Saturday, 16 January 2016

Day 371, Drug Experimentation Success or Failure Part 3

So now in this blog I am going to take it all back to self. I am going to take the responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed.


                                                           



Self-forgiveness statements:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be influenced by my two friends to smoke weed with them, from the very beginning even though within myself I did not want to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the opportunity of my two friends that smoke weed to also try it out for myself with them to satisfy my desire of if anything should go wrong they might know what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue smoking weed with them after I have tried it and did not like it, just because I did not want to be excluded from the friendship I had with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my friends for using weed and for behaving as though it is the most fun thing to do and the most important thing in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself to be with friends that smoked weed, because even though it is legal to smoke weed in this country, when it is being seen as something not right to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also find within myself that smoking weed it not the right thing to do for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try out smoking weed even when within myself I was fighting against myself to not do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go against my own findings at the time, within which afterwards have propelled me into lots of moment within my life where I would do this same thing, thus that I have created a pattern within myself to go against my own will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself enough to just say " no."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try an synthetic drug, to satisfy my sexuality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to satisfy my sexual mind desires through using a synthetic drug.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need more when it comes to sexual experience and practice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to want to be more sexual than ever when having sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that sex is like something I can win women with, like using it to make someone see me as special and that they want to be with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that I need to be someone special and being great in bed in order to be likable or seen and treated like someone special, without seeing/realizing and understanding that I do not need nor have to be seen nor treated like someone special nor be found likable by someone else, all I need to do is live what is best for me as life as all as equal as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my own sexual expression and thought and believed it needed some higher performance as if I am not good enough, when even in reality nothing was suggesting such a thing, it was only me within my mind consciousness system judging myself and wanting to be more than what I am when it comes to sexual expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find that I needed to manipulate myself and others through sex in order to be loved or treated as something that I have as an idea, however is not who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be something that I am not and look for ways to express it that needs alteration through some synthetic drug.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I need alteration in order to fit with an idea I have had about myself within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be defined by ideas within and as my mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to fit in, when I can see within and as myself that fitting in is actually what everyone is doing and is being passed over from parents to child on how to fit in, however never being showed/exampled in how to be and to live as one as equal as all life, thus by trying to fit in I am actually supporting the world system and also how the human has created itself to be having a destructive nature that we have come to call: ' human nature,' as if it is something we cannot change at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also let myself believe that the nature I have created myself to be and become is something that I cannot change and that it is who I am and that it is human, when in reality I have never really lived as a human in awareness of what that really is, I have only lived in knowing and experiencing myself as a personality(ies). in my mind through using my body to do so, I have only lived what my parents and my culture and my environment I was in has thought me how and what to be, my believes that were placed within me as information that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the nature and as who and what I am as I call it: ' my human nature.'




To be continued......................



Thanks,

Larry Manuela



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