Today, my ex. messaged me and we were just chatting and she told me, that when she told my son that they are going to her birthplace, he became all happy and started to laugh and built his own happy party time, but after a while he started to become sad, and she asked him, why it is he is now sad..? And he replied with; ' because, i am so happy that i have to cry.'
Now there is another part that will come later on in the future, that is the part that when he gets there and he will notice that i am not there, and that i am far away from him, then is when the real sadness will kick in. My son is very attached to me, so he is going to mis me. But it is better for them now, because i know they don't like it here and their lives is total fuck up here, and as of right now i can't take care of them as i want/wish so i myself told the mother, it is better that if she wants to go back with them to her country, to do so. There life is a little different, people are more closer to each other, the way they live there with each other is a little bit different then here. Here you are really really alone, so when shit hits the fan over here, one is really fucked. Here everything is money, and there everything is money to, as it is in all countries, the only different is the people themselves, they look out more for each other. Here no-one give a damn about you nor your life, so when you are in a problem, you are alone in it, just like everyone else, and no-one will help you, it is very difficult here. Here the majority of people are too much alone. Oh in case you're wondering, where i live, i live in Holland. People here have been brainwashed to work ''hard'' for their money because only you can take care of yourself and take this to another level, where they have become completely selfish, the dependence on money to do everything is so so much ingrained within the people here. There is another problem to, due to the counry having a population of millions, most people don't know each other, so this leave more room for more isolation, so people suffer quietly.
Where i come from and where my ex. comes from are little islands and almost everyone knows everyone, at least by face. In my country even more so, because there lives only 14000 people, maybe a little bit more. But what i have noticed is that all these things have their pro's and con's.
Let me give you an example, if someone does something in my country not only will everyone know, but you will meet everyone in the country physically. Here it is only through the newspapers and t.v. news that you hear about that someone, but you will maybe never meet this person in real life. So this means that the people in my country that are real fuckers are REAL fuckers for real, because they have gone through the shame and everything, gone through walking between the people when everyone knows what they did. Everyone you meet will know about you, and they know you and what you did. Your shit cannot be hidden there. It can be hidden tho, but when they find out, it is EVERYONE that will know. And literally everywhere you move on the island everyone knows you and what you did. So this is a great difference then here in Holland. Here in Holland maybe only the people whom knows you will know and the people in your little community, but the majority won't even know, you can move to another state and their no-one will know about what you did, or even know you.
In my country they even know by knowing your last name, from which neighbourhood you're coming from and whom your mother and fathers are. And i mean everyone knows this, it is like common knowledge. It is not something only for historians.
Tomorrow i will be doing self-forgiveness on lots of points in relation to all this..............
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