Day 336, What happens when I am not moving, and I am stuck.

I am going to have an honest look for myself about me not moving, by this I mean; I am aware of it, and I know what I have to do and also how I have to do it. Now when it comes to the actual doing itself, is where the problem lies.



                             

So, when I ask myself the question: "Why are you not doing what you are aware you MUST do?''

Now first thing that popped up in my mind was like looking for ways to find an excuse, or a good enough excuse for me to avoid telling myself, that you just DO IT!

What I noticed within me when I ask myself this question too, is that I experience an energetic movement within my solar plexus, and with this energetic movement an idea pops up within my mind giving me the impression that I just have to sleep this out.

So when I ask myself this question I can immediately see that I move myself in my mind trying to avoid at all costs to make myself do what I am aware I must do in order to change myself once and for all completely.

Then within this I get this urge to want to watch a movie, but the wanting to watch a movie appears within my mind as a scam, meaning; I am trying to convince myself initially that I am going to watch a movie for the purpose of enjoying it, but more so to learn something about it in order to put my take of common sense perspectives into writing later on, of which of course will never happen. I end up watching a movie seeing all the points I can see, but yet not taking any notes, and eventually I finish watching the movie without the so-called purpose I gave myself to convince myself that I will be doing something valuable in relation to my process. But as I can see here, this whole watching a movie urge came from finding another route to avoid myself engaging in working on myself. When in the process of watching the movies I can see how my mind moves and connect dots about other movies I have seen and also information I have gathered, create like a whole scrapbook scenario within my mind about the connecting dots, which of course I always enjoyed doing, but yet again; I do not do anything with this. So within all this I can see how I am actually looking at all the potentials I have to create things, but yet again when it comes to the actual doing I back down, I give up or give in.

So, I am going to present here for myself and of course for you the reader what goes on within my mind during this scrapbook thingy. The reason as I mentioned this happens is because I can see that I am trying to convince myself that I can do this, and that I have certain very cool talents that of course I never use, I am just telling myself that I do. So in this way I have something to use against myself in order to trap myself into avoiding taking my responsibility to/towards myself and others as myself.

I have noticed throughout my life that my mind works at best with certain picture or animation form for me to remember things, you know; like some people are good in remembering numbers or sentences and words, well I am good in remembering stuff with a picture presentation of whatever I have seen.

Now before I continue with this I like to point out that the way I am writing this in this specific manner is for me to work it all out later on in the blogs to come in regards to this specific point.

So let me move on to write down what I see in my own mind during my process of watching movies.
Bear in mind that all I will be placing here even though it may not look like it relate to the topic of my post, trust me it does, because throughout the years I have been working with my own mind I have seen/realized and understood that my mind is like a box with lots of scrap papers that look like a bunch of stuff that are unrelated, but yet what I miss is that they are all scrap papers, thus related.

When most movies start at the beginning, one will see what company is presenting the movie and afterwards what company is producing the movie and these are accompanied with some symbol of some sorts related to the specific company. Now most of the times the symbols will breakdown or morph into something else or detached themselves and get back on together. I have always find this very fascinating and I keep asking myself how they can do that. Now when I ask myself this question I find myself in my mind trying to look for ways as to what kind of programs and specific software would be needed to create such effects. So within my mind the effect of flashing and morphing of symbols and words accompanied with sounds/music throw me into a fantasy world of wanting to be a story teller using these kind of effects with animation or symbols as is being used in movies. I find this way of informing people about something very effective.

The movie starts, and there is along the way in the beginning music accompanying the whole specific scene that is being presented. So when this is happening, depending on what specific melody the music is playing, I within my mind can couple the movie scene with another movie scene I have seen in the past and also with some memories I have about something I found very important that someone said and that I placed it there within my mind to work on it, and I start getting ideas about how that would come about and what I have to do to bring to fruition such undertaking.
Immediately within this thought process I start to also tell myself that this would be such a huge undertaking, because I do not want to use copied stuff, I want to make my own, something I created all by myself, but yet because I do not have the know how I crack myself down, and never in these thought processes I will tell myself to find out what goes on behind the scenes how can one learn all about creating digital animation that would capture the people attention and give them an impression of what goes on within my mind as how I see things. Thus I have been carrying this thing for a long time as to how I can be effective in letting people SEE how I look at things within my mind for purposes of exposing how the mind works.
An interesting thing that happens also is that when watching the movie, depending on what mood the movie is giving as impression I shoot off images of past recollections of moments I have spent with people I was or have some relations with either known individuals or unknown individuals and sometimes with the images I will have an remembrance of what I felt when interacting with these specific individuals. Lets say, that this individual had some unpleasant body odor, I will only remember and experience within that moment how I felt about getting the body odor through my nose that I will be finding unpleasant about this individual.
Throughout the movie my mind will keep on using scenes as platforms to engage within my mind into specific memories and also bringing up ideas that may look great watching them through my mind, but that will never be implemented by myself.

So that was a bit about what goes on in my mind when watching movies, but of course much more happens, in that moment itself that I will not put here, because it will be too much to place here if I would go into the specific as in how I look at scenes that had shot mistakes.

So, now how is all this related to my topic one may ask?

Very easy, it is because all of it falls in the category of distracting myself into making sure I do not move and do what I must really do.

Tomorrow I will be starting with the deconstruction in relation to this point in self-forgiveness statements.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela

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Day 335, Very Naughty Children Part 6

Now I am going to write the self-commitment statements belonging to the last part of this series where I have written self-forgiveness statements:

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/11/day-332-very-nauthy-children-3.html



                                

Self-commitment statements:

 

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the belief that I cannot take my self-responsibility, I stop--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by following this self-created belief of not being able to take my self-responsibility, I create a consequence for myself wherein I do not move or direct myself to move myself to/towards solutions that will be best for myself and also at the same time be best for the rest.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure that I become effective in slowly but surely direct myself to move myself in the direction of seeing solutions where there are problems.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into sabotaging myself into not taking my responsibility, I stop------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by sabotaging myself I am able to avoid responsibility to/towards myself and others as myself.

Thus within this, I commit myself to make sure to focus in moments where I am aware that I am sabotaging myself or about to do so, and stay focus on a practical point, in order to not let myself get carried away within and as the sabotaging itself of myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into wishing/wanting and desiring for things to be easy as in; an easy way out, I stop------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am wanting/wishing and desiring things to be easy, because when things are easy there is not much responsibility involved in it, and also less things to do.

Thus within this I commit myself to make sure I  just take the things as they come and look for solutions about the problems that may arise.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into taking some responsibility for the things and people I alone value, I stop----------------take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I take some responsibility to people I alone value, because I have come to learn through copying that people that are close to me alone are people I should care more about, does making my range of responsibility as small as possible and leaving everything else out.

Thus within this I commit myself to expand my responsibility to go way beyond what is close to me alone as what I have learned to be of value or more of value than the rest of what is also here.


When and as I see myself going into the same mind/set and patterns that governs my behaviors, I stop--------take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am letting myself continue within the same mind-set and patterns, because that I do not have to change.

Thus within this I commit myself to push myself to direct myself to set myself free from my own self-created mind-set and patterns that governs my behaviors, in the little things, the almost unnoticed things.


Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

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Day 334, Very Naugthy Children Part 5

In this blog, I am going to workout specifically the commitments related to the second part of this series, wherein I provide the link here below:


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/10/day-331-very-naughty-chuildren-part-2.html


                                                              

Self-Commitment statements:


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into blaming myself for leaving my kids behind, I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am blaming myself because I am experiencing doubts within myself for leaving them behind, when I was aware that I had to made that decision, because it was not the first time.


Thus within this, I commit myself to instead of keeping on blaming myself, I use that energy to look for ways to communicate more with them and also to find practical solutions to help myself in moments where I am aware of myself blaming myself till I completely get rid of this blaming game.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into having self-doubts, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am having self-doubt, because I am believing that I cannot trust myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to work on my self-trust by using practical little chores to start learning how I can trust myself, till I am living self-trust as the whom I am.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into seeing the point of not being able to trust in another, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I am seeing the point of not being able to trust in another, because I am projecting the not trusting myself and look than for a way to attack it in another instead of looking for solutions that are practical to work on my own self-trust.

Thus within this I commit myself to look at what it is exactly I am not trusting in another, because that would be an indication for me to look for that same point within me so I can work it out within myself, because I also have that same point within myself and is just being mirrored how it looks like, thus I work it out within myself till I delete it within myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into my memories of what I could have done or not have done in regards to leaving my children behind with my ex. I STOP------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am going into my memory database to look for ways to see if I could have done it differently, and if I could have made another decision and try again to fix the relationship between me and the mother, but I can still not see that in that period that things would have changed, thus I do not have to keep on looking at memories involving that.

Thus within this, I commit myself to find practical ways to let go of this memory to what could have been or not and just focus on what is here now and do my best to live with what is here now as it exist right now, and if there are problems within the lives of the children to support them with it, and be practical and stable and do my best to be constant and consistent within my communication with them.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into looking at the situation about my children as hopeless, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am seeing the situation about my children as hopeless, because of judging them from hearsay instead of actually communicating with them and in that moment look for practical solution with them, as for now that is all I can do because they are in another country, thus I cannot go and have a one on one conversation with them and be live in person with them, and there is not need either as long as I make sure I communicate with them constantly and consistently.

Therefore, I commit myself to keep on communicating with them constantly and consistently even when it seem as if they are not interested in communicating with me, I just don't give up on them and continue, because one day it will make sense to them.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into thinking and believing that i cannot solve this problem or deal with it, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that it is just a believe-system I have created to cope with a situation that seem too far away and because of the geographical distance I think and believe that I cannot solve the problem with the children. Therefore I can have an excuse as not being able to pay too much attention to them.

Thus within this I commit myself to make sure I pay attention to them and also give them more attention, and do my best to stay constant and consistent.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling a relief because of not having to practically have them with me and have to take practical responsibilities to/towards them, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that this experience of so-called relief is a thought construct that I have created within myself to protect myself against myself in order to not have to take my responsibility.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure that when this happen again to not participate in it and make sure that I find practical ways to resolve it, and make sure that I do exactly the reverse thereof, thus making sure I go and in that moment call my children or send them a message and have a conversation with them, anything that will involve some sort of responsibility.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into not wanting to fix anything, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using this not wanting to fix anything as an excuse to not have to do anything about the situation and giving up within myself.

Therefore I commit myself to push myself especially in the moment when I do not want to resolve or fix anything and just go and do it.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the backchat of: " I don't want to deal with this shit right now, on top of all the shit I am already in," I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that this backchat is supporting my irresponsibility to look for solutions.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure I push myself even when I don't feel like it or not to take my responsibility to/towards my children as I should have all the time and look for ways to support them in whatever they may be going through.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling like I will disturb my living alone and not wanting to have my children with me, I STOP.......take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I try to avoid having my children coming to live with me, because that will mean that my comfortable life of being on my own alone will be disturbed.

Thus within this I commit myself to not let myself get influenced by what I want in my mind and just look and focus on what will be best for everyone involved practically and if it is doable or not and that is about it and from there make my decision and stick to it.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into postponing myself to commit to anything that is important and serious, I STOP---------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I do not want to commit because with commitment comes responsibility and I avoid taking responsibility.

Thus within this, I commit myself to push myself to be a responsible human being and make sure to commit myself to starting with little commitments till I can take more bigger ones.




Thanks.



Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

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Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG

I don't want to deal with all this shit right now on top of all the shit I am already in," - See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/10/day-331-very-naughty-chuildren-part-2.html#sthash.q55tm7uv.dpuf

Day 333, Very Naugthy Children Part 4

Now I am going to start with writing my commitment statements within this blog in relation to the first blog about this problem I am having with my children. Here is the link to this particular blog I wrote:

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/09/day-330-very-naughty-children.html




                                       

Self-Commitment statement:

When and  as I see myself going into or I am about to go into letting myself feel guilty, I STOP--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, I make sure I focus on my physical breath here till I am calm and relaxed within myself and I am sure that there is not energetic movements within me, I then communicate with my children.

I see/realize and understand that I am feeling guilty for them becoming extreme naughty children, because I think and believe I have neglected them and have abandon them and leave them behind alone with the mother, even though I am aware that I had to leave.

Thus within this, I commit myself to whenever I am about to going into or I am about to go into to stop myself in that moment and remind myself that I have to breathe and make sure that I touch something with my hands, it can be anything that is close by and in reach or I can touch myself to help me stay focus when I am busy breathing and bringing myself back here to ground myself and then when I am satisfied and sure that I am just here breathing and grounded, I then move myself/direct myself to communicate with my children.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into blaming myself that my children has become extreme naughty children, I STOP----------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I see/realize and understand that I am blaming myself, because of what I perceive myself to be of my fault that they have become the way they are.

Thus within this, I commit myself to stop perceiving myself as the point of blame and fault initiator of the way they have become and make sure I find solutions as to how to communicate with them that will form a relationship that will result in what is best for all, by being stable and constant within the way I communicate with them.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into interpreting myself as being the only one who is to blame for the outcomes in relation to others in my life, I stop------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I blaming myself as in; taking everything on me, instead of looking at the whole situation constructively to come up with practical solution that will have a result that is best for all.

Therefore, I commit myself to constructively look at a situation and do what I can in that moment that will lead or have an outcome that will be best for all participating in that particular situation.

When and as I see myself judging and putting down other people's remark or advise on how to deal with my children, when they themselves do not have children that are in anyways like the mine, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I am judging other people concerning my children, especially when I am aware that they themselves do not have the experience of dealing practically with children that are in this way, because I see the people giving me the advise as unreliable and/or without practical personal experience in dealing with children that are in this way.

Therefore, I commit myself to take all information I can gather and take them as information that are constructive and look how I can implement them with my children to see which one will work best, because I am aware that I haven't tried everything yet and all kinds of ways, thus it is to just try all of the advises that seem probable and see which will work best and keep the ones that I see are practically working out for me and the children.


When and as I see myself going into reaction of anger and resentment to/towards others for giving me advise and telling me that my children are just doing "kids stuff," as if they have experience with being in their presence to have such a judgement, I STOP.............take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize the anger to/towards people using the words: "kids stuff" is because of me interpreting them as judging me being incompetent and making the situation with my children seem as if it is something worse then it is.


Thus within this, I commit myself to not judge myself as being incompetent and as someone that makes things seem bigger then they are, and just look at the situation as it is in fact and out of that see how I can fix it and come up with solution that will have an outcome that is best for all, and to remind myself to keep looking at it without judging it, but simply as how it is right now, right here.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into judging other parents that give my advise of how to deal with my children that are extreme naughty, when they themselves don't have children like this, and wherein I judge their advise of not being valid, I STOP-------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I judge other parents that don't have children like have giving me advise on how to deal with them as invalid, because of the very fact that they themselves do not have children that are in the extreme behavior my children are, thus within this their advise would probably not work, without me even try the parts out that I didn't put in practice yet.


Thus within this, I commit myself to incorporate and put to practice the parts of the advises the other parents give to me to see if it can work with my children too, and everything that works with them, I keep on building on them till I get a best way of dealing with them and not only dealing with them, but actually solving the problem that is existent within and as their behavior.



When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into judging psychologists of not taking me serious and giving me theories, that when I put them in practice don't work with my children and they then put it on me as if I am the one probably not implementing it correctly, I STOP------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I relied too much on what the psychologists are saying instead of finding out in the moment of application what are the changes and where there can be alterations and modifications to suit my children best, so that change can possibly happen, instead of immediately writing them off as ineffective.


Thus within this, I commit myself to not write off advises or theories of psychologist immediately when they are not working practically, but to see if I can change them and modify them to suit me in helping my children help themselves changing themselves.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into  judging my children as being extreme/very naughty, without actually being there living with them, because of them living far away from me in another country, I STOP------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I m clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that my judgement of my children are coming from hearsay from the mother and my older sister whom have had the experience of being with them, but yet I am also aware that this is their own personal interpretation of the behavior of the children and not that they have investigated the underlying currents and reasons of the why's and how's they are behaving in this manner, and if it is something that is more a momentary reaction to/towards certain situation or event or that it is the way they have become and are living it out.

Thus within this, I commit myself to mostly look at the situation of my children in regards to their behavior as what they will actually tell me within their own words and how they look at things from their own perspectives, and based on this I can only support them with advising them with what can work for them and what not and how they can be effective themselves in making sure that they in their own lives can live in a way that have a result that is best for themselves and also for others, thus that they are not a obstruction to others as themselves.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing my own fear of letting my children come here to live with me, because I might fail in bringing them up, I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am in fear of failing in raising up my own children, because I see my own life as a failure right now, being on myself, thus how could I be of any support to them in this kind of situation.

Therefore, I commit myself to not see my own life as a failure first and solve the problems I have first and when I am certain that I am ready and that I can let them come live with me, I do that. For now my focus is going to be on my own fear of my own self-perceived failure.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling disgusted by people that say to me that they are lucky to have had children that are not like mine and that theirs are "good children", I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I feel disgusted by people telling me that they are lucky to have children that are not like mine, because I am of the understanding that there is no such thing as "good" or "bad" children, that there are only consequences we have come to interpret as "good" or "bad" so we can fit into the society we have come to accept and allow as the way we live with each other.

Thus within this, I commit myself to not letting myself fall into the feeling of feeling disgusted with other people that say to me that they are lucky their children turned out to be "good children" and are not like mine, because within me I am aware where they are coming from and do understand their judgement, thus I just make sure that I stick to being stable and direct in a consistent and constant manner with my children communicating to them to rewards of living in accordance to principles of live, that are best for all, and that by sticking to that application within their own lives will one day be part of the way they express themselves and will be having as result always what will be best for all.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the backchat of : " Are you serious, just look at the state of the world we live in, there is nothing "good" about the state of the world we live in at all, and the children that are now here are being programmed to be even worse then us," I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I am having this backchat within me as a form of a defense mechanism as to get back at the person that is saying to me that their children have turned out to be "good children," thus using what is in fact so, but just to get even with another in my mind, as if I am telling them in a way, that their children also did not turned out to be "good children" anyways, because the world is painting another picture that is real that is not in alignment and accordance to any children being "good children," nor anyone for that matter.


Thus within this, I commit myself to look at this defense mechanism I am using within my own mind in the form of a backchat to get back or even with people as a way to take revenge on them, and instead of this making sure I become constructive within and as myself to look for solutions that when are implemented will have a result that would be best for all participants involved.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into being angry at people telling me that everything is going to be alright, I STOP------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I get angry at people that give me positive remarks and positive forms of consolidation, because within me I am aware that nothing in this reality happens by itself or in itself or by chance, it is all consequential.


Therefore, I commit myself to work specifically on the emotional reaction of anger itself, because I am also aware that it is unnecessary and that i just have to look at the reality as it is in fact happening, without judging it, and within this to see if what I am looking at is what is best for all or not, and if it is not, I am aware that I have to look for a solution that will bring about what is best for all here.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into letting a memory pass through where I see myself raising my voice to go above that of my children, I STOP--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am having this memory in regards to my children, because in my mind it means that they are not listening to me and that I have to look for ways through my voice to make them listen to me, and this is because of myself not liking people raising their voice at me, thus now finding myself like forced to do to others what I don't like happening to myself.

Thus within this, I commit myself to work on my own judgement and fear in regards to voice tonality and volume and how I have programmed myself to react to that in fear instead of looking at it in ways to can be a tool to help myself getting rid of my own fear and taking a stand within and as myself and direct myself here in a moment to do what is best for all.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into not trusting myself that i can do something, I STOP--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am not trusting myself because of the fears of failing I have created within myself and hold on to as memories so I do not get into changing myself and directing myself.

Thus within this, I commit myself to get rid step by step of the fear of failing that I have created to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, and that I become effective in having patience and endurance and that I just stick to the practical aspect of making something happen, till it happens and make sure to make sure to use the equality of equation of: " 1+1= 2 " as a measurement.



Self-Reward:

Within this writing I have come to see/realize and understand that most of what I perceive as problems with my children being extreme naughty are solvable and that I have only some fear issues to take care of by myself in order to be effective in communicating with them, and that things will change for me and for them when I have taken out the fears that are existent within me in regards of me being able to help them helping themselves in regards to their behaviors.





Thanks.



Larry Manuela

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are you serious, just look at the state of the world we live in, there is nothing "Good" about the state of the  world we live in at all, and the children that are now here are being programmed to be even worse than us," - See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/09/day-330-very-naughty-children.html#sthash.yqywpGcG.dpuf

are you serious, just look at the state of the world we live in, there is nothing "Good" about the state of the  world we live in at all, and the children that are now here are being programmed to be even worse than us," - See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/09/day-330-very-naughty-children.html#sthash.yqywpGcG.dpuf

are you serious, just look at the state of the world we live in, there is nothing "Good" about the state of the  world we live in at all, and the children that are now here are being programmed to be even worse than us," - See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/09/day-330-very-naughty-children.html#sthash.yqywpGcG.dpuf

Day 332, Very Naugthy Children 3

I am now continuing with more self-forgiveness statements, and possibly the beginning of some self-commitment statements.

Here is what I left off from the last post:

" I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear responsibility, because it implies commitment, and I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself not committing myself to anything or anyone, thus therefore avoiding responsibility to myself and others as myself as life here as one as equal as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always wanted to commit myself but then again in the middle of the commitment when things are seemingly not working out as expected them to work out, I start to look for ways to leave or find an excuse to leave or making it possible for the other to find an excuse to put me out of the relationship with them, because in that matter I have then made it possible for me to not have to take my self-responsibility to/towards life."




                        

So now continuing with more self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to think and believe that I cannot take my self-responsibility and that it is too hard and difficult, wherein I postpone almost everything wherein I am personally involved, as in where I have to bring my contribution within my participation, therefore avoiding taking my responsibility towards myself foremost and also to/towards others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself into making it harder for myself in order for me to have an excuse to not take my self-responsibility to/towards myself here and to/towards others as myself here.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish/want/desire things to be easy and to try to look for an easy way out, when I am aware deep within myself that there is no easy way out, and that actual practical work is required to be done in order to bring about that which is best for all here, practically/physically and factually.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide away within myself in order to avoid having to place myself in a situation where self-responsibility have to be taken by myself, just because I have interpreted it and define it within myself as something that is hard to do, instead of just doing it and get it over with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that just because something is appearing to be hard, it automatically means that it is something that I should not give it my time and day and thus avoiding doing it, thus within this devaluing it within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only take responsibility for things I value without seeing/realizing and understanding that the values I give to something or someone is actually tainted/limited not pure as in the life principle of what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that, that which seemingly through/via my mind interpretation to be hard, is actually just that, a mind interpretation and not an actual physical manifestation as fact.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself in order to keep on going within the same mind-set and same patterns that governs my specific behaviors to/towards myself and others as myself and within this not actually changing me, to be and become that which is best for all life.


Thanks.


More to come in the next post....


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

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Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG

Day 331, Very Naughty Children?? Part 2

I am now continuing with more self-forgiveness statements in regards to what I wrote yesterday in my blog.
I will place here the link and also beneath it a few lines of where I left off.

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/09/day-330-very-naughty-children.html






                                                               





" I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very angry at people whom want to give me an advise that has to do with a future projection of positivity and telling me not to worry because everything is going to be alright, when I am aware that without me taking my responsibility to/towards my children and all children in this world and to do whatever it takes to make sure that the possibility exists that they will come to the realization for themselves that they have to choose life above anything and anyone else, would be a living  reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have memories of me being with my children and sometimes when they do not listen to me, that I have to raise my voice to go above their voice in order for them to then be quiet and listen to me.



                                                                          

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can do this." 


More self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself that they have become like this because it was me whom made the decision to leave them with the mother behind when I found out the mother cheated on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the mother for doing something whereof I had to made the decision to leave her and children behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always have doubts within myself about leaving them behind with the mother, if I had made the best decision, since I cannot trust the mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to because I cannot trust myself I project it on the mother, thus I see untrustworthiness within her instead of seeing solutions that denote responsibility within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I also have some points within me that cannot be trusted or are not trustworthy, but yet seeing the point within another has more impetus then seeing it within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be a point of support and assistance within solutions that would have been best for all involved in the past in regards to me leaving my children with my ex. behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the situation about my children as hopeless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot solve this problem and look for ways to not have to deal with it and yet also having mix feelings about it, because I am aware that I am responsible for them no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not pay attention to my children well, and blame it on the distance between us, as they are in another country far away from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a form a releaf because they are away from me where I can be myself without the direct relationship and responsibility in practical matters and   direct physical support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take the responsibility to my children and sometimes deliberately avoid to having to find myself in a situation with them where I would have to face myself having to take my self-responsibility towards myself and also towards them.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to deal with having to fix what is done already, within this implying; that I am giving up on life as it exists within and as myself and within and as my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat within me as: " I don't want to deal with all this shit right now on top of all the shit I am already in," to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my responbsibility for my children through my mind as a shitty thing to deal with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see dealing with the problems my children are going through as shitty, because in my mind I am avoiding taking my responsibility to come up with the best possible solution that could be best for all involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take my self-responsibility because I am aware that I then have to give up the life I have as living on my own away in order to have them with me.


I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to sharte my life with my children as I have programmed myself into a comfortable wasy of living being on my own without anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to give up my life alone for that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to take responsibility and then afterwards fail and find myself into more trouble doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find excuses for not wanting to take my self-responsibility to/towards life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just because of avoiding trouble I decide to not take my self-responsibility and in doing so, I then use "avoiding trouble" as an escapegoat in order to keep on being irresponsible to/towards myself as life and others as myself as life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pospone responsibility to/towards myself and others as myself because of fearing having to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear responsibility, because it implies commitment, and I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself not commiting myself to anything or anyone, thus therefore avoiding responsibility to myself and others as myself as life here as one as equal as all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always wanted to commit myself but then again in the middle of the commitment when things are seemingly not working out as expected them to work out I start to look for ways to leave or find an excuse to leave or making it possible for the other to find an excuse to put out of the relationship with them, because in that matter I have then made it possible for me to not have to take my self-responsibility to/towards life.


To be continued.......................


Thanks.


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG

Day 330, Very Naughty Children??

I have recently found that my children have become very naughty children. They are out of control.
This bothers me a little because I am not there to really be of help and can't be there either. They live in another country.
The day the mother took that decision to leave with them, I already told her that, looking at how they were already behaving here, that things might get worse and whuala......this is exactly what happened.

I wanted to bring them here to me, but now that I know this I don't want to do this anymore, I have doubts about it, because I on my own have financial problems to cope with and then to have two children who don't listen and do what they find fit them best whatever that would mean, I don't want that.






                                                                   

So the question I ask myself is how am I going to take my self-responsibility towards myself and then to them, because this is not a simple challenge and no matter how I put it, I am responsible for them.

There are children that are "normal naughty" = they do kids stuff......but my children are beyond this.

My daughter is into boys right now, she is 14, but these boys are not just boys, they are sometimes man older man and I am talking about problematic boys/man.....street/ganster types. That is what she is attracted to, as most girls go through in their teenage years. She steals and love to bring trouble into peoples lives They're vengeful and want to make another pay all the time if they find the other hurt them either emotionally or physically.

My son is fighting continously at school just to be a bully and is contiously talking about wanting to kill people, and I am not talking about "kid stuff " here. He is 8 years old.


                                                       

I see that they have adopted within their lives all that are harmful towards themselves and others as themselves and brought it to an extreme level and live it out as if it is a normal thing to do and to be.

I am writing this, because I am aware that some people may have the assumption that this can be impossible and they are just kids doing kids stuff. If one was lucky enough to have children that are easy to talk to and they listen, then one can say it is just "kid stuff" but it is when one is really into the situation itself with kids that are already on the extreme end and  one have not gotten much of an influence in their lives that one will see that it is not as it can be with children that do listen more easily to their parents. So for those whom think/believe that this is just "kid stuff,"  and that the problem I am having with my children is just like any other parent in the world is having with their children, I can assure you it is not.

The worry I am having is how do I fix this problem when I myself is also having problems that have to do with money. Because by bringing them to me, means that I am going to be leaving them alone at home when I am working and cannot afford "babysitter" at the moment. And besides that---------- I work 3 shifts, thus they are going to be alone at nights and that would be a wonderful opportunity for my daughter to do whatever at home when I am not there.

So I can see that in this situation money also plays a very decisive role, because of lack of money I cannot make certain decisions well.
I am also aware that if I leave them there, they will be lost, and will be a challenge maybe to help them change themselves.




Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about my children becoming very extreme naughty children that are out of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like it is my fault that they have become this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that what is playing out in my life is the outcomes that I am experiencing in my life where I have not taken my self-responsibility as I should have done and also within this in the lives of the children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to blame myself and the mother for what is happening with the children.

I forgive mysellf that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel emotionally sad about the whole situation, because I am aware that I do not want them to get lost along the way and ruin their own lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is my fault that they are the way they are and that it is my fault that they have made the decision to change themselves to be the way they have become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am too late to help them help themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the chance to really sit and have a look at what are the possibilities for me to take some kind of action that would result into that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: " I'm getting tired of this S***"  to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I am aware that because of not having enough money puts me in a position wherein I cannot do much to support the children as I would like to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that most people won't understand  the situation and will give some advise that most of the times can be applied only with children that do listen, that are doing just "kids stuff."


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people that do not have children that are extreme in a way of being naughty but do not appear like they are extreme, and that  these people will think and believe that what they apply with their children will work with my children to.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that most child psychologists have very nice theories but when it comes to the actual being in the moment with the child that does not listen the theory does not work and within this I feel like a little frustrated because I experience the psychologist then putting it on me that I must be doing something wrong in the application of the theory.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my own children to be very naughty without actually really be with them and live with them as they are now, because they are not living with me in this country.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear wanting to have them be with me, because I think and believe that I might fail, when the reality of the matter is they are not here, so how would I know if I would fail or not?


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if they were with me that they would not have turned into what they are now according to the stories I am hearing from them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes experience a little bit of disgust to/towards people that say to me that they are lucky that their children turned out to be "good children," and that they don't have to go through all this that I am going through with mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when the people are telling me that they are lucky with their children turning out to be "good children," I am busy in my mind backchatting and saying to them in my mind: " are you serious, just look at the state of the world we live in, there is nothing "Good" about the state of the  world we live in at all, and the children that are now here are being programmed to be even worse than us," to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be very angry at people whom want to give me an advise that has to do with a future projection of positivity and telling me not to worry because everything is going to be alright, when I am aware that without me taking my responsibility to/towards my children and all children in this world and to do whatever it takes to make sure that the possibility exists that they will come to the realization for themselves that they have to choose life above anything and anyone else, would be a living  reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have memories of me being with my children and sometimes when they do not listen to me, that I have to raise my voice to go above their voice in order for them to then be quiet and listen to me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can do this.



more to come soon.........................


Thanks.



Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study another proposal we have, which is:  LIG