Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Day 158, Sleeping As An Excuse Has Taken Over. Part 2

So here i am continuing with my writing of my blog from yesterday, i leave the link here below for you.


                                                                  

http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2012/11/day-157-sleeping-as-excuse-has-taken.html

I left of saying in the previous post that i will work on the deconstruction on the points that came forth.

So lets see what i have to work with so far.

Points to work on:

* postponement through sleeping when i am suppose to write.

* relaxing in bed doing absolutely nothing, and mind-fucking myself.

* back-chatting about bullshit, instead of breathing.

* imaging stuff and daydreaming.

* having internal conversations.

 

 

Self-forgiveness on the points and self-commitment statements:

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to postpone my writing through sleeping so i can have an excuse within my own mind in order not to write and also for me to have justification for if i am asked why i did not write i can then use that as an excuse. I realize within this that there is a fear hiding, and the fear is that i don't want others to find out that i am being lazy and self-dishonest to/towards myself and others as myself.  So within this, i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear not wanting others to find out that i am being lazy and self-dishonest to/towards myself and others as myself.

 

I commit myself to make sure that i push myself in the moments i see myself going into or about to go into postponing my writing under the auspices of feeling tired, when in reality most of the times i am not tired at all. So i just STOP myself and BREATHE and make sure i continue breathing till nothing moves within me anymore, and place myself behind my laptop and write whatever it is i will write in that particular moment.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to just sit or sleep on the bed doing absolutely nothing and mind-fucking myself wherein i think and think about past events and also about probable future events which all are irrelevant to my moment here in breath. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to talk to myself within my mind about what i have said to myself in the past and to other people in the past, and based on these i then talk to myself again pretending that i am talking to someone else, having a complete conversation within myself within my mind about what to do in the future, wherein i am compromising myself and life in it's entirety because i am wasting my time in thoughts and imaginations without actually taking any action as to what is relevant right here right now as that which is my process to birth myself as the physical right here in this lifetime. I realize i do this often, because i am then comfortable and in this  and i don't have to face myself through writing and i get to not focusing on my BREATHING. So within this i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to often sabotaging myself to not face myself through just relaxing on my bed doing nothing.

I commit myself to make sure that whenever i see myself going into or about to go into getting myself ready to start within my comfort on my bed where i will let myself get carried away deliberately and wherein i sabotage myself into a mind-fuck, to just STOP and take as many deep BREATHS as possible till i am totally clear and stable and nothing moves within me, so i can then start on my writing and just do what i have to do.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be back-chatting about bullshit in my mind instead of focusing on my breathing and of course my process of birthing myself HERE, within and as the physical, wherein i will back-chat specifically about the state of this world as how we humans are destroying it. Within this i realize i do this as a means to NOT get to my writing and so the time i have passes by and when it is too late to write i can then say to myself that i didn't have much time, when in reality i wasted all of it on meaningless mind garbage. Thus i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the back-chatting about how we humans are behaving as an excuse to NOT write in order to face myself, so i can then have an excuse as not having much time, when i wasted it all on back-chatting.

I commit myself to make sure to be sharp and alert on my mind participation and in this whenever i see myself going into or about to go into back-chatting my way into behavioral patterns of us humans, to just STOP and take a deep breath or as many deep breaths as possible till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me and from this proceed with my writing.

 

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sit and imagine how the world can be and daydreaming without really moving here within and as the physical, all for the purpose to NOT face myself through writing, so i sabotage myself  conveniently in order to not take my self-responsibility to/towards myself and others as myself. i realize i use this imagination and daydreaming a lot because it gives me a sense of righteousness within which i don't have to take my self-responsibility to/towards myself in regards to writing myself to freedom/nothingness.

I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or about to go into imagination and daydreaming, to just STOP and make sure that i focus on my breath and make sure i take  as many deep breaths and possible till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have internal conversation with myself within myself about how i talk to some people about what i want to do to change the world and bring peace and real freedom at last. Thus within this i realize i am that i fear the very things i talk to myself about in my mind, because these are the things i never actually practically live as the whom i am in this world for real, and by taking it in my mind it gives me a feeling as if i am doing something to bring these in this world, when in reality it is just a nice way to NOT take my self-responsibility.

 


I commit myself to whenever i see myself going into or about to go into internal conversation as a way to get a away and not to face myself in writing, to just STOP and take as many deep breaths as possible till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy, and then when i am clear and stable i can from this start my writing.





Thanks.


Larry Manuela



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