Monday, 19 November 2012

Day 165, When Happiness Turns Into Sadness, Part 7

So here i am continuing with the dimensions i have to walk in order to clear this one point.

Now i am going to move into the Reaction dimnesion.


                                                                       


Here are the links of what i wrote previously:


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-164-when-happiness-turns-into.html





http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-163-when-happiness-turns-into.html#




http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-162-when-happiness-turns-into.html#


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-161-when-happiness-turns-into.html




http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-160-when-happiness-turns-into.html




http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-159-when-happiness-turn-into-sadness.html





Reactions:


***  i feel a kind of anxiety rising within me, due to having the belief within myself that my son is not going to be o.k. when/if he will be away from me in a far away country.


***   nervous tendencies


***  fear of the ''what if''




Self-forgiveness:


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxiety within me due to the belief within myself that my son is not going to be o.k. when/if he will be away from  me in a far away country, to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, because i theorize and try to figure things out within and as my mind when the things i am theorizing and trying to figure out are NOT HERE at all in this moment, and this is totally delusional to continue having such reactions within me based on illusions. Therefore i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enegage into energetic reactions within me that are NOT physical natural reactions of the body but are based on feelings and emotions which are energetic in nature, and are dependend on the body to produce them in order for me to go through the experience of experiencing the emotion or the feeling.


I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or about to go into anxiety within my mind, and also in moments where i capture myself already in the midway of mind delusions as anxieties to just STOP, take a deep breath------bring myself back here and stick to the focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable within myself and from this walk as this stability and clearness.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have nervous tendencies in relation to my delusional beliefs within myself based on memories of what happened to others in this world as an example, where kids turned out not being grownups or young ones that care at all for their lives let alone care for others lives, to exist within me as me as the mind as energy. Within this i realize i use comparison of what i have stored up within myself as memories fully charged within judgemental opinions in accordance to what i saw as ''good or bad'' and from this point of view than place my worry that will give a sensation of nervousness to exist within me as me as the energy as the mind. Therefore, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use comparison based on opinions derived from what i think/blief to be ''good or bad'' without actual real/practical/factual understanding of how things really function in this reality and also how my mind really functions, wherein i delude myself into giving these opinions value, and where i will eventually end up with a nervousness experience within  me out of all that, which is NOT a practical solution to myself nor to all of life right HERE, because this is not solving factual/practical problems, it is just having an opinion about them.


I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or about to go into comparisons, to just STOP and BREATHE, and make sure i focus on my breathing till i have calmed myself down and clear myself, and is also stalbe within and as my breath and my human physical body, because i am aware that comparisons are NOT what is BEST for all life for they are always dependend on that which was, and are NOT HERE, and they are heavily laden on opinions in accordance to my brainwashing of my parents, my culture and everything i have participated in either consciously or unconsciously.




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself  to have the ''what if '' question to come up within me, based on my belief that my son may not be o.k. when he gets into another country far away from me and without the opportunity to be able to communicate to me as it is as easily right now, due to many factors involved, like time differences, my work schedule here, and the costs of the phone bills. So within this i realize that i link my ''what if'' fear to financial and social interaction difficulties to give my ''what if'' fear more value, meanwhile without seeing/realizing/understanding that i am in fact participating in a delusion in my mind that is not even REAL and HERE as what is physical HERE manifest.


I commit myself to STOP myself  whenever i see myself going into or about to go into fictional/delusional questions within  my mind that have nothing to do with factual/real/actual/physical reality and that are NOT even happening HERE right now, but yet give it value as if it was really happening, to exist within me as me as the mind as energy, and just BREATHE and continue focusing on my breathing till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me anymore as the mind as energy and from out of this i walk/move/taka action.





Thanks.


Larry Manuela


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