Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Day 360, The Anger that consumes me.

So here I am again with another same old problem or should I say challenge.



                                                                       

I have noticed lately that there is this anger that consumes me. And this anger I project on all of us, including myself, because of this thing we are doing, which I will call: "waiting." 
Because every single problem that is right here, right now can be stopped and changed forever more. However, because we do not really want to come together and work to/towards practical solutions that will be best for all of us, we keep on keeping on with the blaming game and looking at a so-called: "elite."  
We act as if the elite have soooooooo much power than all of us put together, which of course is not so.
I have noticed that this anger within me is related to a fear, and this fear is specific to experiencing unnecessary hardship.
Thus my anger that I project to/towards others as myself, is in relation to not wanting to go through unnecessary hardships and because I see that in reality, humanity is not really coming together anytime soon and the problems we have keep on mounting up, I become angry, but mostly deep inside myself it is a fear of the consequences that I can imagine could take place if we do not stand together as one & equal and stop, than change all the problems that are here, that we have created. Thus; OUR problem is MY problem!


Points that I need to work on:


***  anger to/towards humanity and myself included

***  projection of anger to/towards humanity and myself

***  Fear of possible future outcomes

*** Fear of having to go through hardships

*** Fear of  having to go through a world gone totally mad, because we do not share equally for everyone.





Self-forgiveness statements:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go through the experience of being angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that by allowing anger to exist within me as me, I am somehow doing something or at least I am caring, because I am against that which is not right in the world that I see?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the anger that exists within me more impetus and value, through participating in it, fueling it up without actually working it out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work out my anger I have been accumulating within me as me, because little by little it has become a point where I even like being angry all the time in my mind about the situation  I am in and that the whole world is in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself and humanity at large, because of what I have accepted and allowed to be here on earth, while I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the possible outcomes that can become part of my reality in this world and the reality for lots of people in this world, and not just people but lots of beings on this earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to go through hunger, to not actually have something to eat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pay for my monthly expenses and thus get into a lot financial problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, due to not being able to pay my rent get be put out on the streets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to tell someone else, whomever this someone else is, a family or not, that I am in financial difficulty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to ever coming to a point of rest financially, a safe base where I can take care of my children financially as I wanted and as I have to, because I do not have a job anymore to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to be in the middle of a humanity gone mad, because there is no equal sharing among humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at humanity, including myself for not accepting and allowing equal of everything to exist within and as this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that I cannot for myself live equality within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at " those people" whom make decisions in this world, which have an impact and effect the lives of lots of humans and other beings on earth that does not lead to that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make decisions in every moment that I am here that will accumulate and eventually become that which will be best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and belief that humanity is doomed, because I judge humanity by what I see humanity allows to occur to life on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe  that I am doomed, because I judge myself for what I allow to accur to life on earth on my watch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I am aware that I am not doing much about changing the whom I am now to be/become a human being that can truly stand within and as myself to live in every moment, that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be consumed with anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lash out within and as my mind to all people out of desperation, because of my own self-created anger within myself to/towards humanity at large, myself included.








Self-commitment statements:


When I see myself going into or I am about to go into Anger, I stop.................take a deep breath, bring myself here, quiet myself within and as my breath, focusing on my breathing, the phyiscal feeling/touch of my breath and stick with it right here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that the anger that consumes me can only do so, because I am allowing it to be within and as my experience within and as my body.

Therefore, I commit myself to whenever there comes a moment when I in anger because I forgot to breathe to immediately remind myself that I am here and my breath here, my body is here and the whole earth here to support me with that which is life, all I need is to bring myself back here within and as myself and focus on that which is my breath and my physical body by touching my arms or holding my two hands together so that my focus is than here, which is that which is actually here as expression of life.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into reacting against something in anger within my mind consciousness system, I stop................take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that by allowing anger to exist within me, within my mind I am thinking and believing that it means that at least I am caring somehow, because " I am thinking about others that have less than me," as if "thinking about it is caring." 

Therefore, I commit myself to just stop myself thinking about those whom I have judged as living in circumstances and situations that are challenging, and actually start get myself involved more practically with the actual doing, moving to/towards solutions that will bring about a change that will be best for all life.



To be continued in the next blog............................



Thanks.


Larry Manuela




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