Friday, 9 November 2012

Day 160, When Happiness Turns Into Sadness Part 2

So here i am going to walk the dimensions of fear in self-honesty so i can resolve the issues within myself and you the reader can see how you can resolve yours to.



                                             

This is what i wrote yesterday:    http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-159-when-happiness-turn-into-sadness.html


So what are my fears within all this story, let's have a look..??


Fear dimension:



* Fear or loss

* fear of not being able to communicate with my son

* fear of what he might become if i am not an influence in his life

* fear of him turning his emotional turmoils into destructive behavior to/towards himself and others as himself


* fear of my son being brainwashed into any culture in this world, for they are all serving one purpose and one purpose only, and that is to separate one from another.

* fear of my son loosing himself in his mind, and never be able to birth himself as life as the physical, because he is far away from me and i cannot have any influence in his life for him to see that the way we live with each other is unacceptable and that he is the one, like everyone else that HAVE to change in order for all of us to change the world. We are the participants in this world that make the world the way it is, so as participants in inequality now, we must change our living with each other into EQUALITY, where LIFE is honored and NOT the opinions we have about life.





Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing  my son to exist within me as me, because i know within myself that when he is far away, it will be more difficult for me to see him and hear from him, and this add to the consequences as when something happens to him mentally or physically i will not be able to assist and support him using common sense reasoning for him to realize what the heck is going on and why it is he is feeling the way he feels, because no-one else with him will be able to do this, because they just don't know, don't understand these things, they are as lost as he is. Lostness can only teach lostness.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have the fear of not being able to communicate with him to exist within me as me, for i know my son listen to me, because he is very attached to me, as i can already see, that even in the little moments i spent with him and i say things to him that make sense, he never forgets and always wants to proof to me through doing his best at whatever that he have me in his mind, something i don't really approve of, because within this he is learning to depend on his feelings instead of learning to walk within and as his human physical body and be one and equal with and as his human physical body and his breath.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what could become of him when i am really far far away from him, because i know he is an emotional kid, something that is NOT the way one should be living by in this world, and measure ones reality according to it, for it is NOT what is physical and HERE as LIFE. I realize that this what i write here is very difficult for others to understand, because others see and believe themselves to be these feelings/emotions/thoughts, because this is all they ever were and experienced themselves as, and have used to walk the earth as: ''the whom I am.''  So within this i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to have patients with others as myself as i am aware that they do NOT understand what i understand as of right now.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my son will turn his emotional turmoil into destructive behavior to/towards himself or others as himself for he will not know how to deal with these. Within this i realize i see three secnarios that can play out in his life because of being an emotional kid............ 1) He can by being emotional about things start to question things in life, because of this, because this is what happened to me to, when i was a kid, i was also emotional as he is now..............  2) He can by being emotional about things start to fight the emotions themselves within himself and also become someone who is always looking for troubles and.......3) even can become a bully or someone that becomes a person that everyone just walk on.   So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my son using what is within my memories as what are happening and did happen in this world to myself and others as myself as an example for what could become of my son, without seeing/realizing/understanding that all of that is NOT what is HERE now within and as the physical as the body of my son that is HERE within and as this physical reality and that this is just my own mind projection i impose on him and this whole physical reality.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my son will be brainwashed to accept any culture in this world as being part of the whom he is, because i am aware that to have a sense of belonging to any culture in this world means that one accept and allow separation to exist within oneself and within the world at large, and as long as there is separation there cannot be ONENESS AND EQUALITY, that which is BEST for ALL life.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear my son will not be able to birth himself as the physical, because i will not be having as much as a communication with him in order for him to HEAR common sense reasoning, and he will be lost in his mind with all the people around him that are just like him personalities in a mind, that are using logic and opinions, which points are NOT to be trusted as measurements for life. Within this i forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that whatever happens within my son as energy that it will be his own doing and he will have to take his self-responsibility for that, and that i can only assist and support him in that by helping him develop his common sense reasoning so he can for himself what is REAL and what is NOT and choose than what is REAL,which is that which is this physical reality and NOT his mental garbage that is the thoughts/feelings/emotions/opinions/judgements/internal conversations/energetic reactions/back-chats/imaginations/projections/needs/wants/desires/believes.


So within this i forgive myself that i haven't seen/realized/understood that i am being selfish in regard to my son, by having future projections about him within myself as wanting/wishing for him to birth himself as the physical right HERE as his human physical body, for i am aware that this is NOT my decision and is and will be only his, and his alone and from no-one else for each stand alone in this, they are either going to choose life or abdicate life for an illusion as the mind.


Tomorrow i will continue with self-commitment statements in relation to these self-forgiveness statements...............



Thanks.


Larry Manuela




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