing the idea into manifestation, because I judge it through my mind to be a huge undertaking.

*** Images of past recollections of relations between me and some people either known or unknown individuals.


Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find a good enough excuse according to my mind consciousness system to make sure I do not move myself in applying myself, working on myself to change myself into a human being that does what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself generate within my solar plexus an energetic charge that I have come to name positive energy, to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to due to experiencing a positive energetic charge within my solar plexus and my believe in relation to it being something "good" I let myself get carried away in engaging within this energetic charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that just because something is experienced as positive, it must be good, because that is the base function and programming of my mind consciousness system, to interpret and perceiving a positive energetic charge as something that is good, but that this good is just a idea about the charge itself, an opinion, a believe, thus within this loosing myself into believes about believes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately give myself the impression that I want to sleep or need to sleep in order to wake up later on, and get on with the process,but that I just trick myself into doing this, because in reality I am trying to through sleeping giving myself less time, and when I wake up I will be having less time to spent on myself and thus my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to use sleep as a scapegoat in order for me to not have to move myself, direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just  tell myself that I am going to watch a movie in order to so called use the common sense perspectives in the movie to apply it in my process and also to use the information I have gathered to support others as myself, when in reality this whole wanting to watch a movie with the intention to use it for process purposes is in reality to divert myself from myself in order for me to not have to direct myself and do what I am aware I must do to change myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become into that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after I have convinced myself that I am going to use the whole watching of the movie constructively, I end up not taking any notes whatsoever, proving to myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am in physical practical manner just watching a movie with the real intention behind the whole idea to just avoid working on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to uplift myself as seeing myself as something special, because I can connect matching dots related to each other in my mind, telling myself that I cam do something great with it, but yet again just for me to wonder away in my fantasies and the actual points that I do see I do not use it to support myself in changing myself nor to share my findings with others that the fruits of it can be supportive in some way to contribute to what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see within my mind consciousness system scrapbook scenarios where I can connect pictures and images accompanied with sound and music and see a story behind it that makes sense, and because of this making myself believe that I can do something with it, just to feel good about myself and proud, but yet not actually using this ability to actually do something constructively that will contribute to what is best for all life, thus within this I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to turn a point within myself that is actually diverting me into not doing what I must do, into eventually what I must do anyways, because I am aware of what I am doing and why I am doing it, thus I understand what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lots of times say to myself and others as myself that I am going to work on my mind, but eventually I will caught myself not doing what I said, and thus in this deceiving myself and thus not moving myself, directing myself. Thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately deceive and con myself into not doing what I said I will do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get mesmerized about the picture presentation in movies, because this suits my self-interest as the positive energetic charge wherein I see myself on higher grounds and something that is of value within my own little world of my head, meanwhile not seeing/realizing and understanding that I can turn this whole thing around that I am using against myself to actually work for myself and at the same time be a support for others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be affected by what I tell myself is amazing about the technology used in making certain picture presentation in movies, that I don't really know nothing of, just to dream myself away within my mind wasting time wondering about what the technology will be, instead of actually turning this whole thing around and make something constructive with it, where I will deliberately go and find out what technology is actually involved in making such effects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put in high regard the ability I have to connect certain movies scenes with other movie scenes in a complete other movie and see a connection that make sense in the greater scheme of things on a mental level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my mental level as the most important aspect of myself and disregard the rest that my human physical body is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to couple movie scenes with what people have said in the past that I have stored in my memory bank with each other, to try and make some sense out of it or try to give it a meaning, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am in that moment deliberately trying to give meaning to something someone said that I did not understand and instead of looking for an understanding of why I hold that specific memory intact I only look at how I can connect the relationship the movie scene is having with uprising of the memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself believe only, that I can make picture presentation to support myself and others as myself about how the mind works using my own mind as an example without seeing/realizing and understanding that I am in fact not doing this, I am just using the idea in my mind to make myself feel as if I am doing something when in reality I am just entertaining my own idea in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the same breath as I am having the idea of bringing a picture presentation about how the mind works as I see it through my mind in order to expose how the mind works using my own as an example, I also get the thought following up that see it as a huge undertaking and built on that thought till I diminish myself completely in my own mind just to make sure I do not pursuit after the idea and manifest it, thus screwing my mind consciousness intention in the first place of keeping me locked within focusing on what is going on within it and following it and not working on it. Thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear bringing into manifestation my own ideas and therefore construct within my mind consciousness system a decoy mechanism to make sure I never actually/practically/factually DO go and manifest the idea into physical practical creation.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shoot of images of past recollections of interactions between I and other individuals, known or unknown related to some specific movie scene I will be watching in a particular moment and seeing this as something great and leave it to that but not actually doing something constructively with it and find out why I am having these memories with these people by watching these specific movies scenes as to understand myself better and in so doing.



Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

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Day 336, What happens when I am not moving, and I am stuck.

I am going to have an honest look for myself about me not moving, by this I mean; I am aware of it, and I know what I have to do and also how I have to do it. Now when it comes to the actual doing itself, is where the problem lies.



                             

So, when I ask myself the question: "Why are you not doing what you are aware you MUST do?''

Now first thing that popped up in my mind was like looking for ways to find an excuse, or a good enough excuse for me to avoid telling myself, that you just DO IT!

What I noticed within me when I ask myself this question too, is that I experience an energetic movement within my solar plexus, and with this energetic movement an idea pops up within my mind giving me the impression that I just have to sleep this out.

So when I ask myself this question I can immediately see that I move myself in my mind trying to avoid at all costs to make myself do what I am aware I must do in order to change myself once and for all completely.

Then within this I get this urge to want to watch a movie, but the wanting to watch a movie appears within my mind as a scam, meaning; I am trying to convince myself initially that I am going to watch a movie for the purpose of enjoying it, but more so to learn something about it in order to put my take of common sense perspectives into writing later on, of which of course will never happen. I end up watching a movie seeing all the points I can see, but yet not taking any notes, and eventually I finish watching the movie without the so-called purpose I gave myself to convince myself that I will be doing something valuable in relation to my process. But as I can see here, this whole watching a movie urge came from finding another route to avoid myself engaging in working on myself. When in the process of watching the movies I can see how my mind moves and connect dots about other movies I have seen and also information I have gathered, create like a whole scrapbook scenario within my mind about the connecting dots, which of course I always enjoyed doing, but yet again; I do not do anything with this. So within all this I can see how I am actually looking at all the potentials I have to create things, but yet again when it comes to the actual doing I back down, I give up or give in.

So, I am going to present here for myself and of course for you the reader what goes on within my mind during this scrapbook thingy. The reason as I mentioned this happens is because I can see that I am trying to convince myself that I can do this, and that I have certain very cool talents that of course I never use, I am just telling myself that I do. So in this way I have something to use against myself in order to trap myself into avoiding taking my responsibility to/towards myself and others as myself.

I have noticed throughout my life that my mind works at best with certain picture or animation form for me to remember things, you know; like some people are good in remembering numbers or sentences and words, well I am good in remembering stuff with a picture presentation of whatever I have seen.

Now before I continue with this I like to point out that the way I am writing this in this specific manner is for me to work it all out later on in the blogs to come in regards to this specific point.

So let me move on to write down what I see in my own mind during my process of watching movies.
Bear in mind that all I will be placing here even though it may not look like it relate to the topic of my post, trust me it does, because throughout the years I have been working with my own mind I have seen/realized and understood that my mind is like a box with lots of scrap papers that look like a bunch of stuff that are unrelated, but yet what I miss is that they are all scrap papers, thus related.

When most movies start at the beginning, one will see what company is presenting the movie and afterwards what company is producing the movie and these are accompanied with some symbol of some sorts related to the specific company. Now most of the times the symbols will breakdown or morph into something else or detached themselves and get back on together. I have always find this very fascinating and I keep asking myself how they can do that. Now when I ask myself this question I find myself in my mind trying to look for ways as to what kind of programs and specific software would be needed to create such effects. So within my mind the effect of flashing and morphing of symbols and words accompanied with sounds/music throw me into a fantasy world of wanting to be a story teller using these kind of effects with animation or symbols as is being used in movies. I find this way of informing people about something very effective.

The movie starts, and there is along the way in the beginning music accompanying the whole specific scene that is being presented. So when this is happening, depending on what specific melody the music is playing, I within my mind can couple the movie scene with another movie scene I have seen in the past and also with some memories I have about something I found very important that someone said and that I placed it there within my mind to work on it, and I start getting ideas about how that would come about and what I have to do to bring to fruition such undertaking.
Immediately within this thought process I start to also tell myself that this would be such a huge undertaking, because I do not want to use copied stuff, I want to make my own, something I created all by myself, but yet because I do not have the know how I crack myself down, and never in these thought processes I will tell myself to find out what goes on behind the scenes how can one learn all about creating digital animation that would capture the people attention and give them an impression of what goes on within my mind as how I see things. Thus I have been carrying this thing for a long time as to how I can be effective in letting people SEE how I look at things within my mind for purposes of exposing how the mind works.
An interesting thing that happens also is that when watching the movie, depending on what mood the movie is giving as impression I shoot off images of past recollections of moments I have spent with people I was or have some relations with either known individuals or unknown individuals and sometimes with the images I will have an remembrance of what I felt when interacting with these specific individuals. Lets say, that this individual had some unpleasant body odor, I will only remember and experience within that moment how I felt about getting the body odor through my nose that I will be finding unpleasant about this individual.
Throughout the movie my mind will keep on using scenes as platforms to engage within my mind into specific memories and also bringing up ideas that may look great watching them through my mind, but that will never be implemented by myself.

So that was a bit about what goes on in my mind when watching movies, but of course much more happens, in that moment itself that I will not put here, because it will be too much to place here if I would go into the specific as in how I look at scenes that had shot mistakes.

So, now how is all this related to my topic one may ask?

Very easy, it is because all of it falls in the category of distracting myself into making sure I do not move and do what I must really do.

Tomorrow I will be starting with the deconstruction in relation to this point in self-forgiveness statements.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

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Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG

Day 335, Very Naughty Children Part 6

Now I am going to write the self-commitment statements belonging to the last part of this series where I have written self-forgiveness statements:

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/11/day-332-very-nauthy-children-3.html



                                

Self-commitment statements:

 

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the belief that I cannot take my self-responsibility, I stop--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by following this self-created belief of not being able to take my self-responsibility, I create a consequence for myself wherein I do not move or direct myself to move myself to/towards solutions that will be best for myself and also at the same time be best for the rest.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure that I become effective in slowly but surely direct myself to move myself in the direction of seeing solutions where there are problems.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into sabotaging myself into not taking my responsibility, I stop------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by sabotaging myself I am able to avoid responsibility to/towards myself and others as myself.

Thus within this, I commit myself to make sure to focus in moments where I am aware that I am sabotaging myself or about to do so, and stay focus on a practical point, in order to not let myself get carried away within and as the sabotaging itself of myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wishing/wanting and desiring for things to be easy as in; an easy way out, I stop------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am wanting/wishing and desiring things to be easy, because when things are easy there is not much responsibility involved in it, and also less things to do.

Thus within this I commit myself to make sure I  just take the things as they come and look for solutions about the problems that may arise.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into taking some responsibility for the things and people I alone value, I stop----------------take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I take some responsibility to people I alone value, because I have come to learn through copying that people that are close to me alone are people I should care more about, does making my range of responsibility as small as possible and leaving everything else out.

Thus within this I commit myself to expand my responsibility to go way beyond what is close to me alone as what I have learned to be of value or more of value than the rest of what is also here.


When and as I see myself going into the same mind/set and patterns that governs my behaviors, I stop--------take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am letting myself continue within the same mind-set and patterns, because that I do not have to change.

Thus within this I commit myself to push myself to direct myself to set myself free from my own self-created mind-set and patterns that governs my behaviors, in the little things, the almost unnoticed things.


Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG

Day 334, Very Naugthy Children Part 5

In this blog, I am going to workout specifically the commitments related to the second part of this series, wherein I provide the link here below:


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/10/day-331-very-naughty-chuildren-part-2.html


                                                              

Self-Commitment statements:


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into blaming myself for leaving my kids behind, I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am blaming myself because I am experiencing doubts within myself for leaving them behind, when I was aware that I had to made that decision, because it was not the first time.


Thus within this, I commit myself to instead of keeping on blaming myself, I use that energy to look for ways to communicate more with them and also to find practical solutions to help myself in moments where I am aware of myself blaming myself till I completely get rid of this blaming game.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into having self-doubts, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am having self-doubt, because I am believing that I cannot trust myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to work on my self-trust by using practical little chores to start learning how I can trust myself, till I am living self-trust as the whom I am.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into seeing the point of not being able to trust in another, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I am seeing the point of not being able to trust in another, because I am projecting the not trusting myself and look than for a way to attack it in another instead of looking for solutions that are practical to work on my own self-trust.

Thus within this I commit myself to look at what it is exactly I am not trusting in another, because that would be an indication for me to look for that same point within me so I can work it out within myself, because I also have that same point within myself and is just being mirrored how it looks like, thus I work it out within myself till I delete it within myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into my memories of what I could have done or not have done in regards to leaving my children behind with my ex. I STOP------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am going into my memory database to look for ways to see if I could have done it differently, and if I could have made another decision and try again to fix the relationship between me and the mother, but I can still not see that in that period that things would have changed, thus I do not have to keep on looking at memories involving that.

Thus within this, I commit myself to find practical ways to let go of this memory to what could have been or not and just focus on what is here now and do my best to live with what is here now as it exist right now, and if there are problems within the lives of the children to support them with it, and be practical and stable and do my best to be constant and consistent within my communication with them.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into looking at the situation about my children as hopeless, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am seeing the situation about my children as hopeless, because of judging them from hearsay instead of actually communicating with them and in that moment look for practical solution with them, as for now that is all I can do because they are in another country, thus I cannot go and have a one on one conversation with them and be live in person with them, and there is not need either as long as I make sure I communicate with them constantly and consistently.

Therefore, I commit myself to keep on communicating with them constantly and consistently even when it seem as if they are not interested in communicating with me, I just don't give up on them and continue, because one day it will make sense to them.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into thinking and believing that i cannot solve this problem or deal with it, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that it is just a believe-system I have created to cope with a situation that seem too far away and because of the geographical distance I think and believe that I cannot solve the problem with the children. Therefore I can have an excuse as not being able to pay too much attention to them.

Thus within this I commit myself to make sure I pay attention to them and also give them more attention, and do my best to stay constant and consistent.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling a relief because of not having to practically have them with me and have to take practical responsibilities to/towards them, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that this experience of so-called relief is a thought construct that I have created within myself to protect myself against myself in order to not have to take my responsibility.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure that when this happen again to not participate in it and make sure that I find practical ways to resolve it, and make sure that I do exactly the reverse thereof, thus making sure I go and in that moment call my children or send them a message and have a conversation with them, anything that will involve some sort of responsibility.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into not wanting to fix anything, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using this not wanting to fix anything as an excuse to not have to do anything about the situation and giving up within myself.

Therefore I commit myself to push myself especially in the moment when I do not want to resolve or fix anything and just go and do it.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the backchat of: " I don't want to deal with this shit right now, on top of all the shit I am already in," I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that this backchat is supporting my irresponsibility to look for solutions.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure I push myself even when I don't feel like it or not to take my responsibility to/towards my children as I should have all the time and look for ways to support them in whatever they may be going through.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling like I will disturb my living alone and not wanting to have my children with me, I STOP.......take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I try to avoid having my children coming to live with me, because that will mean that my comfortable life of being on my own alone will be disturbed.

Thus within this I commit myself to not let myself get influenced by what I want in my mind and just look and focus on what will be best for everyone involved practically and if it is doable or not and that is about it and from there make my decision and stick to it.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into postponing myself to commit to anything that is important and serious, I STOP---------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I do not want to commit because with commitment comes responsibility and I avoid taking responsibility.

Thus within this, I commit myself to push myself to be a responsible human being and make sure to commit myself to starting with little commitments till I can take more bigger ones.




Thanks.



Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG

I don't want to deal with all this shit right now on top of all the shit I am already in," - See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/10/day-331-very-naughty-chuildren-part-2.html#sthash.q55tm7uv.dpuf