Saturday, 29 November 2014

Day 334, Very Naugthy Children Part 5

In this blog, I am going to workout specifically the commitments related to the second part of this series, wherein I provide the link here below:


http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/10/day-331-very-naughty-chuildren-part-2.html


                                                              




Self-Commitment statements:


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into blaming myself for leaving my kids behind, I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am blaming myself because I am experiencing doubts within myself for leaving them behind, when I was aware that I had to made that decision, because it was not the first time.


Thus within this, I commit myself to instead of keeping on blaming myself, I use that energy to look for ways to communicate more with them and also to find practical solutions to help myself in moments where I am aware of myself blaming myself till I completely get rid of this blaming game.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into having self-doubts, I STOP----------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am having self-doubt, because I am believing that I cannot trust myself.

Thus within this I commit myself to work on my self-trust by using practical little chores to start learning how I can trust myself, till I am living self-trust as the whom I am.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into seeing the point of not being able to trust in another, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that I am seeing the point of not being able to trust in another, because I am projecting the not trusting myself and look than for a way to attack it in another instead of looking for solutions that are practical to work on my own self-trust.

Thus within this I commit myself to look at what it is exactly I am not trusting in another, because that would be an indication for me to look for that same point within me so I can work it out within myself, because I also have that same point within myself and is just being mirrored how it looks like, thus I work it out within myself till I delete it within myself.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into my memories of what I could have done or not have done in regards to leaving my children behind with my ex. I STOP------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am going into my memory database to look for ways to see if I could have done it differently, and if I could have made another decision and try again to fix the relationship between me and the mother, but I can still not see that in that period that things would have changed, thus I do not have to keep on looking at memories involving that.

Thus within this, I commit myself to find practical ways to let go of this memory to what could have been or not and just focus on what is here now and do my best to live with what is here now as it exist right now, and if there are problems within the lives of the children to support them with it, and be practical and stable and do my best to be constant and consistent within my communication with them.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into looking at the situation about my children as hopeless, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am seeing the situation about my children as hopeless, because of judging them from hearsay instead of actually communicating with them and in that moment look for practical solution with them, as for now that is all I can do because they are in another country, thus I cannot go and have a one on one conversation with them and be live in person with them, and there is not need either as long as I make sure I communicate with them constantly and consistently.

Therefore, I commit myself to keep on communicating with them constantly and consistently even when it seem as if they are not interested in communicating with me, I just don't give up on them and continue, because one day it will make sense to them.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into thinking and believing that i cannot solve this problem or deal with it, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.


I realize that it is just a believe-system I have created to cope with a situation that seem too far away and because of the geographical distance I think and believe that I cannot solve the problem with the children. Therefore I can have an excuse as not being able to pay too much attention to them.

Thus within this I commit myself to make sure I pay attention to them and also give them more attention, and do my best to stay constant and consistent.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling a relief because of not having to practically have them with me and have to take practical responsibilities to/towards them, I STOP-------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that this experience of so-called relief is a thought construct that I have created within myself to protect myself against myself in order to not have to take my responsibility.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure that when this happen again to not participate in it and make sure that I find practical ways to resolve it, and make sure that I do exactly the reverse thereof, thus making sure I go and in that moment call my children or send them a message and have a conversation with them, anything that will involve some sort of responsibility.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into not wanting to fix anything, I stop take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I am using this not wanting to fix anything as an excuse to not have to do anything about the situation and giving up within myself.

Therefore I commit myself to push myself especially in the moment when I do not want to resolve or fix anything and just go and do it.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into the backchat of: " I don't want to deal with this shit right now, on top of all the shit I am already in," I STOP---------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here, till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that this backchat is supporting my irresponsibility to look for solutions.

Therefore, I commit myself to make sure I push myself even when I don't feel like it or not to take my responsibility to/towards my children as I should have all the time and look for ways to support them in whatever they may be going through.


When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into feeling like I will disturb my living alone and not wanting to have my children with me, I STOP.......take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I try to avoid having my children coming to live with me, because that will mean that my comfortable life of being on my own alone will be disturbed.

Thus within this I commit myself to not let myself get influenced by what I want in my mind and just look and focus on what will be best for everyone involved practically and if it is doable or not and that is about it and from there make my decision and stick to it.

When and as I see myself going into or I am about to go into postponing myself to commit to anything that is important and serious, I STOP---------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till I am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.

I realize that I do not want to commit because with commitment comes responsibility and I avoid taking responsibility.

Thus within this, I commit myself to push myself to be a responsible human being and make sure to commit myself to starting with little commitments till I can take more bigger ones.




Thanks.



Larry Manuela


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I don't want to deal with all this shit right now on top of all the shit I am already in," - See more at: http://larry7yearwalk.blogspot.com/2014/10/day-331-very-naughty-chuildren-part-2.html#sthash.q55tm7uv.dpuf