So the question is, How do I support myself within my own process.
Keywords that I need, to deconstruct the patterns I have created for and about myself.
This list represents what I have to let go of or change and also what I need to work on, about myself.
For example, when it comes to prioritizing what I need to do or not to do, what comes first and so on I need to work on all that.
Self-forgiveness statements:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life in a certain way wherein I do not prioritize anything, however just do some things in some of the moments they present themselves to me and others I put them on hold and then time keep on passing without me doing them anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put what I have placed as separate from me on hold as not me and in this not attending and assessing me so I can stand one and equal with and as who I am in this moment and then making sure that I can direct myself as me as one as equal as all as life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand, that prioritizing my personal life on any level means me standing up within and as myself, pushing me to take a stand and stance within myself to what I will accept and allow within me and to what I will not accept and allow within me.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to prioritize my personal process in a way I am aware I can live it to my best abilities.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not personalize and prioritize my process in a way that will work best for me, because I keep on looking for ways to find a way to do all of that in my head but not put any into practice.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a way to compress my own process in my head, however not seeing/realizing/ and understanding that the only compression that will take place is in the actual doing itself, and not looking for ideas to do it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for too long to live this character manifestation of " being nice" in my life, to an extent that it has become part of who I am in this world, where I see that within it, I suppress myself for others, I neglect myself, my own personal process to heed the plight of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind this character of " being nice" in order to not really be direct as what I see is not acceptable, however use this " being nice" character to not get myself into so called: " trouble."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself as a nice person, because of my fear of being in trouble with other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting into trouble with other people because of what I have told myself about myself, because of a few incidents that happened within my life in the past wherein I would literally become rage, because I have accepted and allowed anger to turn into rage and then use rage to force my body into real physical fights, wherein only rage as anger exists and I accept and is willing to even die like this in that moment.
let me take a moment here, to really look into this rage thingy. First there is this fear that comes up within me as backchat and I say then to myself: " I might get my ass kicked by this person," then this fear because of what I have told myself turns into anger, and it turns into anger because I do not accept another abusing another just because they believe they can, thus me having this judgement about them in that moment turns into this rage wherein I do not give a F*** anymore, and I in that moment embrace the rage totally, like cacooning myself into this rage, because when I do that there is no more experience of fear, just rage is left over, I feel no more pain, or if there is pain, it makes me as this rage worse. Like the pain makes the rage go higher. I found that when the other person look at me they can see that rage in me and I can see they get scared, and because I can see that in their faces, I become abusive, because I have learnt that when someone else see no fear in your face or eyes or the way you move your body, it makes them fearful, thus when one does not express fear, the one that fears will get into more fear within themselves. Thus because I could see that I abused them. Thus in other words, the rage possession takes over, I allow it to take over, and use it totally into my self-interest advantage. Thus I took a moment of abuse done to me and turns it into abuse done BY me, exactly what I, myself did not accept about others abusing another. Thus I became the abuser myself in that moment.
Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: " I might get my ass kicked by this person," to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the fear within me to be ass-kicked by another person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the fear of possibly being ass-kicked by another person to transform it into anger and then use anger to transform it into rage, all by all energies within and as my mind consciousness system to fuel itself within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another as myself as being abusive, without seeing/realizing/ and understanding that there exists self-abuse within myself that I haven't worked out yet, thus instead of working them out, I make the decision to separate me from them and project it out of me unto another as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get into rage, because within this energy within myself I can abuse another physically, because it gives me a false sense of power and control over another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have power and control over another and in a way fear it and like it at the same time, making sure by fearing and liking it, to continue with having it within me, because by fearing it, I am trying to avoid it, and by liking it, I accept it and can abuse another as myself with it to suit my self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of power within me when I see that I am busy igniting fear in another as myself and within this use that as a weapon to abuse the other, because he is accepting and allowing the fear about me to exist within him.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become the very manifestation of abuser that I in the beginning of starting a fight did not accept.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abused others more than a dozen times in my life, because of having power and control over them, because I see fear in them, instead of choosing to assist and support them to not be in fear and also for myself to assist and support myself to not go into fear myself that turns into rage, that than have an outflow of physical abuse to/towards another as myself.
To be continued..................................
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a way to compress my own process in my head, however not seeing/realizing/ and understanding that the only compression that will take place is in the actual doing itself, and not looking for ideas to do it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for too long to live this character manifestation of " being nice" in my life, to an extent that it has become part of who I am in this world, where I see that within it, I suppress myself for others, I neglect myself, my own personal process to heed the plight of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind this character of " being nice" in order to not really be direct as what I see is not acceptable, however use this " being nice" character to not get myself into so called: " trouble."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest myself as a nice person, because of my fear of being in trouble with other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting into trouble with other people because of what I have told myself about myself, because of a few incidents that happened within my life in the past wherein I would literally become rage, because I have accepted and allowed anger to turn into rage and then use rage to force my body into real physical fights, wherein only rage as anger exists and I accept and is willing to even die like this in that moment.
let me take a moment here, to really look into this rage thingy. First there is this fear that comes up within me as backchat and I say then to myself: " I might get my ass kicked by this person," then this fear because of what I have told myself turns into anger, and it turns into anger because I do not accept another abusing another just because they believe they can, thus me having this judgement about them in that moment turns into this rage wherein I do not give a F*** anymore, and I in that moment embrace the rage totally, like cacooning myself into this rage, because when I do that there is no more experience of fear, just rage is left over, I feel no more pain, or if there is pain, it makes me as this rage worse. Like the pain makes the rage go higher. I found that when the other person look at me they can see that rage in me and I can see they get scared, and because I can see that in their faces, I become abusive, because I have learnt that when someone else see no fear in your face or eyes or the way you move your body, it makes them fearful, thus when one does not express fear, the one that fears will get into more fear within themselves. Thus because I could see that I abused them. Thus in other words, the rage possession takes over, I allow it to take over, and use it totally into my self-interest advantage. Thus I took a moment of abuse done to me and turns it into abuse done BY me, exactly what I, myself did not accept about others abusing another. Thus I became the abuser myself in that moment.
Thus within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the backchat: " I might get my ass kicked by this person," to exist within me as me as the mind as energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the fear within me to be ass-kicked by another person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the fear of possibly being ass-kicked by another person to transform it into anger and then use anger to transform it into rage, all by all energies within and as my mind consciousness system to fuel itself within and as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another as myself as being abusive, without seeing/realizing/ and understanding that there exists self-abuse within myself that I haven't worked out yet, thus instead of working them out, I make the decision to separate me from them and project it out of me unto another as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get into rage, because within this energy within myself I can abuse another physically, because it gives me a false sense of power and control over another.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have power and control over another and in a way fear it and like it at the same time, making sure by fearing and liking it, to continue with having it within me, because by fearing it, I am trying to avoid it, and by liking it, I accept it and can abuse another as myself with it to suit my self-interest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of power within me when I see that I am busy igniting fear in another as myself and within this use that as a weapon to abuse the other, because he is accepting and allowing the fear about me to exist within him.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become the very manifestation of abuser that I in the beginning of starting a fight did not accept.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have abused others more than a dozen times in my life, because of having power and control over them, because I see fear in them, instead of choosing to assist and support them to not be in fear and also for myself to assist and support myself to not go into fear myself that turns into rage, that than have an outflow of physical abuse to/towards another as myself.
To be continued..................................
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
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