Day 167, When Happiness Turns Into Sadness. Part 9

 So now i am going to move into another dimension which is the Consequence dimension.

                                                                  



Here are the links to the previous writings in relation to this one:


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-166-when-happiness-turns-into.html



http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-165-when-happiness-turns-into.html#




http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-164-when-happiness-turns-into.html





http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-163-when-happiness-turns-into.html#




http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-162-when-happiness-turns-into.html#


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-161-when-happiness-turns-into.html




http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-160-when-happiness-turns-into.html




http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-159-when-happiness-turn-into-sadness.html



So what are the consequences in all of this thoughts and back-chats and the rest of the dimensions i walked.


First, it makes me stay within the realm of the mind, an alternate reality, which is not a reality that is equal and one with this one. In the reality of my mind, i can do and go to every place, there are no consequences at all within the mind itself. But on a physical level things are not so, my body is experiencing discomforts, and i am most of the times AWAY and NOT here as being here, as my breath and as my human physical body and the rest of what is here as the physical manifesed reality. So i am totally separated from all that is here as that which is the physical, my body and other humans bodies, the animals, the plants, nature in it's totality and the whole earth.


We have been given this CON as Consciousness so much value, that it have now the power over ourselves as LIFE, where we have to fight back if we ever want to birth ourselves back into the physical, the substance of LIFE. So to me this means, that i have to stop my participation within the programmes that are running rampant in my mind. Within this I am the only one who can STOP me from participating in giving these programmes in my mind the directive principle in my life.


Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create more and more of consequences  for myself that, not only accumulate/amount for and to/towards myself but also for and to/towards others as myself  for we are all physically HERE one and equal, so what ever happens to our physicality HERE, it happens to all of that which is physically here through/by our relationships and interconnectedness. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to neglect and devalued my own physicality and that of others and this whole physical reality in it's totality just to have an illusion within my mind as an experience.



I commit myself to make sure that i keep on with this process of removing myself from these programmes that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world as the ''whom i am''  as the mind as the energy and just make sure i am one and equal in every breath within and as my breath and my human physical body and then within and as this whole physical reality/existence one and equal.





I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to bombared my body in accumulating of stresses and body strains due to my participation in thoughts/feelings/emotions that are disastrous to my human physical body in ways i am not even aware of till  i start to feel physical discomforts of pains/ailments.


I commit myself to make sure that whenever i see myself going into my mind and start to participate or about to participate in my mind to just STOP, take a deep breath bring myself back HERE and make sure within this process to touch something that is physical so i remind myself  that i am HERE, and don't get lost and carried away by the currents of my mind delusions as thoughts/feelings/emotions.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT pay attention and LIVE together with and as one as equal with the rest of the humans, the animals, the plants, nature in it's totality and the earth itself, because i have given some programmes within my mind more value than all that is HERE, isolating/separating myself totally from that which supports me in everway always.


I commit myself to make sure that i focus on my breathing and my awareness of my body so i can become with each passing day more and more as one as equal within and as the totality of what i am as this human physical, and as this human physical body what i am as the whole of the physical existence that this body consists of and exist as a part of ALL this manifested life substance.






Thanks.


Larry Manuela



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Day 118, Why So Much Questions..??

In my life, and still to this day, this ''questioning things'' is what i have been doing throughout my whole life. Now the problem with this is, that i have created a character of this questioning, instead of questioning what is HERE.

 

 

 

 

I questioned most of the time my own existence, couldn't get what the fuck am i  doing here. This question haunted me my whole life, I know many people ask themselves this question, it is kind of a universal question, but not everyone really become determine to find out what the fuck they're doing here. It looks like there is no purpose for me being here, i couldn't see the purpose and sometimes when i found something that looked like something that would be my purpose it then turned out differently putting me in a situation where i will have to question that whole thing again, which usually would be some knowledge and information that have some mysterious look to it, like it is out of this world. Some special hidden knowledge bullshit.

 

 

If i did not stumble on DESTENI, i would still be questioning LIFE. Now i am learning to question using common sense reasoning, and not knowledge and information. With common sense reasoning i can question exactly what is here as me as my thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions/justifications/judgements and what it is i am allowing in the world at large while i am HERE and see if what i am doing or not doing is what is BEST for all LIFE or not, so i don't create more and more consequences of inequality all over the place through my participation within this world. So i look at all that is HERE as it is in fact manifested. Very simple, but very very effective.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So as i mentioned in my early writings already, questioning from the perspective of knowledge and information is as good as done. With this i mean my questioning have substance now, it is not just knowledge and information, and to gain more knowledge and information, it is to question things in LIFE and to see how i can correct myself in my daily living to function as a part of this whole group that is called humanity, in the BEST possible way, to bring about a world that truly is BEST for all living things, so we can co-exist together HERE on planet earth in the BEST possible way, not harming nor abusing each other.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to questioning things in life in the past using my knowledge and information, to gain more knowledge and information as to feel important instead of questioning what is HERE and how we are living with each other and if there is another way to co-exist that is BEST for all participants, not just humans.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that by questioning things by using my knowledge i was questioning it in the right way, without seeing/realizing/understanding that i was questioning from a limited perspective, so my conclusions will always be limited and what are NOT BEST for ALL LIFE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the past into philosophies and spiritual knowledge that seemed very great at the time, when in reality all they were with all the big words, was just a way to justify this reality as an illusion and their knowledge as REAL.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that i was on a great path because i was questioning LIFE, without realizing at all that this kind of questioning was the very thing that was enslaving me to NOT LIVE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be so obsessed with questioning LIFE,that i even created a special character for this in my own mind, that will be the: '' the life questioner character.''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a character within my mind to question for me things in life and LIFE itself based on memories within my own mind, making it absolute delusional and thus NOT having any validity whatsoever. I realize how can i use something to question something with, when it is the very thing that is limiting me to see what is HERE, the very place where i am separated from all that is here, is within my very mind. So this means i am questioning always from the point of view/perspective of separation, so my answers will always be in and as separation exactly equal and one to what i am using to question LIFE with.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see my own mind as more then LIFE, even when i was not saying it, but it was there in the black-waters of my secret mind, because i was giving it more value then LIFE itself, so much so that LIFE had no value at all.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the sentence:  '' don't play with your LIFE'' many many times wherein i was implying that LIFE is the most valuable thing, but yet in that very statement was not LIVING it as reality, because my whole reality is NOT a reality where LIFE is valued at all by the very means that i have to use such statement within it, which is implying also that there is something being done that is endangering LIFE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a world exist where LIFE is endangered and is being feared to not loose it, without seeing/realizing/understanding that the ''loosing'' part is only when i am not equal and one with/as LIFE, and it is only within my mind that i can clearly see that i am not equal and one with and as LIFE, for the rest that is physically HERE manifest, is all working in oneness and equality, assisting and supporting itself within this oneness and equality to that which is BEST for all.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how in choosing to question things in life based on my thoughts derived from memories imbedded within me, i was just repeating the past interpreted with a slightly different look to make it seem as if it is something new i am discovering or uncovering, when it is all past memories.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never question my own ability i was using and the tool i was using to question LIFE with to see if i can trust myself within using this ability or tool effectively.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT deal with LIFE at all as important from the perspective of me BEING LIFE, but was looking at LIFE as something that is separate from me and that even now i am still in separation to LIFE, i can only see in common sense that i am LIFE, it is NOT in FACT so yet for me. I realize that for me to realize and see in fact right HERE that I AM LIFE, my mind must NOT be in the way at all, no mind LIFE will remain.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not ever considered that i could be fucking with myself by questioning with my very mind, because of it being the very thing that was built to separate me from NOT finding out for real the whom i am as LIFE right HERE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to question things in life and LIFE itself so much so to the point that i couldn't even trust myself any longer, let alone trust what is HERE as the physical manifested LIFE.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by questioning with my mind using thoughts, i was in fact busy creating myself to be less trustworthy to myself and others as myself, because the questioning was taken me away from what is HERE, and what is HERE in FACT is My truth and all of humanity's truth, all that is being accepted and allowed deliberately without having any consideration at all FOR LIFE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to even when i was looking at the atrocities done to LIFE while was questioning i was still managing to brush it off and looking at it as IF it is ''life lessons'' these people need to go through for whatever reason which i knew within myself was not clear enough as to why would a being that is eternal be needing any ''life lessons,'' how a being that is suppose to be all ONE be needing any ''life lessons''  and on top of it all, how can life be a lesson, it should be expression and NOT a lesson to be learned, creativity is about expression not about learning, learning implies limitation, because how can i create if i still need to learn how to create....???

I commit myself to show through my writings of self-forgiveness and my commitments to life that to question using ones mind is NOT the way to go, but rather using your common sense reasoning with which one look at just what is HERE manifest in FACT as LIFE, and how that functions in specificity and if all of these manifested life expression can co-exist in the BEST possible way leaving as little as possible harm and abuse, till we create ourselves in a way where no abuse and harm will ever exist.

I commit myself to always question from the perspective of common sense reasoning alone for this is the only way i can see if what is being presented in the systems of this world are what is BEST for all LIFE or not, because in common sense reasoning FACTS of things are the value and NOT opinions of men about what they think and belief the facts are.

I commit myself to show through my writing of self-forgiveness and my commitments to LIFE that the only questioning that will be valid is the questioning that life is being lived in an equal way.

I commit myself to STOP myself every time i see myself going into or about to go into using my thoughts based on memories to question this reality and the systems within it and just BREATHE,and make sure i am touching something that is physical to remind myself that i am HERE, and forgive myself for what i will accept and allow to be within me as thoughts and memories.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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Day 94, Why I Believed..?

I use to be a believer. Now a believer in god, a believer in spirits, a believer in theories that people use, that may sound great, and very believable, but are they true or are they lies, and when i say lies, i am talking here about not being REAL.

 

 

Let me give the reader(you) an example. I can tell you with a straight face, that i have been to China for example. Now you don't know this, you are going to have to belief me or not belief me, and you will belief me according to how you judge me, or not belief me also according to how you judge me. But you will not look for facts as to find out if i for real went to China or not. If you would see in me, as me being someone nice and well mannered you will probably belief me that i am telling the truth, when in reality i never went to China at all.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be brainwashed into beliefs and took beliefs as more then LIFE itself, without seeing/realizing/understanding that LIFE is the REAL deal, and beliefs are illusions, and for any belief to exist, LIFE is NEEDED, and not the other way around.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take my mind, the place where beliefs exist as more important and as of more value then LIFE itself, so much so, that everything coming from my mind is being glorified and deified and all that is HERE as LIFE is being abused for the illusion as my mind to experience itself as if it is real.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief in love, when love is just another tool of the mind to keep me imprison in it, to make sure i do NOT realize myself as LIFE HERE.

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how in love i had to also belief the other person based upon my assumption as what was presented to me as how the person look like and how she behaves or act, and based on these i will then decide if i will let myself follow the feeling as love within me, because i am clearly not the one creating the feeling of love within me, i just experience the feeling of love within me, thus within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to never see/realize/understand that I was never in love ever, not even as the feeling itself, because the feeling i just felt it, i was not the creator of the feeling, i was not the one directing myself to feel the feeling as love.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief the that LIFE is something to be experienced, without seeing/realizing/understanding in common sense that LIFE is to be LIVED. I realize that experiencing LIFE is not being one and equal with and as LIFE, because experiencing life is being separated from LIFE, it means i am NOT LIFE, i am just experiencing what i perceive within my mind LIFE should be.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to belief that in order for me to LIVE on this planet i require to be a slave, i require to be in DEBT, i require to pay someone, i require to never question authority, i require to at all costs to follow my thoughts/feelings/emotions, when none of these are necessary at all in order for me to LIVE, because the real ME as the human physical body IS already LIFE manifest, and LIFE always supports itself in all ways.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take the beliefs of my parents and from other people without questioning them, because back then i was just a believer and as believer one just belief. Within this i realize that there is no living involved in believing, and beLIEving is always a LIE from the very start, because it takes one away from what is HERE.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create world as i see it in my mind, hence i live in a world where my mental stuff is being superimposed on that which is real,and abuses that which is real for my illusion and delusion to exist. For me to belief my believes, i MUST use that which is HERE, which is real to try and validate and give my belief a value as if it is real. And that which is real itself i am not being responsible at all for it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEf that a beLIEf can be true and real without seeing/realizing/understanding that IF beLIEves were true they would have never been beLIEves, they would just be REAL, no-one would have to beLIEf them in order for them to have a validity of truth.

 

I commit myself to show that  beLIEfs will always be LIES, because the very starting point of any beLIEF it to take someone AWAY from what is HERE, Away from taking their responsibility for what is here.

I commit myself to show that the system of money that we see as so valuable and even more valuable then life is just another belief-system that does NOT have LIFE as value at all within it, it only abuses LIFE and make sure that LIFE suffers.

I commit myself to show that beLIEves MUST come to an END, because they were born, it was not part of what is HERE, had to be invented. What is here as LIFE will always be HERE, because LIFE is HERE.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

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Day 66, My Craze With Women's Legs. Full Version.

Within this writing i am going to do self-forgiveness on the part of a woman's body that i like the most and that attract me the most always, even when it is covered i can still see by the shape that is formed that the leg will be nice or not..?? I wrote in a previous post already what i find sexy about a woman, but because i see i still have reactions when i look at the legs, i must continue digging to see what else comes up within me in relation to the legs of woman as a decoy.

Self-frogiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ''fall'' for a very clean slippy looks of legs of woman.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find the shape of how the legs look like to mesmerize me into a mind-fuck.

 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be tempted by my own definition of what i will perceive as sexy as in the legs of woman i see, as depicting in the picture above. only to be used as what is already as a void within me to crave for what is of me as self-hate and self-unworthiness to transform that into the opposite as in self-love and self-worthiness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to almost give in to masturbation, just because i connect sexy legs with sex and the beginning/starting-point of where i will work my way up till i reach the cave of wonders, looking to get my energetic fix that will lead to me experiencing my release point and get my only point within myself that i see and experience as self-value/self-worthiness.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to fall pray for my own ideal of igniting myself into thoughts that will produce an urge within me, where i will slowly but surely try and manipulate myself into masturbation just to fill in  the void that is more then what i will experience as an release in a moment as the point of orgasm, which will make me seek and seek more and more of it, because when i am not having it, i feel empty and void.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand how the link to this whole ideal of legs is in reality behind the scenes is that, as i was in a conversations with my friends, i saw that i was addicted to the release itself of the energy built up within the body.

So, here a moment. So why do i find in legs of woman, and i mean specifically legs that look like the ones in the pictures i have placed here above, they can also have more meat on them, but the shape and the smooth look will do it. So why do i use this cover-up mind delusion to fuck with myself...??

 

 The memory is: Me liking Sexy legs..!!

Memories related to legs:

    Watching legs of woman on t.v. when i was a kid and find within me an energy rush, as something i have never seen before and it looks beautiful, why would i like this as a kid...???  Not having anything done sexually yet, but yet liking it, like an arousal. I mean how do i know within me as a kid that this is beautiful or not, when i never saw that before, i had no knowing of sexiness or what a sexy leg can do to a man or whatever.

 

Relevant points within the memory:

1)  woman legs on t.v.

2)  being aroused when seeing the legs on t.v. as a kid 

without having any sexual experience ever before that moment.

 

What is the reason to hold on to this memory...?? 

 

The reason that i am holding on to this memory is that it gives me a reference point, of the only memory i have of WHY it is, that SEX is so engrained within me.

 

Self-forgiveness on the memory: 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connecting a memory of me liking sexy legs to the thought:  

'' Watching legs of woman on t.v. when i was a kid and find within me an energy rush, as something i have never seen before and it looks beautiful, why would i like this as a kid...???  Not having anything done sexually yet, but yet liking it, like an arousal. I mean how do i know within me as a kid that this is beautiful or not, when i never saw that before, i had no knowing of sexiness or what a sexy leg can do to a man or whatever. '' 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to holding on to the thought of me liking sexy legs.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to the memory of woman's legs on t.v.

I forgive myself  that i have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to the memory of being aroused when seeing woman's legs on t.v. as a kid without having any sexual experience ever before that.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself for holding on to the memory because it give me a reference point, of the only memory i have of WHY it is, that SEX is so engrained within me as to make me decide to choose only for sex as a means for release.

 

 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to connect the picture of legs of woman to be used later on for my addiction on my RELEASE, the letting go off what i have been accumulating and compounding within myself as energy built-up, as what is called: ''suppression''

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand how my masturbation point or even SEX point is in relationship with the outcome of the release i have been building up within me, from and as my mind as using thoughts as to move the hidden  memories within me to surface and then i will live out that surfacing of memories that laid deep within me as projections outside myself.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see the release as the purpose in ''feeling good inside'' which is NOT what is outside, outside there is nothing to feel good about, the energetic release is the only point in my life where i ''EXPERIENCED'' a sense of life having any purpose and meaning for myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use pictures as on t.v. or in magazines or real pictures when seeing woman in real life with beautiful legs walking by or sitting somewhere to be having an impact on what i will use later on to create the necessary energy to compound within me so i can reach my point within myself of RELEASE and give into my ''feeling'' of life making sense and having a purpose as in '' experiencing good feelings'' through either having sex or by masturbating, whichever of both that will  make it possible for the release point to be experienced in that particular moment.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the self-hatred i have within myself for i feel i am not doing enough as myself in this world as when it comes to giving unconditionally, as like there is this void, that try as i may, i can't find it and it makes me ''feel'' frustrated and angry at myself for i can't find within me the point that will work for real for myself and how myself will function within this world.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel unworthy of ''love'' as it is in the system, because this love was never here for me, i never saw this love in myself and in my world at large in anyone i have been in contact with, the only love that i thought love would be like if it is to be experienced was when i engage in sex with woman and i make them come and become all wet where they loose themselves and become all vulnerable as in a moment of being innocent.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to interpret love as to be like this only,where i can get woman to be loosen up and becoming innocent in the moment of having sex with me, so i can in that moment with them go through what i would belief love should be if was ever real constantly and consistently, when after the release of the experience of the feeling i will be back again to reality where this ''love'' that i experienced is absent, not present at all, not in me nor outside of me in my world close to me or far from me.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to use the ''sex with woman'' as a means to get myself to experience what i am unable by myself to give to myself, because i don't have it within me, without ever knowing that i was looking for that which was not real, and that the only way is to use my own physical body to make it ''feel'' like it is real, but then when i am back to reality i will get a guilty feeling and a feeling of disgust and sadness and anger for i am NOT having what others appear to be having as what they call: ''love''

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself in believing that to attain something as a feeling within me will give me value and worthiness, when value and worthiness is absent within me without me having the release through sex or masturbation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that if something that i have to look for first and then in order to get it, must not be real,for it is not there for me to give it, so my point of ''getting it'' is in reality my fear of me knowing that i am trying to make an illusion to be real, when i know that what i am seeing within myself is not here as what i go through throughout my days. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to Be angry at myself because all along i already knew my own truth of not feeling anything really for real, that it was just a lie i lied to myself to fit in the system where lies are valued and are worthy, because if i were to be whom i am inside the system and with the people in the system, they will reject me as i am NOT in alignment with what is accepted and allowed within the system, so within this i forgive myself for i have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself and feel unworthy of myself because i gave in and did not stand as my own realization i had in my life as trying to justify and spite my own truth of me knowing silently that what the world is telling me of love is NOT here in me, and that i have to squander my life in pursuit of this thing called ''love'' that i am not and makes me angry at myself and shameful for i have given my power away to something that i know is not here in me, nor in my world at large,and that i have to with effort try to make it real.

Whenever i see myself going into my mind regarding whatever that is to do with sex in any ways, I STOP      and I breathe.....and bring me back here where there is only me as breath as my physical body one and equal, so i don't participate in my own mind delusions.

I commit myself to through my writings,self-forgiveness and my commitments to life to STOP myself in participating in my own mind delusions where i will justify them as real and try to protect myself as within these justifications that are NOT who I am as LIFE here.

I commit myself to and through my writings and self-forgiveness and my commitments to life to look within me for more points as to why it is i am trying to justify what i know within myself all along cannot be true as the who i am for it does not exist within me as me, and that i have to make it real in order for me to just ''experience'' it as IF it is real.

Thanks.

Larry Manuela

Join us at: DESTENI

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Day 30, Missing Someone/Something. Part 1

Missing someone is what most of us if not all has gone through at some time or another. When we were in this experience of energetics as emotions that ran rampant, we never stood still and question these, we just followed and engage into these energetics as emotions, without ever investigating them. We have managed to allow ourselves to trust our emotions and feelings, so much so that we abdicate our lives for them. We really do think that because we are thinking/feeling and  having emotions, that that is the reason why we live, or why we are alive.  One should test for yourself to stick to your breath and you will see when nothing moves within you and you are still alive, that your belief of your mind being the reason why you are alive is a fable.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to miss the country i was born into.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to miss the people, the language of the country i was born into.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to miss my parents, because they are in my country of birth when i am here in another country.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to miss the way my country of birth looks like, and how it feels to be there.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to engage into missing, without realizing that i am HERE in and as life and in life there is no way that missing can truly be true, because all is life, it is only when i am not one and equal as life, that i can then perceive myself as having people and things to miss, because in this i a missing myself as life as the who i really am as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how in participating in the emotion that is called ''missing'' i am abdicating my own living as life here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage and limit myself by engaging in an emotion as ''missing'' someone or something, within this it means that i am in complete separation to/towards that what i am missing, because if i was one and equal with and as life, all that is life will be HERE

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the illusion of missing someone or something, without realizing that in life there is no missing, because all is life here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand how in participating in an emotion as ''missing'' i am participating in creating in myself and this world an experience where we miss each other or something.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself use the emotion of missing someone or something to make people feel sorry for me, or give me attention.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect the emotion as ''missing'' to manipulative tactic in order for me to get what i want, which is always ego driven.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that no matter how much we participate in the emotion as missing, it is not changing the reality i am in as within my geographical placement/allocation on and within this world, or if it has to do with someone who has passed away, it does not change the reality. So within this i have deliberately chosen to follow an illusion just because i have brainwashed myself to belief that my emotions are real and reality i just abuse it to superimpose my emotions upon it.

To be continued in part 2.............................

 

Thanks.

 

Larry Manuela

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Day 8, looking at the clock.

I noticed i look at the clock several times in a day or more then several times, as for me to measure how much time i still have before the day turns into another day, and within this i experience a sense of haste, that i need to get things done before it's too late, instead of bringing myself here in breath in and as the physical.


Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to rely on a clock on a wall to decide for me what time it is and what i define as time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by a clock on a wall, wherein i have to be in haste in order to so-called ''keep up with time'' when in reality i only need to be one and equal with real time which is breath-time.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of haste when i look at the clock.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that because i can see that the clock is almost coming to midnight, that i have to hurry up, before it hits midnight, because then the day for me has changed and it is no more today, but a tomorrow.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let a clock on a wall influence me to determine what i have to do or not to do and what is the specific time required to do so.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that within this simple act of looking at the clock on the wall is showing me in reality the fear i have for tomorrow.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect ''a clock on a wall'' to fear for tomorrow.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear tomorrow that is a future event or moment that is not here as me, as the physical body on this earth, i am not as a body in this tomorrow i am projecting in my mind, which is a total illusion.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future that is unknown and within this fear my own projection as my future that is unknown so making me fear my own fear.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear within myself and then fear it within myself, when it has nothing to do at all with reality, fear have no effect what is to happen in reality. Fear will not stop my consequences i have to go through that i created in the past.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to connect consequences to fear.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear consequences that i don't even know what kind of consequences i will have to face in this reality for what i have accepted and allowed to be done to life.


I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how i created a whole mind pattern based on a clock on a wall to abdicate my responsibility to/towards life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to base my decisions by/through having a look at a clock on the wall, because of the fear of the future that is behind it,instead of me being here in breath, taking it one breath at the time.






I commit myself to not look at the clock on the wall as a form of predicting a future, an outcome that is as of right now irrelevant and totally unnecessary, because what i need to do is to stay here in breath and do what is best for all in each breath.


I commit myself to use my breath-time instead of the time as on a clock which is only valid when i have to work or do some other stuff that require me being on time within the system.






Self-corrective application:


Whenever i see myself going into my mind related to looking at a clock on a wall as for me to engage into future projections, I stop -- I take a deep breath and stay here within the touch of the physical to not loose myself into fear and within this take my power back as to make the decision to take my responsibility and stabilize myself here as breath as me as life.




Thanks.




Larry Manuela




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