Before i start with this Dimension i am going to place here a piece of what i wrote in the previous post:
Now that i have identified the specific points/reactions/feelings/memories/thoughts that trigger me to behave in certain/specific way, i can STOP myself in the moments i see myself in them or when i see myself about to let myself get engaged in them, so i become aware of my action and take my Self-Responsibility for my actions and make sure i then move myself to act in the BEST interest of both participants in that moment, and if there are points that are persisting, i can now see them much easier and work them out when i am alone in order for me to correct myself in my daily living application.
*** i picture her in my mind closing her eyes ever so slowly to feel my kisses and my hands touching her body.
*** i have a picture of her in my mind moving her body in the way she does that i like, and i always find it cute.
*** a picture of me touching her skin to feel the softness of her skin.
*** a picture of her skin color appearing in my mind and me just looking at it and get mesmerized by it.
*** I see her coming closer to me and whisper something in my ear, and me liking the sound of her voice, the softness of her voice.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to picture her in my mind closing her eyes ever so slowly to feel my kisses and my hands touching her body.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use these pictures in my mind in order to built energy within myself of desiring her and as such when i really see her, it will overwhelmed me, making me want to really touch her as in: '' making the picture i had in my mind real.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that by letting pictures of her appear within my mind consciousness system i am in fact giving food to my mind consciousness system as the whom i am in this world, more energy to keep on existing as the me i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of her in my mind moving her body the way i like, that i find cute to exist within me as me as the mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate the WHY it is i am finding her cute, and what i have accepted and allowed within/as myself CUTE to be.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to find the way she moves her hands and also her whole body as when she is explaining something to be cute, because it looks like the way she positions her hands and her body to explain what she is explaining is NOT comfortable and in a way it looks funny, and this ''looking funny,'' i find very cute about her.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see in finding a woman cute within me more to have to do with finding her sexually attractive and not just in a pretty/endearing way, but more so that the sexual preference is more dominant within finding her to be cute.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link CUTE to sexual preference and this sexual preference is all about energetic sex within and as the mind as in trying to fulfill some fantasy or desire i have placed as valuable within myself as what i will be wanting from a woman or expecting from a woman, without seeing/realizing/understanding that the fantasy/desire/want is NOT in accordance to what is physically HERE and that it is leaving her out of the equation, that she also may have her own preferences that may or may NOT match with the ones i have in my mind, and thus in this way makes the physical real sex NOT what the mind thought/belief it must be or would be.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use ''finding her CUTE'' as a way to delude myself to maybe/possibly/probably being able to manipulate her into having sex with me to fulfill my own self-created sexual fantasies/desires/wants so i can engage into that which i have placed also as a lot of value within/as myself, which is to have an opportunity to reach an orgasm, or to go through the experience of having an orgasm.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that by seeking to experience an orgasm within and as my mind, is all i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world when looking to be with someone else, as i have placed the orgasm point as an evaluation point, a point of utmost importance when it comes to having sex with another, thus basing my whole sexual action on energy in the mind, and thus how i experience myself with her within and as an orgasm and how i use my human physical body/form to get/extract/suck this energy from.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of myself touching her skin to feel the softness thereof, as wanting to confirm as what i perceive with my physical eyes is really so, and then when i do feel the softness of her skin, i then instead of leaving it to just that physical feeling of the touch of her skin, i then go through my mind and start coloring it in and make it more than what it actually is in that moment and thus making the physical touch a mind experience/interpretation.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see/realize/understand that i am manipulating physical touch of our bodies to fulfill my own self-created selfish desires and wishes, as in wanting to make the fantasies/wishes/desires/wants manifested in order to just go through energetic experience through the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of her skin color appearing within my mind and me feeling mesmerized by looking at it, because i have placed value within this specific skin color, which is white skin-color as what i will find attractive and desirable to me in relation to her.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that forming an opinion and having a belief about what i see with my mind consciousness system through my human physical eyes is NOT what is real and HERE as that which is actually physically manifested as forms, in this case her human physical body/form's skin-color.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of her coming closer to me and whisper something in my ears, and me liking the the sound of her voice, the softness of her voice.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced sexually by the softness of her voice.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get aroused by hearing her soft voice, because i have created a belief within me that a woman with a soft voice gets more sensual when having sex and the moaning and groaning is more soft and i have placed self-interest value in sensual SEX enormously.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link ''softness of her voice'' to moaning and groaning during sex, because it gives me a feeling of power that i can make someone else feel wonderful and that they even make sounds because of it, thus boosting my self-interest even more.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define moaning and groaning to having a great feeling inside that it even arouses me more, more then the actual sex itself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place more value and importance to only one physical expression of the human physical body/form which is the voice, and focus more on that one than the whole of the body/form.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the expression of voice as the sound the body makes during sex to energize myself even more rapidly and reach more easily an orgasm.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to through the sound the body makes during sex to sabotage myself into creating more energy within myself to reach an orgasm, because i have placed more value in reaching and having an orgasm than doing the actual sex itself, that sex is just a means to get to the orgasm and that is it.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place value in orgasm as the ultimate feeling thingy, when in reality it is the reward i have given myself when i have sucked/extracted SUBSTANCE from my body to transform into energy, thus literally enjoying killing myself little by little every time i have an energetic orgasm through and as the mind.
When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into making pictures in my mind, I STOP--------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i make these pictures appear within me to built more energy of desire to/towards her, and than when i actually meet her i become even more excited because i interpret the seeing her as me having made the picture real within and as my mind.
Thus within this, i commit myself to when i see her to before any movement happen/occur within me to start taking deep breaths and when i am in front of her and if there are movements to immediately say STOP to myself and make sure i do not participate in my own mind delusions, and make sure i move myself into another room or just take a little walk somewhere or just invent anything in that moment that is a physical movement and if this too still does NOT help in that moment i see than that i have to do more self-forgiveness on that point to see what i have missed that is still making itself presence within me as me as my mind consciousness system.
I realize that i am by/through creating pictures of her within/as my mind consciousness system i am in fact securing my existence as this mind consciousness system that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/become in this world.
Therefore, I commit myself to little by little to STOP doing this and work out this point more and more through self-forgiveness till there are none within me existing and i am just HERE breathing with her as two bodies on earth and of the earth being together, expressing themselves as manifested LIFE-Expressions.
when and as i see myself going into finding her CUTE within and as my mind consciousness system, I immediately STOP--------- I take a deep breath or many deep breaths till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that what i find cute about her is because of the preference of have placed within myself in linking the word CUTE to the word SEX, thus finding her cute means to me, i want to have sex with her, or that cute can lead me to sex with her.
Therefore i commit myself to Re-define this word ''CUTE'' to a word i can live practically, thus instead of finding her sexually attractive or pretty and endearing, to only use the word cute within and as myself when and if i am actually having sex together with her and make sure that it is a SEXUAL expression and NOT energetic SEX through the mind and instead of liking her through the mind as pretty and endearing, i transform that into exploring together when touching her body what it physically feel to me and in by doing this it stays in as an actual understanding of two physical bodies being together in a moment.
When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into seeking an sexual experience as in an orgasm through my mind, I immediately STOP. I take a deep breath or many deep breaths, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i have placed utmost value into the experience of energetic orgasm through my mind, then the actual SEX expression of myself as my human physical body/form when with another.
Thus therefore, I commit myself to little by little to walk this point step by step to get out of this value-system i have placed/created within myself and put in its place actual real SEXUAL expression as the whom i am when having sex with another, thus when i am having sex, i make sure to stick to my breathing during sex and to be watchful of any movement within me and if there are movements within me to deliberately STOP having sex, even if it means that my penis will get flat, but to take that moment to only breath till nothing moves within me and to find out by slowing myself down through my breathing what these movements are and what i want to achieve with them and when i find them i do self-forgiveness out loud or i write it down to clear these within me and only after i am totally clear within myself we can continue or start again with having sex with each other.
When and as i see myself trying to interpret the touch of her skin, I immediately STOP,--------------- Take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till in am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i am using my mind interpretation of what touch means to me in order to manipulate the actual real physical touch, so i can get my energetic experience through the mind as IF i have rewarded myself because i have now touched the real thing itself, trying to confirm/validate my own mind interpretation ABOVE that which is actually REAL which are; 'the two physical bodies touching each other in that moment.'
So within this i commit myself to work out these mind interpretations that are lurking for an experience within me as i see that i have created them for the purpose to experience energy, and instead get REALLY Real when i touch another body and to only focus on the touch itself without interpreting the touch, and by this IF there happens to be a movement within me when i am only touching the body i say out loud to myself STOP! and investigate what exactly that movement was and what i want with it and what are the benefits of doing so and to write all this out through self-forgiveness till the day will come that when i touch, i just touch and feel the physical feeling of touching without any mind interpretation.
When and as i see myself using pictures of her skin-color in my mind to mesmerize myself, I STOP,----------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i let myself get mesmerized by my own self-created belief-system about skin-color and place sexual undertone about this as a means to generate more energy within myself through extracting/sucking SUBSTANCE and transform it into energy, that i experience as feeling.
Thus within this I commit myself to work out this belief-system i have created within myself about skin-color and make sure to investigate in every moment i am in her presence to see if there are any movements within me about seeing her skin-color and IF there are movements, i immediately say: ''STOP!'' to myself out loud and investigate the movements through my writing in that moment if it is possible and if not possible in that moment to make notes of the movements and work them out when i am alone by myself and do this till the day will come that i do not have any reactions within me when she is in my presence and i see/look at her skin-color.
When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into having a picture of her whispering something in my ears, I STOP,----------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i have placed value/importance in one expression of the body, which is; ' the voice,' because i am using/abusing it to Reward myself with the ultimate energy experience which is: '' ORGASM.''
Now that i have seen/realized/understood what i am doing forming pictures, thus thoughts in my mind i can identify them more easily when they appear within me and i can take them to the point of their origin so i can delete them and purify myself through self-forgiveness and be clear and stable. Thus when i move physically, i move without interpretations/views/beliefs/concepts within and as my mind, i am just HERE breathing as a human physical body and that's it.
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