Day 17, mind trying to find some other way to replace porn i used to watch.

I, a few weeks ago i decided to stop watching porn, because i have realized that it is not what is best for all. Today i have noticed how my mind is looking for another way out. It made me go to some websites where one can participate with people who are horny and stuff, and i can hear my own backchat saying: '' this is different, because these people are all in it for real, this is no exploitation, it is what they themselves want, they are just horny people who were just like you, who want some sex action, come on you know it is perfectly fine, no problem, let us just sign in''

Now i signed in and was going into it but there was this voice telling me, reminding me and saying don't do it man, you know this is all the same shit over and over again, you have to let this shit go, you know it..!! After participating for awhile and gotten myself all worked up again i decided to delete these accounts, because it is not what is best for me nor what will be best for all, because i am still participating in supporting companies that make money out of these people who are sexually addicted if you'll ask me. And every f**** day i am having the same thoughts over and over again where i have to breathe through them, and do self-forgiveness.But there must be something i am missing, because they keep on coming. And the thought is: '' i am telling you man, you need to get you some real pussy, it must be real otherwise you are going to have this problem of trying to look for other shit to do, like a backdoor and i am not talking about some prostitute, i am talking about someone whom you can do it more then often with,every time you like.''  I am having a real relationship here with this mind of mine, it seems funny isn't it, but in reality there is nothing funny about this mess, because lots and lots of sexual abuses are happening in this world and lots and lots of people are very addicted to this sex thing, many won't even admit it and will not talk about it, or will not see it as an addiction, and the latter is where most are, in denial. and all because sex is like fun to them, they don't see their addiction as harmful to anything in this world, nor to themselves, it is all just having some fun. And i see patterns emerging now that i have stopped watching porn, i see that ladies are approaching me,but is all about this sex thing, and i see myself also liking lots of woman, it's almost like i became this popular guy, and i know that it is the mind tricking me trying to make me look for one of them for it to have it's energy fixed, but it is hiding it within the idea of it being  '' real physical sex'' because within this it can still f**** with me. It will just use the physical to play the same porn none sense to get it's fix going.

lets go to self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get sucked into my mind again with this sexual experiences.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to lulled myself in to believing and thinking that if i go on these websites where addicted real people are, that it is not porn, it is making their fantasies coming true and this then makes it all perfectly fine, that it is o.k. because they are doing it willingly and are not forced, they are real people and not movie porn-stars.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall for this mind game of trying to be real and excusing this realness of the event as making it perfectly o.k. and fine, when in reality i am busy supporting the addictive behaviours of these people and busy supporting sex being not an intimate expression but a usage as to get one fixed, which is in reality abusive towards the body. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe my backchat that is telling me that it is perfectly fine and o.k. to venture on these websites with real people, because real people are real, they are not actors, they are not porn characters that are role playing, these are people just like you in everyday life, who are wanting/desiring/wishing to have some naughty desires.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself find a backdoor into satisfying my own sex addiction.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see this backdoor as something totally harmless and perfectly o.k. because the people there are all people who want this out of themselves are not forced to be there and do what they do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get horny just because the idea i had based on me finding some real addicted people like me in order to justify my cravings and desires.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: '' this is different, because these people are all in it for real, this is no exploitation, it is what they themselves want, they are just horny people who were just like you, who want some sex action, come on you know it is perfectly fine, no problem, let us just sign in'' to exist within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect this backchat: '' this is different, because these people are all in it for real, this is no exploitation, it is what they themselves want, they are just horny people who were just like you, who want some sex action, come on you know it is perfectly fine, no problem, let us just sign in'' to my sexual desires that are within me as me.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to take full responsibility for who and what i am in what i do, and within this abdicated my responsibility for myself and others as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed to even have to write about this for everyone to see, when i know i have to do it, and also that i am going to have to stick to my commitments as to be later on an example for those who are now on the same path, but have not found it within them yet to see how they are harming themselves and others as them.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to let go of the thought that i need some ''real pussy'' in order to be more effective within this addiction i have with sex.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the word: ''pussy'' as to address a female when i could have just say need a female companion to have sex with, but had to get dirty and use dirty words as to being used to seeing women as sex objects.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself that i am now o.k. it is just normal craving for some sexual intercourse.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have been building throughout my life on being this sex-addict i have become.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see my addiction in the first place as an addiction, but as something very normal, because it is something most men are all after anyways, so i am not the first one,so it is all o.k. when i knew within myself that it was not o.k. because it consumed my whole life, it was all i was thinking of and all i was spending my time perfecting, just to get more and more and more, meanwhile without realizing how i was abusing myself and supporting the abuse of others in this world trough my participation as sex-addict, within this then, supporting and assisting either directly or indirectly all the ways and forms that sex have become in this world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my own dick as a very vital part of my body with which i can use to manipulate women into a sexual intercourse with me so i can get my fix.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make use of my looks that i know are attractive to most women to in this use my looks as to reel them in and in this order get them to have a sexual intercourse with me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use even my ''good manners''', my ''being nice'' my '' being sweet'' my ''being polite'' parts of my character and personality as Larry to reel the women in, in order for me to get my energy fix in the form of sex.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to mold myself into specific character building where through experiences have seen that they can work in order for me to get me a woman to have a sexual experience with. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get myself to being skillful in finding ways to be attractive to women when it comes to manipulating them in order to get sex form them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to from a young age onward mold/shape myself and look at how i am going to get more and more women, and in this perfecting my own strategy  as the works that will work for me in order for me to get them and without making them realize that i was just in for the sex, that they will even not see it. I will leave them with an imprint of me being a ''good man'' '' a nice man'' '' a caring man'' when in all that the real devil was hiding in disguise as the one looking for sex alone and play this whole characters as parts of my personality  perfectly, because i became them, they are me, i just abused them to get what i truly wished/wanted/desired above anything and everything which is sex.


I commit myself to stop from this day on, to fall for my addiction and when i see myself going into the fall, i stop and take a deep breath and bring myself home and make sure i don't participate and go through my resistances and breathe through them, making sure i have some physical touch going on, but not on my body any other object but not my body initially, because it will charge more memories of touching myself, so i start with touching a cup or something else but not my body now, because i am to vulnerable now, and i cannot afford to keep on falling into infinity, i must get up from that which i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become what i have created myself as/into within this world as a sex-addict which took many years of creation, so will take as many years also of deconstructing and deprogramming of the who and what i have become as a sex-addict a.k.a sex-slave.

I commit myself to walk my process of deprogramming as i owe it to the life i have been given and also to my body that i have been abusing to get my energy fix from.


I commit myself to be an example for the many out there whom are not yet ready to face their own truth regarding their sexual addiction that when they meet me here as what i have written, that it may support them in some way for them to also start walking their processes so we can all move faster in stopping the abuses we are doing to life in this world.




Thanks.




Larry Manuela




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Day 16, Dispute With Ex About Seeing Kids

Today i had a little dispute with my ex. about me not being physically there for the children.
They live in another state and for me to get there cost money.
And every time i believe that i have a little money on the side and this time i am going to go and pay them a visit. And it is not only a visit, because when i go there they want to go out with me and have some fun and all of that costs money in the form of bus-tickets and sometimes train-tickets. To really go for just one day there i must have a minimum €100,- with me in my pocket this is excluding transportation and all of that. This thing works on my nerves sometimes, because i want to go and see them as much as they want to see me, but i just can't. I was planning to go this month, but eventually it didn't happen, because their payment for school was behind, and the payment for them to stay after school i had to pay these in one swoop and so the money i was holding back to go to them had to go to those things, so now here i am again waiting to put some money aside in order for me to go see them in at least one weekend, when i have a long one, because due to my work i sometimes start on Sunday in the evening so i take a rest in the day for the start in the evening that ends in the morning. And of course no matter how i try and explain the ex. she sees it as an excuse to not see the children and all the none sense. She told me that the children are angry at me, because it was since January that i saw them the last time. And i can understand their anger, but there is nothing i can do about it. I cannot make more debts just to go see them in one weekend and then have to wait for a long time again to see them after, because i am going to be late with expenses that i pushed aside, because there is just no more room for making or putting some money aside, it just doesn't happen. I am going to see what i can do  in this month to go and see them in one of the weekends that i can be fully there.


Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel'' sad because of me being unable to see my children due to lack of money.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for what i myself have created in the past that are now the consequences i must go through, as in not having enough money to even go see my children.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame the monetary system for me not having money to go to visit my children.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have reactions to/towards my ex.when she accuses me of not wanting to see the children and that i am just making up stories, when she knows that if i don't pay those things for her, she is going to have troubles, and i  have to be in money trouble to by suspending some expenses to pay those things for her, because i know she is in social services and her money is not enough, even worst then me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that the children are ,missing me and that they need to see me more often.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for the decision i made in the past involving me having to leave them with the mother, and within this being unable now to see them regularly because the distance plays a role and because of this distance it cost me more money that i don't have as much as i would like in order for me to visit them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel resentment because of the situation i have placed myself in where i now am unable to go see my children as much as i would like.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still not be able to explain to the kids in a more clear way that i just can't go to them as i would like and as they would like to, at this moment no matter what i say to them, they are still going to react in anger at me, because they believe that one just step into the train and you give a little money and you are there, but in reality they don't know what one must do to get that little money, they don't understand this, and within this i sometimes get frustrated, because due to this they might start to believe that i don't give a damn about them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my kids will think/believe that i don't give a damn about them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect; 'the kids believing/thinking that i don't give a damn about them' to fear within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes get angry at them in my secret mind, because they don't want to believe me and see it as me not giving a damn about them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place myself into a situation where now my kids have to blame me for not giving a damn about them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create such situations in the past that now must play out in the present as consequences that i must go through for what i have accepted and allowed about the decisions i have made during my life even before them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes wish that i did not even had kids, because now they are here and due to my own choices in the past now they have to go through all this turmoil with me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to wish that i better never had met their mother, so i wouldn't be putting them as kids into these kinds of experiences where i can't even go and see them as often as i would like.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself,my ex. and my children for what is going on in this situation where i can't see my children as often as i would like.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel irritated when i have to talk to my ex. about this every time, because it is always the same things we are going to talk about when she knows my situation.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not have made correct decisions in the past that have put me now in a situation where i have to ''hurt'' others ''emotionally'' and make a imprint in their minds that can have consequences in their soon to be lived future.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my thoughts to/towards them having to be/become a person later on that because they were influenced and affected by me not being there all the time,made them make choices that will not be wise as in doing and living what is best for all.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that no matter what i do i must always walk as a self-responsible human being to be an example for them, and stick to what i am doing to bring about a world together with others so that these kind of situations don't happen in no one's families, where parents due to lack of money can't even have proper time with their children.

I commit myself to investigate more deeply what i can do and say in order to make it clear on the money subject so they don't blame me and live in blame and also don't blame money or people who make decisions about money, but that they find out what is going on so they won't accept and allow such atrocity to ever exist on a world that provides for everyone and everything equally.

I commit myself to breathe and let go of my resentments i have within myself regarding me not being able to see my kids as much as i would have liked to.

I commit myself to make sure to come up with a practical solution to this problem that can be implemented without me getting into delays with expenses that need to be done, just because i feel that i am letting my children down because i can see that having delays will prolong after that one time visiting even longer and this is not what is best for all.


I commit myself to never give up for finding solutions that can be practically applied and that are best for all participants so parents don't have to go through what i and my children are going through.







Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Day 15, reactions from noises of kids

I was at my sisters house today because she had her birthday 2 days ago, but wanted me to be there today just for the fun and dancing and having fun.
I noticed that the children that were there making all kinds of noise during certain moments work on my nerves, and they run and hit each other make a total mess all over the place, crying all the time because some of them hit each other, they were just pure hyperactive beyond imagination, and not just 1, but 4 of them totally out of control.

I see that i have to put myself in situations where i can work on my reactions towards kids, because as of right now, it's like i don't want to have nothing to do with no kids, especially if they are super hyperactive. I like kids, but kids that do '' normal kid stuff'' but when they don't listen anymore and are just out of control i don't like them.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react because of the tremendous noise that the kids were busy making and also the mess that they were busy accumulating all over the place.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself for getting impatient with the the kids making lots of noise.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect being impatient, with making a lot of noise.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the kids,due to them making a lot of noise and within this, not liking them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself reacting in anger within me, when the noise was just to much.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be judge kids that are quiet as good and kids that are very hyperactive as bad.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that kids are really unaware of what they do, they don't have any understanding as in taking responsibilities for their actions.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see kids as of right now not people that i would like to be with in a group.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to breathe through my reactions, i was quiet outside but inside i wanted to leave that place.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect noise with anger within and as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feeling'' disgust with children when they are not listening and being very hyperactive. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge the parents within me, for finding them not being as effective in teaching the children to be more less active as in hyperactive.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience blame to/towards the parents,based on the way the children were behaving.






I Commit myself to not judge children, because just like me they to are mind personalities playing their part in this world, so i have to be humble and learn to have patience with them.


I commit myself to not to judge the parents for they to are pre-programed mind personalities playing a program out.


I commit myself to find it within me to find new ways to learn about the behavior of children and make sure i can be of help with the parents and also the behavior of grownups to/towards children so i can be more effective with children.


Self corrective application:

Whenever i see myself going into a reaction, judgement, irritation about and to/towards children --- I stop--- I breathe and let it go and ground myself here and grab my hands and stay here with the physical one and equal.

Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Day 14, A Woman i Like.

There is this young woman at work that i just like, and i ''know'' she likes me.
She is always trying to look at me and trying to start a conversation with me, but 
because of us working in different shifts we cannot really communicate and the other thing is, that i ''know'' that she is liking me based on her feelings and on how i look to her in her mind, which i can't approve right now. It is that i cannot accept and allow myself or any other to be fooled into their feelings, so within this i decided not to talk to her in the sense of trying to make her go into a relationship with me, because it will be based on her feelings to/towards me and not for what i really am, and especially when i am here facing myself and walking a process of self-forgiveness and self-correction in writing and placing my commitments.

It is not that i restrain myself into not going into a relationship, but i don't want to start one from the starting point of feelings, based on one's desires and wants. And understand that i am talking here from what i am perceiving. It can also be so that she does not like me like i am liking her, maybe she is just being nice. I even fear going to ask her, because i fear wanting to know that if she likes me, then what..?? because she is going to know that i like her and that would be like an opening and then i am in for a ride. But this is a girl that i can see within me that i like her just because i like her, there is not one feeling inside me, i just like her. I like the way she talks, the way she moves her body, the way she communicate to other people, the way she works, the way she understand things, i like her face features, but yet out of all this there is not one single thought about me wanting her for example as in the past immediately would be wanting and wishing to have sex with her. I can say that she is for the first time in my life that i like a girl/woman without having any thoughts relating to sex or feelings of sex involved, and it even amazes me, because i just can't find any thought relating to wanting her, desiring her, and wishing to have sex with her, what would have happened immediately in the old days, when i would see if someone likes me and i like them to, i will immediately have a feeling within my stomach. But this one there is nothing and i even try to see if nothing comes up, but yet nothing, i find this fascinating beyond measure, that because of this self-forgiveness and self-corrective applications i am doing i can see it is working, because this sex thing is and was a major thing in my life. I would immediately have sexual related images and feelings to/towards her. This is like a major realization for me. And i tested it out many times, every time i see her, i look at her and i see what happens within me, and nothing moves, it's fascinating. And i KNOW i like her. Sorry i am repeating myself here a lot, but this is just cool stuff...lol

So here the self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge this young woman as in me believing/thinking that she might be interested in me, because of the way she is looking at me and the way she talks to me, and how she is always trying to have eye contact with me, indicating that she wants me to come and say more or ask more, it is like an invite to '' please approach me, i want you''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not go to her and explain her and tell her where i am at,and that i do like her but i am not like any ordinary people, because i don't like her because of feelings i have for her, but just because i like her.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear, because this fear is about me liking someone seriously without any feeling or thoughts revolving around sex and such, just a simple liking her and within this i am afraid that she might not like to hear this from me, because in this world people want you to have special feelings for them and they value this, so if i approach her and tell her like it is, that i really like her but without any feelings whatsoever she might ending up not liking me anymore or rejecting me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if i approach her and tell her  like it is,that i like her without any feelings whatsoever that she might get scared.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i might scared her away.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even have or create and possible scenario within my mind, involving her where i see that she might not want to hear from me that i like her and that my liking her is not something she will expect, but is without feelings.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not be be truth to myself and just go and ask her if she likes me as i perceive or just tell her that i like her but without any feelings and desires.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear wanting to be with someone who does not even know about self-forgiveness and self-corrective application,because i fear that they might see me as a weirdo, and not someone one should be with or start anything with, and in this sabotaging myself and others by hiding own fear.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself fear when she finds out that i have no feelings for her, because of me already knowing that within this world ''feelings'' for another are a big thing, and especially when they like you, this liking is about what they feel and so they are expecting you to also have feelings for them and if you come with '' not having feelings'' to/towards them it will mean to them that i am lying that i don't really like them or that my liking them is not good enough, not valuable enough.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts about her anyways even though they are not sexual related, but i still have thoughts about her in my mind, where i judge her as beautiful and nice and attractive.


I commit myself to not to judge her or anyone for that matter and commit myself to when i see myself going into judgments i just take long deep breath and let it go.


I commit myself to face the fear i have created within me as to believe/think that she might not be interested in me after i tell her that i like her but without any feelings whatsoever.


I commit myself to always be self-honest in moments that i see i have to be self-honest within myself to/towards others as myself.


I commit myself to where there is necessary i can face my own fears, when i see that there is no danger in it all,and i know my self-honesty is my truth.






Thanks.




Larry Manuela








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Day 13, Anger in back-chat.

In this blog today i am going to write out an anger i have been accepting and allowing to be within me.
And this anger is specific to the politics and politicians in this world, for they are unwilling to do that which brings that which is best for all life. Even though i know that they are as brainwashed as i am into believing what they believe is the right thing to do is right, when they can't see through their own veil, that the politics they are in and part of is not something or a tool that they are using to bring about that which is best for all life. They are using politics as a tool, to be ''famous'' to be ''selfish'' to be acting as if they are  ''problems solvers''  to be actors as '' caretakers'' when in  fact all they do is managing what is already here as the system and abide by rules of a totally sick and abusive and destructive system and none have the ''balls'' to take a stand and change the rules within the system,because of fear of loosing their voters and what they give value to in their personal lives. It is not being understood that whatever that is of and from this system of inequality is an abomination to life, a HARM to life, an ABUSE to life..!!  They trust their knowledge and information gain in universities as if that is more then life and can even decides what must happen in life. And the knowledge they get in these universities are all about keeping the status quo, it is not about seeing/realizing/understanding that we are supporting an abusive system and that we are the abusers ourselves, because we are the systems that are in place, either directly participating or indirectly, but participants we ARE..!! And as participants we have accepted and allowed all that is here to be and become what it is today, so we are all individually and collectively responsible for everything that is here, no matter what it is, even when we believe that we are the so-called: '' good people.'' What is here on this earth as the abuse and harm that is being done to life none can claim that they are ''good people'' because real ''good people'' will not accept nor allow such atrocities to ever exist in life. So we must stop all these believes we have about ourselves being ''good people'' because in this we are accepting and allowing the opposite polarity to exist which is ''bad people'' hence we have then the world full of ''good people'' and ''bad people'' but no people that are one and equal to/as life. Have a look into this world and one may see the common sense that i am sharing here, don't we have ''good people'' and ''bad people'' living here on this planet...? Are they not then creating a world where you must have ''good things done'' by the ''good people'' and ''bad things done'' by the ''bad people''  ?? Is this not the world we live in and on..?? Or do we live in and on a world where people are living what is best for all life, honoring life, giving life to life.?? Are we living in and on a world where we are givers and receivers or are we living in and on a world where we are takers and consumers in many many forms...??


Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get into an emotional reaction to/towards politics and politicians in this world because i judge them by not doing what is to be done so all may live in dignity.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by my emotional discharge as anger to/towards politics and politicians as i see them not bringing about that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be angry,when i know that these people and these rules/laws/regulations are all based in protecting the system and the few within the system that are making sure the system continue being the way it is.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand the extent of our brainwashing and in this not see/realize and understand the trap we have manged to place ourselves within and as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my anger to/towards politicians and politics.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that me reacting in anger will not in anyways do anything in this world to bring about a world that is best for all life, but instead keep on contributing to that which is already here as the experience as ourselves in this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to make opposites to exist within me and the world at large as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed polarity to exist within me as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed my world that i live in and on to be one where i must suffer and all must suffer instead of taking my responsibility and change me, so be the change that i am a living example as to proof to all and myself that one can truly change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge ''good people'' and ''bad people'' for they are all life expressions but are unaware of themselves as physical life expressions, due to them as me as of right only being a mind persona not having a clue what life and living is truly about.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to loose myself in my mind instead of me being here in breath one and equal.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to mind then my physical breath, my being one and equal with/as the movement of life as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by laws/rules/regulations without questioning them ever in my whole life.


I commit myself to to not judge others as myself for they as me don't know what life and living is all about, because all we have known and ever lived was just ourselves as the personalities we believe we are.

I commit myself to be humble into and as my approach to those whom i know are not yet seeing/realizing/understanding in using their common sense.

I commit myself to not react in emotional reactions such as anger.

I commit myself to never give up to bring about a world that is best for all life, and walk my talk here in the physical no matter what, one and equal to as my breath.

I commit myself to keep on preparing myself to reach a point where i am stable and fully aware of and as what it is a need to do and do so from the starting point of that which is best for all life forever more.


Thanks.

Larry Manuela


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Day 12, Taking To Much Of Myself To Others.

In this blog i am going to write self-forgiveness about how many times i give to much of myself away just because, of a pattern i have of ''being a good person.''  Within this i am abdicating my responsibility to/towards myself and also to/towards others, meaning; ' i take their consequences on myself and in this not letting them go through their own consequences so they may see/realize/understand what they are creating, and that it has consequences.'


Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be nice and good to people just because i myself fear the shame/regret/embarrassment/pain they have to go through if they were to face their own consequences, so i take it away from them before the consequence arrives, so they don't have to go through it themselves, just because i see how i would fear going through it myself and then being shameful/embarrassed/regretful and in pain.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be governed by my own patterns as what i have accepted and allowed myself, as i have been raised to be a '' good person'' and a '' good person'' should be one whom does not let people go through pain and embarrassment and regret and shame.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed such patterns to come up within me and most of the time follow them,just because i fear the person going through the consequences as i would fear myself going through the consequences.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a pattern within me that take responsibility for me instead of myself being the directive principle and in such i accept and allow a system within me as programs of my mind to direct me.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to say ''no'' when i know i should say ''no''.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to say ''yes'' when i know i should say ''yes''.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be nice to people just because i don't want to hurt them if i were to tell them the things as they really are, tell it as it is..!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my own self-responsibility within me being a nice person and in this manner at the same time abdicate my responsibility to/towards the world outside.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a fear within me to tell it as it is.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my own fear within to/towards others as me, instead of me being the directive principle and breathe, and from there express myself in a way that is best for all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how i could by not being straightforward have an outflow of circumstances that postpone myself and someone else to go through their own consequences and in so doing support the compounding and accumulation of what it is that needs to be faced, that they have accepted and allowed to be as part of themselves.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be reacting to sayings like: '' you are such a good person'' '' you are an angel'' '' you are sweet'' '' you are well mannered'' ''you are a very clean person'' to be existing within me as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel good'' when they say these sentences to me, like: '' you are such a good person'' '' you are an angel'' '' you are sweet'' '' you are well mannered'' '' you are a very clean person''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect sentences like: '' you are such a good person'' '' you are an angel'' '' you are sweet'' '' you are well mannered'' '' you are a very clean person'' to a feeling that is good.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be talked into believing that i need validation of these people for me to be the so-called: '' good person'' when all that i am really doing is postponing their own consequences, which they as myself fear to go through.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to brainwash myself into believing that by being a ''good person'' alone in this world will at least ease a lot of the problems that we have accepted and allowed to be here as our self-created experiences, without seeing/realizing/understanding that by doing this i am in fact contributing to the problem, because i am avoiding the problem, trying to shovel it away by being nice, instead of exposing the problems as they are, and direct myself into stopping participation in them.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes not look into the eyes of others just because i fear them fearing me, when i look with my penetrating eyes and that they will find out for themselves that in the way i look at them, that i know what it is they did and what it is they meant.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own way of looking to people which is very penetrating and choose always to not do so, and instead turn my eyes away, so the other doesn't have to ''feel'' like i am looking to deep and may find some secrets they don't want to share running in their secret mind.




I commit myself to always to be direct in the best possible way as to support and assist others to go through their own consequences, and not abdicate my responsibility and also make room for accumulation and compounding of consequences that may become more in their future.


I commit myself to always expose all and everything that is not for what is best for all life, and stand my ground no matter what the consequences, because i know i acted from the starting point of that which is best for all.


I commit myself to always look straight into the eyes of people even when they will feel uncomfortable, because of the way i look into their eyes that is penetrating.


I commit myself to not abdicate my responsibility to/towards my own life and all life.




I commit myself to not be reactive to/towards sentences that make me feel good, but instead just breathe and stand my ground and express myself one and equal in and as breath.




Thanks.




Larry Manuela






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Day 11, Reaction on; 'Only Jesus Can Come And Save Us.'

Within this blog i am going to write about a statement someone made on the news regarding the crime that is becoming more and more of a problem in their country and this person said: '' that only Jesus, when he returns back, will solve this problem, no men will be able to solve this problem.''

This is how far we have come, when we abdicate our responsibility not seeing/realizing/understanding that all that is here that we know we don't want, it is all here because of each participating in it. Everyone have given their support either directly or indirectly to all that is here to be the way they are. So if we realize that we are doing all this ourselves and that we are the creators of all that is here as man made, thus it is obvious common sense that it is ourselves that have to stop and change and then create anew, but this time create that which will support all life equally and not which is abusing life in all it's forms and manifestations.


Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that because of my allowance of what i see as ''bad'' ''wrong'' ''negative'' is exactly the reason why it is here.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by trying/attempting to do the ''good'' ''right'' and ''positive'' thing is only perpetuating the opposite polarities, as i have not see/realize/understand that they cannot exist without each other as they are programs of my mind/consciousness to generate more energy for it to continue existing as the mind/consciousness system that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become within this world.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there must be an higher being/force somewhere that must come and save me, because i myself is to weak and the problem seem to big so i cannot take my responsibility and thus must put it in someone else his shoulder, and within this not seeing/realizing/understanding that i am accepting and allowing myself to never ever birth myself as life and live as life, but instead accept and allow myself to be forever more a slave.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see Jesus as the one who have to come and save me and the rest of  humanity, because i see myself as unable or unwilling to to change myself in order for me to change the world with others as myself as and into a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to brainwash myself to believe  that Jesus will come and save us anyways so i will just sit and wait, or pray and wait, because this means that i don't have to take my responsibility for what I/myself have accepted and allowed to be here and allowed to be done to life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed a character in a book as Jesus to be more then me as life here in the physical and give more power to this character then to myself as to not using my own potential and creative abilities to bring about in a tangible/physical/practical manner that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how i can be abdicating my responsibility when i am waiting for Jesus to come and save me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to invest in my believes and that it means, i invest in my mind and investing in my mind means abdicating my responsibility to/towards life, because my mind has been created and made for me to not find out who i am as life, so whatever is up there in my mind as believes that are of the mind only, will always veil the true me that is to step forth and start directing itself as to birth itself as life here in the physical.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to walk the message of Jesus, what is written that he have said, that i can clearly see, that it is about that which is best for all, but instead have chosen to just be a believer, because being a believer i don't have to take my responsibility for my life and all other lives, i just have to believe and and all will be o.k. in the end.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something after dead and that all will be fine with me when i die, because i believed in Jesus when i was here, but in this i don't see/realize/understand that if there is an afterlife it will mean that i will be going through the consequences that i have accepted and allowed in this world, on this planet, in this reality, because even when i was seeing it(abuses done to life), i never stood my ground and make sure that it is not part of my reality, my world and so the world and reality of all equal and one.


I commit myself to be responsible for myself and make sure that my participation in this world is one that brings about that which is best for all life till this is done..!!

I commit myself to never give-up or give-in to make sure i do what is best for all life tangibly/practically/physically.

I commit myself to let go of all believes, because none are real, that is why they are called believes, and not LIFE..!!

I commit myself to walk the Jesus message and not believing it, so to make it real.

I commit myself as to be an example as in what it means to ''love thy neighbor as thyself'' '' give so you may receive.''   the messages of Jesus as what he meant as a living principle to be lived by all, and thus i will walk these messages as the who i am so i become the living example so others may see/realize/understand what equality and oneness truly means and in so doing start walking the message as themselves also, so in that way we can have a world that is truly best for all.




Thanks.




Larry Manuela




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Day 10, The Way I Look At Women.

In this blog i am going to lay-out how i look at women and also how i used to look at them. I am bringing it all to myself to take responsibility for myself and especially in this case all the men out there that may relate to what i am going to do self-forgiveness about here in this blog. The way i and other men look at women has in most cases if not all an intention to experience sex with that particular woman they are looking at that they like. Some of it will seem funny, because you the reader will see how we men look at women all the time with only or most of the time with sexual intentions and fantasies running a muck in our secret minds, and how many thing we look at are all related to the outcome of experiencing sex.


Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at women with lust alone.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at intelligent woman as an sex-object, like this is one of them who is more interesting to get her into a sexual relationship, based on my own created idea within myself as if this particular woman is more a challenge to me as men, because i know that in this world, is a world that is dominated by/through men, so those women that are more challenging seem more attractive to me.

I forgive myself that when i look at women i always look at the parts of their bodies that i like to look at because of my sexual preferences within my fantasy world within my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to prefer to look at the ass and legs of women to be in my liking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to look at the faces of women as a means for me to like her, her face must coincide with all the faces of all kinds of women that are within my mind, and if she has a face that i would like and at least very close to one of those in my mind, i immediately like her.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself, that when i am walking on the streets or wherever i always look at how their clothing match their body shapes, i can see from miles away without looking at the ass of a woman, and from front view, see that she will have a nice ass or not, just because i have programmed myself to see this, and can also immediately if she has a nice leg or not,even when i am not seeing the flesh itself, just the contour, the shape.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only look at those women who i would like to experience a sexual intercourse with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to programme within myself to only notice women that i might be attractive to relating to them being fuckable to me. If they are not fuckable to me, i won't even notice them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy talking to other men and friends when we talk about how we fuck women, and what exactly we are doing or what we did.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at woman who have nice clean faces and nice round and slim lips to be very attractive to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only interact in most instances with woman that i somehow am attracted to or that i may want to fuck if there was somehow a chance that that might ever happen.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that i can have any and all pictures and images running a muck within my mind of women i would like, but in this i forgot that it is never so in reality that those women whom are in my mind that when i meet them in real life they will perform as they perform within my mind as exactly as i want them to be/become pure objects for me to lessen my lust of sexual energy built-up.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not be myself ever when i engaged even in talking to a women that liked me, because in my mind even though i knew she liked me but still i had to manipulate her to like me some more so i can be sure of myself that this one i will certainly without any doubt end up fucking.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use beautiful words and coin up slanks in order for me to be more effective when in conversation with women that could lead me to experience sexual intercourse with them.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find some women with specific type of voice to be more sexual attractive, the voice can be calm, can be soft, can be having a tone on the R a lot, it can be in many ways, depended on how the one with the voice looks like, if the looks are coinciding with the voice that i like within my mind, and the reason for this is just because i have the notion and also from practical experience how that would sound like when in actual sexual act.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge women by the way they walk, because in my mind if they are walking like with a lot of swing it means from my programming that they may be swinging at best to in bed.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall for women whom can stand their ground, because i can see within them that they will be like animal in bed, so to have one once in a while like this will be perfectly fine.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get aroused when seeing lesbian women in action either on film or in everyday life, especially if both or one of them is of my liking or looks like one of the many images and pictures i have from women in my mind to pick out from.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the smell of the perfumes  women i would like to get in bed with use, to mesmerize me into liking them even more and desiring them even more, because they smell just like something nice, and something nice is what i would like to get in bed with. i have brainwashed to believe that just because a women smells good, she might be clean.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like women with beautiful teeth, because when they smile and i can see those teeth,it means she attracts me, she is one that takes care of her vagina to, so i must like her and maybe/possibly get some action along the way.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself as always being nice to women, especially to those one's i would like to have an sexual relation with.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself that even when i do have someone i am still looking for more in my mind and still look at other women that i might like and if i could have a chance i would do it to, just because i have a lot of images and pictures of types of women that i still didn't manifest as an experience yet, so to stick to only one of them in real life is like missing out on all the others that i did not have a chance to experience a sexual intercourse with.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to masturbate on some of the images in my mind,when the energy built up was to much to handle so drastic measures had to take place in the form of masturbating, without realizing that i am accepting and allowing myself to give in, into my mind and feed my mind with it's desired fantasies that are not real here in the physical, and within this accept and allow myself to follow my own fantasies as if they are real.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate to much in my mind regarding women as a sexual objects and less as in communicating with them as me here as equal and one.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give in into my desires and wants and needs relating to sex with women, instead of me being here and communicate as me equal and one with the women as to an intimate communication between two living beings.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like women that have nice and clean looking feet, because this in my mind means that she might be taking care of her vagina to in this similar way, so i might not be having a dirty vagina.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at women's nails, especially under their nails to see if they are clean, because if they are clean it means they are taking care of their vagina's to and they have it clean all the time.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge a vagina by being clean or not clean, just because i fear a dirty vagina where the possibility of me getting a disease when being in the vagina with my penis.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge  women by looking at their neck and see if i can see rusts, or lines of dirt that were not removed because of not showering and cleaning them correctly, which will indicate that this is a no way zone, because the vagina will probably be as dirty as the neck with rust.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at women ears, within and around and behind it to see if they are dirty, because if they are dirty, it means to me, that they in the similar way will not clean their vagina as they should, because i am the one fearing a dirty vagina, i will judge them for this.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at women and see if they have clean teeth, because if they don't it means to me, that the they are not clean with their vagina either.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge a women who smells bad, because i believe that if she is smelling bad, it means to me that her vagina will also smell bad and will be not clean to go into.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if a women looks like the way i desire her to look that because of this she might be better in bed, then if she was not looking like i would like her to look like.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the fantasy to arise within me to sometimes go and try out a women that would not be of my liking just to see if she will perform better or not when compared with the one's that i like, and if she does, i will keep on in secret having sex with her and just for that purpose and nothing more, and in this abuse and manipulate her for the sake of my sexual desires. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to engage more often in my mind relating to sex to/towards women without seeing/realizing/understanding that by doing this i am supporting the whole male mentality and treatment of women in this world that is totally sexual objectified.




I commit myself to from this day onward to only communicate with women out of me as standing equal and one with  and as them, and have intimate communication without sexual secret mind jargon playing in the background.


I commit myself to let go of my ego sexual fantasies that are not supporting life equal and one here, and as a matter of fact are abusing life.


I commit myself to look at women as my equals and not as sexual objects.


I commit myself to not judge women for the way they look of present themselves, because that is just an image and is not whom they really are as life.


I commit myself to support all males and females as for me to be totally open about what i as a men in this world see in women and how i as one of the men think about women in this manner stop myself and others to participate in such abusive behaviors that at first face may not look as abusive, but they are, because there is manipulation, there are lies, there are judgments etc etc....... and these are not in line with what is best for all, equal and one with and as life.




I commit myself to take a stand for all women in this world to expose my own shit and all men shit that they have as secret mind running a muck but will not dare share it let alone to stop themselves for doing so. So for this i commit myself to stop and change myself and be an example for all men.

I commit myself to learn more about my own secret mind delusions, and in this matter expose them all, so i can be an example as  i am walking my process of stopping all that i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and birth myself here in the physical.


Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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Day 9, Honoring The Dead.

In this blog i am going to do self-forgiveness on a point i saw within the news today, and in the news they were saying how they are going on a specific day pay attention to those who have died in war in 1942. They are going to honor those who died in that time in war again as they do each year, as if this was a great honorable thing they did, to die protecting their country, their people.




Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to honor the dead for what they have done that in no way has brought about that which is best for all life, but instead have died participating and supporting that which harms all life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by these kind of messages as to make me ''feel'' as if i am very nationalistic.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see going to war as a way to protect what i believe/think that is necessary to be done in order for me to live in a country in peace.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed war to be used as a way to so-called reach a point where we are in peace.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the soldiers that are in the military as brave people, when in fact they are not brave at all but yet as fearful as i am.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to vote for politicians who are willing at all costs to keep on with the military industry.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see military as something as normal as anything else in my country.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that peace can never be reached with war.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that war will only bring more and more destruction and i in supporting war is supporting the harm and killings that are being done in life.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how i connect war as to my own wish to kill other people who i see as bad/wrong/negative, the enemy and that they need to be eradicated.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see how i can stop all wars and stop participating in supporting wars either directly or indirectly, contributing in this matter to countless loss of lives.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to support military as either directly or indirectly.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see honor in dying in war.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for the soldiers who have died in war, when they all knew that this is a great possibility that when you go to war, you don't just kill people, you can be killed to.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed without question the stupidity of honoring those who have passed away protecting their country without realizing that i am not honoring life and those who are alive at all,and see this as honorable and valuable.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see some value in dying for one's country as if it is something we should all aspire to do.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed as for me to come to accept  that what my politicians are saying that we need a military to protect ourselves and our country is in reality a harm done to life.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how war is being used by those in power to have more control and to perpetuate their apparent power.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be influenced by movies who are being made to give war a sense of value, a sense of what is needed to be done to ''bad'' people, to the apparent enemy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be disgust about people serving in military.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the people serving in military are all brainwashed and cannot see what they are really doing to life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for people in the military, because they can't see what they are doing to life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to look at those who participate in war and try to choose side.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not question the military when they present their information as to make people believe that they have a ''good'' reason to go to war.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never question war in it's entirety as to come to see/realize/understand how this is not supporting nor assisting life in no ways at all.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project my anger that i have within me regarding what is supposedly wrong and bad and within this accept and allow military to exist in order for them to go take the revenge i have within me on those i see as deserving to die, because they are all bad.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as bad and therefore they need to be killed.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see how those that i judge as all bad are as brainwashed as i am to believe that they to have to protect themselves from others that they will see as all bad, due to what they have been programmed to accept and allow as the whom they are as society in their own countries.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that with all know about history, and in all the past history we know of, war has never brought about a world of peace, but instead has made us more savages and more effective killers of each other and destroyers of life.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how in supporting war i am indeed supporting separation and polarity within myself and the world at large.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see war-machines and weapons as great technological advancements.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be manipulated by my government into making me believe that i must have a military to protect me, my loved one's and my country as a whole from apparent bad/wrong doers, the enemies.


I commit myself to firmly stand my ground to never ever allow military to be created in this world so therefore i will learn all i need to learn to position myself into positions in this world so i can have an influence to bring about a change in this world that is best for all, where military is not a part of.

I commit myself to not judge those who are soldiers as good or bad, because they are not aware of the brainwashing that they are accepting and allowing to be as value to them.

I commit myself to make sure to treat and honor all life here, as this is what is really honor, and not honor the dead that can't be responsible anymore for what is here. What is here is for me to change with others as me, to bring about a world of true peace, where oneness and equality,that which is best for all are the life principles.

I commit myself to walk in the shoes of every soldier and war victims as for me to see/realize/understand the the depth of the problem we have in accepting and allowing war to be something that is valuable.


I commit myself to never wherever i am to support war in anyways whatsoever, because it is totally and absolutely a harm done to life without any questions.


 
 Thanks.


Larry Manuela

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Day 8, looking at the clock.

I noticed i look at the clock several times in a day or more then several times, as for me to measure how much time i still have before the day turns into another day, and within this i experience a sense of haste, that i need to get things done before it's too late, instead of bringing myself here in breath in and as the physical.


Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on a clock on a wall to decide for me what time it is and what i define as time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by a clock on a wall, wherein i have to be in haste in order to so-called ''keep up with time'' when in reality i only need to be one and equal with real time which is breath-time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of haste when i look at the clock.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that because i can see that the clock is almost coming to midnight, that i have to hurry up, before it hits midnight, because then the day for me has changed and it is no more today, but a tomorrow.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a clock on a wall influence me to determine what i have to do or not to do and what is the specific time required to do so.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that within this simple act of looking at the clock on the wall is showing me in reality the fear i have for tomorrow.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect ''a clock on a wall'' to fear for tomorrow.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear tomorrow that is a future event or moment that is not here as me, as the physical body on this earth, i am not as a body in this tomorrow i am projecting in my mind, which is a total illusion.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future that is unknown and within this fear my own projection as my future that is unknown so making me fear my own fear.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear within myself and then fear it within myself, when it has nothing to do at all with reality, fear have no effect what is to happen in reality. Fear will not stop my consequences i have to go through that i created in the past.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect consequences to fear.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequences that i don't even know what kind of consequences i will have to face in this reality for what i have accepted and allowed to be done to life.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how i created a whole mind pattern based on a clock on a wall to abdicate my responsibility to/towards life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to base my decisions by/through having a look at a clock on the wall, because of the fear of the future that is behind it,instead of me being here in breath, taking it one breath at the time.






I commit myself to not look at the clock on the wall as a form of predicting a future, an outcome that is as of right now irrelevant and totally unnecessary, because what i need to do is to stay here in breath and do what is best for all in each breath.


I commit myself to use my breath-time instead of the time as on a clock which is only valid when i have to work or do some other stuff that require me being on time within the system.






Self-corrective application:


Whenever i see myself going into my mind related to looking at a clock on a wall as for me to engage into future projections, I stop -- I take a deep breath and stay here within the touch of the physical to not loose myself into fear and within this take my power back as to make the decision to take my responsibility and stabilize myself here as breath as me as life.




Thanks.




Larry Manuela




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Day 7, I was in my thoughts.

Today at work something interesting happened, one of the supervisors came in and he was walking pass me, and i greeted him, and he didn't greet back and suddenly he kind of remembered what we talked about, and he turned back and he said: '' Sorry man, i was in my thoughts''

Now from my perspective when i bring this sentence back to self, i can see/realize/understand how when one is in one thoughts, one don't notice reality at all. One is completely lost in this mind.

Now i am going to write self-forgiveness statements and then do self-corrective statement to walk when i bring all this back to self, back to myself. So i take this sentence as my own sentence.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself into my thoughts.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that when i am in my thoughts, i am not here in reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give more importance to my thoughts, then that which is physically here and real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to being in my thoughts means; to be in separation to what is here as life as the physical reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to give my thoughts much more attention then i would give to someone or something that is of this reality, this physical reality.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be conducted/directed/moved by my thoughts,instead of me as taking my responsibility and be here in breath as the breath as a living physical body.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to be aware of myself when i am in my thoughts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on my thoughts as if they are life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to walk in the physical but not as the physical, because i continuously accept and allow my mind to direct me as to what i should do or not do and in this manner i am not part of reality, but as a separate part in complete isolation and completely removed from what is real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my thoughts guide me, that i cannot even hear what is here as the sounds of voices of people and other sounds of the physical, but instead loose myself in the noise of  my thoughts.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be so engulfed in my thoughts that i cannot even see other people around me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to walk here in the physical, but not as a physical body one and equal, but as a thinking being, ignoring the physical completely.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only utter words when my mind tells me to do so, when my thoughts appear within my mind, instead of me uttering words as me as the directive principle one and equal in and as breath.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to walk as thoughts and not walk as life one and equal here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to due to my living in my mind, project an image to others as if i am more then them, that is why i don't greet them and stay within and as my thoughts, being totally selfish.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel'' regret when i notice that i have ignored the physical and valued my mind above the physical, above that which is manifested life here,instead of being one and equal with and as the physical.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to/towards my physical reality by continuously staying and living in my mind.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to value ''living in my mind'' as of much more then living as one as equal as life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that when i am living in my mind, i am in fact not living at all, and in so doing i am abusing myself and others as myself in this reality by not being one and equal to all that is here as life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself programming myself as ''thinking first and foremost'' and ''living'' not at all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to follow my thoughts, instead of me being the directive principle as a living breathing physical body.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even have to defend myself with words through my mind, just because i fear what the others might be thinking because i was lost in my own thinking.

I forgive myself that i have accepted allowed myself to react, because of the fear that i manifested within and as the fear of me not greeting people and now have to go back into my mind again to judge them as to it make valid, when my reality is not one and equal at all with this validation that i have accepted and allowed to be within and as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not look into the other person's  eyes, because i may find ''the look'' that i am fearing i may find looking at me, so i don't make eye contact in order to not  having to face my own fear i have accepted and allowed to live within me as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''feel'' shame after i found out that i was not here as in being one and equal as the physical reality and now have to ease things up, to hide and shovel away my shame.

I Forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let shame as a reaction to come up within me as for me to interpret my reality instead of choosing to be in breath, here.


I commit myself to wherever i go to always stay within and as my breath so i don't miss out on reality, and let reality pass me by, through my participation within thoughts.


I commit myself to always be an example as how to be here as breath and do what is best for all, and in this way i am always here as the physical one and equal and not lost in my thoughts.


I commit myself to investigate any thought or reactions or judgements that come up within me as to forgive myself them and start all over with a clean slate where i am in breath and using common sense.






Self-corrective statement:


Whenever i see myself going into my thoughts and loose myself in them -- I stop -- I breathe and i make sure that am present as me as the physical being breathing here, taking my responsibility to walk as an example as the '' how to'' being here in/as my breath one and equal, as my breath is my only real time.


Thanks.


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Day 6, My laptop

Within this blog i am going to write self-forgiveness on the laptop i have, because it 
started to show some difficulty with working properly and i went into fear that if my laptop should break 
i am going to have a problem in communicating properly with the people in the group and also not be able to do my assignments properly, because i would have to go to internet-cafe and due to my work i will not be able to be at the internet-cafe all the time and it will cost me to much money.

Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my laptop to break.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the possible break of my laptop as a means to not be in communication.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that communication will no longer exist if my laptop should break.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/understand that the fear i have of my laptop breaking is more inclined in me fearing communicating.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear communication.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the fear of communication in order for me to not learn how to communicate effectively.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself into believing/thinking that i am unable to communicate effectively.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately make the choice to not communicate effectively due to fear of how i will be understood or not understood by others as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to go into mind projections as to how others may or may not understand me due to my ineffective communication.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that in order for me to be effective in communication, i have to learn and educate myself and take my responsibility as to have a proper effective communication so that i can also direct myself into this world a more effective way of communication that always results in what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that the communication i have been using and that i have programmed myself to use was ineffective and could not stand the test of time and also bring about an realization into myself and others as myself to that which is best for all life, which is oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how i could see through my words how ineffective i was, because due to my words as ineffective, i only saw that which is ineffective and does not bring that which is best for all life equal and one here.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use ineffective words, instead of using words that are equal and one as me as to bring about as me and within that which is best for all life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not look into the mirror that are my relationships within this world in order for me to see/realize/understand how i am as a participant in this world giving my power to create that which is here as separation exactly as i have accepted and allowed separation to exist within me as my mind as the vehicle of separation and did not stand equal and one as/with my mind to see/realize/understand that i am responsible for what i have accepted and allowed to be my creation as it is our creation as the who i am as life.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how my words that i use in relationship with other and their words make and create the reality as it as we are living it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself create myself into complete separation as into my own words as they are here as the creation that i participate in and i create as one as equal as all that is here as me as the other humans who are equally participating in this creation that becomes and is our creation.


I commit myself to make sure to communicate in/as words that only bring that which is best for all life, and also make sure to be aware of my words in every breath, so even when i do mistakes i can correct myself, because i can see myself using my words as my words are me.


I commit myself to learn as much as i can to be more effective in using words, so i can be more effective in directing me and in so doing directing my world at large to bring about that which is best for all life.


I commit myself to never give in and give up till this is done, this what i have managed to create as separation in this world as myself.


I commit myself to stop fearing communicating and just be in breath and communicate what is to be communicated as words that stand the test of time in oneness and equality as to that which is best for all life.




Self-corrective statement:


Whenever i see myself going into fear, because of thinking/believing that i might not be effectively communicating -- I stop -- I breathe and let it go and make sure to take my responsibility as to make sure the words i use are words that bring about an understanding and realization as to that which is best for all life.






Thanks.




Larry Manuela




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