Day 364, Do You Think You Are Gonna Make it?

I asked myself a question, when I was back chatting, and it was as follows: " Do you think you're gonna make it?"  and I answered myself with: "  Oh yeah, I gotta get outta here!"

Now the moment I said this within my mind I realized something about myself. I realized that the " I gotta get outta here"  part, is part of a desire I secretly had/have wherein I just want to get up and leave everything and everyone behind, like go to a secluded place where no-one will know where I am, and I will be all alone. It is like a wanna run away from all this hardship in my world/the world.
Secretly I desire and wish sometimes, often more than other that I can find myself into a situation where I have " no way out"  kind of situation. Like being in a situation where there is nowhere to run or to be, but to face myself completely right here, no holding back and give it all into forgiveness, really really open up completely.

                                       

The other point is, that I do know what to do. The problem is in the actual doing itself.
I also realized that I fear changing me, changing the who I am now, which is nothing more or less than personalities/characters in my mind for specific events and situations within my life process. Most of the time I am " myself."  However this " myself"  is not really ME. The real me at the moment is not yet here. You know it is like I went into a dark cave and as I was going deeper and deeper into the darkness I was  leaving little reflectors on the way down for when to get back, I can find my way back, however when I got into the deepest of depths within this cave of darkness I got lost and could not find my way back out, and now that I am finding the reflectors I myself have placed I am starting to remember how I got in, and remember the way out. I just have to follow the reflectors and get back out.

The reflectors in this example are the the personalities/characters I have created within myself that are now clouding/fogging me to see clearly and to remember the who I am for real. The who/what I was before the mind, before energy, this part of me is where I must get back to. It is called Beingness. The part of me that is aware of itself as LIFE. As one can see the personalities/characters are not good or bad, positive or negative or right or wrong, they are my reflections I have created, they are ideas about myself I have created within my mind consciousness system. As one can see; I CREATED them. Not one thing that exists within and as my mind can be placed there by another, it have to have my permission, the information must be accepted and allowed by myself, same way goes for using it.

Self-Forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have the back chat: " Do you think you're gonna make it?" to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have also as back chat however in a form of answer to myself the following back chat: " Oh yeah, I gotta get outta here!"  to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see within and as my back chats, that I am actually busy pointing to myself out what I have created as ideas/believes within and as myself, about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself more than often try and stop the back chats without really investigating them first to understand where they are coming from and which specific point are they related to within myself, which character is connected to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use these back chat to actually encourage myself to try and fulfill a desire/wish I have created within myself to cope with also the fear I have created within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become wherein, I actually fear myself, because the personalities/characters are now me as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand for real that I am the creator of the back chats, that I am the creator of the personalities/characters, that I am the creator of the fears, therefore that I am a creator within and as myself, thus meaning as I create within me that which is at the moment only self-interest, I can also create what which is best for all of life, which is that which is in the best  interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own creations, including fear itself, which is also my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that my creations are me and that by understanding them, I will also understand how I created myself to represent me as if they are really real, when the real me itself behind it all I forgot that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept fear to be part of me as me and to allow it to influence my decision making in every moment.

To be continued.....................................................

Thanks

Larry Manuela

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Day 363, The winds of Back-Chat Part 2.

Now I am continuing with the second part of what I started with in the previous part.


I am in this blog going to write my self-commitment statements.

Self-commitment statements:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into allowing myself to be blown away side by side, back and forth, within myself by my self-created back chats, I stop------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that allowing the back chats in a moment, results into back-chatting even more.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure I in the moment itself apply forgiveness immediately instead of letting it continue building up and becoming me spewing more back chats in my head.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into becoming impatience because of the debts that I have and that I
.. want to get rid of, I stop-------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I become impatience with having debt, because I want to solve that problem as like right now, or yesterday and this is not possible at the moment.

Therefore, I commit myself to make a plan and stick to it, in agreeing with myself to make sure I attend to my debt problems in a way that will be best for me and that I practice being patients and remember that I have to do all this one breath at the time.

When and as I see myself going into or I am to go into blaming myself into having to get myself into a situation of debt, I stop................... take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that blaming is not a solution however more an adding to the problem, because what is done is already done, and the consequences of that which was already done, are also part of the same problem and the solution can only be a practical one, real physical action, and blame is not part of that practical/physical solution.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure  that I take the necessary steps with my finances that I already know I have to take and within this stick to it till I free myself of these debts and be able to support myself and everyone else that needs my support financially.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into generating the emotion that contributes to the hate of debt in the money system, I stop..........take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am allowing the emotion as hate to exist within me, because I do not agree with this system of money as to HOW it functions, and by having the emotion of hate generating within me about it, I somehow think/believe that I am taking a revenge on the system, when in reality I am just in puny/little world in my mind, generating energy to keep this world alive.

Therefore, I commit myself to remind myself to breathe in these moments and hold my hands together or do whatever that is a physical movement and focus on it to bring me here, and after I see that I am calm and quiet inside I do self-forgiveness about the emotion that I have accepted and allowed to come up within me to release it, and take note if it is necessary to work it out later more specifically to find out what triggered it exactly to come.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling shame, I stop------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am ashamed of myself of being into situation of debt, because I live a life of struggle and mostly because people judge people who are in debt problems as somebody that is stupid.

Therefore, I commit myself to little by little push myself to get rid of this shame that exist within me as me, by focusing on the moments when I know I am going to use it to energize myself to experience that word as an emotion, energy. I do forgiveness to myself in that moment and when I have a moment alone I have a look at it more deeply in writing and work myself out of it, and continue doing so, till there is no more shame existent within me.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into deliberately choosing women that are very far away from me to start something with them, I stop-------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back till I am clear are stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am doing this, because I do not want any woman to come and visit myself home, because of me being ashamed of my home not being ready yet, not having furniture yet, only the basic things I need I have, like a fridge, a washing machine, a bed and of course internet.

Therefore, I commit myself stop looking for women for awhile and just focus on little by little buying the stuff I need to put in my apartment to have it ready, and to not have it ready to receive women as guests or so, however to have it ready so I myself can live comfortable in my apartment.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into using the back chat: " I am tired of this S***," I stop---------------  take a deep breath and bring myself here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using this back chat, because I have the experience to want to give up on myself, like I cannot take this anymore, tired of living a life where survival has become a form of struggle instead of what one have to do to support ones body and the environment one lives in with everything that is here.

Therefore within this, I commit myself to little by little work on this experience I have placed/created within myself where I want to give up on myself, I write myself out and forgive myself and focus my living on practical actions so I can help myself working myself out without having my consciousness/mind being in the way.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling like I do not want to do anything, I Stop--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am feeling like I do not want to do anything, because this feeling of not wanting to do anything is one of the consequences when I am giving up on myself, so I literally slowly but surely rot away without actually doing nothing, thus in reality creating that which represents " giving up on myself."

Therefore, I commit myself to deliberately when I preparing myself to do nothing, I push myself to do something that is physical and practical, moving out of the situation of ending up all the time doing nothing. I go take a walk, I can write anything, or do anything that involves some physical action.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into being angry at people who are saying that they have no money in conversation, when in reality they do have money, I stop------------ take a deep breath and ground myself till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am angry at people acting as if they have no money, when I am aware that they are lying, because of the way they live their lives with money that indicates that they have money, and because I am in a situation wherein I really do not have money or have very little money, I find than that my statement when I say I have no money is valid and theirs not. Thus in reality I am angry at myself for not having money or very little money.

Therefore, I commit myself to little by little getting myself out of this situation of not having money or very little money and do my best to be as best I can be in what I am already doing so I can place myself in a position where I can have some room to breathe and can end up having some money left after I have paid my expenses. I realize that this is at the moment the only way I can do it as a start.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into lying, I stop---------take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the  mind as energy.

I realize that I think/believe that if I tell I lie about " something that matters"  it is than o.k. to tell a lie, not seeing/realizing and understanding that a lie is a lie no matter how I judge it and telling a lie is actually perpetuating the lie that exists in this reality.

Therefore I commit myself to just stop the lie that exist within me, and just shut up, and do not say nothing and if there comes a back chat in relation to stopping myself to tell a lie, I immediately move into focusing on my breathing and just do self-forgiveness in that moment for myself within myself and when I am at home and is getting ready to go to bed I come back to the moment and write it all out for myself and work it out.

Self-Reward:

Within this writing about myself I have come to see/realize and understand that there are much more points that came to the surface that needed my attention to be worked out. I have seen/realized and understood that whatever state of mind I am in, I can always choose to get out of it and to actually do something practical about getting out of it.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

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Day 362, The winds of Back-Chat.

I have chosen this title for my blog, because this is how I experience myself inside, if I would
give a practical/physical example of it. It's like being a coconut tree in the middle of a hurricane and the winds of this hurricane swing the tree from left to right, back and forth. Thus the tree is being badly hammered by the winds.


                                                                       

So let me go now into the specifics. I have been gravitating on the process of clearing myself from some debts I have, and every time it looks like I am going to finally, at least get a break and really be in a situation where I have a " normal"  money flow and my expenses I need to pay are not behind, but all on time,---------- However something unexpected always seems to happen to my children or some very good friends of mine, where I find myself in a situation that I cannot say: "  sorry, solve your own problems yourself!"  Either my kids really really need some money immediately or a friend is totally F***** and needs my help.
Than a point opens up that I do see, that it is a pattern, and this pattern I have been doing it for a very very long time, and it is this: "  I always weight/judge the situation of another, as worse than mine, thus I help this person first and see afterwards to myself, because I think and believe, I can still help myself afterwards,"  making few arrangements and agreements to pay what I have to pay in little parts till I am back on track again. However I have seen that this makes me fall behind all the time, and it is not like I am going to get some extra money to cope with this " fall back." Therefore, it will take me months afterwards to be on track again, and than BOOM, the same story again and again year in, year out. And within all this I than have the back chat: I am tired of this S***."
And I have to say that this back chat is not related or projected to these people, but to the situation of always having money shortage. Sometimes I wake up and I do not want to even go to work, because I know the whole salary is about, getting the money to refill the hole, in paying back what I am running behind with, with payments.

Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blown side to side up and down inside myself by the back chats I allow myself to have within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate being in a situation of having to have debt, that it makes me impatience, because I want to solve this problem immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of wanting to solve this problem immediately, I run a muck in my mind looking for ways to solve it immediately instead of looking for other solutions that may not be immediate, however will alleviate the problem in the start and at least give myself some room to breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on blaming myself to find myself within a situation of debt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate debt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel so ashamed of having to have debt, that I allow myself to not go anywhere and also not talk to anyone to avoid anyone coming close to me and finding out about my situation in relation to debt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have as less contact as possible with people, to avoid them asking me if they could come visit me, because I am ashamed of my house not being livable ready yet and I knowing that it is going to take a long time before I can get it to a level where it will become a comfortable living environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also make sure that when I meet women on the internet that they are always far away from me, not close to the city I live in, so it won't be easy for them to say, that they want to come over/visit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what people may think and say about me being in the situation I am, because I am ashamed of myself for being in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat: "  I am tired of this S***,"  to exist within me as me as the mind.

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself.

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that due to the long dragging of being in financial difficulty, I just have no zest in anything I am doing, and eventually I end up doing nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my problem as " never ending."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes be angry at people, whom SAY and act as if they have no money in conversations, however in real live their way of spending show the truth, just because I am the one really without money, or very little money and when I say it in conversations it is not a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people as liars.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and leave myself out of the judgement of being a liar, when I am aware that I also do lie in some instances to save myself from certain/specific situations that can compromise my well being or my survival in the system, thus I avoid on the surface to not judge myself as a liar as the others, because what I lie about has to do with " something that matters"  and they lie about something that does not matter or hurt lots of people. Thus Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find within myself a justification as to what  weighs more to be lied about or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand in the moment of me lying about something to save myself of consequences, that I am busy in reality contributing to the lie that exist within this world that is the equal with the one I am busy, namely: "  to protect self-interest."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall within the believe of:  " if I am lying to protect my self-interest, because it will have a good/positive/right outcome for me," that it is than o.k. to tell a lie.


To be continued........................................




Thanks.



Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

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Day 361, The anger that consumes me, Part 2

O.k. Here I am with the continuation of the blog that I wrote before this one,  For context, I suggest to read that one here if one will here.

This where I left off in previous blog:



" When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into reacting against something in anger within my mind consciousness system, I stop................take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by allowing anger to exist within me, within my mind I am thinking and believing that it means that at least I am caring somehow, because " I am thinking about others that have less than me," as if "thinking about it is caring." 

Therefore, I commit myself to just stop myself thinking about those whom I have judged as living in circumstances and situations that are challenging, and actually start to get myself involved more practically with the actual doing, moving to/towards solutions that will bring about a change that will be best for all life." 

Self-commitment statements continuing:

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into participating in anger within and as myself and allowing it to be fueled up within myself, by myself, I stop........................ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am allowing anger to be fueled within myself by myself, because of a deep seated self-created believe that somehow if I am angry at something or someone, I am being against that which I, myself has judged as faulty/wrong/bad/negative, within my own mind consciousness system, thus being angry against all of these is a " good/positive/right"  thing to do/to be, when in reality it is a war I am creating within and as my own mind, using projection judgement about what I see happening in the world, that have some similarity, or are totally similar to that which I have judged as faulty/wrong/bad/negative, thus reason enough within my mind consciousness system to be against it. However instead of working it out practically, I dwell in it, and allow it to consume me.

Therefore, I commit myself to really push myself into actually moving myself and doing what needs to be, because I already have the tools to work with, now rests the applying part. Thus I work on the applying part little by little till it becomes like brushing my teeth facing each point within myself, bringing myself to clarity and clearness, the point of understanding.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into in a creepy/strange way, enjoying being angry within and as myself to/towards myself and others as the whole world, I stop----------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I enjoy in a " creepy/strange way,"  being angry within myself, because I have become addicted to the energy of anger within me, and justify it with " being right"  about being angry at certain outcomes and certain groups and certain specific people in this world, including myself.

Thus within this, I commit myself to first release myself from this anger that consumes me and that I see, that I even enjoy, because it gives me a point of wanting to be against that which I have judged as " faulty/bad/wrong/negative specifically, using the tools provided by desteni as in Self-Forgiveness and Self-Commitments derived from common sense introspection.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into being angry at humanity at large because of what I see I have accepted and allowed to happen to life on my watch, I stop--------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am putting the blame on humanity for where I lack doing something that is practical solution-wise and will have an outcome that will be best for all.

Therefore, I commit myself to push myself to look more into coming up with practical solutions that is best for all that I am capable of doing in a moment and in this manner learn little by little how to be like this, and taking little by little more complicated practical solutions as part of my living expression.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing a self-created imagination of what might become an outcome that is even worse than what exists now on this earth, I stop--------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am fearing these imaginations of possible outcomes within myself not so much because of what can happen to humanity and/or to life on earth, however more so, because of self-interested reasons as in, myself having to go through these or members of my family having to go through these.

Thus within this, I commit myself to only look at the self-interest that exists within me from the perspective of measuring myself as to see/realize and understand where I am taking self-responsibility to life or not, and doing what needs to be done to actually bring about in this world, that which will be best for all life, and in this way transforming self-interest into that which is the best interest of/for all.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing losing a job in this world, I stop-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am fearing losing a job, because of what I already am aware that will happen when one looses a job in this world, especially in this day and age, where it is very challenging to get a new one, and having many other factors relating to it which makes it even more challenging, and bringing it all to the base, it is about being aware that one will be in a situation where one will be having to go through less money or no money, or at least not enough to cover all the monthly expenses that will not change to accommodate ones situation, which I find unfair given the amount of time gives to the system when one DO have a job in the system. One support the system 100% when one is working, however when one falls out of the system, the system will only support one 60 to 40 % depending where one lives, in which country and in some countries, it is basically ZERO support.


Thus within this, I commit myself to focus only on that which I do in each moment physically when it comes to my job and make sure I learn everything that needs to be learnt in order to get better at what I am doing, so I can support myself better within the system even when I loose a job, the possibility to find another one is greater then.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into fearing being in the middle of a humanity gone mad, I stop------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am fearing being in the middle of a humanity gone mad, because of what I can imagine could happen as what I already see happening in the world at the moment, only much worse than that.

Thus within this, I commit myself to focusing on solutions to the problems that are here, and focusing on bringing out more information about solution than information about the problem that is already here and is getting worse, so that my contribution to the world is one of solution and not one of focusing on what the problem is without a practical solution.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into thinking and believing that I cannot live oneness and equality within and as myself, I stop------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am  thinking and believing I cannot live oneness and equality within and as myself, because I judge it as something too big for me to live as if it is out of my reach, when in reality I have been given all that I need to live this, which is LIFE itself. LIFE is right here within as me. All I need to do is realize myself as this life and than all this thinking and believing will be no more.

Thus within this, I commit myself to focus more on LIFE that is the gift that is right here within me, which I for 100% am aware that I can trust this life no matter what, and the form of life that this life is expressing itself within and as and through, which is my human physical body. All I need to do is actually LIVE the trust I already have as common sense and remind myself that this trusting of life is going to take application/dedication/time/patience and grounding of me as self as life here. Thus baby steps to/towards myself in my application of remembering the who I am as LIFE here.

Self-Reward:

I see/realize and understand that my anger was related to/towards world events and outcomes due to my participation within the anger that I generate within myself as myself, in so doing supporting even in small ways the anger that is existent within this world through humanity at large, because of the anger comes in separation making one wanting to choose sides, as in thinking and believing always that whatever side one chooses is the " good/right/positive"  side when in reality the only choice to choose if choice was a matter, would be to choose the side of LIFE, which will not be the side that is "  good/right/positive"  or  " bad/wrong/negative,"  however, will be the only choice that will be BEST for all of life.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

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Day 360, The Anger that consumes me.

So here I am again with another same old problem or should I say challenge.



                                                                       

I have noticed lately that there is this anger that consumes me. And this anger I project on all of us, including myself, because of this thing we are doing, which I will call: "waiting." 

Because every single problem that is right here, right now can be stopped and changed forever more. However, because we do not really want to come together and work to/towards practical solutions that will be best for all of us, we keep on keeping on with the blaming game and looking at a so-called: "elite."  

We act as if the elite have soooooooo much power than all of us put together, which of course is not so.

I have noticed that this anger within me is related to a fear, and this fear is specific to experiencing unnecessary hardship.
Thus my anger that I project to/towards others as myself, is in relation to not wanting to go through unnecessary hardships and because I see that in reality, humanity is not really coming together anytime soon and the problems we have keep on mounting up, I become angry, but mostly deep inside myself it is a fear of the consequences that I can imagine could take place if we do not stand together as one & equal and stop, than change all the problems that are here, that we have created. Thus; OUR problem is MY problem!

Points that I need to work on:

***  anger to/towards humanity and myself included

***  projection of anger to/towards humanity and myself

***  Fear of possible future outcomes

*** Fear of having to go through hardships

*** Fear of  having to go through a world gone totally mad, because we do not share equally for everyone.

Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go through the experience of being angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that by allowing anger to exist within me as me, I am somehow doing something or at least I am caring, because I am against that which is not right in the world that I see?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the anger that exists within me more impetus and value, through participating in it, fueling it up without actually working it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work out my anger I have been accumulating within me as me, because little by little it has become a point where I even like being angry all the time in my mind about the situation  I am in and that the whole world is in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself and humanity at large, because of what I have accepted and allowed to be here on earth, while I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the possible outcomes that can become part of my reality in this world and the reality for lots of people in this world, and not just people but lots of beings on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to go through hunger, to not actually have something to eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pay for my monthly expenses and thus get into a lot financial problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, due to not being able to pay my rent get be put out on the streets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to tell someone else, whomever this someone else is, a family or not, that I am in financial difficulty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to ever coming to a point of rest financially, a safe base where I can take care of my children financially as I wanted and as I have to, because I do not have a job anymore to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be in the middle of a humanity gone mad, because there is no equal sharing among humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at humanity, including myself for not accepting and allowing equal of everything to exist within and as this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that I cannot for myself live equality within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at " those people" whom make decisions in this world, which have an impact and effect the lives of lots of humans and other beings on earth that does not lead to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make decisions in every moment that I am here that will accumulate and eventually become that which will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that humanity is doomed, because I judge humanity by what I see humanity allows to occur to life on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe  that I am doomed, because I judge myself for what I allow to accur to life on earth on my watch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I am aware that I am not doing much about changing the whom I am now to be/become a human being that can truly stand within and as myself to live in every moment, that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be consumed with anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lash out within and as my mind to all people out of desperation, because of my own self-created anger within myself to/towards humanity at large, myself included.

Self-commitment statements:

When I see myself going into or I am about to go into Anger, I stop.................take a deep breath, bring myself here, quiet myself within and as my breath, focusing on my breathing, the phyiscal feeling/touch of my breath and stick with it right here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that the anger that consumes me can only do so, because I am allowing it to be within and as my experience within and as my body.

Therefore, I commit myself to whenever there comes a moment when I in anger because I forgot to breathe to immediately remind myself that I am here and my breath here, my body is here and the whole earth here to support me with that which is life, all I need is to bring myself back here within and as myself and focus on that which is my breath and my physical body by touching my arms or holding my two hands together so that my focus is than here, which is that which is actually here as expression of life.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into reacting against something in anger within my mind consciousness system, I stop................take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by allowing anger to exist within me, within my mind I am thinking and believing that it means that at least I am caring somehow, because " I am thinking about others that have less than me," as if "thinking about it is caring." 

Therefore, I commit myself to just stop myself thinking about those whom I have judged as living in circumstances and situations that are challenging, and actually start get myself involved more practically with the actual doing, moving to/towards solutions that will bring about a change that will be best for all life.

To be continued in the next blog............................

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

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Day 359, Have you walked the 40 Miles for water each day, says the poor man?

A dialogue between a rich man and a poor man:


Poor man:                                        

My back hurts from all this waking up early in the morning to go to a well
that is 40 Miles away from where I live. I have to walk up there to reach it.
I got to do it, otherwise my 4 children, my wife and myself would be without water.
Water shortage started 2 generations ago, from my generation.
We have had many promises for help, but none ever effective.
First the wells closer to my home dried up, and then we started to look for wells further away.
My older daughter helps me sometimes with carrying water back.
We used to have a dunky, but she died, and now since there is less water available,
taking care of the animal stocks has become even more challenging.
Right now, I only have 2 goats, 1 duck, 3 chickens. I try my best to take care of them.
I know that someday soon one of them is gonna go, because we just need to eat too.
It breaks my heart having to kill my animals, especially when they grow so close to me.
But we gotta eat! but for how long?


Rich man:                                

I am driven to my business each morning by my personal chauffeur.
I do not really communicate with my chauffeur. I just give him my schedule
in advance so he knows to be there when I need to be somewhere.
My children, they have everything money can buy. I work hard for them to have
anything their hearts desires. I am aware that I do not have actual time to be there for them,
but we live in a world where money rules, thus money comes first in my life.
Without money, my happiness and that of my children will be none existent.
The way I have to do business is also not something to really be proud of in reality.
It is a world of "dog eat dog."
But as I said in the beginning, I have to make money and as long as there is this opportunity to
make more and more money, I will do whatever it is in my power to make more and more money.
So to you my fellow poor man, I find that you are just someone who complaints about their situation a lot,
and don't really do whatever it takes to get yourself out of it, its like you have no more will-power.
We Rich people, don't ussually adress poor people as dispicable in public, but I have to give it to
you now. We find you within our mids a dispicable bunch!


Poor man:

Well rich man, it is very easy to find me dispicable, when you have not actually really stood
in my shoes. It is very easy to see me as a scum of the earth so to speak. It is very easy to have all kinds of
judgements about me. It is easy to ignore me, very easy to treat me as less human than yourself.
At the end of the day, and this day when it comes, it is always going to be in a moment of time right HERE, because to the
moment in time it doesn't matter, it is just another moment in time, where we each get to sow what we reap, face our consequences, what we have accepted and allowed to be done to LIFE when we are here.
The trees you see, are in every moment standing completely as trees, they are never influenced to be something else they are not, there is NO way a tree can make itself belief itself to be something else, the same goes for any other expression that is NOT a human. However us humans, we are a bunch that loses itself in believing itself to be something else that it is not, and what it is for real, it doesn't give it value at all, because what it believes itself to be is of much more importance and value.
That thing the human belief itself to be within his mind, veils the human to see, to realize and to understand that the life that is within and as him is equal in everyone and everything else. The human cannot see that this life is equal in everyone else and everything else!  The human believes, based on its very own make-believe world in his head, itself to be a system of believe systems as what it really is, that this is of much more value than the life that is within and as him. Thus the personalities the human believes itself to be, because he experience them as an energetic experience, is what the human think and belief it is for real, more real than its human physical body/form, the real physical expression of LIFE.
So, based on this understanding, my fellow rich man, you have only managed by seeing me as dispicable, because you have allowed that which is defined by men as dispicable to be here and instead of standing up and stop it and change it, you allow life in another as yourself to be dispicable, therefore, I am dispicable to you.

Rich man:

Whateverrrrrrrr........!!!                

The moral of this story and coined dialogue between a rich man and a poor man is to bring to the topic of what lots of rich man are thinking and believing about someone that is poor. And understand when I say: "rich man," I am NOT explicitly saying someone that is a multimillionaire alone or a Billionaire, I am saying, ALL of us that are capable of being able to have their survival needs met.
This believe system is a very strong believe system, because it will make one always being against any solution that will eradicate poverty forever more. Real practical solutions that will be permanent to eradicate poverty, these rich people, will resist it no matter what, and if they are in a position where they can put more pressure on the resistance to protect and enforce their view point, they will.

So I implore you the reader to have a good look within yourself as I do, to see if there are any judgements, thoughts, reactions within you about poor people, to remember that YOU are here and you ought it to LIFE to make sure LIFE is dignified in whatever form it expresses itself as within and as.




Thanks.


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

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Day 358, Are we involved in really Caring?

Everyday Scenario's in lives of many:

One father waking up 4 in the morning, taking a shower, prepairing his bread to go to work with, getting into his car, driving to work on a busy highway, getting to work and there meeting all the rest of the colleagues that are going to be in his life, seeing him MORE than his family itself at home, yet when there and having connection/interaction with all these people. still he will not be himself as he is with his family at home.

                                                         

                               ==================================

A single mother waking up early in the morning prepairing bread or whatever it is her children need to go to school with, her body is tired, and her mind tired, she is stressed about work, because she is lacking money and thus her ability to survive better in this system is a challenging one. She always looks in folders to see which supermarket is having discounts in order for her to be able to buy some more food and also clothing or whatever it is her kids need. She buys a lot at retail stores, because there she can find more usefull stuff at a price she can afford.


                                                       

                                   ======================================

A richman wake up early in the morning putting his laptop on to watch the latest news on the market to see if his company has made some money or loss some money. He has introduced eating together as a family, sitting on the dining table as something highly valuable to his family and they all sit and enjoy their foods that the mate that works for them has made, and their lives seem pretty relaxed when it comes to having money to survive, the only problem being that this richman has not gotten much time for his family, because he always have to have a very close look at what is happening on the markets, traveling all the time to meet up with business partners. He is also very much busy with what to buy and what to sell in order to keep the money flow coming in, thus his whole life is concentrated/revolves around making sure this whole money flow operation and him being a richman status continue even if he would lose his family.


                                               

                             ===========================================

Right in the middle of the city a young woman wakes up to go to school. She is studying on a university level and wants to finish successfully becoming a marine biologist. His father was one too, and she became very interested in marine biology by just watching her father do his job. In the weekends she likes to go out and have some fun with her girlfriends and visting some clubs that are very popular among teenagers and young adults. She has a very strong stomach as they say for drinking and taking alcohol. Even though she is a good student and her scores are well, she likes partying hard and becoming drunk in the weekends.


                                       

                              =============================================

Far away somewhere on earth in the middle of some jungle, a village of jungle-people are waking up to do all the little tasks that needs to be done so everyone in the village is provided for. The men of the village wake up early in the morning and go deep into the jungle to look for food, which will take almost the whole day and the women stay behind taking care of the little ones and doing stuff around the village and all of these women work as one group, they do everything together, makes the hardship more bearable and they have fun together while busy surviving.

                                             

                             ===============================================

Last night this young man, did a drive-by shooting together with his gang memebers(friends) and it was his first drive-by shooting ever. He couldn't sleep well, because the whole thing kept coming up within him when he puts his head down, he knows that for him to be a good gang-member, he is going to have to find a way to man-up, to be tough. In his life getting money is about stealing, killing, robbing, conning people, dealing in drugs, the all so famous; ' life on the streets.'

                                                     

                        ================================================

Its very cold tonight, as a matter of fact this whole month was very cold for this family that is very poor and are living right on a belly of a mountain. Their main food is rice and some pork meat everyday. They have never heard of coca cola or any other drinks people are so accustomed with in rich countries. Now and then the mother make some sweet pie for them when they have some special occasion, when one of them has birthday. This is a family of a single mother with 5 children. Her husband passed away 2 years ago working in some mineral mines, and since then her life with her children has become even worse then it was when her husband was still alive.

                                               

                  ===============================================

" My feet hurts," says this young prostitute. I've been walking the streets last night the whole night and it was a slow night, I didn't make much money. There was this man who offerd me 200 bucks if he would pee on me. Normally I will not do this, but since the night was very slow and I was about to get back into my broken apartment, I said to myself: " what the heck, let him has his one time glory for awhile and I go home with at least 200 bucks." I was raped many times, reported it, but because I am a prostitute I am not being taken seriously. I guess it goes with the work I suppose?

                                       

                    ===============================================


It was reported in the local news last night, that the one and only survival of a small poor village that got the deadly virus has also left us, this small girl that was pictured as very strong and that has outlived and survived thus far this virus has given up and died, so her entire generation is gone. The sad part of this story is? The goverment did have a cure, but because of the government delay over issues about how much it is going to cost, by the time they reach the village, it was a waste land, with this girl alone still being alive rolling of pain in her bed, and in the stench of all the other family members dead and of the other villagers dead, the stench was unbreable and many couldn't believe how this young girl could take that and on top of it also being sick like hell.

                                               

        =============================================================

I pictured here some small stories of what happens in  many lives of people on this earth EVERYDAY. Some are having much more challenging lives, others are seemingly drifting unchallenged by circumstances and looks at ease with their lives.

Now what do we see in these little stories I just coined up? What do they all have in common?


The pointers:

1.) They are all survivals in their own ways.

2.) They are all equally affected by the system they are in, even when they are not really in the system of money itself, like the ones living in the jungle.

3.) Each one go about their lives living in complete self-interest and isolation even being within a family, no matter what that is, and/or it being something that will be seen/judged as positive or negative.

4.) No matter what they do, there is always this lack, not enough, even when they are rich, like the richman story depicted here in my story.

5.)  For each thing/item/goods one has it has been made by someone else in the world, so one is directly connected through buying it, whatever the product might be, and this "buying" affects lives of many. Thus how we buy literally is a matter of life or dead in this world today.


The solution:

There must come a time where we must see that the only way out of these kind of stories is when each one individually care for everyone and everything, taking responsibility for the whole, making sure the whole each one is part of is best taking care of, IS when our own individual lives will be at its best. As one can see self-interest will never bring an experience of life on earth that is at its best for everyone and everything.




Thanks,


Larry Manuela

Join us at: Desteni

Have a look at Equalmoney the solution to all the problems in this world.

Support our research and buy one or more products that will assist and support you greatly in understanding what is actually going on in life, through;  EQAFE

And do the life course and perfect yourself: DIP

Study this  proposal which is:  LIG