Day 352, Fear of working on myself alone.

Within the previous blog, I have had a realization about myself that I fear working on myself, because of what I might find about myself that I do not want to go through and when I go through it, I would prefer to not be alone all by myself.

I will quote myself here what I wrote in the previous blog:

" I realize that I fear being alone from the perspective of not having anyone to have a communication with, because it will imply to me that I will be and have to deal all by myself with my stuff, thus in actuality fearing having to face myself, or deal with myself all alone."


                                                       

Self-Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I am aware that I go through these subtle fears of facing myself alone as in what I might find within myself that I have to change about myself, or stop about myself, I let the fear of facing myself influence my decision making in a moment, because it serves my personality(ies) I do not want to stop or change right now as in wanting to wait for a few more time before I put them down, or change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait on myself deliberately, because I am aware that when I wait I do not have to change myself, apply myself thus I wait and I wait, and within this actually I do not change myself all the time in the moments as I have wrote within the commitments I have given to myself as in when exactly I have to stop myself, release myself and than live what I have committed to do.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing me, because I am aware within myself that I do have the courage to stand for life and to change myself too, and I am aware that I will be feared because of this and thus I deliberately postpone changing myself in every moment and allow myself to take my own shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse in my mind as backchat: " I am tired of all of this in this world," for purposes of putting myself in a position to manipulate myself in order to not have to change myself in every moment.

I forgive myself that I did not see/realize and understand that the backchat: "  I am tired of all this in this world," is actually in fact me being tired of myself not doing what I am aware I must do to change me, to stop me, to release me in order to bring about a change within myself that have a result/outcome that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtly try and  manipulate myself to write less, in order to postpone my own change, however deep within myself I am aware that when I do as I am doing right now it stabilizes me and gives me the opportunity to actually face myself and release myself and eventually walk my own talk as I place my words on paper that I must commit in order to change me as I am aware I am NOT living me as a human being that "what is best for life," is my life, is the way I move within and as myself and within and as this world, when "what is best for life," is like breathing, like brushing my teeth, like me eating, like walking, in one word, when it is natural to me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take my process really really serious, because again I am aware that my own change would mean the death of me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as this world as this personality(ies) I have become to survive as a personality(ies) within and as this world, within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my own change as a threat to myself, as a threat to my existence as a mind personality(ies) wherein I want to live as this/these personality(ies) that actually are NOT contributing to what will be best for my life and all of life on this planet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change from the perspective of my mind, because I am aware that I am my mind right now, and that I fear letting me go as this mind that I have become, thinking and believing that the death of me as this mind-personality is my complete death as all of what I am here, when I am also at the same time aware that I can exist in a moment as my breath within and as one and equal with my breath and that nothing moves within me as my mind, yet still letting fear of stopping me completely in everyone moment ruin my process, prolonging my own change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to get into the nitty gritty of myself within and as myself, because I fear loosing myself, when I am aware that what I will so called "loose," is just what I have become of a mind personalty(ies) .


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent on my mind-personality(ies) to live for me and I living according to what I dictate to myself as my mind personality(ies).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just sit here and ponder about the how I am going to tackle myself just to tell myself as this personality that I am doing something, that I am applying myself when in reality, in real physical movement in moments I am aware that I am not doing that all the time, it is only sometimes, thus within this I forgive myself to not apply myself in the moments that I am aware I must do so, to actually change myself in every moment till it is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not interfere within my own moments when I see myself falling as in not applying myself as I am aware I must do.


To be continued............................


Larry Manuela

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Day 351, Why do I allow limitation Part 3

Here, continuing with the previous blog,


click here to go the previous blog if one wants to read it.


                                                               

I realize that I can loose myself trying to proof a point when in discussion with people without seeing/realizing/understanding that not everyone is on the same level of understanding as I might be, and that even if they were it is about what will be best for all life and not me wanting to proof a point to get others to agree with me.

Thus within this I commit myself to, when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wanting to proof a point in order to get others to agree with me, I take a deep breath first bring myself back here, stabalise myself, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy and from this point I make sure that I than communicate with another purely based on the starting point of what would be best for life.


I realize that I am just using the realization on points even when they have starting point which will be best for all, I only stick to that, I do not push myself to actually in fact live what I have seen, and am aware what is within me that needs actual real physical change.

Thus within this, I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into NOT moving myself to actually change myself and just stick to the starting point alone that I saw had a outcome that could be best for all if lived, I take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and make sure that I start applying myself to actually, in fact do what I am aware I must do physically to make sure the necessary outcome that I saw is manifested and lived by myself.

I realize that I fear being not included in group conversations or included at all, because of myself judging myself that I am not a someone to be approached in a conversation because what I have to say is being perceived as negative.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the fear of thinking and believing that I might be excluded from conversation because I will be seen as someone negative, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and from out of this stability I speak and communicate and I only do so when I am sure that whatever I will say is in the service of LIFE, in the support of life as my starting point and within this take a stand and also to remind myself that I do not HAVE TO speak all the time, that sometimes being quiet is also a way of say something without using words.

I realize that I fear being alone from the perspective of not having anyone to have a communication with, because it will imply to me that I will be and have to deal all by myself with my stuff, thus in actuality fearing having to face myself, or deal with myself all alone.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing myself to be on my own, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I stable and clear I have an honest look within myself and investigate within myself where I created this fear of being on my own and having to on my own to work myself out as if I am afraid of what I might find and don't really want to go through all that, thus within this I commit myself to investigate this point that have opened up within me more.

I realize that I fear going through physical pain.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing to go through physical pain, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I am clear and stable I remind myself that the fearing the physical pain is not necessary, because if something happens to me that is physical and it is something that will physically hurt I cannot stop the pain, I just have to go through it, however "fearing the pain," is not what is going to stop the pain in the moment or just a few seconds before the moment.


I realize that I am thinking and believing that a negative person is someone to be feared and thus what happens is that when I judge someone to be negative I automatically go into fearing them on some level even though it is subtle and I than go into an act of preparing myself to defend myself against this individual, but if someone would to point it out to me, I would deny it, I even deny it within myself looking at it.

Thus within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into trying or doing my best to defend myself because of already being in a subtle state of fear within myself about someone else and denying it when it is seen by others or myself for that matter, I just stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and when I am sure I am stable and clear I than just accept the fearing within me, embrace it but not let it influence me and when I have embraced it within me and stand as the fear within me, I release the fear as to remind and show to myself that just like I created it to exist within me, I can uncreate it to not have to exist within me as me, and than out of this when it is not here anymore I can communicate with the person in front of me without fearing him/her.




Thanks.


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

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Day 350, Why do I Allow limitation Part 2

So here I am within this blog going to write about the points I mentioned in the blog previous to this one.

If one have not read that blog yet, click here to go to it.

                                                           

                                                       


So the points that I am going to work out in this blog are the following:

** Fearing confrontational disputes with other people

** Fear being disliked

** Fear for being hated by others

** Fear for being avoided by others

** Fear for being seen as a "negative person."

Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to go through confrontational disputes with other people, because I am aware that within these confrontation I can loose myself trying to prove a point without seeing/realizing and understanding that not everyone is at the same level of understanding as I might be, and even if they were it is about what will be best for all life and not me trying to prove a point or wanting another to agree with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that trying to make someone agree with me is enough, when I am aware that the agreeing point is just a starting point, it is not an actual real agreement yet as in moving myself within and as the point I have agreed upon, thus I might just agree about theoretical mind jargon that make sense for the both of us within the moment, but it does not necessarily mean that I am actually going to change myself to live that which we both see needs change, therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even though I am seeing what I must do in order to change myself and take a stand in where I stand and what I stand for and take responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disliked, because in being disliked I perceive it as equal to being alone in the sense of not being able to be included in the majority and thus being communicatively none existent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being left out of being communicated to or being able to communicate with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being communicated at or left out of being communication with others because it implies that I will be on my own, and that I fear actually deep within myself to actually in fact to be alone as in having no-one to communicate with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being hated by others, because within me I am aware that hate breeds violence and within violence one can go through very harsh physical abuse and thus within this, fearing to go through the physical abuse that is accompanied with lots of physical pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am being avoided by others, because of again when being avoided by others I will go through the experience of being left behind and alone, not worthy of communicating with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am not worthy to be communicated with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as a negative person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a negative person is someone to be feared.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a negative person is automatically someone to be feared and thus within this not wanting to be seen as a negative person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement I have about judging others judging me being a negative person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own judgment about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that by fearing my own judgement will make the judgement disappear.

To be continued................

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

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Day 349, Why do I allow limitation?

There has been these particular points about myself that I do allow to exist within me for either to not be in confrontational disputes or to not have to be not liked by others, or be hated by others, or someone that has to be avoided, because I will be seen as a " negative person." Understand that this finding me "a negative person," is just a label we place on people and if one really have a look at our world one can see that the reality out there is NOT positive. We can color it in all we want, but it is not going to magically change because we are a bunch walking along being all positive within our minds. If this was real, with all the positive religion explosion in this world that is going on, the world should have been extremely positive since the times of the Beatles, since the flower era. I am not looking for people to find me a "positive person" either, I am just telling the things as they are, not coloring them in, and if this makes me a "negative person," in people's eyes, it is their own judgment, has nothing to do with the reality that is a fact to be what we will term/interpret as: " bad/wrong/negative." The reality though is that our reality is harmful/destructive/abusive/unequal and these are labeled as "bad/wrong/negative." Here under this paragraph I place a picture that is fueling this dilemma, where with phrases like these people will always keep on brushing people away from them if they see that they are not agreeing with their positive bubble in their heads.

                                                                  

So I have a self-judgement that I fear that others might find me a "negative person," thus I shut up when it comes to the topic of what is going on in the world sometimes. What I did noticed though even within this fear, that when I do go into expressing myself for life, I am not fearful of wording what I'm  aware within myself to be common sense, and I talk loud and clear, and I am certain within myself about the points that I am busy conveying or bringing to the table as is being said.
As I have noticed and it is a fact, people do not like to hear these two words: " acceptance & allowance,"  because they know that these two words place them in a position where they have to take responsibility, and this word too is something most of us do not really want to engage into, especially when it comes to the responsibility to ALL LIFE.

The moment I say the world is the way it is, and not because of some politicians that are doing something or some elite somewhere is doing something, the world is how it is because we are the ones accepting and allowing all these things that we see as "bad/wrong/and negative" to continue  being here, being part of our reality.
We love to find someone else or a group to blame for what is happening, but the moment the blame is shifted and put upon us, ourselves, we want to push it away, and the "BUT's " will start to enter the conversations.

Of course in this world, you have in regards to what happens in the world two kinds of people, The ones that do actually DO something, either that something would be positive or negative, but they are the doers and we have those who just stand by....... the standbyers, the watchers.

Now the standbyers as I am calling us, which is the greater majority of us, which one can call the 99% of us in any particular country are the ones that will allow the 1% to do what they like, and we keep on blaming and blaming, criticizing them just because they are the doers. Maybe we secretly are jealous of them, because they actually DO what they say they will do, they are not just talkers, spewing verbal diarrhea. So even though the 1% is in their actions not doing what will be best for all, they do have the potential though to actually make things happen, meaning, they take action, something the 99% is lacking in extreme measures.
Now just imagine if the 99 % were the doers, all these things the 99% find that are "bad/wrong/negative" in their own lives, that they find the 1 % are doing to them, they themselves just make sure that these things will never happen again and go actually do it themselves, just take the stuff over and stop what is hurting us and change it? And when I say taking it over, I am NOT talking about taking it over by/through force or military force where people can get hurt and harmed, I am talking about taking it over by elections, making usage of direct democracy.
We are actually a humanity full of fears. We fear so much that we allow a 1% of us to put words on paper to actually bring harm instead of harmony, or put words on paper to enslave us, instead of freeing us, put words on paper to control us, put words on paper to tell us what to do and what not to do, limiting our participation in a world where all were born into freely in the same way as everybody else. Have you not noticed that the words on papers are all not words you directly participated in agreeing that they should be on paper or not? But yet here we are allowing all this stupidity to go on. Understand that words on their own are totally harmless, even the words that we have given to things that harm ourselves. It is us living what we believe these words to be, IS what is the problem and IS what is REALLY harmful.

Now let me tell you why that did not happen yet, and there were instances in  history when there were so called: "revolutions,"  but these revolutions were messy and were just a switching of powers, nothing really fundamentally changed, because we still did the same thing, allowing a little group to have the power over us, making decisions that influence our daily lives, and these decisions that are made are always only "good" for a few, these very few individuals that made the decisions, but never that we create a system that allow all of us to not only have a saying, like an opinion but that we literally all are corner stones of making decisions on behalf of all of us, thus that everyone participate in the decision making, because at the end of the day, what the 1% is making decisions about includes all of us, but they just make sure that they the 1% get more instead of making sure that everyone is equally provided for and we can start with the REAL living as a humanity on this planet.
So the reason all of this is going on is because we have accepted and allowed within and as ourselves separation to exist, we do NOT see ourselves as equals for real yet. We may talk about it, but actually in fact see/realize and understand that we ARE equals, very very few people can see this and actually strife to bring about this equality that is here.
And this is the why we are still roaming around in this system of inequality, because within and as ourselves we are unequal. We are unequal in our thoughts/words and actions, thus this what we are within is being allowed outwardly too, as anyone in this world can clearly attest now in this era that is called: "information era."

In my next blog I will be working out the points mentioned in the beginning of this blog.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

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Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG