However, I am lacking in when it comes to supporting myself. It is like me putting myself down and put everyone else first, or not first, but I see their problems and needs to have a more expedient priority than my own problems and needs.
I always say to myself: " you can do yours later, you always manage somehow to attend to yours later."
However, this " later" never comes, because there is always someone with problems and with needs that seem to be in need of my support in whatever ways.
I see that I have been supporting too much others and not myself, as if supporting myself is not of real value.
I have been noticing not only lately, but a long time already, that I am very easy in seeing when and where one needs my physical support, for example at work or elsewhere. It may appear to someone else that I am being nice or helpful or as some would say: " a gentlemen."
However to me it is more like, what I want for myself in that moment, and not from a self-interest point of view, however so, from the point of view of me already gone through a similar experience and wanted and needed some help but did not get it from anyone and thus having an understanding of how the experience must be for another as myself, thus I just attend to what I see without having to be asked.
Sometimes I also encounter people that even though everyone can see they need a little help, would refuse the help, and say: " no don't do it, I can do it myself!" Thus these people are like my reflection of what I have to do for myself, only that part: " I can do it myself!"
Even I, have been in situations where I would refuse help from another, when within myself I am aware that I DO need the help in that moment, but refuse it anyways, because there was a thought within myself or a judgment within myself that, that someone else may be thinking and believing that I cannot do it myself, thus I refuse the help based on that self-judgement, however yet projected on another as myself.
Refusing support is also self-interest in some cases, if it is not practical in supporting oneself, if it is not having to do with one's point of reaching one's utmost potential. Because sometimes or even more than sometimes someone else may have another way of doing something that might work best for oneself, but if one refuse the help one will never learn from that other person and one will also be continuing doing something believing that one is doing one's best when it is not so in reality, one have not reached one's best yet, or one is not busy with doing one's best yet. Thus support can mean in some instances, getting to learn more about one's own potential where there is a lacking in procedure, and see that one can be even more effective in that same point where one believed one did not need any support in it from someone else.
Thus what I need to do in supporting of myself is start picking up the crumbles of my leftovers as I was walking to/towards and focusing too much on the supporting of others as myself and did not even within the supporting of others see/realize and understand that, I was leaving crumbles behind as a reminder what I need to do for and about myself in being and becoming, living my highest potential.
In the following blog, I will be doing the deconstruction of this pattern within my life.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
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