I will place the last part of my previous post for more short perspective here:
Self-Reward:
Now that i have seen/realized/understood what i am doing forming pictures, thus thoughts in my mind i can identify them more easily when they appear within me and i can take them to the point of their origin so i can delete them and purify myself through self-forgiveness and be clear and stable. Thus when i move physically, i move without interpretations/views/beliefs/concepts within and as my mind, i am just HERE breathing as a human physical body and that's it.
Problem:
Imagination-Dimension:
**** Imagining myself with her making passionate love
**** Imagining how it will feel like to hear her moan in my ears
**** Imagining her soft skin touching mine
**** Imagining myself contemplating her skin color
**** Imagining lusting her so much
**** Imagining myself to be enchanted by what i perceive as her beauty
Solutions:
Self-forgiveness statements:
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagining myself making passionate love to her.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define passionate or being passionate as an act that belongs/correspond to making love, wherein if it isn't passionate enough, it is NOT making love, not showing deep care enough and is just shallow sex.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/belief that if i during sex with another am not going through some deep feelings, i am NOT doing something that is ''right'' and which means to me, that i am NOT good enough.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link passion to feelings instead of expressing myself AS passion, that passion is whom i am, i live it.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that i am using passion as a means to get what i want/wish/desire for my own self-interest.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagining how it will feel like to hear her moan in my ears, as i have programmed myself to get much more aroused by the sounds produced when having sex, than actual expression of sex itself.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see within this getting aroused, is something that is only for me, thus my own self-interest i am seeking to be fulfilled through making sure another moan so i can get my groove on.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to only focus on how to make the other moan even within my own imagination for in case of when the opportunity does present itself for me to play out this imagination according to my own selfish needs as i have imagined them.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine her soft skin touching mine.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the imagination of her soft skin touching mine to induce a desire to/towards her as in wanting to touch her in real life, without seeing/realizing/understanding that wanting to act from in the first place is coming from an energetic trigger-point within and as myself as the mind consciousness system.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself contemplating her skin color.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that which i imagine in my mind is NOT what is HERE as me and her being right HERE and i am looking at her skin-color, it is all flashes of memories i have placed within me as me as the mind as energy.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself lusting her so much.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use this imagination of lusting her, just to trigger some point of desire within me that eventually can lead to me giving in, into wanting to have sex with her to fulfill this desire that is based on energy as me as the mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself to be enchanted by what i perceive as her beauty.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be enchanted by her beauty as in what i have placed as criteria as what i want/wish/desire in a woman to be having in order for me to find them beautiful, which are: ''white skin color, nice legs, soft skin-color,soft voice tonality.''
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define beauty according to what i think/belief a woman should have that i have placed as a criteria's about her, for myself within myself in order for me to find her attractive.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that what i perceive as beauty has only to do with my own self-interest and how i judge another based on how they look according to some set of standards society have placed and defined as what beauty should be, and that i have incorporated within and as myself as if it is my own, when it is all brainwashing/programming.
Self-Commitment statements:
When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into imagination of having passionate sex with her, I STOP--------------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back here till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i use ''passion'' as a means to validate the FEELING i get inside of me that i experience and word out as ''making love,'' wherein i give this feeling more importance than the bodies themselves being one and equal in touching and expressing themselves as the body they are, a truly living being on/of the earth.
Therefore, I commit myself to learn to express me as the body that i am without going into energy creation to be given to the mind and drug myself to want more and more of this energy every time, instead of expressing myself as one body together with another body in and as SEX.
When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into thinking/believing that NOT going through some deep feelings during SEX which means i am not good enough, I STOP------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that put a label of achievement in sex for myself to apply which is purely based on feelings as energy within me, instead of being HERE expressing myself as the body that i REALLY HERE.
Thus within this, I commit myself to let achievement go through forgiving myself and walk the necessary steps practically in order to just learn how to express myself within and as sex and that this is not something i am looking at as an achievement, because when there is a need for achievement it means that i have to perform and performance is not natural as in expressing oneself as the human physical body/form. Performance is a play, being an actor.
When and as i see myself getting aroused because of hearing her moans when that is to happen in the future, I immediately STOP------------- take a deep breath or many deep breaths till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that this getting aroused is NOT based on the sound specifically of what her vocal cords produce, but what i have placed within myself as a form a recording/memory that i must hear in order for me to built more energy within myself in order to reach an orgasm much faster, like an instant orgasmic trigger-point as in hearing the sounds of woman moaning.
Thus within this I commit myself to investigate more deeply and root out this energetic kick i have placed within me to react in a way to reach an orgasm, as an orgasm is the perfect ''feel good machinery program,'' for the mind to extract more energy in in single instant.
when and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into imagining myself getting touched by her skin, I STOP---------------- take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that i let myself get triggered to the imagination i have placed within myself as what will aroused me more and than use this to get myself worked out for in the case i do get to actually be touched by her, thus projecting myself through my mind, which is NOT what is HERE.
Thus within this i commit myself to investigate and work out these projections of what can happen or may happen and how they must happen to me according to my own self-interest as it reward me with a ''good excited and orgasmic feeling.''
When and as i see myself going into or i am about to go into labeling or finding her beautiful, I STOP------------------ take a deep breath and bring myself back HERE, till i am clear and stable and nothing moves within me as me as the mind as energy.
I realize that, that which i perceive/view as beauty in another is nothing but a set of standards based on the society i live in have placed, that i have taken as my own and now live them as IF the beauty i see/perceive/view is actually my own finding, something that i came across myself.
Thus within this, I commit myself to make sure to Redefine beauty to a word that will be expressive and not felt or seen through the eyes as what i have as memory that are programs i have placed within me as what i need to judge another as how they look for me to like them, or see them as ''beautiful.''
Self-Reward:
Within this post i have seen/realized/understood through my own writing that i am using imagination to trigger energies within and as my mind in order for me to get my energetic highs as feelings and emotions, and thus keeping myself in this matter away from actually/factually/practically Expressing ME, as the Human Physical Body/Form, thus NOT living as the body but as a personality in a mind.
Thanks.
Larry Manuela
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